


The Manuscript

by alexandra_emerson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action & Romance, Adult Draco Malfoy, Adult Harry Potter, Adult Hermione Granger, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Magic, Developing Relationship, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, F/M, Flawed Hermione Granger, Guilty Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, Ministry of Magic Employee Hermione Granger, No Smut, Not Epilogue Compliant, POV Draco Malfoy, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Relationship Problems, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Story within a Story, Writer Draco Malfoy, dramione - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 154,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25429357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandra_emerson/pseuds/alexandra_emerson
Summary: 5 1/2 years after the war, in the middle of a fight with Draco, Hermione finds a manuscript written by him. It's their love story. She didn't realize until reading it from his POV how much he was struggling and now that she knows, she's worried it may be too late to fix everything wrong in their relationship. Also, in this story Draco's parents are against their relationship and go to extreme measures to try to break them apart.This story has a unique POV since it's written as a story Draco wrote to Hermione, complete with Author's Notes from Draco.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 148
Kudos: 259





	1. To Hermione

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings / Rating Notes: This story is rated M for dark themes and language (no smut). Trigger warnings for self-harm and blood apply. This story will be pretty angsty, but it's still a romance, so I'm hoping to create some beautiful scenes too and there WILL be a happy ending.
> 
> Logistics: This story begins three years after the war. Everything in all seven books happened, besides the Epilogue.
> 
> Typos/Errors: I edited all of this myself and although I read each chapter about 3-4 times before posting, I know I've missed errors. If you're willing and able to do so, please send me a message with any errors you see, and I'll gladly fix them for future readers. Alternatively, if you'd like to be a beta-reader, let me know, that would be awesome.

**CHAPTER 1 – To Hermione**

Present Day – January 2004:

Hermione stormed through the townhome, looking for him. It didn't take her long to determine he wasn't there. But he wasn't just not present, he was gone. Every trace of him, down to the imprint of his head on the pillow, every stitch of clothing, every one of his belongings. This thorough removal of all things Draco could have only been accomplished by magic.

They'd had rows before and he'd leave for a few days, but he always came back. Hermione still had no idea where he went. But this complete erasure of his presence from their home, he'd never done this. She was circling their bedroom again when she noticed a box on her desk by the window. She hadn't thought to look there before, she'd only been focusing on his areas of the house. She lowered herself into her desk chair and lifted the lid on the box.

There was a stack of papers and she rifled through them quickly and saw they were all written in his tight, neat scrawl. It appeared to be a manuscript. She knew he'd been working on a new book, but he'd been keeping it secret. It appeared he'd finally decided to share it with her.

There was a note on the top of the stack of papers. She read it quickly.

_Hermione,_

_You told me not to leave, like a coward, that it was your turn. Well I tried. I sat down and finished this book and I tried so hard to stay. But I couldn't. I think maybe after reading this you'll see why._

_I started writing this as an interesting project, something to pass the time until my next book inspiration hit me. It's our story and I'd always meant to give it to you as a gift one day. I could never quite pinpoint the genre while I was writing it. Love story? Horror? Autobiography? But now that I've finished it, I think I've finally figured it out. It's a position piece, just like the ones you bring home from work that argue the points on both sides of a new law._

_Here's the claim: Draco Malfoy will never be good enough for Hermione Granger. And what follows are the arguments for this statement. Everyone knows I'm rubbish for you Hermione. Your friends, me, my parents, anyone who has ever met both of us. Even the Wilkins' give us confused looks. You're the only one standing on the other side of this argument, desperately clinging to the hope that one day I'll change for you. I tried to change Hermione, I really did. I loved you as best I could, but I don't think it was enough. Maybe after reading this, you'll finally join us all on the right side of this debate._

Hermione scowled at the note, then moved it aside and looked back at the stack of parchments in the box. The first page read simply, To Hermione. She wondered if this was a dedication or a title. She placed the page face down on her desk on top of the note, then started in on the next page.

* * *

Manuscript:

_Introduction_

_You have always said I spend too much time in my head Hermione, and my argument (since you know I have one) is that you spend too much time following your heart and could do with some more time in your head. Most people falsely assume you are the picture of logic, but I know your secret. You use logic to justify your crusades, but at your core you're a bundle of passion, about to explode. Maybe that's why we balance each other out so well._

_You nag me endlessly with questions about what I'm thinking and complaints that I never confide in you. I've always thought this was another of your annoying traits I put up with because I love you. Well it turns out it's not unique to you, but a quality all witches possess. Something Blaise and Theo confirmed for me awhile back (before I stopped seeing them for you). Well here's my response, maybe you can finally see what goes on in here._

_The point of this book is to document our story, since it is a rather remarkable one. So, well, I'll start at the beginning. Our story began over two years ago on a warm day in August. I'd had plans to fly that afternoon but was interrupted by an expected visitor._

_It was you, of course, looking exactly the same as the day I'd last seen you at my trial. Serious, bleeding-heart, messy hair, bright eyes, and too quick to smile. Hermione fucking Granger was at my gate, and there went my plans for flying. But also, the plans I'd had for the rest of my life, though I didn't know that at the time._

* * *

It was a sunny day in August and Draco had plans to fly. Flying alone was typically boring, but Draco had perfected the art of being alone in the three years since the final Battle of Hogwarts. He hadn't kept in touch with any of his friends. His two best friends (if you could call them that, they'd been more like goons or cronies) were gone. One was dead and the other was in Azkaban, though Draco had heard Goyle would be getting out soon.

The other people he'd been close to in school, including his ex-girlfriend, didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Or maybe it was the other way around. By that point it didn't matter, the result was the same: Draco was alone.

To get around the lack of people to play Quidditch with, Draco had spelled the balls to behave like they would if he was flying with others. On days he wanted to play seeker, he'd release the snitch and one bludger. He'd spelled the bludger to try to hit him every five minutes, as if a beater had knocked it his way. And the snitch he'd spelled to glow red every so often, and he'd pretend that meant the other team's seeker was about to catch it. If he didn't get to the snitch in three minutes, it would turn blue and he'd have lost the game.

Draco had made little spells like this for all the positions on the team. Today he was going to practice keeping, his weakest position by far. He had his broom in one hand and the Quaffle in another and he wondered if the skills he'd developed in the last few years would translate if he ever did start playing with real people again.

* * *

_Author's Note: I was such a fucking mess back then. At that point I wasn't as bad as I had been, but still, as you can see, I was quite pathetic. Did you know that? When you first saw me that day? I've never thought to ask._

* * *

Draco was walking across the grounds to the field he used as a pitch behind the Manor when he felt a shimmer of someone breaking through the wards. He sighed, and turned toward the gate, annoyed. He'd usually let an elf get it and leave his mother to receive whoever it was, but she was out right now visiting someone, he didn't remember who. Draco had a habit of trailing off when she spoke to him since he found her social life unbelievably dull.

When Draco turned onto the straight section of the hedge-lined path leading to the gate he recognized his visitor instantly and panicked, diving off the path into a hedge. _What the fucking fuck is Hermione Granger doing here?_ he thought to himself from his spot in the spiky hedge.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to regain his composure. Why had they sent her? What could she possibly need with his family? She worked for the Ministry, maybe it was Ministry business? But no, they always sent Potter for those visits. Maybe she'd finally come to tell him off? If that was the case, he was surprised she'd waited this long.

"Malfoy! I saw you just now. Can you come let me in the gate?" He peeked around the edge and saw she was standing with her hands on her hips. He couldn't see from this distance, but imagined she was tapping her foot in annoyance too. Shit, well there went his plan to pretend he wasn't home. He extracted himself from the hedge, then walked slowly the rest of the way to the gate. The feeling of dread settling in his chest reminded him of a similar feeling from three years ago when he'd approached the Wizengamot to receive their final verdict.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Since this is a proper story, and I'm a proper author, I've included perspectives from both main characters. Who wants to read a story from just one perspective? Obviously, some of this will be a guess when it comes to your thoughts, though I pride myself on being able to read you, as you know. We'll see how well I did. Feel free to make notes (though I'm guessing you had an inked quill in your hand before you read this sentence)._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione blushed, then put the quill she was holding down. She scowled at the page in front of her and looked back at the quill and picked it up again before continuing to read.

* * *

Manuscript:

Hermione was standing at the gate, impatient and hot. She moved her hair to the other side of her head to air out her neck, which was getting uncomfortably sweaty. Where were they? It's not like they had anywhere else to be. Maybe Narcissa did, but she knew Draco had become a sort of recluse. He was probably just making her wait here to piss her off. Well if that had been his intention, it was working.

Just as she finished the thought, she saw the subject of her ire walking up the path. But just as suddenly as he'd appeared, he disappeared. She moved closer to the gate, grabbing the bars with her hands and trying to get a better look. Where was he? Maybe he'd recognized her, then decided to go back inside.

"Malfoy! I saw you just now. Can you come let me in the gate?" she yelled out, annoyed now.

He appeared back on the path and walked slowly toward her. She saw he was in his Quidditch robes and was holding his broom and a Quaffle. Hermione felt bad then for interrupting him, then brushed it off. It was the middle of a weekday and normal people had jobs. _You have every right to be here, she reminded herself._

When Draco reached the gate, he was silent and looked at her confused and slightly wary, waiting for her to talk. She glared at him, then said authoritatively, "I've come to check in on your adherence to magical decree 292 sections 3 through 9."

He looked relieved, then raised an eyebrow and drawled, "You expect me to know what that means?"

Her eyes narrowed, "Can we discuss this inside?"

Draco looked back at her defiantly, "No, let's discuss it here." He put his broom and Quaffle on the ground and crossed his arms, glaring at Hermione through the bars of the gate.

"You're really not going to let me in?" Hermione said coldly, then added, "Afraid I'll taint your precious Manor?"

Draco's reaction was unexpected, it was like she'd shot a stinging hex at him. He stepped back and she saw a flash of pain in his eyes before he got his features back under control. _What the hell was that?_ Hermione thought to herself. But it was over quickly, and Draco stared back at her for a few moments before eventually reaching into his pocket for his wand and unlocking the gate.

The gate clicked as it unlocked but Draco didn't move to open it for her. His mother would be disappointed by his lack of manners, but maybe not, since Granger was a Muggle-born. Draco turned back to the house and she let herself into the gate and followed behind him, struggling to keep up with his long strides.

Hermione was out of breath by the time they reached the front door and she hesitated outside, suddenly reluctant to go in. Her mind drifted back to the last time she'd stood here. Her heart had been racing like it was now, but it was darker, and she'd been bound. She'd been sure they were all going to die that night, that they'd finally reached the end of their journey.

"You wanted to come inside, didn't you?" Draco's words cut into her thoughts. He was standing just inside the door looking back at her annoyed. It was exactly what she needed to pull out of her memories. Hermione gulped, then charged through the door ahead of him. Her courage left her again though when she saw the entrance to the drawing room on her right. She froze in place and Draco almost ran into her.

Hermione looked back at Draco, scared, and he tried to ignore the pang in his chest caused by that familiar expression on her face. "This way," he cocked his head in the opposite direction and Hermione was relieved. She followed him down a long hall through a pair of dark wood double doors that opened into a spectacular library.

She gasped when she entered the room and Draco shook his head and smirked in response. She wasn't paying attention to him though; her eyes were on the countless shelves of books. She walked past Draco into the room and started looking through the shelves, amazed by some of the titles she found there. She hadn't even heard of some of these. She looked back toward Draco and he was leaning against a desk by the door, watching her.

"Are all of these yours?"

"Of course," he shrugged and continued to watch her with a mocking expression, which seemed to snap her out of her reverie and remind her of where she was. She straightened, then walked to the end of the room and dropped her bag on a chair by the window.

Draco scowled at her, since she'd just put her bag in his seat, but she didn't seem to notice. He walked closer to her and waited again for her to talk, but she stayed silent, watching him.

Hermione realized this was the first time she'd been alone with Malfoy. In the past she'd always had Harry or Ron at her side for support. She looked back at him warily, wondering if he would tease her, or be cruel. But she reasoned there wasn't anything he could say to her that he hadn't said before. And she didn't even know if he held those beliefs anymore. The apology he'd given her, Harry, and Ron after his trial hinted at some level of remorse following the end of the war. But it may have also been in reaction to Harry having just saved him from Azkaban.

It occurred to her that she had no idea who Draco Malfoy was now. He looked about the same, a little older, of course, but he had the same sour expression he always wore around her, the same cold grey eyes, same sharp features, and same white blonde hair.

Draco finally spoke, when it looked like she wasn't planning to, "Why are you here Granger?"

She flinched at the cruelty in his tone and his stomach dropped. But her response was defiant, "I told you. To check your adherence to the new regulation around house elves. Decree 292 sections 3 through 9," she reached in her bag and extracted a large pile of papers.

Draco crossed his arms, "We are adhering to it," he said, "So if that's all you need, I'll show you out." He walked to the door, but Hermione stayed put, glaring at him.

"Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" she muttered, then cocked her head and studied him, like he was a problem to solve. Draco stood still, extremely uncomfortable. He shouldn't have let her in, he should have made her stay at the gate.

Draco was trying to stay strong and appear indifferent, but Granger had all the power today, he wondered if she knew this. Did she know that with one comment he'd completely unravel? He imagined himself in the corner of the room, unraveling into a pile of yarn like one of those awful sweaters the Weasleys always used to wear. He wondered what color his would be. Black, he thought first, then amended, no, grey, because he didn't think he was completely evil. But a dark grey, yes, that would fit.

Eventually Hermione spoke again, "I need to speak to your house elves. I have in my records that you employ three."

"Fine," Draco walked back into the room and stood near the chair Hermione had claimed (his chair), then called for the house elves.

The house elves appeared instantly and looked nervous, not used to being summoned all at once. "Yes, Master Draco?" asked Della, the eldest of the elves.

"Granger here is from the Ministry and she wants to speak to you."

Hermione walked toward the elves and held out her hand, "Hello, I'm Hermione Granger from the Magical Law Enforcement Office at the Ministry."

All three elves looked at her hand confused, unsure what they were meant to do with it, then Hermione dropped it when it was obvious neither of them was going to shake it. Draco sniggered and she shot him a mean glare, which seemed to amuse him further. The elves looked terrified and it occurred to Draco they may think they were in trouble and that he'd called in a representative from the Ministry to punish them, so he rushed to explain, "She's here to check on those new laws I asked all of you to memorize a few weeks ago."

Della spoke up first, "Miss, I is memorizing all of the words. And Pippin here is making sure we all follow them. I can start with the first one," she started to recite obediently, "Elves are to be getting paid at least once per week a minimum of one galleon in wages." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a single galleon to show off.

Hermione cut in then, looking extremely annoyed, "You had the elves do all of the work of implementing the new laws?"

Draco shrugged, "Of course."

Della looked alarmed and wondered if she'd done something wrong, but Draco gave her a reassuring nod. "Would you like Della to continue, Granger?"

Hermione was upset and Draco couldn't help but smirk again. Hermione rolled her eyes but focused back on Della. She'd come here for a reason (well, two reasons) and she was battling through the options in her mind. She could leave in protest to the injustice of this situation or stay and complete the task she'd set out to do. The achiever in her won out, and she turned back to Della and motioned for her to continue. Hermione only had six more laws to get through, then she could leave and work on amending those laws to ensure the owners shouldered some of the burden of implementing them.

By law number four Hermione relaxed a bit and took a seat in Draco's chair. Draco relaxed a little too, seemingly convinced that she wasn't going to yell at him for all the terrible things he'd done over the years. He stayed standing though, not wanting to get too comfortable around Granger.

Once Hermione was finished with the house elves Draco dismissed them and they were alone in the room again, staring at each other. Draco moved to the door and opened it and this time Hermione stood and followed him into the hall. When they got back to the entryway, he went to the front door but instead of joining him she marched straight into the drawing room. Draco hesitated in the hall. He had no idea what she was doing in there but figured it was something she wanted to be doing alone. But curiosity overtook him and after a few moments he followed her.

Hermione was standing on the left side of the room in the exact spot where Bellatrix had tortured her. She was looking around slowly, seeming to study every detail of the room with a blank, almost clinical, expression on her face. Draco walked in and stood across the room next to the fireplace in the same spot he'd stood as he'd watched her get tortured all those years ago. He watched and waited, his hands behind his back and his spine completely straight, unsure of what would happen next. Would he finally receive the diatribe he'd been waiting for since he greeted her at the gates?

"It's completely different," she said eventually, a little disappointed.

"Why did you want to come in here?" Draco asked.

Hermione whipped her head over to him, surprised by the question. Why did he care? Since when did Malfoy care about anyone but himself? She back tracked in her mind. That wasn't fair, she didn't really know him, and she shouldn't be so harsh.

"I, I don't know. I dream about that day so often, I wanted to face it. I-," Hermione looked down nervously and trailed off.

"You what?" Draco pressed her and she wondered again why he was bothering. He'd been there that night; in the exact spot he was standing in now. Was there something unfulfilled from that day for him too?

"I volunteered for this check-up, for that reason," Hermione admitted, looking down at the dark wood floor. That night there had been a rug, but she noticed it was gone now. She'd dripped blood on it, and she wondered now if that's why they'd gotten rid of the rug, since it had been soiled by her filthy blood.

"Did you get what you needed Granger?" Draco asked hesitantly. He hoped her answer was yes. He wanted her to get past that day, he didn't think he ever could. But he knew if one of them was able to, it would certainly be her.

"I don't know, everything is different, even the floor, maybe, knowing that will help." Hermione shrugged then and turned to leave the room.

Draco panicked suddenly. She was going to leave and would likely never come back. There would never be another chance like this for him to say what he knew he needed to. "Granger," Hermione stopped and turned back to him, looking confused, "I have nightmares about it too, all of the time," she let out a small breath and stepped closer to him, "and I'm sorry, for not doing anything to help," Draco dipped his head, waiting for her verdict.

Hermione studied him for a long while, wondering if this was real. Had Malfoy really just apologized to her?

Draco looked up, wondering what she was doing, and when she caught his eye, she waved her hand, like it was nothing. Draco's eyes narrowed, hating the casual gesture. It wasn't nothing. That day was everything, how dare she dismiss it so quickly. "You tried," she said with a shrug, "I know you recognized us, and you didn't say so. And well, after. There's nothing you could have done Malfoy; it wasn't your fault."

Draco shook his head, angry now, she was wrong. "I should have done more," he said through gritted teeth, desperate for her to understand. He wanted her to scream, hex him, hit him, or maybe carve into his arm a bit. That last option sounded particularly appealing at the time and he pictured the satisfying line of blood rolling down his pale skin. He shook his head and focused back on her.

Hermione was considering him, he seemed to be at war with himself. She never liked him, and she didn't like him now, but he'd never been evil. And it was clear that although he was still rude and obnoxious, he wasn't the Muggle-born hating bigot from his youth anymore. He hadn't shot any slurs at her, recoiled when she approached, or given her disgusted looks. Now he was looking back at her like she was a rare purple unicorn. His expression was almost comical, and she might have laughed if the situation were different.

She took another step closer to him but stayed out of reach. He wondered if she'd done so on purpose. Did she still consider him dangerous? "You would have been killed if you'd tried to intervene Malfoy. You did what you had to, to stay alive."

"Some things shouldn't be done, regardless of the reason," he countered, his grey eyes bored into hers and Hermione could see so many emotions there. She'd always pegged him as hard to read, but then again, she'd never really been close enough to see the emotions in his eyes. She saw guilt, shame, sadness, and surprisingly, fear.

She matched his glare and said sadly, "We all did things we regret in the war." She thought of her parents then and turned away, fighting back tears. Draco was surprised by her abrupt change in countenance and stepped back, suddenly uncomfortable.

"I do agree with you," Hermione continued, "some things should never be done. But that day, your inaction, it all turned out fine, and I forgive you."

Draco hadn't asked for her forgiveness, and he wasn't sure then how he felt about having just received it. The emotions pouring through him were conflicted and overwhelming, he needed air. "I'll show you out," he said roughly. She gave him a curt nod and followed him outside. They walked in silence back to the gate.

_It all turned out fine, and I forgive you._

_I'm not fine,_ Draco thought to himself. Maybe she was fine, maybe that's what she'd meant. And he was glad, truly, he could find a small amount of comfort in that. She had never deserved everything his side had put her through. _Everything I put her through_ , he amended, remembering the bullying and taunts from their youth. But for Draco Malfoy, it had certainly NOT turned out fine. But there was a justice there, and he clung to it.

When they got to the gates, she gave him another one of her concerned looks, the same one from the day of his trial. She was close to him, just a few feet away, and he realized today was the first time he'd really looked Granger in the eye like this. Her eyes were beautiful; startling bright and expressive and he was surprised when she stared back at him just as intensely as he stared at her.

It hadn't taken him long after the war to come to grips with the fact that the blood purity beliefs he'd been raised on were false. Watching so many of them killed while he'd been living with the Dark Lord in his house had proven that Muggles and Muggle-borns died just as tragically as other witches and wizards. They were people, no matter how many times his aunt and others called them animals. And if he didn't already believe that Hermione Granger was a strong, powerful witch, deserving of all the same rights as he and his family, he'd have changed his mind now, as she stood there watching him with her compassionate, lovely eyes.

What was wrong with her? Her actions today had been completely at odds with what he deserved. She should have yelled, told him he got what he deserved, rotting away alone in this Manor with only his mother and house elves for company.

She turned then, like she was going to leave, but he couldn't let her go, not yet. When he'd recognized her at the gate, he'd wanted desperately to avoid all talk of their past. But now, seeing her turn to go caused a sinking feeling of loss to settle in his chest. He'd apologized for that night, but it wasn't enough. And she would go and wouldn't come back. The purpose of this visit for her was to cross off a couple items on what was likely a long to-do list.

_Assess Malfoys' compliance to house elves laws – check._

_Confront demons from night of drawing room torture – check._

Well Draco had to-do list items to take care of too. "Why didn't you yell at me today?" he started, then winced, that was a shitty way to start an apology.

"What?"

"For bullying you, calling you Mudblood, making your school years terrible. Then joining up with the Death Eaters, all of it. But you come in here, act polite, forgive me easily for that horrifying day, then just disappear? What is wrong with you?" The words poured out of Draco's mouth in a rush.

"Do you want me to yell at you Malfoy?" Hermione looked confused and he didn't blame her.

"Yes! It was wrong, and awful, and you did nothing to deserve it. And you come here today and don't even acknowledge it?"

Hermione cocked her head at him, then asked seriously, "Is this your way of apologizing for all of that Malfoy?"

Draco sighed, relieved that she was brilliant, and he wouldn't have to spell it out clearer since obviously his brain, mouth, and true feelings had decided to operate against each other today. He gave her a curt nod in response.

This was not something Hermione had expected when she first saw Draco Malfoy today. She'd expected the rudeness, she'd expected the house elf interview to be awkward. She'd even expected a sliver of remorse from him as they both remembered the day in the drawing room. But this all-encompassing apology, she had not expected.

She studied him more openly now and he looked a little broken to her. His eyes were strong, and intense, but the rest of him was weak. His hand was shaking, he was thin, and looked paler than was probably healthy. The bags under his eyes spoke of sleepless nights and the lines around his face hinted at frequent scowls. Could she forgive him for all the tears he'd caused? The pain of feeling like she hadn't belonged?

"Okay Malfoy," she said after a time. It wasn't forgiveness, he thought to himself. It was more of an acknowledgement that he'd asked. She gave him one last nod and he watched her walk through the gates and Disapparate. He picked up his Quaffle and broom, which were still on the ground, and went to fly. He didn't use the Quaffle though, but instead flew in circles around the pitch as he thought of Granger.

He tried to focus on how she'd looked today. Bright eyes, holding out her hand for the house elves, looking at him annoyed when he told her how he'd gotten around learning the new laws. But his mind quickly replaced these with images of her from that day in the drawing room.

He flew faster then, seeing her blood running in a line down to her elbow, then dripping onto the rug. He was struggling to keep his eyes open against the wind, but when he closed them he saw her looking over to him that day, pleading with her eyes while he focused on a portrait behind her so he wouldn't have to watch.

Draco made a sharp turn on his broom and nearly fell off and yelled out in surprise. But his yell didn't distract from the sound of her screams pounding through his head.

She'd forgiven him for that day, but not all of it. And he didn't really blame her.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Hermione, if it happened now, I'd kill her. Blow up the room, myself included, as long as I knew you'd be safe. I'd offer to take each curse and each slash of the knife to save you from pain. If she locked me up, I'd throw myself at the door until I was a bloody mess to get out and help you. But is it enough? I'm changed now, but does it make up for the past? You'd say yes, but I'm not so sure._

* * *

Later that night Draco was sitting in the same chair in the library Granger had occupied earlier. He was sipping from his third glass of fire whiskey and thinking back to the last time he'd seen her nearly three years before.

It had been the day of his trial, two days after his 18th birthday. He was sitting in an uncomfortable, high-backed chair in the large courtroom at the Ministry next to his mother and father. The full Wizengamot was in session but, thankfully, the spectator seats were mostly empty, since the trails following the second war were not opened to the public or reporters. Draco watched Potter walk in with his two sidekicks and take a seat near the front. At the time he hadn't paid Granger and Weasley any mind, he was focused solely on Potter.

His father had been conspiring since the end of the battle, trying to keep the family out of Azkaban. He'd bribed, blackmailed, and persuaded as many Wizengamot members as he could, but Lucius knew Harry Potter would be the key to their freedom. He'd invited him to the Manor one week after the battle and Potter had come, surprisingly, and Draco wondered if it was in reverence to his mother's action in the forest. Or maybe, similarly to Granger, Potter wanted to face what had happened the last time he was there. Draco never found out. He locked himself in his room that day so he wouldn't have to face Potter.

Unfortunately for his father, it turned out Potter wasn't as easy to manipulate as he'd thought. Draco could have told him that. Potter agreed to help Draco and his mother, but he couldn't soon forget the part Lucius had played in Sirius Black's death.

Potter spoke up during Draco's trail, arguing that he'd been forced into his position, had never intended to kill Dumbledore, and had tried to protect their identities when they arrived at the Manor. He spoke up for his mother too, making it clear that if she hadn't lied for him, he never would have managed to kill the Dark Lord. During Lucius' trail, Potter remained seated, glaring defiantly at his father the whole time. So, Draco and his mother got off, and his father's influence and gold got him a short sentence, five years.

Draco felt guilty as Shacklebolt read his innocent verdict. Why him? Why had he been spared? Even Goyle had ended up with a sentence, though it was short, for torturing students. Draco had done the same, but though not with as much vigor. Maybe that was why Potter had spoken for him and not Goyle, intent seemed to matter to him. Or maybe Potter had just done it to save the day, he loved that. And for once Draco wasn't complaining.

When Draco walked into the entrance of the Ministry, he felt light, and giddy, he was free. He hadn't let himself hope for this before. When he'd stood in the same spot that morning waiting for the lift, he'd been wondering what Azkaban was like without the dementors and how often his mother would visit him. But now he was free to go home, and no more charges would be brought against him. He could try to move on.

Draco saw the golden trio stationed near what had been a statue of a frightening wizard standing on the backs of creatures and Muggles. It was being torn down so it could be replaced with something more palatable. Granger was on Potter's right, which Draco remembered thinking odd at the time, hadn't Weasley always been his number two?

Potter saw Draco watching him and gave him a curt nod from across the room and Draco nodded back and considered leaving it there. But something made him approach the group. The scales had been tipped too far in Potter's favor. From saving him from the fiendfyre, to killing the Dark Lord, and now speaking up in his trial, Draco felt uncomfortable letting it all go unacknowledged.

When Draco got to Potter, he said, "Thank you," with as much sincerity as he could muster. Potter considered him, then nodded again. Draco moved his gaze to Weasley but he wasn't paying attention. He looked detached and angry, and Draco remembered he'd lost one of his brothers, one of the twins, and figured that was why he looked like he was somewhere else. He chanced a look at Granger then, but looked away as soon as he saw that she was studying his face with concern. What an odd emotion for her to display at that moment. It irked Draco and was probably the reason he blurted out his next words, "I'm sorry."

He didn't say why, at the time. He had barely managed to get those two words out, so voicing the long list of reasons behind the apology was too much to fathom. Potter cocked his head at Draco, then held out his hand. Draco thought of the day he'd held his hand out to Potter all those years ago, and Potter had refused it. Draco took it and they gave each other a firm shake, then both dropped hands immediately. Potter finally spoke then, muttering, "This is your second chance Malfoy, don't fuck it up."

Draco looked away from Potter then, he'd always found his brilliant green eyes a bit disconcerting and looked over at Granger who was nodding at him kindly. The gesture made him want to vomit. He stepped back. Potter turned then and motioned with his head to the exit and Granger and Weasley followed. They had more important things to tend to and couldn't be bothered with Draco Malfoy any longer.

The day after the trail marked day one of what Draco would later refer to as the Dark Period of his life.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_I wonder what Potter thinks of that day. I see him every week for drinks, but I've never thought to ask him. I wonder how he would judge how I used my second chance. Certainly not an O, but maybe not quite a D. A for acceptable, maybe. But then again, I don't care. Your opinion is the only one that matters to me Hermione. How did I do, with the chance Potter gave me that day?_

_The first thing I did with it was apologize to you next to a demolished statue depicting pureblood supremacy. And the next time I saw you, three years later, I apologized again. I could spend my whole life apologizing to you Hermione, and it would never be enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Hello! Hello! You can follow me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for each chapter.
> 
> I'm really excited about this new story. I think this perspective of Draco writing to Hermione and explaining their love story from his point of view will be fun. Hopefully the switching between manuscript, present day, and Draco's author notes isn't too confusing.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


	2. Dark Artifacts

Manuscript:

_September 2001_

Hermione was surprised to see Draco at the fundraising ball for St. Mungo's a few weeks later. He was sitting alone at a table at the end of the ballroom, staring off at nothing, seemingly oblivious to the other people in the room. She rarely saw him out of his house. She'd caught glimpses of him at Diagon Alley over the years but had never seen him at events like this. She wondered why he'd attended this time.

Hermione had thought about Draco occasionally since her visit to Malfoy Manor a few weeks before. She was curious about him and hadn't quite figured him out. Like now, he was wearing a Muggle suit. That wasn't entirely out of the ordinary, about half the men at the event were in suits and the other half were in dress robes, but she'd pegged Draco as someone who would always choose the wizarding option, but again he'd surprised her. She knew now he was not the bully from their youth, but that wasn't unexpected. She supposed being a sub-par Death Eater had caused those tendencies to be beaten out of him (perhaps literally). And she knew he hadn't joined up willingly, Lucius had admitted in his trail that Draco had been forced to join to pay for his father's mistakes.

But just because Draco hadn't wanted to kill Muggles and Muggle-borns didn't mean he may not still hate them and believe them inferior. Hermione knew the war hadn't magically erased the blood purity beliefs from their society. She still suffered through prejudice from purebloods and had expected much of the same treatment from Draco. But that hadn't been her experience at all, he'd been respectful toward her and had even admitted he'd been wrong and apologized.

Hermione tried to focus back on the ball. Ginny was looking lovely in an elaborate gold dress and pulled Hermione onto the dance floor. Hermione passed a few dances with Harry, then Neville, then one of her new co-workers. But her eyes kept drifting to the lonely wizard at the end of the ballroom who clearly didn't want to be there.

The reason Draco was at this function sulking alone in the corner was his inability to say no to his mother. She always went to these things; it was part of his father's elaborate plan to get the family back into favor. Even in jail he was running a giant political campaign. Lucius had decided his mother was the best face of the family since she was well regarded for saving Potter in the forest and she was beautiful and hard to dislike when she was trying to be charming. The Malfoys gave heavily to numerous charities, most notably St. Mungo's and the rebuilding of Hogwarts. And to go along with the generous contributions his mother showed up at events like this to remind everyone how much the Malfoys were spending.

But his mother had taken ill this morning and insisted Draco go in her place. He'd refused initially, but she won out. He'd always had problems saying no to her but had worn a Muggle suit in a small act of defiance after she'd pointed out that he didn't have any other plans. Draco took another drink of the whiskey in his glass, then jumped when he heard someone say, "Hey," behind him.

It was Granger. Not surprising, who else would approach him in this crowd? She was wearing a long, burgundy dress which was elegantly understated, unlike a lot of the monstrosities the other witches were wearing. There were no jewels or glitter, just a simple lace bodice that stopped high on her chest. Her hair was simple too. She'd forgone an updo and her curls were larger and tidier than usual but flowing freely. Draco glared at Hermione as he took in her appearance. He decided he hated it, for no real reason, except that he was in a mood to hate beautiful, lovely things right then. When he didn't greet her back, she shrugged, then took the seat next to him, nervously drumming her fingers on the table and looking out at the dancers.

"Leave me alone Granger," Draco said eventually, then took another swig of his drink.

"I'm quite comfortable here," Hermione responded flippantly, then she leaned back in her chair in a casual way that his mother would disapprove of.

"We're not friends," he felt compelled to point out.

"Oh, I know that, I have plenty of friends, I didn't sit here to get another one," she retorted.

Is this why she's come over here? Draco wondered to himself, To brag about her plethora of friends and remind me how alone I am? "Why are you here then?" he asked.

She didn't respond, just continued to bite her lip like she did when she was working through a problem back at school. Draco tried a different question, "How many friends would you say you have?"

"I don't know if I've ever counted. Have you ever counted your gold?" Hermione looked back at him sharply and he didn't respond. What a strange comparison, his fiscal wealth versus her social wealth. He knew which one he'd prefer, if he had the option.

"Ninety-nine," she said after a time, "just shy of one hundred, but that last one, they're going to have to be special." She smirked at him and he could tell she was joking. It was a lame joke, but he smirked back anyway, shaking his head.

"Dance with me," Hermione stood then and offered Draco her hand.

* * *

_Author's Note: This was the turning point for us Hermione. Had you not asked me to dance that night I'm sure we never would have ended up together. I wonder, knowing everything you do now, if you still would have asked._

* * *

Draco was taken aback by her offer and suddenly suspicious. What was she doing? Why had she come over here? He searched her eyes. They were kind but he sensed a hint of pity there and recoiled. The disgust must have shown on his face because her smile fell and she looked hurt, then dropped her hand and stepped back.

"Right," she muttered, and he realized then what she'd assumed. She thought he didn't want to touch her because she was a Muggle-born. Draco couldn't have her thinking that, so he stood quickly and grabbed her arm, pulling them to the dance floor, "Come on Granger."

Hermione looked confused but also pleased. Draco grabbed her hand and snaked his other one around her back while she placed a tentative hand on his raised arm. It took them a few minutes to get used to each other, but by the end of the first song they were dancing as easily as the other couples. Draco dropped his toxic internal monologue and let himself get lost in the feeling of the music and her hand in his as he guided them around the floor.

"You're good at this," Hermione said halfway through the second song and Draco smirked. There seemed to be a limit to the amount of silence she could handle. Five minutes, he estimated, maybe six.

"Does that surprise you? I've been dancing with beautiful witches since I could walk."

Hermione blushed at that and he found it amusing. She was one of those witches who didn't know she was beautiful. He figured it was because she hadn't been very pretty when they were younger, but then he reassessed that statement. Had she been pretty, and he'd just been too blind by his prejudice to see it? He wondered then if his taunts in their youth contributed to her lack of confidence now. At that thought, Draco stopped abruptly. Surely, they were done dancing. One song was enough for the pitiful ex-Death Eater.

"What? Am I not up to your standards?" Hermione looked hurt again and he took her in his arms and started moving them, desperate to erase that wounded expression from her face.

"You're actually really good too," Draco muttered, trying to recover from his awkward pause. "I didn't realize Muggles had balls like this." He regretted his words then, hoping he hadn't sounded too condescending, he hadn't meant to.

Hermione didn't take it negatively, "They are rare, actually. But my parents were old fashioned and put me in ballroom dance classes when I was younger."

"Is this old fashioned in the Muggle world?" Draco asked, pushing her out into a twirl.

When Hermione came back, she responded, "Yes, I would say the Wizarding world is about a century behind the Muggle one, mainly because of technology. Do you know what that is?"

"A little," Draco had read about this in the Daily Prophet, "it's their way of coping without magic, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. They've developed methods to communicate, turn on the lights, and travel all quite effectively without magic." Hermione was impressed that he knew even this small amount about Muggles, and he wasn't sneering as they talked about them. Who would have thought she'd be dancing with Draco Malfoy and talking civilly about Muggles?

"How does it compare?" Draco asked, "To magic?"

Hermione considered his question before answering, "In some ways its better. Their communication, for example, is much quicker. But other than that, there really is no comparison. The feeling of magic flowing through your veins. The ability to produce a shield charm to protect yourself, to heal a wound instantaneously, or make something out of nothing. It's a power Muggles can only dream of. There's so much of our world that is unfathomable to them. But-"

She cut off and blushed when she saw Draco watching her intently, like he was hanging on her every word. It was unnerving. "What?"

Hermione shook her head, "I'm talking too much."

"Yeah, what's new?" he said it teasingly, without a hint of cruelty, then added, "finish your thought."

"I was going to say, things like this, that cross-over between both worlds, are some of my favorites. Maths, music, dancing, areas where both Muggles and Wizards can enjoy them equally. There's a magic there, in the lack of magic, I guess. I know it doesn't make sense…" she trailed off and he responded with a low "Hmmm."

It took Hermione a few minutes to notice the change in their dancing. She was enjoying finally having a partner she didn't have to lead around. She was listening to the music and focusing on his subtle cues. A slight pressure on her back when he was moving them in a different direction, a push of his arm before he spun her. When she was at the far end of the next open twirl, she noticed something felt strange on her feet and looked down to find they were hovering a few inches off the ground. She looked back at Draco and he was smirking at her. When he brought her back into his chest, she clung a little inelegantly to him, moving her arms so they were wrapped around his neck.

"Took you long enough," he sniggered, dropping his hands to her hips.

Hermione shifted back to look at him but kept her arms around his neck. He loosened his grip on her waist and looked down at her, still smirking.

"Was there a particular reason you decided to make us float?"

He shrugged, "Just showing you that dancing _can_ be magical."

"How are you doing this without a wand?"

He shrugged again then said bitterly, "If you didn't have a job and a hundred friends you'd get really good at wandless magic too."

"Ninety-nine," she corrected, "remember?"

"You can let go of me," Draco said sharply, "I'm not going to drop you."

"Right," Hermione said awkwardly, noticing then that they were rather close. Anyone who spotted them now (who didn't know them, of course) would assume they were a couple. She moved back to a more proper dancing position and let herself enjoy the feeling of dancing on air. It was what she imagined dancing on a cloud would be like and she looked up at him to say so. When she opened her mouth to speak, he shook his head and muttered, "Five then."

She looked back at him confused, "Five what?"

"Minutes," he smirked again. "That seems to be the longest you're able to go without speaking. I thought it was six, but it turns out I was mistaken."

Hermione blushed, but continued anyway, "I was just going to say this is what I'd imagine dancing on a cloud to feel like."

"Interesting observation Granger. I'd never imagined dancing on a cloud, but I think they are meant to be transparent, like ghosts."

"It's a common – never mind. I won't share my next random thought with you. I can see you prefer silence."

Draco stopped them and she felt her feet sink a little into the air at the impact, he was looking at her intensely, "I didn't say that." She matched his gaze, then suddenly his eyes darkened and focused on something behind her. He moved his hands to her hips, and she could feel him lifting her as he dropped the spell, then he carefully set her onto the ground. He stepped back quickly, dropping her hips but she kept her hands on his shoulders, hesitant to move away for some reason.

"Can I cut in?" She recognized Ron's voice behind her and pulled away from Draco. Both Hermione and Draco felt a sense of loss once she dropped contact, though neither of them could accurately place the feeling at the time.

Draco gave Ron a curt nod, then muttered, "Weasley." Hermione couldn't tell if it was meant as a greeting or a farewell. Either way Draco turned on the spot and left the ballroom, without so much as a final wave or nod in her direction.

As soon as Draco left Granger with Weasley (the wizard whose arms she belonged in), Draco went to get his cloak, ready to go home. He'd been seen enough tonight to satisfy his parents. Stupid Weasley had looked like he was rescuing Granger from some type of danger.

Draco was outside, walking toward the Apparition point when he felt a gentle hand on his arm, "Malfoy."

He turned and saw Hermione behind him, looking bright and happy and hopeful, exactly the opposite of how he was feeling.

"What Granger?"

"You're going?"

Draco didn't answer. He didn't like to answer obvious questions like that. "Well, obviously," she continued. "I just wanted to say thanks for the dance."

"You're welcome, good night Granger," he turned but she caught him again.

"Why did you hesitate at first, when I asked you to dance?" she moved her hands up to her arms and was rubbing them for warmth. He considered offering his cloak, but he wasn't expecting this to be a long conversation.

"I was wondering why you asked," he admitted, "I thought maybe it was pity."

"Oh," she was considering his answer, "I think pity is the wrong word, that implies that you're pitiful, which I don't think is true." Well that was inaccurate, but Draco didn't point it out. He was happy to learn he was putting on a good show for others. "I guess I asked out of curiosity. If you're ever wondering in the future, why I'm doing something, the answer is likely curiosity," she added with a small grin.

Was she hinting at a time they'd meet in the future? The thought made Draco uncomfortable, "Go inside Granger, you're obviously cold, enjoy the rest of your night."

"Wait – one more thing."

Merlin, would this witch ever stop talking? He cocked an eyebrow at her, trying to hide his impatience.

"I forgive you, for all of it, not just that day in the drawing room," she said in a rush.

Draco's mouth dropped open in shock and she laughed. "Bye Malfoy," and before he could press her for an explanation she turned and went back inside.

Draco Apparated straight to the Manor but he didn't go inside after letting himself into the gates, instead he walked around the grounds as his thoughts consumed him.

There was something different about Granger tonight, but he couldn't place it. She'd gotten under his skin somehow. Why had she approached him? Why did she want to dance? Why did she forgive him? Had she forgiven before they'd danced? Was she as drawn to him as he was to her? Or maybe Draco wasn't drawn to Granger, specifically. Maybe all of this (whatever 'this' was) was because she was the first person he'd talked to besides his mother for years.

How would the night have gone if she'd visited the Manor a few weeks late? Or if he'd never worked up the courage to apologize? She never would have come over to his table then and never would have asked him to dance. Would he have preferred that? Draco eventually went inside but his mind kept looping through thoughts like this for the rest of the night.

* * *

_Author's Note: I know what you're thinking here, this is a classic Draco Malfoy move, making himself crazy by overthinking things. But I'll never be a person of action Hermione, like you and your friends. I'll always be a person of thought, and you Gryffindors will never understand and will always call me a coward for it._

_"Why do you worry so much?" you always say. To which I usually reply, "Sometimes the things I consider actually come to pass." You sigh, then say, "Yes, but then you are suffering twice, first by worrying about the event in your head, then by actually experiencing it when it happens. I prefer to suffer once."_

_When I'm in a good mood, I let it go. But sometimes, when I'm feeling dark, I'll say, "Good point. I already suffer day in and day out with you as my partner, no need to add more." Then depending on your mood, you either wave me off or narrow your eyes and storm out._

_Why do couples have the same fights over and over again Hermione? Maybe if we could solve that, we would be a lot happier together. Well, back to the story._

* * *

_December 2001_

It was several months later before the wards outside Malfoy Manor signaled another visitor. Draco was sitting down to tea with his mother when they both felt the familiar shimmer. Draco rose and walked toward the door, "Let the house elves get it," his mother said but Draco kept walking, saying over his shoulder, "I could use the walk."

He thought immediately of Hermione and wondered if it was her. She had no purpose for coming today and he figured he'd just thought of her since she'd been the last visitor, no other reason. He hadn't seen her since the ball a few months ago, but he'd been thinking about her constantly. Mainly because he was curious about her bizarre acts of kindness, no other reason.

Draco was clearly in denial, but he was able to admit to himself that he felt better after having earned her forgiveness, though he still wasn't quite sure how he'd managed that. He suspected asking for it had been enough for Hermione. Draco pulled on his cloak and walked to the gate. When he saw two indistinct figures his heart fell, it wasn't her. But as he got closer, he saw he'd been wrong. Hermione was smiling at him from behind the gates and was flanked by none other than Harry Potter.

"More elf interviews Granger?" Draco asked when he reached the gate, trying his best to act indifferent, though his heart was racing in anticipation. "And what's Potter here for? Protection?"

"Of course not Malfoy, I can defend myself just fine," she retorted. "Now let us in like we know you're going to do eventually and save us the show, it's too cold for that today," she was jumping up and down in an effort to warm herself. Harry looked a little confused by their banter, like he hadn't gotten the memo that the two of them were on bantering terms. Come to think of it, Draco had missed that particular memo too. He decided to test it as he unlocked the gate and held it open, "That giant hair of yours doesn't provide warmth Granger?"

She turned back at him and in lieu of a response, stuck her tongue out. Draco figured she hadn't been able to think of anything clever and wondered if the cold caused her brain to fire slower.

"Mature," he scoffed, walking to join her on the path while Harry fell into step behind them.

"You should talk. You just made fun of my hair. And if you took more than two seconds to look at it you would see it's no longer bushy and frizzy like it was in school, it's just curly now. Another thing I was born with and can't control," she added in an undertone.

"Merlin, Granger, really going for the killing curse there. I was joking, relax. And I had noticed you'd managed to tame that mess. Congratulations, you should get an Order of Merlin."

"I already have one," she replied quickly, and Draco couldn't help but smirk.

Harry was completely flabbergasted as he walked behind them, listening to their teasing. When had this happened? He knew Hermione had visited Malfoy Manor in August, but she said there was nothing interesting to report. And he'd seen them dancing at the Ministry ball a few months ago, but again Hermione said it was nothing, that she was just being polite. But this closeness between them didn't seem like something that could be achieved in two brief meetings. Harry wondered what else had happened when Hermione had visited the Manor and was determined to question her about it the next chance he got.

When Draco opened the front door, Hermione marched through and went straight for the library, like this was her home. Draco shook his head and followed her, then Harry fell in to step behind him. When he reached the library, Hermione was already settling into his chair. Harry took the chair next to Hermione and Draco remained standing with his arms crossed, then changed his mind and sat on a nearby couch.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Draco asked sarcastically. He directed his question to Hermione since he wanted to ignore Potter's presence in his home, but it was the chosen one who spoke up.

"I've come to deliver this order from the Ministry," he stood and handed a scroll to Draco then returned to his seat while Draco opened the scroll and began to read.

"It's an order saying you need to turn over every dark artifact in your home to the Ministry. We'll take them back to the Auror Office and dismantle them. Any that aren't destroyed in the process will be returned," Potter stopped but Draco kept reading through the scroll, ignoring him. "You don't need to do anything Malfoy, just let a few Aurors into your home and we can take care of it from there. We have sensors to detect dark magic and will cast protective wards to ensure no one is hurt while they are transported."

Draco finished reading then and looked over at Harry, who looked ready to leave now that he'd delivered his message. Draco shifted his eyes to Hermione and saw she was scanning the titles of the books on the shelf closest to her. He smirked when he noticed she was sitting on her hands, probably trying to keep from reaching out and grabbing one of the books. "Why are you here Granger?"

She jumped and looked back at him, "I'm just here to make sure you're still treating your house elves decently. I'll need you to summon them before we leave today." Draco narrowed his eyes at her, sure she was lying. She was biting her lip and looked very guilty.

Hermione was lying, but her real reason for being there was hard to articulate. She'd thought about Draco occasionally since the ball and when she'd heard Harry had to visit here for work, she'd offered to tag along. She was curious to see what Draco was up to. That was all, or at least all she'd let herself admit at the time. She also felt a bit bad for him. He'd mentioned he didn't have any friends and anything to do, and the do-gooder part of her wanted to make sure he was okay.

"No," Draco said simply, then leaned back into the couch.

Hermione and Harry looked at each other confused, then Harry asked, "What exactly are you saying 'no' to?"

"I'm not going to let you take the artifacts. I read this," Draco put the scroll on the table, "and I'm allowed to insist the objects stay in my home and that the dismantling happens here. That's the option I want."

"Why?"

Draco couldn't say. Part of it was because he was feeling disagreeable that day. But it was more than that. Seeing people again, not just Potter on his bi-annual check-ups to make sure they still weren't torturing Muggles, but people who talked to him, like Granger, reminded him how invigorating it could be to talk to someone. Bantering, thinking of a clever comeback, he'd missed those things for so long. And the fact that he'd gotten enjoyment out of talking to Granger, who he didn't even like, proved he could get enjoyment out conversing with anyone they sent. Even fucking Weasley.

Draco smirked in response, "I'd like to see whatever idiot you send try to undo the enchantments on some of the Malfoy objects. You make it sound so easy, but the ones in this house are likely more powerful than any you've encountered."

Hermione rolled her eyes then and Draco asked, "Think you're up to the task? Have you ever even seen a dark artifact Granger?"

"You're so obnoxious Malfoy, dismantling dark artifacts is a science, and while some of yours may be powerful they can be un-done, just like the others."

"But you, personally, have never done it."

"Hermione is here for the house elves," Harry cut in, uncomfortable by this turn in the conversation, "This is Auror business."

"I could do it just fine," Hermione grumbled, crossing her arms.

"I thought you worked in Magical Law Enforcement. Well this is a law, and it needs enforcing," Draco pointed out.

"Are you saying you want me to be the person assigned to come disassemble these?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

"I'd like to be there when you realize I'm right, and it's not as simple as you think."

"Fine, how are Thursdays for you? I typically get the day to work from home on ideas for new legislation but can put it off for a few months to prove you wrong."

"Hermione, this really is Auror office –" Harry started in again but was cut off.

"Oh please Harry, is there really an Auror who is going to sign up for this? You know as soon as you report that Malfoy is demanding these objects stay in his home, they're going to shift the task over to my department."

Draco watched the two of them glare at each other. They appeared to be having a silent conversation. He wondered who was winning, it seemed to be Granger, but Potter had that intense green-eyed stare that was hard to overcome. After a few moments Granger emerged victorious (or so he assumed) since she grinned before breaking eye contact with Potter, then she looked back at Draco defiantly.

"Sounds like a date then," Draco responded, smirking to himself. He would have been fine if they'd sent Weasley, he couldn't believe his luck at getting Granger. She was fun to argue with. And he'd get to watch her struggle to dismantle the magic in the artifacts, that would be very entertaining.

"That is a revolting choice of words Malfoy," Hermione said, then stood and started to put her cloak back on.

Draco ignored her and asked, "So by Thursday I assume you mean next week, and not two days from now, so you can have time to actually learn about dark artifacts."

Hermione was about to open her mouth to retort when Harry cut in, "Yes, next week," he shook his head, wondering where this conversation had gotten away from him. He went to pull on his own cloak, then remembered, "Oh, did you need to talk to his house elves?"

Hermione shrugged, "I'll be back next week. I'll do it then. Let's go to lunch."

Once they were outside the gates Harry rounded on Hermione, "Are you friends with Malfoy?"

"No."

"You were joking with each other, and you offered to come work in his house for months. Why?"

Hermione shrugged, "He said I can't, and I can."

"But you don't know anything about dark artifacts, do you?" Harry asked.

Hermione shrugged again, "I can learn."

Harry shook his head. There seemed to be more to this than that, but she clearly didn't want to talk about it. "You'll need to attend a full day of basic training covering healing, warding, stuff like that," Hermione nodded. "And Hermione, please be careful. Malfoy wasn't kidding, I'm sure the artifacts in his home are exceptionally powerful, look at the diary. You have to promise not to get in over your head. And if it looks like Malfoy is working against you, you must –"

"Harry, I know. I can do this, really."

Harry studied her and she looked confident and he also sensed a bit of nervous anticipation in her eyes. He figured working on something new like this was a lot more fun than researching for new laws. As if hearing his thoughts, she said, "Honestly, I'm excited to learn something new."

"You're such a swot Hermione."

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Obviously, I have no idea if this conversation happened, but I'm guessing so. Potter may be brave and wonderful and all of that, but he is also incredibly (and dully) predictable. Though I doubt he called you a 'swot.'_

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione smirked as she leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head. Draco was right, Harry and she had had a conversation very similar to this. But it had occurred over lunch and had included a lot more inquiry into what was going on between her and Draco. Also, Harry had definitely not called her a swot, though it had certainly been implied.

She glanced over at the clock and sighed. She was enjoying the story (minus the overly self-deprecating tone from the author), but it hadn't gotten her any closer to explaining where Draco was and why he'd decided to leave.

She flipped through a few pages and considered going straight to the end but stopped herself. She was an obedient book reader and abhorred the idea of reading a story out of order. Plus, this one, she knew, was about to get interesting. She moved to the bed and took the box with the manuscript with her. When she was settled in more comfortably, she continued to read.

* * *

Manuscript:

The next week when Hermione arrived at the gates to the Manor, Draco was waiting for her. It was an oddly polite gesture and she didn't know what to think of it, so she didn't acknowledge it. He opened the gate with a nod, then led the way to the house. She shook off the snow when she got inside, then cleaned the mess she'd made in the entryway with her wand while Draco grabbed her cloak and dried it, then hung it in a nearby closet. He turned back to her with a serious expression.

"Tell me the real reason you came with Potter last week. And I know it's not just curiosity," he added, and she grinned when she realized he'd remembered her offhand remark after the ball.

Hermione considered him, wondering if she'd tell him the truth, then said, "I will, if you tell me the real reason you refused to let Harry and the Aurors take your dark objects back to the Ministry."

Draco shrugged then answered, "I'm bored, I thought having someone here working on dismantling the artifacts would be a welcome distraction."

Hermione nodded, she expected as much. He raised his eyebrows at her, waiting for her response, "I'm considering you for friend spot number 100," she admitted.

Draco stepped back, alarmed, "What? Why?"

"I don't know," she answered truthfully, then began walking back to the library.

"Do you have any other Death Eater friends?" he asked when they got into the library.

"No, do you have any Muggle-born friends?" she snapped back.

"I don't have any friends," he said simply.

"That can't be true."

"It is," he said matter-of-factly, without a hint of embarrassment.

"Right," Hermione responded awkwardly, then took a notebook out of her bag. "So, I did research on dark objects and there are two –"

"I don't need a lecture from you on dark objects. I know there are two types, artifacts and relics. Artifacts can, in theory, have the magic stripped from them but relics are unique and are inherently magical. They are more akin to living creatures than objects in some ways. You can never remove the magic from them. But trapping the magic inside is possible, in theory," he added, like he didn't believe it was doable.

"Yes, well, good," Hermione was relieved to be working with a smart person on this. Draco was rude and annoying, but he definitely wouldn't weigh her down intellectually. "Our first step should be to –"

"Index them," Draco cut in again and picked up a pile of parchment on the table and handed it to Hermione.

Hermione scanned the pages then looked back up at Draco in shock, "Is this accurate? You really have fifty dark objects?!"

"Fifty-two," Draco smirked at her reaction.

Hermione looked back down at the page, "But there's no way nine of them are relics, you must have misclassified them."

Draco shook his head, "You can check my work Granger, but there are nine."

"But there are only fifteen reported dark relics in all of Britain, and you're saying nine of them are here?" she looked around warily, like one was lurking over her shoulder.

"I don't know if these are reported or not, but we have nine." She looked over the parchment some more and Draco watched her, smirking, then said, "Come on Granger," he stood and walked into the hall, waiting for her to follow.

He led them to a bright, airy room with a sitting area on one side and two long tables lined with objects on the other. He'd labeled each with an estimated age and a short description. It was all very organized. She looked them over and counted, then used her dark spell detector to check that they were all emitting dark magic.

"So these twenty-one," she motioned toward a group at the end of the first table that had not emitted any magic, "are already neutralized?"

"I dismantled them last year, they're marked on the list," Draco explained.

She looked impressed but didn't say anything further. "So that leaves twenty-two artifacts and nine relics, according to the list. But twelve are missing," she motioned toward the table.

"I didn't dare touch the relics," Draco explained, "and three of the artifacts are too large to move. We can dismantle them in their current location."

She went back to scanning the objects on the table and Draco watched her. She was very fidgety. She crumpled the paper in her hands, drummed her fingers on the table, played with her hair, and shifted her weight regularly between both legs. Clearly, she hadn't been rapped for squirming as a child. He wondered if all of that movement was exhausting.

"Right, so I need to walk around the house and make sure you got them all, and you can show me the missing twelve."

Draco walked her around the Manor for the rest of the day. Besides an amusing exchange when she realized she was in his bedroom and muttered under her breath that never in her life did she think she'd have an occasion to be in Draco Malfoy's bedroom, the day passed uneventfully.

When they were done walking through the Manor and Hermione confirmed (grudgingly) that he did have nine relics and hadn't missed any artifacts he walked her back to the room with the dark objects.

She was looking at the inert ones and cataloguing another fact about Draco Malfoy, he'd spent a good deal of time trying to dismantle the dark artifacts in his home. She thought that was probably another point for him being reformed. He was watching her, she knew, but he didn't say anything.

Draco was very quiet, she thought he could sit for hours without speaking. Maybe he just wasn't used to it. Living in such a large, empty house. She wondered then where his mother was but was secretly glad to not have to see her. Did she know about their project?

She turned to him then and he was leaning against the table, still watching her. She blushed slightly at the attention, then asked, "How did you dismantle these?"

"Potion."

"I read about that. It's similar to brewing antidotes for blended poisons, right? Using Golpalott's Third Law?"

Draco nodded.

"And why did you stop at these twenty-one?"

"Honestly, that was as far as I could get alone. I moved on to this one," Draco pointed at a hand mirror, "and couldn't get any of my brews to work for months. I think the rest are too complicated for the potion method."

Hermione thought about this. That was disappointing, using potions to strip the objects of magic was supposed to be the simplest and least dangerous method and she'd hoped to start there. But if Draco had already exhausted that option they could move on to the curse-breaking methods. She'd have to brush up on Artichmancy and Runes first though.

But again, she only had his word to go on that potions wouldn't work. He couldn't manage it but maybe with a fresh perspective they could figure it out.

"I'd like to try the potion method anyway," she said.

Draco shrugged, "I'm telling you it won't work, or if it does, it will take too long."

"Well I want to see for myself."

He shook his head, "Yeah, I figured."

"Wouldn't you do the same?"

"I would," he admitted.

* * *

_Author's Note: Merlin Hermione, it's so strange to think back to how naïve and confident we were that day. We had no idea what the hell we were getting ourselves into._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Well here's my way for getting them to work on an intellectually stimulating assignment alone together. I've always thought that was the fastest track to love for these two.
> 
> I'm still liking this unique perspective, but the one downside is we'll only see Draco and Hermione for awhile and won't get to see scenes with Hermione and her friends' reactions to everything. Oh well, if you're reading Dramione you're probably here primarily for the Draco/Hermione scenes anyway. I'd love to hear what you think so far!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for each chapter.


	3. Potions

**CHAPTER 3 - Potions**

Manuscript:

_December 2001_

Hermione and Draco were in the Manor's potions room the next week surrounded by hundreds of potions ingredients and all the texts Draco had used when stripping magic from the already inert artifacts. Hermione was bent over a very old book reading through a passage on binding ingredients. She kept glancing at her reflection in the hand mirror a few feet away from her, trying to hide it from Draco.

"I can see you Granger," he said with a smirk from the other side of the table.

"Shut up," she murmured, pulling her attention back to the book. This artifact hadn't seemed so bad at first, it simply showed an extremely beautiful version of the person in the mirror, but Hermione soon found where the dark part came in. She'd only been with the object for a few hours and was already a little obsessed. Given more time she could see people wasting away in front of this mirror. She'd made a joke about Narcissus and asked if it had belonged to Draco's mother, but Draco had just sneered. She found herself looking again but pulled away at the end, Draco caught her though.

"And that's the sixteenth time since we've been in here, who knew you were so vain Granger?"

"It's addictive, dark magic, I'm trying my best, just," she picked it up and moved it to his side, "let's see how you do trying to avoid looking in it."

He did remarkably well. Maybe he'd seen himself in it plenty and had his fill. Or maybe he had amazing self-control. Whatever it was, it annoyed Hermione that Malfoy was beating her in this.

* * *

_Author's Note: I failed to mention at the time, the mirror only worked on witches._

* * *

"Can I see your notes from the brews you tried again?" Hermione asked. Malfoy kept his eyes in the book he was reading but pushed a notebook wordlessly over to her. When she looked up at him, she saw he was reading a novel, not a potions text.

"Malfoy!" she scolded.

"Hmm? You want the mirror back?" he went to move it over to her.

"No, you're not researching."

"I told you it won't work," he shrugged and went back to his book.

"You can try," she pushed.

"I did, for months. These are my notes," he said this slowly, like she was stupid.

"Fine," Hermione huffed, then started reading through his notes, thinking out loud, "The magic in the object is related to obsession and vanity, so we'll need a blend of potions to counteract those. Something for self-control and – " she paused and looked over at Draco. He looked like he wasn't listening, but she knew he was, "What's the opposite of vanity?"

"Humility," he mumbled, then added, "And don't forget Golpalott's Third Law, you'll need an ingredient to create synergy in your blend."

"Hmm," Hermione stopped, considering, then said after a time, "What we need is a potion ingredient reference book, but I was never able to find a comprehensive one…" she trailed off.

Draco looked at her awhile, considering her remark, then left the room.

"Malfoy?" He was gone for a few minutes and she wondered if she was supposed to follow him, but before she could decide he was back and threw a large, blue book on the table in front of her. Hermione peered at the cover curiously. It read simply, _Potions Ingredients._ She opened it and was surprised to find that all the pages were handwritten.

"Wow," she whispered to herself as she flipped through the pages. It was a list of every potion ingredient she'd ever heard of (and some she hadn't) with a note of all the potions each ingredient was used in and what properties it was purported to have.

She flipped back to the front but saw the book didn't have an author or publisher listed, "This is incredible, where did you get this?"

Draco was leaning against the table next to her, watching her examine the book, "I made it," he said casually, hiding the feeling of pride in his chest as her jaw dropped.

"You did?" she went back to the book, "But this must have taken ages. Cross-referencing against other books, researching, probably even practicing some of these potions..."

"It did," Draco shrugged, "I don't have a very busy schedule Granger, I told you that."

Hermione nodded, then drew her gaze away from the book and looked at him, leaning back in her chair, "So you were actually good in Potions? It wasn't just Snape favoring you?"

Draco rolled his eyes, "You can quiz me, if you want to check."

Hermione smirked then opened the book to a random page, "What potions is wiggentree bark used in?"

"Draught of the Living Death, Dreamless Sleep, Draught of Peace, and Veritaserum," he recited, then added, "It helps calm and relax the mind. But the effects are only mental, it wouldn't work to calm a racing heart."

Hermione responded with a "humph."

"I do recall that was the one class I beat you in," he teased, then added, "well until sixth year when Potter suddenly became a Potions genius. He must have been cheating."

Hermione smirked, "He was."

Draco raised his eyebrows. He wasn't shocked that Potter had cheated, but he was a little surprised that Granger was admitting to it, "Care to elaborate?"

"No," Hermione said quickly, then buried her head back in the book.

By the end of the day Hermione had a long list of notes and a few brews she planned to try next time. When they reached the foyer and Draco handed over her cloak she said, "Let's start brewing next time. Well –" she paused, then asked tentatively, "do you want to take the week off for Christmas?"

"Not really."

"Okay," she said a little awkwardly, "then I'll see you next week."

"It's a date," he smirked back at her.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "I told you to stop saying that, it's repulsive."

* * *

_Author's Note: This was a running joke for a long time between us. I wonder when the thought of dating me stopped being so repulsive to you. It never was to me (for the record)._

* * *

The next week Hermione started in on the first batch of potion targeted at dismantling the magic in the hand mirror. They spent most of the day getting the potion started. Hermione explained her entire Christmas in such excruciating detail that Draco felt like he was there. He pretended to be annoyed, but secretly enjoyed living vicariously through her. His own Christmas had been extremely depressing since it had included a visit to Azkaban to see his father.

After setting the potion to simmer for the next few days, Hermione declared them finished for the day and Draco walked her back to the front of the Manor.

"You have to add the frogs spawn and beetles in two days," Hermione was saying as they walked back to the front door.

"I know," Draco grumbled.

"And stir it forty-nine times. No more, no less."

"I know, I beat you in Potions, remember?"

They both stopped when they saw Narcissa standing in the entryway.

"Mother," Draco said in a polite but questioning tone.

Narcissa ignored him and looked at Hermione, "You must join me for tea, Miss Granger," she said it like a command, not a request.

"Oh, I'm fine," Hermione said, shaking her head, "it's really okay."

"I insist," Narcissa responded and Hermione looked back at Draco, but he was looking at his mother curiously and didn't seem like he was going to come to her rescue.

Hermione, unfortunately, had nowhere to be. She was struggling to invent an excuse on the spot, but she'd always been a terrible liar, and nothing was coming to her mind. "Okay," she said hesitantly and Narcissa moved toward the drawing room.

"Mother," Draco said in a low voice and Narcissa looked back at him, "If you insist on this awkward tea, I'll have to insist we take it in the library." They glared at each other, then Narcissa shrugged and moved in the opposite direction to the library.

Hermione mouthed, "Thank you," at Draco and he gave her a curt nod. Then she whispered to him, "Was there anything I could have said to get out of this?"

Draco shook his head and smirked.

When they reached the library, Hermione settled into her favorite chair by the window and ignored Draco's scowl. She'd figured out this was his chair since he always frowned when she sat in it, but he hadn't said anything about it yet. He sat in the chair next to her and Narcissa took the spot on the couch and summoned Della to bring them tea.

Once Della left Draco's mother asked sharply, "So why did I have to find out from a house elf, and not my own son, that Miss Granger was working here on a project for the Ministry?"

Draco shrugged and said simply, "I thought I'd mentioned it mother. My apologies."

"And how long is this project of yours meant to last?" his mother asked Hermione.

"Uh, it's going slow to start," Hermione admitted and ignored Draco's smug look, "Maybe a few more months."

The following conversation was extremely uncomfortable and forced. Narcissa asked after Hermione's job and Hermione bored them with explanations of a new law she was working on to lift some of the international travel restrictions still in place from the war.

Surprisingly Narcissa spoke up, agreeing that the current travel laws gave preference to those of means, which wasn't fair to all families wanting to enjoy the benefits of seeing different countries and cultures. Hermione had looked back at her shocked and Draco tried to hide a chortle.

Finally, the point of this tea became clearer to Draco and Hermione when Narcissa asked, "Tell me Miss Granger,"

"You can call me Hermione," she cut in and Narcissa narrowed her eyes at having been interrupted.

"Sure, Hermione, do you have a boyfriend?"

Hermione almost choked on her mouthful of tea. She swallowed carefully and looked at Draco, who was not looking at her, but instead was focusing on a bookshelf at the other end of the room.

"No," Hermione said, annoyed now. She placed her teacup back on the table.

"Hmm, well are you interested in my son?" Narcissa pressed.

At this Draco choked and his mother ignored him, her blue eyes were boring into Hermione's and Hermione winced at the insinuation and glared back. Then she laughed and shook her head, "Merlin no. I am the last person you need to worry about coming in to taint your bloodline Mrs. Malfoy."

Narcissa didn't rise to the bait and ignored the comment about tainting her bloodline. She continued to glare at Hermione and Hermione wondered if staring contests were something the Malfoys practiced often since they were very good at them. After a time, seemingly satisfied with whatever she'd seen in Hermione's eyes, she said, "You can call me Narcissa."

Draco had recovered by then and added, "I can confirm Granger's statement mother, she finds me repulsive."

He smirked at Hermione and she smiled back, relieved to have an ally in this intensely awkward situation.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione laughed and shook her head. Draco had gotten so much right in the story so far, but this part was wrong. When Narcissa had asked that question Hermione's mind had drifted immediately to the night she'd danced with Draco and she'd recalled how handsome he'd looked in his suit. She was sure the admiration and subsequent shock had flitted across her eyes because she'd seen Narcissa's eyes widen in alarm, then narrow. Hermione had tried to recover, but it had been too late. She could tell by Narcissa's glare that she'd detected Hermione's hesitation. Draco must have missed it since he'd been busy choking on his tea.

Hermione remembered lying in bed for hours that night replaying the question in her mind – _Are you interested in my son?_ She never arrived at a clear answer. But she'd confirmed her feelings of revulsion toward him were gone, and that alone was terrifying.

* * *

Manuscript:

Luckily tea was over quickly after that. Narcissa left them alone soon after, seemingly satisfied that Hermione wasn't there to steal her son away. Hermione and Draco stayed back to finish their tea in an awkward silence.

"Sorry," Draco said after a time, "She's become obsessed with marrying me off since I turned twenty. Apparently, I'm the first Malfoy in something like a thousand years to still be single at this mature age."

Hermione snorted and shook her head.

"I don't think she can fathom how two unmarried people of the opposite sex could spend time alone together and not be courting each other."

Hermione thought to earlier that day when Malfoy had flicked frog eyes into her hair to see how many he could get in before she noticed. That was certainly not what she would describe as courting behavior.

"Well when are you going to settle down and marry a nice pureblood, mother-approved witch?" she asked teasingly, "I'm guessing you have a notebook of the eligible options complete with photos, age, height, weight, volume of gold, and the number of generations of confirmed blood purity?"

"I know you're joking, but you're actually not far off, unfortunately," Draco grumbled.

"Really? And what? Whoever you picked will just agree to marry you? What if they don't like you?"

Draco had asked his mother a similar question. He'd been sure his Death Eater status would make him less desirable, but his mother said it didn't seem to matter. Most of the pureblood witches his age were willing to look past it for the chance of becoming a Malfoy. It was appalling to him.

"We're taught from a young age that marrying for love is a luxury. Political power, influence, gold, that's usually what's behind marriages between pureblood families. At least the ones like mine," he added bitterly.

"It's like the royal family. The Muggle one," Hermione added.

Draco nodded absently and she wondered if he knew about the Muggle royal family. It was crazy to Hermione that the pureblood families were still carrying on like they ruled the magical world, given everything that had happened. And if someone like her was interested in Malfoy (which she was not) there would probably be riots. All because of her blood. The thought made her sad. Draco must have noted her gloomy expression because he asked, "What's wrong?"

Hermione shook her head, then said, "I'm just thinking about purebloods and Mudbloods."

"You shouldn't say that."

"What? Mudblood? You're the one who taught me that word."

Draco shook his head and looked down at his tea and Hermione felt bad for her comment.

"Your mother is disgusted by me," Hermione continued. "Separate from the ghastly notion of me tainting her family's bloodline, she was still uncomfortable being in the same room as me. Though she hid it well." Hermione looked over at Draco, wondering if he would deny it.

He didn't deny it, he knew she was still prejudiced, but was surprised Granger had noticed. His mother tried hard to hide it in order to keep the Malfoys in favor. "What gave her away?"

"At the end before she left, I stood and extended my hand for her to shake. She wasn't expecting it and she flinched at first, then rushed to hide it. It was subtle, but I saw it."

"You're disappointed," Draco pointed out, a little surprised.

Hermione shrugged, "It still hurts when it happens. I just hoped she'd changed, like you have," she added with a smile.

"You're sure I've changed?" Draco asked, finishing his tea and putting the cup on the table.

Hermione looked back at him, then stood to leave now that they'd both drained their teacups, "If you haven't, you do an excellent job of hiding it. No flinching from what I've seen."

Draco followed her to the door and when they reached the gates, he turned to her. He didn't want there to be any doubt in her mind. "I have changed, for the record."

Hermione nodded and gave him a small smile, "I'm glad."

* * *

_Author's Note: I know reading this is going to upset you because you still worry about my mother and how much she disapproves of you. Don't. I didn't care then what my mother thought of you and I care even less now. You're wonderful, beautiful, kind, smart, powerful (a little piece of everything good in the world, really). Don't let bigots like my parents let you believe otherwise, not even for a second._

* * *

The first potion brew didn't work. They were working on the second one the next week when Hermione said, "You know you don't have to be in here with me, you can leave me alone."

"I do know that Granger," Draco responded, measuring out the tea tree leaves.

"Yet you're here, every day," she continued, watching him.

"I am."

"Sometimes I think you may as well not be here, since you just sit there quietly, or respond with the least possible words when I try to talk to you."

She was right. They spent most of their hours together in silence. Hermione would start to talk, but Draco wasn't very good at holding conversations (unless they were fighting). But he didn't mind listening to her prattle on. But even Hermione seemed to have limits for how long she'd go without a response before she'd get bored and revert to silence. She'd managed to stretch her tolerance for silence from five minutes to twenty and Draco wondered if he should be proud of that accomplishment.

"I can see how you'd think that," Draco said after a while.

"And do you have any plans of ever leaving me alone when I come over?" Hermione asked, putting her hands on her hips and watching him measure.

"I do not," Draco sighed, keeping his eyes on the scale.

"You are a pretty terrible conversationalist, you know."

"I do know," he looked up at her then and Hermione saw that his expression was a little wounded and she felt bad for saying so. Especially since it wasn't true, not always. Sometimes, when he was in the mood for it, he was fascinating to talk to. He knew a lot of random facts about magic and some topics he could go on and on about.

When he was passionate about a subject and took the time to explain it to her, she found his talks as enlightening as some of her favorite lectures from school. And sometimes he'd challenge her with a new problem or riddle. The last week when she'd mentioned that it was odd that Potions was the only subject with clear laws he said, "I disagree. Consider Golpalott's second law Granger and how that concept applies to Transfiguration. The Potions laws actually translate across most magical subjects."

"That law refers to conservation of mass Malfoy, of course it doesn't apply in Transfiguration. I can Transfigure this quill into a giant vase," she'd argued back.

Malfoy shrugged, "If you say so Granger, but if you thought about it for more than one second, I think you'd find a Transfiguration concept almost identical to Golpalott's second law."

She'd puzzled over it all night. Applying the standard Potions laws to other subjects? She'd never considered it. She'd spent her lunch break that Friday pouring through advanced Transfiguration texts when she found the answer. There was an obscure theory around conservation of energy, proven by some studies on Animagi. They'd found that humans living in their animal form lived longer than the typical human or animal life span. It was suspected to be since living in the animal form required less energy than the human form. And since energy was assumed to be conserved between the two forms, the result was a very long life in the animal body.

Hermione had been so excited to have figured it out that she owled Draco immediately, not wanting to wait a whole week to tell him that she'd solved the problem. When she'd next seen him at the gates, she'd looked back at him expectantly and he'd laughed out loud at her expression, the first time she'd seen him do so, then said, "Yes Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor."

"I think that one deserved twenty," Hermione argued.

Draco shook his head, still smiling, "Sure, take fifty, the points are fake."

Draco's voice cut into her thoughts then, "Granger, do you want to be left alone in here when you come over?"

"No," she said honestly.

Draco smirked in response and handed her a bowl of the measured leaves. "Don't get so cocky," she added, "I need you here for safety reasons, you're not supposed to brew unknown potions alone."

"Right," Draco said sarcastically. She was lying, and they both knew it.

* * *

_January 2002_

It took them three weeks to brew a potion that worked to neutralize the magic in the mirror. That day, as Hermione was putting the final touches on the potion, she asked if Draco had any New Year's resolutions. "Survive another year," he answered darkly, and she thought the conversation was over then, but he asked, "You?"

"Well, I'd like to finish this project before the year is up, it's taking much longer than I thought." Hermione admitted and he smirked.

"I do agree with your assessment that potions aren't the way to go, it takes too long. We'll have to employ curse-breaking methods but I was putting it off since it's rumored to be very complicated."

"Since when do you shy away from a challenge Granger?"

She didn't respond and decided to take it as a compliment. She had just dropped the mirror in the cauldron and was watching the top of the dark green liquid. "Well, I wish something more satisfying would happen, so I know if it worked. Did anything happen with your successful brews?"

"About half the time," he said. "Leave it for five minutes, then we can check."

They both sat and watched and talked about theories of curse-breaking while they waited. Hermione had been surprised to find Draco knew a good bit about Runes and Arithmancy, although he hadn't taken the subjects in school. He admitted he'd researched them heavily while working to dismantle the dark artifacts by himself.

"Why did you give it up? When the potion didn't work, you could have moved on."

"Those spells require two people," he said a little sadly and she felt bad for him again but tried to hide it. He hated when she gave him concerned or pitying looks.

"Check it," he said, and she was glad for the change in conversation.

She levitated the mirror out with her wand and squealed when she looked into it and saw normal Hermione reflected back, "It worked!"

She placed the mirror on the table, being careful not to touch it in case there were still traces of potion, then moved to grab Draco's notebook so she could record exactly what had worked in case they needed it later.

Draco was watching her, smiling at her expression of pure joy, she reminded him of a child. Then he noticed the potion had started to ooze out of the cauldron. It was heading for her hand that was laying on the table and she didn't notice.

He dove across the table to push her hand away but ended up brushing his right arm against another puddle of potion leaking out the back of the cauldron. He hadn't noticed it since he'd been so focused on Hermione.

"Fuck," he exclaimed as a burning feeling hit his arm and he pulled it into his chest quickly, falling back into his chair. It reminded him of the pain from receiving his Dark Mark. It felt like the potion was burning through to his bones.

Hermione's eyes widened when she saw what had happened. She took a second to vanish the potion before going to his side.

"Let me see."

Draco handed his arm over and Hermione saw that the potion was searing holes into his skin. It smelled terrible and looked very painful. Draco was closing his eyes and biting his lip.

"Do you have dittany?" she asked and thought for a second he hadn't heard, he seemed so focused on the pain.

"Eff –" he breathed, and she wondered if he was cursing again.

"Eff – fie," the smallest of the Malfoy house elves appeared behind her and Hermione jumped.

Draco nodded toward the elf and Hermione realized what he'd meant. She hesitated, then scolded herself, now wasn't the time to consider house elf rights. She sent the elf to get dittany and a few moments later Effie was back with a jar of light green gel.

Hermione applied the dittany and Draco looked immediately relieved. Hermione let herself breathe again, not realizing she'd been holding her breath before. He was about to pull his arm back, but she kept a firm grip on it and started in on healing the burns.

Draco sat completely still, enjoying the foreign feeling of someone else's magic on his skin. Also, the equally foreign feeling of someone else's touch. She didn't have to heal him. The dittany was enough for now and he could have had his mother take care of the rest later.

When Hermione was finished Draco was looking at her curiously and muttered, "Thanks."

"It's the least I could do, that was about to be my hand. Quite chivalrous," she added then, "for a Slytherin."

He shook his head and stared back at her. He stared at her a lot, for uncomfortable amounts of time. She didn't remember this from school. She wondered if it was a product of him being alone so much, or if it was something between the two of them specifically. She dropped his gaze and looked down at his arm and realized they were kind of holding hands. And they were extremely close to each other. She could smell him, confirming that they were entirely too close. She dropped his hand and moved back, trying to pretend she hadn't just been smelling Draco Malfoy.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Yes Hermione, I did notice you smelling me that day, in case you were wondering. You can pause here and blush._

* * *

She stood then and offered him her hand, but he ignored it. Well his random act of chivalry didn't erase the fact that he was a prat, she decided. "Um – I think that's good for today, I can let myself out," she said awkwardly.

"Don't be ridiculous, I can walk," he stood and opened the door for her.

On the walk back to the gate Hermione asked if she could copy his potions ingredient book. He said absently, "Sure Granger," focused on something else. She'd expected him to gloat or demand a favor to be redeemed at a later time of his choosing. She wondered what he was thinking about.

"Uh, thanks again, for saving me from the potion."

"Thanks for healing me. Where did you learn that?"

"I had to take a few courses before coming on this assignment," she explained. "Healing, dark magic detection, warding, things like that."

Draco nodded and she blurted, "I'm not technically qualified to be dismantling dark artifacts." She wondered what made her admit that.

Draco said with unexpected kindness, "Neither am I."

* * *

_Author's Note: Well how's that for foreshadowing Hermione?_

* * *

_February 2002_

Draco had become obsessed with his daily routine in the years since the war. It was one of the things that got him through his Dark Period. He found that sometimes he didn't wake up with the energy to think through things as simple as what he was going to do that day, so he'd stick to his schedule.

He had breakfast every morning with his mother, then he flew most days. If the weather wasn't good, he'd do some type of physical activity indoors even if it was as simple as push-ups in his room. He read the Daily Prophet cover to cover over lunch, then he usually had a novel he was reading too. Sometimes he'd write or work on a new spell, then it would be time for dinner, which he usually took alone in the library while reading. After he'd take a long bath and clear his mind for an hour before bed to avoid nightmares.

It was the same every day, and the routine worked to get him through three, almost four years. But after a time, he'd look back and realize he may have survived, but it had all been quite dull. There were a few accomplishments, like writing the potions book, learning a new spell, or mastering a new trick on his broom. But the overall feeling was monotonous. _Is this enough to sustain a whole life?_ he'd wonder to himself.

But that winter, Draco's life wasn't measured by his mundane routines anymore. They were measured by Granger's visits. He always knew, no matter what day, how long until her next visit. When she was in his house, he felt alive.

They spent a few weeks planning out their next course of action. They intended to use curse-breaking to strip the objects of their magic, the problem was, all the books they'd found on this practice so far had been theoretical, and not practical. They had some pieces to the puzzle like a Runes spell that could be used to detect magical properties and Arithmancy formulas that could be used to untangle a spell. But they were missing the piece that would draw it all together.

Harry had stopped by in early February to check on their progress. Hermione had pointed out the twenty-two dark artifacts that were already dismantled, failing to include the tidbit that only one of those had been dismantled since she'd started working on the project. Draco had rolled his eyes but didn't speak up. Harry had been so bored by the research that he'd left in an hour, leaving Draco and Hermione alone again.

Thankfully, Draco's mother hadn't tried to invite Hermione to tea again but asked after the project occasionally over breakfast. She seemed eager to get Hermione out of her home, not entirely convinced that she wasn't after Draco and his money.

The two of them fell into more easy conversation while researching since skimming through books required less focus than brewing potions. Sometimes these conversations were Draco's favorite part of their sessions and other times he'd be annoyed with her for prying into his personal life and would remain silent and broody. This time Granger had asked him why he'd stayed at the Manor, since he seemed to hate it.

He wondered how she knew that he hated it, although he really did. He told her he'd stayed for his mother. Draco wanted to leave it all behind, but she loved it. She'd admitted that as a girl she'd dreamed of being a Malfoy and had even loved his father, which was impressive since he was a hard man to love.

Hermione humphed at that. That was an understatement. She put down the book she was holding and sighed. Another reference to a curse-breaking spell but no details.

"Where did they meet?" she asked. Hermione had been wondering about pureblood marriages since he'd brought the subject up a few weeks ago. Were they all arranged, or were some allowed to happen naturally? He said his mom loved his father, so maybe marrying for love was allowed if the right families were involved.

"Hogwarts," Draco said, and she noticed a flicker of sadness come across his eyes. She'd been getting better at reading him. She just had to focus on his eyes and ignore the rest of his face, which he was good at controlling.

She wondered if it was thinking about his parents or thinking about Hogwarts that had made him sad, though she thought she knew and asked tentatively, "Have you ever been back to Hogwarts, since the battle?"

He ignored her question; this was getting into territory he didn't want to talk about.

"Why don't you attend the memorial each year? Your mother does," Hermione pressed.

"That's for people who fought on your side," Draco said sharply.

"Our side," she corrected.

"I have a rather large mark on my arm that says otherwise," he snapped back, then put his book down and looked at her. She put hers down too and met his gaze.

"You didn't fight in the battle. We were just kids Malfoy; will you ever forgive yourself?"

He ignored the question and said instead, "I haven't been back to Hogwarts since."

"You should," she said, "and if you ever need someone to go with who will understand if you completely break down once you see that the hourglasses are gone, or start to have a terror-inducing flashback, let me know."

What was Granger talking about? She'd mentioned them being friends, but that had seemed impossible at the time, a joke. But this was a real offer, something a friend would do. But he couldn't be friends with Granger. She was so good, nice, forgiving. Draco was a mess and barely managed to get through each day.

It hit him then that they were getting too close and he needed to do something to get her away, "I'd like it if you left now, Granger."

Her face fell, "No, come on. I didn't mean –"

"Please," his expression was half angry and half pleading. She looked back at him for a while, then nodded and stood to leave. She hesitated at the door to the library, but eventually turned and left. It was the first time since they'd started these sessions that he didn't walk her out. He felt immediately guilty. But he couldn't run after her because as soon as she closed the door, Draco started to sob.

 _What the hell is going on?_ He had no idea where this outpouring of emotion had come from and had even less of an understanding of what he'd gotten himself into with Hermione. But Draco's resolve to push her away dissipated by the next day, and he was back to counting down the days to when she'd return.

* * *

It was one week after Draco had dismissed Hermione (neither of them had brought it up since) and one month since they'd started looking for the curse-breaking spell. Hermione was getting extremely frustrated. She'd seen mention of a spell to reveal an object's magic in countless texts, but she couldn't find the bloody spell. Where was the book that all these other books were referring to?

She'd tried the Ministry archives and countless bookstores with no luck. When she asked Harry how the Aurors stripped objects of magic he admitted that no one he'd asked had ever seen it done. Everyone said it was possible, but nobody seemed to have time to try, and instead warded the dark objects heavily then locked them up.

Then Hermione had reached out to Bill, since he was a curse-breaker for Gringotts, but he said the same as Harry. He admitted that 'curse-breaker' was a bit of a misnomer since everything he'd actually done was detect objects, collect them, then ward them. He did mention the potion method but Hermione was hesitant to go back to potions. He also said that traditional curse-breaking was old magic and he suspected the goblins knew how to work it, though they'd never shared their secrets with any wizards he knew.

Hermione had hoped that if the spell really was old and forgotten, she'd find it somewhere in the library at Malfoy Manor, since it was filled with ancient texts. But she and Draco had looked at what must have been 3/4 of the books so far and found nothing.

A lesser witch would have given up by now, but this had become a bit of an obsession for Hermione. She needed to solve this problem, and Draco didn't seem to mind. He wasn't pushing at all for her to move on to another solution, he just calmly searched through the texts alongside her without complaint.

And honestly, Hermione didn't mind coming over to the Manor, even though each session got them nowhere closer to finishing her project. Her and Draco's conversations were easier than ever and she even found his company entertaining. But if they went a few more weeks with nothing, Harry would probably notice and push her to try a different tactic. She had a plan to check the Hogwarts library that weekend and if that didn't work, she'd give in and move on to simply warding the remaining artifacts then storing them at the Ministry.

"It just doesn't make sense," she said for the hundredth time, "Why would your family have so many artifacts but not the book required to control them?"

She glared around at the library like it had personally offended her.

Draco shrugged. It was a good question with a simple answer. His family _did_ have the book. It was in the opposite wing of the house, under his bed. He smiled inwardly, then moved to another shelf, pretending to look for a book that he knew wasn't there. But he knew he couldn't keep up this charade for much longer. He'd have to pretend to find the book before Granger gave up on this assignment altogether. He'd decided to "find" it next week, then they could move on to trying to use the curse-breaking spell, which would probably take another few months.

Draco looked back at Granger then and watched her chew on her lip and twirl a curl around her finger while she studied another book. _No_ , he thought to himself, _I'll wait two weeks_.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione leaned back onto her pillow and rolled her eyes. She knew it had made no sense that the Malfoys wouldn't have that book. Draco had hidden it to extend their time together. She grinned to herself. She'd never suspected him, especially that early on. "Slytherin," she muttered as she turned to the next page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Oh Draco...he's so sneaky. I hope you're liking this so far. Based on my rough outline this story will be around 15-20 chapters total. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for each chapter.


	4. The Black Quill

**CHAPTER 4 – The Black Quill**

_March 2002_

The next week when Draco went to collect Hermione from the gate, she had a huge smile on her face and was waving an old, maroon book at him triumphantly, "I found it! At Hogwarts. I spent nearly the entire weekend there and had almost given up by Sunday afternoon, but then next book I picked up had it!"

Draco's heart dropped, but he didn't let anything show on his face. He'd been planning to "find" the book before their next session anyway. He opened the gate and walked with Hermione down the path while she described the spell she'd found. "You were right, it does seem to take two people," then she stopped and looked at him, "but you mentioned that before. How did you know that without reading this?" she looked back at the book in her hand.

Draco shrugged, "I saw it in one of the countless books that referenced the spell," then he moved to change the subject, "well do you want to practice it?"

They spent the rest of the day practicing the spell. Hermione was in a great mood since they were finally making progress again and chattered on happily. "You know what I was wondering?" she asked when Draco tried to cast the curse-breaking spell on a self-inking quill. He shook his head, knowing that regardless of his reaction she was going to tell him.

"I wonder if Muggles have any magic in them."

"Isn't that the very definition of Muggles? The fact that they aren't magical?" Draco asked.

"Well yeah, they can't use wands and do spells, I know, but I wonder if they are completely devoid of magic, or they just don't have enough to wield wands like we do. You know there are stories of Muggles doing extraordinary things. Like lifting a car off a baby, stuff like that."

"Cars are the small train-like things that zoom around on their roads?" Draco asked.

Hermione nodded, "So maybe they have a small amount of magic that they can call upon in extreme situations."

"Maybe," Draco muttered absently, focusing on revealing the magic in the self-inking quill.

"How do you think wizards came to be?" she asked next.

Draco gave up on his task, he couldn't concentrate with Hermione chattering on and he remembered then he'd been trying to delay this entire project anyway. He looked back at her and said, "There are a lot of theories on that, I'm sure you know them."

"I know, I'm wondering which one you believe."

"I like the Alchemical explanation," Draco leaned back on the couch, keeping his eyes on Hermione who was sitting in his chair with her legs pulled up.

She looked pleased that he was focusing on her and he'd noted that she liked to talk through intellectual concepts with him, and he didn't mind it either. It was nice to bounce ideas off someone smart, instead of puzzling through things alone.

"What do you mean? How does Alchemy factor into our origin story? It's just about turning things to gold and trying to live forever, right?"

Draco shook his head then stood and started looking through one of the bookshelves. "Alchemy is about transformation Granger. And one of the theories of magical origin is that the first wizard was created as a type of idyllic transformation from a Muggle. Like metal to gold, they went from a Muggle to a wizard."

Hermione considered this, "Then how do you account for the existence of magical creatures?"

He'd found the book he was looking for and pulled it off the shelf, then walked back and sat on the chair next to her. "Always worried about the creatures, aren't you Granger?"

She ignored the jab, "I'm just saying that if the first wizard was an ideal version of a non-magical human, that doesn't work for all creatures. A unicorn could have derived from a horse, but what about a house elf? Or a goblin? There's no non-magical versions of them."

"Maybe the first wizard created them," Draco argued.

"So that's the Merlin theory."

"Yes, the Merlin theory is the most common, but no one says where he came from." Draco handed her the book, "This covers the Alchemy parts of the origin story in more detail, in case you're interested."

Hermione pulled it toward her and started flipping through the pages. She'd never been very interested in Alchemy since her run-in with the Sorcerer's Stone in her first year, but if Draco was recommending the book, she was suddenly intrigued. She looked at the author but didn't recognize the name.

"I don't know this author."

"And you know all of them?" he teased.

"Just saying," she went back to flipping through the book.

"Read it, tell me what you think."

"I will," it seemed important to him, though she couldn't figure out why. Either way she committed to reading it that week so she could report back at their next session.

* * *

True to her word, Hermione had a list of notes from the Alchemy book Draco had lent her the next week they met. He listened obediently, then pointed out a few items she'd missed. He really had read a lot of books. She wondered briefly if he'd read more books with her, like a small book club. It was nice getting to talk to someone else after finishing a book, something she rarely experienced since none of her friends liked reading as much as she did.

"Something about the writing was familiar," she said, "Do you know who wrote it?"

Draco shrugged, "You can see the name there."

Hermione huffed, "M. T. Morphe? That's obviously a pseudonym."

"I don't know, I saw it at a bookstore and bought it," he looked uncomfortable, but Hermione couldn't imagine why.

"Fair enough. Okay, so we should probably get to trying that spell."

Draco nodded and led them back to the sitting room with the dark objects. Hermione went to the table and reached for one of the objects. Draco was about to stop her until he saw what she was going for.

They avoided touching the objects whose magical properties were still unknown to them. But the black quill Hermione had picked up was safe to touch since they both knew what it did. Everyone who was at Hogwarts under Professor Umbridge's reign knew what this quill did. Draco had been horrified to find it in his father's desk and was relieved (and a little surprised) he'd never had it used on him as a boy. His father must not have known how it worked.

Hermione moved to the seating area and placed the quill on the table, then she took a seat on the couch and motioned for Draco to sit next to her. She hesitated before casting the spell. "What?"

"I don't know, I'm suddenly nervous. We practiced on everyday objects, but this is Dark Magic we're trying to overcome."

Draco rolled his eyes, "Come on Granger, where's that bravery you're known for?" He cast the spell on the quill and a hundred gold strings appeared, looping in knots in every direction. Hermione cocked her head at Draco, none of the objects they'd practiced on had produced strings like this.

"Do you think we just untangle them?" she asked, leaning over to get a closer look, careful not to touch them.

"Couldn't hurt to try," Draco moved closer to the strings and was surprised when a group of strings snaked themselves around his hand when he reached with his wand to probe a nearby knot. He was relieved to find they didn't hurt, and he was able to remove them from his hand if he wanted to.

"Remember," Hermione cut in, "This is meant to employ Arithmancy and Runes, so we need to look for how those subjects will factor in." Draco nodded in response.

They spent the next few hours untangling the knots with their wands. When they freed a string, they'd wrap it around Draco's arms to get it out of the way, deciding to leave Hermione's hands free to cast other spells.

Occasionally a knot would refuse to untie with a pull from their wand and they'd have to investigate further with a separate spell to show the nature of the magic behind the knot. This was where the second person came in, which was why Draco could have never managed this task alone, since he had to keep the first spell going and hold the strings.

Once Hermione's spell was in place, it displayed the nature of one of the magical elements in a series of Runes. Then they had to find the right combination of Runes to break that knot. It was like a large puzzle and Draco found it relaxing and enjoyable. He could tell Hermione did too by the gleam in her eye anytime they undid a protesting knot. After two hours Hermione was on the final knot when Draco stopped her, "Wait."

"What?" Hermione jumped back, alarmed by the unexpected interruption.

"There's something wrong with this one. All the rest of the strings in a knot added up to a multiple of three. This one is seven."

Hermione looked back and saw what he meant. There were three strings leading into the knot and four strings leaving it. But she hadn't been keeping up with the count, she'd been focused on the Runes required to untangle each knot. She looked back at Draco impressed, "You've been counting this whole time?"

"You told me to keep an eye out for Arithmancy," Hermione nodded, she was pleased he'd listened to her.

"Right, so let's see, this one –" she pointed at one of the strings that was paler than the others, "looks off, but what do we do with it?"

"Try vanishing it."

Hermione tried and nothing happened.

"There's a Dark Magic version of the vanishing spell you could try, but you'll have to do it, my hands are literally tied," Draco picked up both hands that were full of his wand and countless golden strings.

"Why is there a Dark Magic version of the vanishing spell?" Hermione asked, "How is it different?"

"You can usually recall whatever you vanished with the standard spell. With the Dark one the thing you vanish is gone for good."

Hermione nodded, suddenly nervous. She'd never performed Dark Magic before, "How do I do it?"

"Same wand work, but at the end jab your wand a bit in the direction of the object, like you're stabbing it. And the incantation is Evanesco Finalem."

Hermione nodded and Draco picked up on her nervousness then, "What's wrong?"

"I've never done Dark Magic," she whispered, and Draco smirked. He forgot sometimes how innocent she was.

"I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about. That Potter's best friend is suddenly into the Dark Arts. Or maybe you're worried once you get a taste for the power you won't be able to go back," he teased.

"Oh, shut up," she raised her wand, determined now.

"Granger, with Dark Magic, intention is everything, so you need to be focused on getting rid of that string for good," Draco said more seriously.

Hermione nodded and tried the spell. She was proud when it worked on the first try and looked back at Draco expectantly. He shook his head and muttered, "Yes yes, take another ten fake points Granger."

The Rune spell was not working on the last knot, no matter how many different variations she tried. "It must have to do with the Arithmancy," she was saying under her breath.

"What does three stand for?" Draco asked, "Time?"

"Yeah, or completeness of mind, body, and spirit."

"Does it have a counter? In Arithmancy?"

"No…" Hermione's voice trailed off as she considered, then she looked back at the knot and conjured a tiny red sphere and floated it into the knot. Once it touched the knot it unraveled. Draco looked back at her extremely impressed.

"What was that?"

"I remember this spell from Arithmancy, to summon the essence of each planet. But Professor Vector could never provide a practice use for the spell. Mars aligns with the number three, so I thought it couldn't hurt to try, and it looked like it worked," she was smiling widely.

"Yeah, another twenty points for Gryffindor I think."

Her smile widened, which he hadn't thought possible at the time. They both turned back to the strings. Now with all the knots gone there were just a few strings overlapping. Hermione moved to straighten them and when all the strings were straight, they faded away.

She looked up at Draco then, "Do you think it worked?"

Draco looked back at the quill which was laying there like normal, "Go get your Dark Magic detector."

Hermione's face fell, "I didn't bring it today, I was just borrowing it from the Auror office before. It's fine though, I can test it," she bent to reach for the quill, but Draco grabbed her arm back, "No!"

"What? We both know what it does. It's not so bad, I'll be quick and – "

"I said no," Draco said again, and Hermione looked back at him confused.

"Why not?"

"You've been hurt enough in this house," he said in a low voice and she leaned back and nodded, a little touched by the sentiment.

"Well, can you do it then? I really want to know if it worked." Draco went completely white and Hermione regretted the suggestion, though she wasn't sure why. It wouldn't be very painful to use it for just one stroke. And it wasn't like Draco couldn't handle the pain. He hadn't cried out at all when the potion was boring holes into his arm a few weeks ago.

"Just wait until next week," he said sharply, glaring at the black quill, then her.

"But if it didn't work, I'd like to know so I can research more on –"

"Fine," he snapped, then grabbed a loose parchment from the table and picked up the quill. His hand hovered over the paper for a long while and Draco breathed deeply. He envisioned what would happen when he touched the quill to the page and made one short stroke. A small cut would appear on his hand, then, blood. The blood would drip down his hand in a small line – No. The spell probably worked, the quill won't do anything, he tried to reassure himself.

Hermione watched Draco, utterly confused. He was holding the quill above the paper and his hand was shaking slightly. There was obviously more going on here than fear of a slight prick on the back of his hand. She wanted to take it back now and bring the Dark Magic detector next week, but she could tell he wasn't paying attention to her and was completely in his head.

There was terror in his eyes, and she moved toward him but before she could touch him his eyes snapped shut and his breathing quickened. His hand was shaking harder now and she thought if he wasn't careful, he'd brush the parchment by accident and what he'd been trying to avoid would inadvertently come to pass. She bent to remove the quill from his hand, but he jumped up then and stormed out of the room, tossing the quill on the ground on his way out.

Hermione picked the quill up and studied it, wondering if she should follow him. She placed the quill back on the table with the other artifacts and went to find Draco. She didn't have to look far; he was sitting on the floor just outside the door with his legs pulled up to his chest, rocking slightly back and forth. He looked like a scared child in that pose and her heart broke a little.

Hermione crouched next to him and conjured a glass of water and held it to him. He didn't look at her, focusing instead on the opposite wall. "Drink this," she muttered. She guessed he was having a panic attack but still had no idea why. What had the quill reminded him of? Something from Umbridge's reign? That didn't make sense, since he hadn't been bothered by it the whole time they were breaking its magic, it was only the thought of using it that had set him off.

Draco looked over at the water and took it but avoided her eyes. Hermione sat next to him on the cold floor then and bent her head back, watching the same wall he was staring at.

She wondered where they would go from this. She'd witnessed his dark moods before, but for those he was usually silent, not like this. And a few weeks ago, when he'd asked her to leave suddenly, he'd clearly been going through something. But this was different, he was completely broken down and she'd witnessed it. She hoped he wouldn't completely shut down and end their sessions after this. Panic attacks among their generation were nothing to be ashamed of. She'd certainly had her fair share.

After a time, Draco put the empty glass on the ground between them and cleared his throat. Hermione turned her head to look at him and he said in a whisper, "I can't handle blood."

Hermione placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Draco looked at it but didn't shrug it off. "It's pathetic, I know," he continued, and his voice was shaky.

"It's not pathetic," Hermione said kindly, "we all have scars from the war."

You may have scars Granger, Draco thought to himself then, but I am covered in open wounds.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_I don't think I ever thanked you for that day, so I'll do so now. Thank you, Hermione, for staying, it meant everything to me. And I know you still wonder about this but keeping reading, I'll address the blood thing later._

* * *

_April 2002_

A few weeks later Draco's hands and forearms were covered in gold, magical strings while Hermione worked on a particularly difficult knot. They were working on neutralizing their tenth object (a small desk clock with unknown properties) using the curse-breaking method. That would leave only ten more artifacts to go before they were left with the nine relics to contend with.

Hermione and Draco had gotten much faster at working through the spells since the black quill, though today was going slower since the clock had triple the amount of strings than any of the other objects they'd dismantled. Ron had just entered the room, led by Pippin, the male house elf, since Draco and Hermione couldn't leave in the middle of the spell. He approached curiously and sat next to Hermione, who was untying one of the knots with her wand.

Draco scowled at Ron, but remained silent, looking back at the knot Hermione was working on. She'd told him Weasley would be stopping by today to check in on their progress, but he'd hoped he'd forgotten when he hadn't shown up with Granger. She'd just muttered something in an annoyed tone about how he was late and that they shouldn't wait for him since they might be waiting all day. Trouble in paradise, Draco thought to himself.

Draco focused back on Hermione, then muttered, "That looks a bit like water, try the Rune for fire to counteract it."

"I did that already," she responded.

Draco looked closer and noticed a mark on the end of the Rune he hadn't seen previously, "Oh, actually it looks like ocean, not water. Try lava instead," she nodded, then smiled when his suggestion worked.

Hermione finally turned to Ron when the knot was untied and was surprised to find him glaring angrily and her and Draco. She ignored the look and said in a light tone, "Ron, welcome. You keep pestering me about what I get up to here, well this is it. We're just untying very complicated knots."

Ron nodded, confused, "I see that. And when all these knots are undone, the magic is gone from the object?"

Hermione nodded, leaning back toward the strings on Draco's hands to focus on the next knot.

"And you really can't let us take these to the Ministry Malfoy?" Ron turned to Draco and added, "Why does it have to happen here?"

Draco glared back at him. "That's my business. Why are even here Weasley? I'm sure Granger can update you without you needing to see for yourself."

"I'm here on behalf of the Auror office to check on progress," Ron straightened up in his seat and Draco rolled his eyes.

"Sure. Or you're just here to make sure I'm not harming Granger. But she can take care of herself, Weasley."

"You wouldn't be the first person in your family to harm her," Ron bit back.

Draco went pale and Hermione hissed, "Ron, that's unnecessary. If you insist on being here you may as well help, we could use some more hands." She took half the cords off Draco's hands, shooting him an apologetic look, then moved them to Ron's outstretched hands.

They worked in a very awkward silence for the next hour. Draco would point out a suggestion here or there, but otherwise stayed silent. Eventually Ron got too bored of the silence and started talking to Hermione about his work, family, and some of their mutual friends. Draco got the impression that they weren't dating, as he'd thought earlier, since Weasley's updates made it seem like he didn't see Granger very often. But maybe they lived apart and didn't see each other much due to their busy work schedules.

Near the end Hermione shushed Ron, saying she was trying to focus. Ron blushed but stayed quiet and Draco smirked to himself. Then Hermione whispered to Draco (which annoyed Ron further), "What's the number for this one?"

"Five," Draco said, "so you have two extras there."

Hermione bent back, studying the strings, then lifted her wand and vanished the palest one.

Ron cried out in alarm, "Hermione! What are you doing using a Dark spell like that?"

Hermione shrugged, "Relax Ron, it's a Dark artifact, it makes sense you'd need Dark Magic to neutralize it."

"And I can guess who taught you that one," Ron muttered under his breath. Draco sneered at him.

"Ron, come on, you're not helping," Hermione scolded half-heartedly, keeping her focus on vanishing the second string.

"I just don't like the thought of you spending so much time holed away in Malfoy Manor, alone with him, practicing Dark Magic."

Hermione looked back at Ron with a stern glare, "You mean spending time dismantling Dark Artifacts so they can no longer be used to harm people? All with the help of Malfoy, who has been extremely helpful this whole time?"

Ron looked back at her and Draco could tell they were having one of those silent conversations. This time it was clear that Hermione was winning. Ron shook his head then, and looked down, chastised. Draco smirked again.

Hermione turned back to the knots and a few minutes later she was summoning a tiny Jupiter to complete the spell. When the knots were all untied, Ron and Draco shifted apart. Ron, relieved to be released and not eager to help with the next object, declared he was leaving.

"I can walk you out," Hermione stood up.

"It's fine, I can let myself out. As long as the master of the Manor isn't worried I'll stumble across anything unseemly on my way," Ron said loud enough for Draco to hear.

"I'm more worried about you nicking the silverware," Draco spat back.

Hermione pulled Ron to the door, "Honestly," she hissed. She gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, then came back into the room.

Draco was immediately happier when he felt Weasley leave through the wards and offered Hermione tea before they started in on the next object. She must have been relieved too, because she forgot to shoot Draco the indignant stare that was typical anytime the house elves were around as Effie laid out of the tea.

"I'm sorry about him, he's not usually so unpleasant," Hermione said while stirring her tea. "I think being back here brought back some bad memories. This is his first time since the war, as you know."

"Is your boyfriend coming to all of these now?" Draco asked coldly.

"He's not my boyfriend, you know that. I told your mother I was single."

"I assumed you were lying. And I know you used to date him."

Hermione shrugged, "We did date, but it didn't work out. He has another girlfriend and they've been dating for years."

"Jealous Granger?"

"Why do you care?" she narrowed her eyes at him.

Draco avoided her glare and busied himself by adding sugar to his tea. He shrugged and said, "Just bored I guess." Then he added, "If you're ever wondering why I'm doing something, the answer is likely boredom."

Hermione grinned, recalling her similar statement at the ball, and shook her head, "Well I'm not jealous, I'm the one who introduced them." Hermione and Ron had dated during the year she'd gone back to Hogwarts, but it was clear about six months in that they were not compatible. Hermione had become friends with a few witches in Ginny's year since Harry and Ron were gone and one of them, Nora, was a Hufflepuff who she thought would get along well with Ron. That's when she'd realized she didn't love Ron like that anymore, since she'd been considering other witches who'd be better for him. She'd been right though, and they'd been dating ever since graduation that year.

"Well to answer your previous question," Hermione continued, "No, I don't think he'll come back, after he saw how boring it is. But I don't think it's boring, I think it's the most fun I've had in ages."

Draco agreed, but he wasn't a swot, so he didn't say so.

Hermione turned to Draco then and asked, "Why do you hate Ron so much? I doubt it's still because he's a blood traitor. And I really hope it's not because he grew up poor."

Draco shrugged, "Old habits I guess."

"You're nice to me, and even Harry, but Ron you still seem to hate."

"You think I'm nice?" Draco cocked an eyebrow at her.

Hermione grinned, no, she would not categorize Draco's actions as nice. "You tolerate us," she amended.

Draco put his cup down then turned on the couch to face her, "There's no big reason, I think we just have opposing personalities, I can tell he dislikes me as much as I dislike him."

Hermione cocked her head in confusion, so Draco went on to explain, "He has a quick temper, he makes hasty judgments, and doesn't seem very intellectual. I on the other hand try to hold my emotions in, consider new ideas thoroughly before forming an opinion, and enjoy learning new things," he motioned toward the objects then. "Also, the fact that he's clearly obsessed with his position as a beloved war hero is off-putting."

"What makes you say that?"

Draco looked back at her, hesitant to respond. He didn't want to get in an argument with her over her friends. She seemed to sense his thoughts and said, "I'm not going to get upset, I'm just curious what makes you think that about him."

Draco started to explain, "He has a swagger, since the war, that he didn't have in school. And I've read his interviews in the paper and he gloats about the war any chance he gets. And with me –" Draco stopped and picked up is tea. He was finished talking about Weasley and this was getting too personal.

"Go on," Hermione pressed. And the concerned look in her eyes made him keep talking for some reason.

"How many times did he bring up what side I was on while he was here? Did you catch them all?"

Hermione thought back. There was the jab about her getting tortured, the jab at the end, then Ron had managed to work in a few more while updating her on his job. "I see what you mean," she said softly.

Draco nodded, "It's hard to move past everything that happened with people like him bent on reminding me awful I was every chance they get."

Hermione agreed, it was a fair assessment of Ron. She loved him, but he had his flaws, and Draco had detected them quite astutely. She looked back at him and she saw guilt in his eyes, then he said unexpectedly, "I am grateful for what you three did, I don't want you to think I'm not. It's just hard to be reminded constantly of what you all did and be forced to compare that to what I was doing at the same time," he dropped his head and focused on his teacup.

Hermione felt uncomfortable. Many people treated her, Harry, and Ron like they were on some type of pedestal, above everyone else. She'd found there was a fine line between showing reverence for their actions in the war and hero worship. She and her friends had done what they could but had also made countless mistakes along the way. And they had not been the only ones to make sacrifices in the war.

She looked over at Draco, who was still focusing on his tea and saw that he was withdrawing into himself after his last vulnerable statement. That's probably what made her say, "He left us, when we were looking for horcruxes."

Draco's head shot up, "What?"

"Ron. We were getting nowhere, and Harry didn't have a clear plan, and Ron left. He was fed up, and hungry, and miserable. As you can imagine, Harry was devastated. I was too, of course. We almost gave up then."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't mean to say Ron didn't do his part. He came back soon after and we wouldn't have managed it without him. But still, he did a terrible thing. And I think you should know that even well-regarded war heroes make mistakes. It's okay for you to have made them too."

"Torturing first-years and watching countless people die without intervening are hardly mistakes, Granger," Draco bit back, then slammed his teacup on the table.

Hermione placed her tea next to his, then turned to him and said, "You did what you had to do, given your circumstances."

"You've said that before. And I already told you, some things shouldn't be done, ever, regardless of the excuse."

"You're right."

Draco's heart dropped and he swallowed slowly. Hermione continued, "I agree, some things shouldn't be done, even if you're doing it to survive. I think you were wrong to torture the first years. And I wish you had found a way to defect and help our side."

Draco felt tears well behind his eyes and looked down. He knew all of this was true but hearing her say it felt like a dagger to the heart. "Well we finally agree on that point then," he said weakly, "you should go."

"I believe in redemption and second chances, Malfoy," Hermione said softly. Draco continued to look down, not wanting to face what he knew would be a fiercely kind, brown-eyed gaze.

"And it's clear to me you don't," she continued. Draco wanted to cry, and he very badly wanted Hermione to leave then. He was about to dismiss her when she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her, "I'm going to change your mind."

Draco looked back at her, confused why she cared so much for a miserable wizard like him. Then Hermione did the strangest thing. She moved to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, then dropped his chin and leaned back on the couch, smirking.

Draco raised his hand to the spot she'd kissed and asked, "Why?"

He'd been wondering more about the kiss, and not about her determination to change his mind, but she answered both questions simultaneously, "Because you deserve it Malfoy."

She stood up then and went to grab the next Dark artifact from the table on the other side of the room.

Draco thought she was absolutely mad. And he did not agree with her assessment that he deserved redemption. Or any kisses on the cheek from lovely witches. But if that's what Granger wanted, who was he to get in her way?

* * *

_Author's Note: That's the day I fell in love with you Hermione. It took me a few more months to realize that's what the feeling was, but it started the moment you kissed me on the cheek and promised to make me believe in redemption._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione smiled. Draco had captured this scene perfectly. Except for the part with Ron. She remembered Draco provoking him a lot more than he'd admitted to here.

But that rest was surprisingly accurate. It was a little startling to her that he'd guessed her thoughts so well. Some of this she'd told him later, but even then, she hadn't realized he was listening so closely. An uncomfortable feeling was settling in her gut. She didn't know him nearly as well as he knew her. They'd been together for over a year and so many parts of Draco were still a mystery to her.

* * *

Manuscript:

_May 2002_

Two weeks later they were working on the second to last artifact when Della popped in and announced Narcissa was requesting Draco join her for dinner.

Hermione was currently stuck holding the magical strings and had been explaining a complicated sounding Muggle game called cat's cradle to Draco when they were interrupted. Draco gave her an apologetic look, then stood and left the room.

"Malfoy!" Hermione yelled after him, shocked that he'd leave her alone like this. He knew she couldn't move. They'd discussed how dangerous it could be to end the spell in the middle since they had no idea how the object would react with half its magic missing. She was effectively stuck here until those two were finished with dinner. That sneaky, slimy, no-good, Slytherin prick! She was thinking of some more creative curses when he popped his head back into the room.

He sauntered in and laughed at her expression, "Did you really think I was going to leave you?"

"I didn't think you would at first," Hermione grumbled, "but then you went and walked out of the room. Leaving me in here with these," she raised her hands which were still covered in strings.

"Relax, I was joking, I just had to tell my mother I wouldn't be able to make it tonight. She said she'd wait," Draco sat back in his spot on the couch next to Hermione.

"Oh, thanks."

Draco nodded, then started back in on the knot he'd been investigating before they were interrupted. "I'd start working on an excuse too while we're sitting here, otherwise you may end up being invited to dinner and questioned further on your intentions to marry me, steal the Malfoy fortunes, and taint our bloodline," he said before vanishing two of the strings.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "I've told you Malfoy, that's repulsive,"

"Uh huh," he said then, pulling the last loop through, then frowning when it didn't work. He looked up at Hermione then. He didn't believe her anymore when she called him repulsive, especially now since she was blushing, but he decided not to point it out.

"Would you say we're friends by now, Granger?" Draco asked a few minutes later.

Hermione looked back at him and saw he was watching her. She could tell by the eager look in his eyes that he was more interested in her response than his casual tone had implied. "Yes, I think that's fair. I spend more time with you than most of my other friends."

Draco nodded, "What does that bring your total up to now? 150?"

"110, I haven't been adding as many as typical since I'm spending my off-days here," she explained.

"Sorry," Draco muttered, then smiled when the knot he was working on finally untangled.

"It's not so bad," Hermione admitted, and Draco's smile widened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: I know a lot of this chapter was technical, but I'm an engineer in real life and I really like it when things fit together and make sense. I thought a lot about how this whole dark artifact stuff would work and since I put so much thought into it, I had to incorporate it all into the story and make you all suffer through it…
> 
> Hopefully it wasn't too dull. Thanks for following along and please let me know what you think!
> 
> Look for me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) if you want to see aesthetics for all the chapters.


	5. The Little Dragon Boy

**CHAPTER 5 – The Little Dragon Boy**

_May 2002_

Draco and Hermione had one more artifact left to untangle with the curse-breaking spell, then only the relics would remain. They'd been putting off this artifact for last. First because it was the largest, an eerie looking chandelier in an unused ballroom that they'd had to call Harry in to help lower to the ground. And second because it had more strings than any of the other objects, so they expected it to take a full day.

Hermione had agreed to come a few hours early that Thursday. When Draco greeted her at the gate that morning, he knew instantly something was wrong. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. She looked like she hadn't slept. When Hermione saw Draco, she nodded but didn't greet him with a smile or ask about his week like she usually did.

Draco led them to the ballroom with the chandelier and when they arrived in the room Hermione stood there looking around blankly, like she wasn't sure why they were in there. That's when Draco knew something was seriously wrong.

"Granger?" he asked tentatively.

"Stop," she snapped, and he stepped back in alarm.

"What?"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay," he was thoroughly confused and unsure what to do, so he conjured a few chairs for them around the chandelier that was on the ground in the middle of the ballroom and waited to see if she wanted to sit and start in on their project, or talk about what was on her mind. She walked to one of the chairs, but instead of sitting in it she gripped the back of the chair tightly and he saw her knuckles go white.

Draco stepped toward her, "Did something happen Gra – uh, Hermione?" her given name felt foreign on his tongue, but he was surprised to find he liked using it.

She turned toward him and looked angry then. She'd just heard back the night before from the Australian Ministry about her parents. There was nothing that could be done to restore their memories. They'd tried everything. She'd been holding out for a final healer they'd tracked down who had an experimental potion he thought would work, but it hadn't. And now she had to live in a world where her parents didn't remember her and come to grips with the fact that she was the reason why.

Draco looked concerned and alarmed and she wondered if she should tell him the truth. She'd said they were friends, but this wasn't something she'd shared with all her friends, just Harry, Ron, and Ginny. All three of them had stayed with her last night to comfort her, but she'd still awoken feeling miserable. Harry told her to skip this session with Malfoy, but she thought the curse-breaking would be a nice distraction. She hadn't anticipated having to recount what had happened to Malfoy since she hadn't expected him to care.

Hermione grew angry and bitter as she looked at Malfoy. He'd been on their side, working with the people who had hunted her parents. And look at him now, he'd gotten out of the whole war unscathed. He didn't even go to Azkaban and his loved ones were all alive. She wanted to hurt him then. Hermione wanted Draco to know what she'd lost and hoped he'd feel guilty for his role in all of it.

So, she recounted the story of her parents. How she'd erased their memories and sent them away, the countless treatments she'd put them through following the war, and the final word she'd heard the day before. Draco was horrified as he listened. He hadn't expected anything like this when he'd first asked what had happened. When Hermione was finished there was a small gleam of satisfaction in her eyes as she noticed Draco's distress. But then she immediately felt guilty and sad again and broke down crying.

Draco wanted to comfort her but knew of all the people in her life he was the least equipped to provide any relief from the unfathomable loss she must be feeling. After a few moments, she wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "I don't want you to call me Granger anymore. There are no more Grangers…" she cut off.

Draco walked closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. It felt awkward to him, but hopefully it was helping Hermione in some way, he remembered after his panic attack she'd done the same for him. He said in a low voice, "I don't know if this helps or makes it worse, but you were right to hide them. They were looking for them, and Potter's family, everywhere. If they'd found them, they would have surely been killed."

Hermione looked up at him and tears were falling from her eyes again. Draco felt unbelievably sad and guilty. He'd left out the part that it was his father who had been tasked with finding her parents. And he was glad then that he'd been unsuccessful. All because of this remarkable witch the unbelievable sacrifice she'd made.

Hermione nodded, unsure what to think of what Draco had said. "I should go," she muttered, "I won't be able to focus on this today," she nodded toward the chandelier.

"I'll walk you out."

Hermione nodded and followed him out of the room.

* * *

_Author's Note: I don't know the real reason you told me about your parents that day. I laid in bed all day wondering why you'd confided in me, and that was the best I could come up with. If you did it to hurt me, I don't blame you for the unkindness Hermione, we're all allowed a moment or two of unkindness, and you've forgiven me for a hundred or so such moments. But you made your way back to the Grangers eventually, and the fact that I helped is one of my proudest accomplishments._

* * *

Present Day:

Draco was right. Hermione had wanted to hurt him that day. To her he wasn't a friend then, but a Death Eater. She'd felt guilty as soon as she'd seen that it had worked. She sighed; Draco knew her a lot better than she'd ever realized. It made her feel lost and disappointed and embarrassed because she didn't know him nearly as well. She didn't even know where he disappeared to when he left.

Hermione thumbed through the pages left in the box; she still had a long way to go, may he'd tell her where he was in one of these later pages. She kept reading, trying to ignore the hollow feeling settling in her chest.

* * *

Manuscript:

_June 2002_

Neither of them acknowledged the day when Hermione told Draco about her parents, just like they didn't refer to Draco's panic attack. The only noticeable change was they started calling each other by their first names.

They finished the chandelier the first week in June, then discussed their plan for the relics. While researching the curse-breaking spell they'd found a large, very old tome that seemed to refer to the relics, the only problem was most of the passages were in some type of code. They agreed their next step should be to translate the tome to see what it had to say about the relics.

Draco was still of the opinion that the relics would be impossible to dismantle, but he didn't speak up, not wanting to end their project any sooner than necessary.

Translating the book was very dull work. Draco and Hermione would pour over a given page for hours, each providing their unique knowledge. They both knew a little bit of Latin and Greek, Draco knew French, German, and Spanish, and Hermione knew almost every Rune. Between the two of them they figured they could decode the book, but their progress was slow. They both missed the puzzles and wished there was a spell they could use to translate the book.

During one of their breaks, Hermione was perusing the fiction section of the Malfoy library, which had been untouched during their research, while Draco laid flat on his back on the couch, twirling his wand in his hand.

Hermione spotted one of her favorite books, then bent to pull it off the shelf, "You read this?" she looked back at Draco, surprised.

Draco looked over to her and his chest clenched when he spotted the familiar green cover. "Didn't everyone?" he responded as casually as possible.

He hadn't just read this book, he'd written it. And to Draco's horror, it had become a bestseller when it came out a year after the war. He'd never meant for it to be published. He'd written the book during the Dark Period of his life while trying to sort through his thoughts on the war, his family, blood purity, and Muggle-borns.

His mother had found the manuscript and interpreted it incorrectly as his contribution to improving their family's standing. She'd taken it to be published and by the time Draco found out it was too late. The contract couldn't be rescinded, but he was able to get the publisher to agree to print it anonymously as long as he agreed to give up any earnings from the book's sales. His mother had been disappointed, but upon seeing the desperation in Draco's eyes when he pleaded with her not to claim it as theirs she backed down and let the matter go.

The book shifted between three story lines. One was an investigation into the origin of the pureblood doctrine, which was ultimately proven to have arisen from fear and not fact. The second was a historical account of the events from the first and second wizarding wars told from the side of a Death Eater, and the third was a heartbreaking fairy tale about a young boy who finds out the dragon he'd loved all his life was evil.

Draco stared at the ceiling, hoping Hermione would move past this, though he knew that was a long shot. "Do you know who wrote it?" Hermione asked, "It was someone on the other side."

"My side," Draco corrected.

"Whatever."

Draco shook his head.

"It must have been someone close to Voldemort," Hermione pressed, "but also someone who was at the final battle, the details were so accurate…"

"There were hundreds of people there," Draco cut in, knowing where she was going with this line of questioning.

"Did you like it?"

Draco shrugged, "It's a tragic story about a boy who kills himself mixed in with historical accounts of war and the origins of the pureblood doctrine. It's not something I'd see anyone categorizing as a favorite, or even reading more than once."

"I've read it about ten times," Hermione pulled the book into her chest, "and it's one of my favorites."

"Why?" Draco cocked his head in confusion.

"The emotions the author conveys, even in the historical sections, are powerful. The heart-break, the uncertainty, I feel for them, whoever they are. This book was clearly a cry for understanding and forgiveness. It's too bad they're anonymous," she added.

Draco scoffed at that, "It's an account of the war from the other side Granger, from someone who wanted to kill you."

"It may be told from the other side, but whoever wrote that book didn't want me dead. They didn't know what they wanted. And, I don't know, I connected with them. Some books just stick with you, that one did."

"Also, Hogwarts a History, right?" Draco teased.

"It was the first magical book I ever read," Hermione said defensively.

She could tell he was trying to change the subject, but she wasn't ready to drop it yet, "Did you write this Draco?"

Draco narrowed his eyes at her, "Why do you ask?"

Hermione shrugged casually, "Dragon boy – Draco. And you would have known a lot of this…" her voice trailed off.

Draco studied her for a while, considering, then he shook his head.

Hermione looked a little disappointed, "You know who I thought wrote this? When I read it a few years ago?"

Draco shook his head again.

"Theodore Nott. His father was a Death Eater and he was always so quiet. And when he returned to school that last year, after the war, he was always looking at me strangely, like he was reconsidering things. Did you know him well?"

"I did, before. I haven't seen him much since," Draco shrugged, then added, "But I think you may be giving him too much credit."

"Why do you say that?"

"He did alright in school, but I never got the impression he'd have the diligence and creativity to write an entire book."

Hermione nodded and put the book back on the shelf. Then she walked over to the couch Draco was laying on and sat on the nearby table before asking, "Why don't you see your friends anymore Draco?"

Draco wouldn't normally answer this, but he was glad they weren't talking about the book anymore. He sat up on the couch then and faced her, "I did a little, in the beginning. But they are all committed to carrying on like the war didn't happen. And I – I can't – do that. So, it's easier to stay away," he looked down at his hands then.

"I'm sorry about that, I wish you had someone you could talk to," Hermione stood and went back to translating the dusty tome, wishing she could provide Draco more comfort.

* * *

_Author's Note: I'm still not sure why I lied to you that day. I think I would have told you, had you not given such an embarrassingly accurate account of the author's psyche at the time of writing that book. I wasn't ready to share something so personal with you right then._

_I've copied over the story of the little boy from the book here, since I know you love it so much. I'm still of the opinion that it works better in the context of the book, weaving between history, war, and the story. Altogether like this it reads a bit strange, but I know you won't mind._

* * *

Excerpt from The Little Dragon Boy:

A long time ago, there lived a little boy in a kingdom ruled by dragon riders. The boy seemed unremarkable, at first glance, but he'd been born with a power most could only dream of. But his power came with a price: duty. The word had been drilled into the little boy's head since he'd first learned to speak.

His family was powerful and had a duty to serve and protect all the people in the kingdom. When he was young this had filled the little boy with wonder. He'd watch the dragons fly across the sky and marvel at the thought that one day he'd be among them.

OOooooOO

The day the little boy's dragon hatched was the best of his life. The dragonling clawed his way out of the large, purple egg and stumbled straight to the boy. When the boy's dark eyes met the dragon's yellow ones, an instant bond was created between the two of them. They could hear each other's thoughts and feel the other's feelings. The boy felt like he was meeting his other half for the first time and wondered how he could have possibly felt like a whole person before this moment.

Suddenly the boy was overcome with feelings of desperate hunger and thirst. He led his dragon to the field of livestock and watched in fascination as he fed. The villagers looked away, finding the sight of the small dragon ripping apart the animals repulsive, but the boy looked on in wonder. This dragon was his, more than that, it was part of him, and everything he did was beautiful to the boy.

That day, the boy knew, would change his life forever. It was the beginning of…something. The boy couldn't name it at the time. What he didn't know was that it was the beginning of the end.

OOooooOO

The little boy grew older and began accompanying his father on visits to the holds of the kingdom. The holders feared the dragon riders, but they were grateful too. It was because of the dragons that their holds remained safe and unthreatened by their neighbors. And the dragon riders demanded little in return, a small share of their crops or an offering of supplies like cloth and wood.

One day, while visiting one of the holds at the edge of the kingdom, the boy felt the familiar feeling of hunger and a primal thirst for blood. He looked to his dragon and nodded his head, then the dragon leapt into the sky and flew off into the clouds. The boy laid against a tree, focusing on the freedom his dragon was feeling from flying to distract from the pain of the hunger in his gut. Then, after a few moments, the boy felt relief, his dragon had found food. He smiled, happy that his dragon was satisfied.

Not long after, the boy was riding through the field on a horse when the familiar pang of his dragon's hunger struck. In his mind, he instructed his dragon to go ahead and hunt, then turned the horse toward his companion. He was curious, realizing he hadn't watched his dragon feed since he was a dragonling. He spotted his dragon in a nearby field and crept up carefully, not wanting the dragon to come after the horse. The boy watched his best friend drop down and lift a small girl into the air, then tear her apart.

The boy was horrified. He flew off the horse and ran in the opposite direction until his legs gave out and he collapsed in the field. What's wrong? The dragon's thoughts cut into the boy's mind, he'd sensed the boy's alarm and dropped down next to him. The boy tried to mask the disgust he was feeling as his dragon rubbed his head against the boy's side in comfort. He could smell the blood that was still on his dragon's breath.

Later that night, when his dragon was asleep, the boy let his mind drift back to what he'd seen. Did father know? Did mother know? Did all the villagers know?

 _Yes – everyone knows_ , he realized, remembering then the fear when they went to visit the holders. And when they left, there was always a bonfire. The holders were burning the remains from the dragons' kills. Everyone knows, he thought again, and now, so do you.

OOooooOO

The boy fell into a deep depression. Since he couldn't punish his dragon for doing what he'd been bred to do, he punished himself. He refused food and rarely stepped outside, leaving only to tend to his dragon. The boy grew ill.

He tried to comfort himself with the teachings from his youth. He was a dragon rider, it was his birthright. His kingdom needed the dragons for protection, and they had to kill to survive. It was a small price, was it not? The villagers were lesser anyway. But the arguments felt hollow and didn't quell the doubt growing in his chest.

He began to hate everyone. His father, his mother, his dragon, himself, and even the villagers. They had enabled this evil, and that in itself was evil in some way.

"What happens if your dragon dies?" He'd asked his father one night.

"Don't speak of it."

"Has it ever happened?"

"Yes," a haunted look came over his father's face and the boy wondered what he was remembering.

"Well what happened to the person left behind?" The boy couldn't imagine existing without his dragon, who had become a part of him.

"Sometimes the person dies as well, and if they don't, they want to, since they are suddenly missing half of themselves." He shuddered at the thought. The boy shuttered in turn and his dragon shifted in his sleep.

OOooooOO

The boy feared the loss of his constant companion. He could no longer distinguish between himself and the dragon, they were one being. With his dragon gone, what would be left of him?

As the boy approached, the dragon opened his eyes and there was nothing but love and trust there. Why wouldn't he trust the boy? The person who'd given him life. Even when the boy pulled out the knife, the dragon remained calm, not sensing the danger. Then the boy hesitated, but he thought of the girl his dragon had ripped apart, and the fires, and every innocent person in their kingdom who deserved life.

And if the boy had to live as a miserable wreck, devoid of purpose or self, for them to live, then it was worth the sacrifice. Maybe he'd be lucky and killing the dragon would take his life too. Either way, after he'd seen the truth, he could never let this creature live. He struck down, one clean strike to the heart. When the final drops of life drained from the dragon, the little dragon boy was no more.

* * *

Manuscript:

On a hot day at the end of June, Hermione and Draco finally had a breakthrough. They'd just finished translating most of the first section in one of the books and uncovered a detailed explanation of a dark object that was used in ancient marriage ceremonies to transfer the witch's magic to the wizard. After ranting to Draco about how horrified she was that his family had participated in such a loathsome practice, Hermione took a second to stretch and celebrate. They were finally making progress.

It had taken them weeks to decode the passage without a cipher, but they'd finally backed their way into it. Hermione had copied the text and brought it home to work on in the evenings. She'd told Draco to do the same, but he didn't seem to want to work on any of their project alone and never had much progress to report on his assigned sections.

Hermione's feeling of accomplishment soon dissipated as they finished translating the last few lines in the section, which described the object as a ring. There were no rings among the nine relics.

An hour later Hermione's frustration reached its peak when she found the work they'd put into the first section wasn't transferable to the next one, "I'd hoped the cipher we've spent weeks working out would work on the next passage, but it looks like each section is coded with a different cipher! Ugh." She pushed back from the desk and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

Draco shrugged. He didn't care. He was happy to extend these sessions. When Draco looked back at Hermione he saw her expression had turned serious. She had that look she got when she was working up the courage to say something and Draco waited patiently for her to speak. "Are you still okay with researching the relics? We can hand them over to the Ministry and be done with all of this," she waved her hand toward their pile of notes. Weeks of work, for nothing.

Draco started to panic. Was she ready to be done with him? "Is that what you want Hermione?" he tried to say it as casually as possible.

Hermione stood then and started pacing the room. She didn't know. Harry had warned her not to get in over her head and she hated to admit it, but she thought maybe they'd reached their limit. She and Draco had done great work so far. Thanks to them forty-three dark artifacts were now harmless. Handing over the nine relics wouldn't be completely admitting defeat.

Draco watched her, holding his breath. His heart was beating hard and he suddenly realized how hot the room was. He walked toward the open window, but there was no breeze. Why was the thought of ending these sessions causing a mild panic attack? He knew they would end eventually, though he'd hoped they had more time. He took deep breaths and absentmindedly started unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up to get cooler. He couldn't have another panic attack around her, she would be scared away for sure.

Draco realized too late what he'd been doing and saw Hermione on his side, looking curiously at the scar on his arm. He jumped back, wondering how she'd managed to creep up on him. He'd been so focused on his breathing he hadn't noticed. He moved to pull his sleeves down.

"You don't have to do that for my benefit," Hermione pointed toward his forearm, "I know you were a Death Eater."

Draco ignored her and finished buttoning his left sleeve shut.

"Why do you hide it?"

 _It's ugly, I don't want to rub it in your face, I hate it, I wish I could take it back every hour of every day._ There were a lot of answers to her question and Draco didn't know which one to say. He didn't know which one she was looking for and at that point every word out of her mouth was an enigma that he was desperately trying to solve. Ever since the day she'd told him about her parents he'd been more guarded with her, not wanting to upset her or give her more reasons to hate him.

"It's just habit," Draco muttered, then turned back to the desk. Hermione walked toward him and grabbed his arm, the one with the mark, but Draco pulled it out of her grip violently and stepped back, revolted, "Don't," he hissed.

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise, but she still took a step closer to him, "Why not? Because I'm a Mudblood?"

"I told you to stop staying that," Draco realized he was grabbing the forearm with his Dark Mark protectively and let it drop, eyeing Hermione to make sure she wasn't going to try to touch it again.

"I am a Mudblood," she said defiantly. "I was born into it, and I can't control it. I'm not ashamed."

He glared back at her, unsure again what to say. Confused about what she wanted from him.

"It's the same for you Draco. You were born into your position as a Death Eater, and you need to stop being so ashamed. It's in the past."

"It's not the same thing. I chose it, I could have turned away," he stared back at her, willing her to understand.

"Maybe, but we were children, we should have been at school, not fighting in a war."

Draco shook his head and looked out the window then, not wanting to meet her gaze. The air in the room felt almost solid. Hot, and thick, and closing in on him.

"Draco," Hermione continued softly, "I read the book again, the Little Dragon Boy, well the fairy tale part."

Draco felt his jaw clench, "I told you I don't know who wrote it."

"That's not my point," she continued and took a step closer, so she was right next to him. He turned to face her, "The boy in the story, he was born into this evil thing that took him a while to understand. But when he saw what he was a part of, he threw it all away, even though it was all he knew."

Draco felt tears coming into his eyes but blinked them back. Hermione's eyes softened and he was embarrassed, she must have noticed the tears. "It's the same with you. You were born into this evil, and it's clear you hated it. And I can tell you're fighting your way away from it all."

"I didn't fight," Draco whispered. Didn't she understand? He wasn't Harry Potter, or her, or even Weasley. He'd gone along with it all.

Hermione grabbed his right hand carefully with both of hers, then satisfied that he wasn't going to shake her off, she tightened her grip and said, "Maybe not then, but you're fighting now. You accept me, even though your mother doesn't. And you're definitely not picking the easy path Draco, which would be falling in with your old friends, dating the witches from your mother's list, and carrying on like you rule the world. That enough is something you should be proud of, I think."

Draco was tempted to give in and believe her. Maybe he wasn't a worthless mess of a wizard, maybe he did have some redeeming qualities. She certainly seemed to think so and she was regarded as a genius. But something deep inside him was holding him back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "The little dragon boy dies, Hermione."

"You said that last time, but I didn't read it that way. The book says 'the little dragon boy was no more.' I always assumed he grew up, and became a young man instead. Better than before," she added, squeezing his hand.

Draco shook his head again and looked back out the window, "I don't think it'll work that way for me. Why are you so determined to change my mind in this?"

"I told you why."

_I believe in redemption and second chances and it's clear to me you don't._

_I'm going to change your mind, because you deserve it Malfoy._

He remembered her words. There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't think of that moment in the sitting room. She'd promised to change his mind, then she'd grabbed his face and kissed him on the cheek. And now, she was holding his hand. She was too close. He could turn toward her right now and pull her into his chest if he wanted. And he really did want to, he realized then.

Draco needed to get out. Away from the stuffy room, and this unbelievable witch whose compassion he didn't deserve. He pulled away from her and left the room, rushing to the closest bathroom.

He leaned over the sink and turned on the tap, splashing cold water on his face and trying to calm himself down. He studied the water flowing down the drain, not ready to see his reflection in the mirror.

 _What is this? Why am I reacting like this?_ First the minor panic attack at the thought of her leaving and now this reaction to being close to her. He closed his eyes and pictured Hermione and her concerned, beautiful brown eyes, looking at him like he was worth something.

Draco looked up at the mirror and studied his face then. What did she see? There was nothing special there to Draco. She could probably have anyone she wanted, so why was she wasting her time here with him?

It was for the project, the mental stimulation, he reminded himself. She's not here for you, and she's about ready to be done with this whole thing. Tears welled in his eyes and this time he let them fall. As Draco watched himself cry in the mirror he finally let himself articulate the feelings he'd been having for months now. He liked Hermione Granger (probably more than 'like', but he'd stick with that word for now).

He'd been fooling himself before, trying to convince himself the attraction he felt toward her was because of how starved he'd been for attention. But it wasn't that, he liked her because she was Hermione. She was clever, and kind, and persistent, and funny, and beautiful. And the crying, broken wizard in the mirror would never be good enough for her.

It took him a long time to calm down enough to return to the library. He wondered on his way back if Hermione had left, and the thought made his stomach turn. He peeked into the library and saw her near one of the bookshelves, then let out a sigh of relief. He took one more deep breath, then entered the room.

When he walked back into the room, he saw she was standing near the shelf that held The Little Dragon Boy. She was stroking the spine of the book with her finger, deep in thought. He cleared his throat, about to apologize when she turned toward him with a devastated look on her face.

Draco forgot what he'd been meaning to say, then swallowed nervously as she walked toward him. Draco was unsure what to do, but before he could decide she flung herself at him and Draco almost fell over, since he hadn't seen it coming. He managed to keep them upright, then, tentatively, he wrapped his arms around her. It was more intimate than the peck on the cheek. Hermione was completely pressed against him and Draco couldn't remember the last time he'd been hugged by someone other than his mother. Maybe Pansy in seventh year? That had been over four years ago.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked into her hair.

"Because you clearly need it," Hermione mumbled into his chest.

"So, this is some weird Gryffindor ritual that comes along with being your friend?" he teased, trying to act more laid-back than he was feeling.

"It's called a hug, Draco."

"Hug," Draco sounded the word out slowly, pretending he hadn't heard it before, "hmmm."

Hermione laughed and he enjoyed the feeling of it against his chest. Then she pulled away and he wanted to pull her back, but resisted, "Am I getting closer to convincing you that you're more than your past?"

"Maybe," Draco smirked then, trying his best to remain casual, "I might need you to press yourself up against me one more time."

She punched his arm and turned back to the desk, "You are a pervert."

 _No, I'm just falling for you Hermione,_ Draco thought to himself then, _and fuck, I am going to be so screwed when this ends._

"Draco," Hermione's voice was softer, "I'd like to at least get through translating the next passage, if that's fine with you. If we get nowhere after that, we can turn the relics in."

Draco nodded, not trusting himself to speak, wondering if she could hear his heart slamming against his rib cage.

* * *

_July 2002_

The next week they were sitting at the desk deciphering the next passage in the book when Hermione reached over Draco to grab a quill. He had to clench his hand tight to keep from grabbing her hand. He wanted so badly to link his fingers with hers and hold hands under the table while they both read next to each other.

Fuck, he had it bad. He went to the loo to splash more water on his face.

When he got back to the library, the portrait of his great uncle Newton was accosting Hermione. The portraits had initially been quiet around Hermione, simply shooting her hateful glares. But in the past few weeks they'd started taunting her out loud. Draco wondered if they'd found out that he cared for her and that's why they were trying harder to push her out of the house. They didn't have to worry; these feelings were clearly one-sided.

Hermione turned toward the portrait and bound him with her wand. Draco laughed, unaware until that moment that someone could perform magic on a portrait. She looked back at Draco guiltily, "Sorry, I just can't concentrate with him muttering like that,"

Draco shrugged, "I don't care, I didn't even know you could do that. You should have done it sooner."

"I thought you'd be mad if I vandalized your portraits," she admitted.

"Well I'm not," he resumed his seat at her side and they went back to deciphering the book.

When Hermione left that day, the image of Draco's great aunt Silvia, Newton's late wife, chased Hermione and Draco down the hall. They raced ahead of her, laughing, but when they reached the foyer, she'd finally caught up with them and started to yell, "How dare you silence my husband! You'll pay for that Mudblo-" she was cut off by a silencing spell then. This time Draco had beaten Hermione to it.

Hermione laughed and his aunt sauntered away, her expression murderous. After a few moments Hermione regained her composure, then turned to Draco, "So, Draco," Hermione hesitated, then continued, "we didn't really make progress today. I think maybe we should give it until the end of this month, then call it quits."

Draco knew this was coming. He nodded slowly, then he played his last card, "Actually, I've been thinking."

"Yeah?"

"I noticed when I was indexing the relics that some of them have inscriptions. I didn't piece it together until you mentioned a cipher, but maybe the relics themselves hold the cipher, and that's why each passage is coded differently."

Hermione's eyes widened, "Why didn't you say so sooner? Show me," she moved back down the hall, but Draco caught her arm.

"You need to know something. Those relics are incredibly dangerous. Researching them is one thing, but handling them, it's probably not a good idea."

Hermione nodded, thinking to herself, "You're right, we shouldn't touch them, but there shouldn't be any harm in looking at them. And we can lift them with our wands. Don't you want to try?" she gave him a small smile and he wondered if she knew how irresistible she was to him right then. He would have agreed to anything. If she'd asked right then he'd have given all of his house elves clothes.

"Okay."

She turned back down the hall then, but he cut in, "I thought you had plans."

"Oh right," she turned back and looked disappointed, "I do have to go. I have dinner plans with Ginny. But next week, you'll show me?"

Draco nodded, happy that there would be a next week for them, but also feeling uneasy with their plan to get closer to the relics.

* * *

_Author's Note: We should have warded the fucking relics and given them to the Ministry Hermione. We were so stupid. I don't think you realized how dangerous they could be at the time, not having grown up around them, but I knew. I ignored the sinking feeling in my chest when we decided to work on them, desperate to extend our time together. But I almost lost you because of that act of selfishness, and I apologize._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione shook her head, disappointed. He got this wrong. She'd pushed so much harder to continue their sessions than he had written, but he was blaming himself for all of it. They had both pushed more than they should have, not wanting to lose their excuse to spend all that time together. Draco was usually so perceptive, especially when it came to her, but he had been blind to her feelings for him, convinced this was all one-sided. She wished she could find him, and hug him, and tell him he was worth so much more than he thought.

She wiped her eyes, then kept reading.

* * *

Manuscript:

Draco's hunch had been correct. And now with the inscription on the next object as a guide, they were working through the translation of the passage quickly. Draco had been hesitant to bring the relic in the room with them, but Hermione insisted, since she needed to check the inscription often, and now it was laying on the other end of the table.

This one was a silver bracelet shaped like a snake with blood-red jeweled eyes. "What are you worried is going to happen?" Hermione teased when she saw Draco glaring at the bracelet again.

"I don't like how it feels," Draco muttered, keeping his eyes on the relic which was several feet away from Hermione.

"It was your idea that the objects held the code and we need it nearby so I can check it periodically. Don't worry, I won't touch it."

"I still don't like it," Draco muttered.

Hermione nodded, finishing her page. He was right to be wary, from what she'd found, this relic was particularly evil. And she knew what he meant about it feeling wrong. She was reminded of the feeling of Voldemort's locket. She had a strange feeling that the more she learned about the bracelet and how it worked, the more it was learning about her. She shook it off, she was letting Draco's paranoia get to her.

"So this one," she began to explain, reading through her translations, "is supposed to bring the wearer to the edge of the veil."

"The one between the living and the dead?" Draco looked away from the bracelet then and focused on Hermione.

"Yeah. And once there, you're faced with your worst fear."

"Oh, lovely," Draco scoffed, "What then, you die?"

Hermione shook her head, still reading through her notes, "You have to face your worst fear and overcome it, and if you do so, the bracelet will let you come back," she looked up at Draco then, "If you lose, well then you fall through the veil. It actually doesn't say clearly what happens if you lose. Maybe you're just trapped there, which would actually be worse…" her voice trailed off.

Draco nodded, "Why did my ancestors need so many creative ways to kill people? The killing curse should be plenty. At least it's painless and quick. Forcing someone to battle against their worst fear before killing them? Or maybe even not killing them but trapping them in that hell forever? Seems like overkill, pun intended," he added with a smirk.

Hermione let out a small laugh, "I agree."

Draco looked back at the bracelet, but it was gone. He jumped to his feet and looked around the table, but it was nowhere to be seen. Then, too late, he saw it slithering toward Hermione like a silver snake. She was watching him, alarmed, and before either of them could react the relic attached itself to her wrist.

The floating lights on the table Hermione had cast went out and Draco's heart stopped. There was only one reason a wizard's spell would end like that. She rushed to Hermione, who had slumped into her chair. Her eyes were wide and blank and he moved his fingers to her neck and breathed out in relief when he felt a pulse. She wasn't dead, she was just on the edge.

He pulled her into his arms and lowered them both to the ground, then he started to cry. He was the reason this had happened. He should have never let them work on the relics. It sensed her and had come for her, and now she was on the edge of the veil, and could easily fall to the other side, or worse, be trapped there forever.

He glared at the bracelet.

_You have to face your worst fear and overcome it, then the bracelet will let you return._

Draco gulped, then moved his hand slowly toward the silver snake. He wasn't afraid of whatever he'd find on the edge of the veil. He was sure whatever it was couldn't possibly be more frightening than the thought of losing Hermione.

He looped his fingers between the snake and her wrist, then in a moment, he was gone.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione put the book down. She hadn't known that part about Draco coming for her. She'd thought the bracelet had grabbed both of them somehow. She got up from the bed and started walking around. The terror that had gripped her in that moment was flooding back with unexpected clarity. She took a deep breath and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, then walked back to the bed and glared at the next page.

 _You can do this Hermione,_ she said to herself before settling back into the bed. She pulled her knees up to her chest for comfort before going back to the manuscript.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Hello! Well, what do you think their worst fears are?
> 
> I went back and forth on whether I'd actually write out the Little Dragon Boy story. I was putting it off since I really hate having to write in a different tone than my natural one. But I thought it was important to dive deeper into how Draco got from being the nasty character he was in the books to the person he is in this story.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for following along. Look for me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) if you want to see aesthetics for all the chapters. And please leave a comment and let me know what you think so far!


	6. Edge of the Veil

**CHAPTER 6 – Edge of the Veil**

Manuscript:

_July 2002_

After Draco touched the bracelet, he was transported onto a floating staircase in the middle of a brilliant night sky. The staircase seemed to go on forever and when he looked down there was no ground in sight. He was taken aback by the beauty of the scene before him; it was at odds with the hell he'd been expecting.

 _Why were you expecting hell?_ A calm voice came into his mind then. Why had he been expecting something terrible? Draco couldn't answer the question. He looked around and tried to puzzle through how he'd arrive on the stairs, but as he considered it a piercing pain shot through his head. He cried out, crouching onto the floating step he was standing on. There was no railing to hang onto, so he gripped the edge of the step for support instead.

 _Move,_ the voice said again, and the pain he'd been feeling dissipated as he started to climb the stairs. Draco tried again to remember how he'd gotten there, but the pain returned. He focused instead on the scene around him, and as he focused on a faraway star his mind cleared and he felt peaceful. It was similar to the feeling of using Occlumency.

 _Occlumency_ , this time the voice in his head was his own and he felt the pain return as he considered using Occlumency right then. But his mind acted on instinct and as soon as his shields were up the feeling of Draco's current setting changed abruptly.

He was cold and pulled his hands up to his arms and started rubbing them for warmth. And the peaceful feeling from before had turned eerie and empty. There was still a dull throb in his head which he identified as something protesting his attempt to form thoughts, but Draco found with his Occlumency shields in place he could think freely without the unbearable pain from earlier. A buried part in his mind was screaming at him to remember why he was here.

He looked around confused. Where did this staircase lead? How did he get here? _Remember_ , his own voice insisted once again.

But all Draco could think of was the brilliant stars and the feeling of peace that he'd abandoned as soon as he'd started using Occlumency. Why was he fighting that peace? The alternative was painful and unpleasant.

He focused then on his body, something that helped him when he was feeling lost like this. He could feel his feet on the ground and tapped his foot on the stair to confirm it was solid. Then he moved his focus to his skin, which was chilled by the cold air. His head was a mess of thoughts, so he avoided that area and scanned his torso instead. His heart was beating violently in his chest, as if he'd just completed an intense flying session. He focused on each beat and got the impression they were trying to tell him something.

The dull pain in his head was getting worse and it felt like something was ramming against his Occlumency shields. He considered dropping them. That would be easier, but there was something he'd come here for.

The calm voice came to him again, _Take the easy way. Why are you fighting?_

Just then a forgotten conversation flooded into his mind. His voice saying: _I didn't fight._ Then a witch responding: _Maybe not then, but you're fighting now. You're definitely not picking the easy path Draco._

His head was protesting, and Draco was about to drop his shields, but he kept his focus on the woman's voice which was echoing through his head _. You're fighting now, you're fighting now, you're not picking the easy path Draco._ Then he remembered.

It came to him in a series of violent flashes. A witch grabbing his chin and kissing him on the cheek, brown curly hair, laughter, the same witch hugging him fiercely, placing a hand on his shoulder, beautiful brown eyes, dancing with her as they hovered a few inches off the ground.

"Hermione," Draco whispered and the pounding in his head stopped.

"Hermione!" he yelled out this time and there was a shatter and it looked like a huge pane of glass several steps ahead of him was breaking. Draco ducked down and covered his head to protect himself from the falling shards, but they never hit him. He looked up and saw the remaining pieces of glass dissolving into nothingness. Then in front of him, behind the broken glass, he could make out the silhouette of a woman walking higher up on the stairs.

This was why he was here. To save Hermione. The memories were flooding back to him in full force now. You have to face your worst fear and overcome it, then the bracelet will let you return, Hermione's statement from the library echoed in Draco's mind then.

 _Save Hermione, save Hermione, save Hermione,_ he repeated the words in his mind, worried he'd forget his purpose again.

"Hermione!" Draco ran to catch up with her, taking the steps two at a time.

* * *

Hermione was walking up a floating staircase when she heard someone calling her name. _How odd,_ she thought to herself _, I was sure I was alone._ She shook the thought from her mind and kept walking.

"Hermione," a man grabbed her arm and she looked over at him curiously, then continued walking up the stairs.

"It's Draco," the man said, and she considered him then. He looked familiar, but she couldn't place him. She gave him a polite nod, then kept walking.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked, looking very worried. He fell into step beside her.

"Yes," she said distantly, "You're Draco," hadn't he just mentioned this? She wondered why he was so upset.

He let out a sigh of frustration, "Do you know my surname?"

She paused and considered, but as she tried to recall her head started to pound in painful protest and she pulled her fingers up to her temple and shook her head. She gave the man, Draco, an apologetic smile and kept walking.

He pulled her toward him, grabbing both of her arms so she was forced to face him. He seemed nice, very scared, but his eyes were kind and she could tell that whoever this man was cared for her. "Hermione, listen to me. We need to get out of here."

"I know, but there's only one way to go," she said slowly, then pointed up the curving stairway, "up."

She turned to continue walking, but the man pulled her back, "Please, listen to me."

As she stood in place the pain began to grow in her head. Didn't this man understand? She had to keep walking. When she'd first arrived here, she'd tried to fight the draw of the stairway but every time she did, she was overcome with unbelievable pain. How did this man not see that?

"I'm listening," she managed to bite out through the pain, "but can we walk and talk?"

He nodded, and reluctantly let go of her arms so she could continue her ascent. "Uh, how long have you been here?" Draco asked then. Panic was starting to settle in as he realized that Hermione didn't know who he was. He tried his best to remain calm. He needed to stay strong for her, for both of them.

Finally, she spoke, "I think it's been about two hours. Or, well, maybe two weeks. It's hard to say." She kept walking and Draco remained at her side. He started to count their steps and when he got to three hundred, he considered the time. Three hundred seconds is five minutes, but it felt like days. The time is this place was clearly wrong, how unsettling. He reassessed the feelings in his body. He didn't feel hungry, or tired, or thirsty, was that a good sign? Was it the magic?

 _The magic_ – he remembered it then, why they were here. He cursed himself for letting his mind wander away from his purpose. _Save Hermione, save Hermione, save Hermione._ This place was clouding his mind. He seemed to have snapped out of the worst of it after remembering Hermione, but unfortunately seeing him hadn't had the same effect on her.

"We are on the edge of the veil," he said out loud, half for Hermione and half for himself. "We are going to be faced with our greatest fears and we have to overcome them."

As he said this the force just outside his Occlumency shields pounded harder, but he ignored it, trying his best to continue his previous train of thought. He needed to focus on the magic of this place and find a way to beat it. Hermione had arrived first, so it made sense that this was her fear. But what was it? What did Hermione fear most?

He looked out at the stars and focused on one as he considered this question. Then alarmingly, the star disappeared. He paid more attention as they walked. He watched three more stars blink out before he stopped them again, "Wait."

"What?" Hermione looked confused to find Draco at her side and it broke his heart seeing her this out of it, this wasn't the Hermione he knew.

"We can't go that way."

She grabbed his hand then and tried to pull him up the stairway with her, "There's only one way to go Draco, come on."

He gave in to the comforting feeling of her hand in his and looked for more clues as they walked further up the stairs. Then he noticed something else. The feeling of her hand, originally warm and firm, was fading. And it wasn't just her hand. As he focused on the feeling of his clothes against his skin and his feet on the ground, he could tell they all felt muted.

Then it hit him, Hermione's worst fear. Oblivion. It made sense for someone who valued knowledge and logic so much and was probably made worse after what happened with her parents.

"Stop," Draco was more insistent this time. "We can't keep walking. As we go on, the stars are disappearing, all the feeling is disappearing. I know where this staircase leads now, and we can't keep going."

"Where?" she turned toward him and cocked her head, curiously. She looked like his Hermione again, but his relief was short-lived when he saw she wasn't curious about their destination, she was curious about him again. She still didn't know who he was. He could feel terror rising in his chest but tried to stamp it down. Now was not the time to fall apart, she needed him. _Save Hermione, save Hermione._

"Hermione, you need to listen to me," she nodded obediently. "It's Draco," he said again.

"I know," she said, nodding calmly. She didn't look nearly as scared as he did. She looked faded.

"We need to fight this somehow, the stars are disappearing, the feeling," he grabbed her hand, "it's fading. Can't you tell? If we keep walking, we'll end up in," he hesitated, not wanting to speak the word in case it scared her too much, then said instead, "nothingness."

She turned and pointed at the steps that had disappeared behind them, "Well we can't go back, so up it is," he saw a flicker of fear flash across her eyes as she looked back, then she kept walking again.

He ran up to her and grabbed her hand, trying to ignore the fact that it felt lighter than it had before, "No! We need to fight this!"

"You can fight, I'm tired of fighting, I'm going to keep walking."

"Hermione!" she kept going and Draco tried to think. He'd snapped out of it by remembering her, someone he cared about. She needed something like that too.

"Granger!" he called then. She paused, and he could tell it had ignited something in her.

"Granger!" he repeated, walking slowly up the stairs behind her, "That's right, Hermione Granger, the person who obliviated her parents."

She turned toward him, her expression angry. Finally, he thought to himself. "These stars, these are all of the memories you share with them. And as you walk, more of them disappear. You're the only one keeping them alive, so you need to fight Granger. You're the only one who can."

Tears started to stream down her face, and he could tell she was struggling to decide between the blissful feeling of oblivion and the pain of remembering. "What are you proposing I do? There's nowhere to go but up! The longer I stand here the longer it hurts!" She was clutching her head, bent over on the stair.

He crouched down and held her face in her hands. "Tell me about your parents Hermione. They like ballroom dancing, right? Did you ever dance with your father? Did you ever watch them dance together when you were young?"

He wished he knew more about them. She was shaking her head and he could tell the pain was still attacking her. "What about Weasley? You love him, right? Ron Weasley? Red-hair? Kind of a git?"

He couldn't tell if this was working, she was just shaking in pain and he felt bad but knew this was better than continuing on up the stairs, "Harry Potter, you must remember him," he continued, "your best friend. If you stay here, you'll never see him again."

That worked. She stopped shaking and froze in her spot on the ground. _Of course it was Potter who broke the spell,_ Draco thought bitterly.

Hermione felt a sudden, complete terror. It was similar to being jolted awake from a nightmare. She felt unbelievably cold and empty. But the pounding in her head was subsiding. She looked down and saw she was on a floating stair, then someone was standing next to her. _Harry?_ She thought, but looked up and was surprised to find Draco there.

"Draco?" she said tentatively, standing to face him.

"What's my surname?" his eyes were searching hers intently and she whispered back, "Malfoy."

"Oh, thank Merlin," he pulled her into his chest, and she relished the warmth for a few moments before pulling away.

"Where are we?" she said in a small voice.

"Do you remember the bracelet? And how the only way to escape is to overcome our worst fears?"

"The edge of the veil," she whispered and looked around then. They were in the middle of a night sky. How strange, it was not at all what she'd expected when she'd read about this in the book.

"I'm glad you're back," he looked so happy to see her and she wondered what she'd been like before. But she could ask him that later, they needed to get out. As the bliss from the magic left her fear started to creep in. She hugged her arms around herself to keep from giving in to the terror.

Draco raised his hands to her arms and started rubbing them to try to warm her up, then said, "I have a suspicion, based on nothing really, but I think I know how to break the spell."

"Okay…"

He tightened his hands on her arms and turned them both backward, toward the vast nothingness, "We go this way."

She stepped back and stumbled on the step behind them, terrified, "No."

"This has to be it. You're afraid of oblivion and you have to face it. If you keep walking up that way, we're both going to fade away."

She walked to the edge then and looked down. As she gazed into the void she was overcome with an intense fear. Draco saw the change in her immediately. Her eyes widened, her breathing quickened, and she started shaking her head and wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

"I can't go down there – it's – nothing. There's nothing down there, don't you see?"

Draco looked back down. She was right. The stars ended at the bottom step and it was just pure blackness. It was ironic, if this was the solution. That to avoid walking into oblivion, they'd have to jump into this place that resembled it so much.

"This has to be it," he said again, "The easy way to go is up, this is the hard way, this must be the answer."

"What if it doesn't work?"

He grabbed her hand and linked his fingers with hers, remembering wanting to do this back in the library, "Then we'll find out together. But we can't keep walking that way Hermione."

She looked down at their hands, then back into the vast nothingness. Oblivion. He could feel her hand shaking in his and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Okay," she said defiantly. Then before he could react, she pulled them both over the edge.

They fell for less than two seconds before they hit something solid. The stairs that had vanished as they walked up reappeared then. Hermione felt the tightness in her chest release. She'd expected to fall forever into nothingness, but they were still here. She looked back at Draco and they exchanged a smile. When she turned to look back up the stairs her heart jumped, "Look!"

Draco followed Hermione's hand and saw that the stairs finally ended about twenty feet up, "Looks like that may be our way out," she smiled widely and dropped his hand, running up the stairs, "Come on!" Hermione was desperate to leave this beautiful, but terrifying place.

Draco watched her, feeling apprehensive, though he couldn't say why. When they got to the top of the stairs there was a black lake. Hermione looked around. They were in a meadow, with mountains on the other side of the lake. She walked along a few paces but couldn't see an end to the width of the lake. Though it seemed thin enough to swim across.

That must be what they had to do. Draco had walked past her and was crouching at the edge of the lake, peering into the water. She watched him touch his hand in, then pull it back quickly, hitching his breath. Then he rubbed his hand violently on the ground.

"What is it, Draco?"

He didn't answer at first, so she began to approach and the smell coming from the lake was overwhelming. She knew instantly what he'd found when he touched the lake, blood. He turned toward her and said in a rough voice, "Now it's my turn."

* * *

_Author's Note: I'll take a break from the story now to explain about the blood._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione's breath hitched as she turned the page. The handwriting on the next page was nothing like Draco's usually neat scrawl. There were splotches and scratch-outs all over the parchment and she could see smudges in the ink from what she guessed were his tears. She touched her finger to one of the water spots at the bottom of the page. Draco had clearly struggled to write out whatever he was about to tell her in this section.

Hermione took a deep breath. She'd always assumed his aversion to blood had something to do with a gruesome memory from the war. She didn't want to know the details, but she thought it was important to know in order to better understand Draco. Hermione steeled herself, then continued to read.

* * *

Manuscript:

_June 1998_

When Draco and his mother returned from their trials his mother walked quietly to the drawing room and broke down crying on the sofa. It was the first time Draco had ever seen her so vulnerable. He sat down next to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she leaned into him. He hugged her and patted her back, thinking back to the image of his father being taken away to Azkaban. This was clearly devastating to his mother, but in Draco's opinion, his father deserved it.

His mother allowed herself to cry for ten minutes, then she stood, wiped her eyes, and disappeared into her bedroom. Draco didn't see her again for weeks.

Draco leaned his head against the sofa then and sighed. He was free. As he looked up at the ceiling he saw the spot where the chandelier used to hang and remembered that day in the drawing room just months before. An overwhelming feeling of guilt came over him then. After all he'd done in the war, all he'd let happen, he wasn't going to pay for any of it. He pulled his knees into his chest and began to cry. He felt lost, and alone, and had no idea where to go next.

Draco stumbled into his room, removed his cloak and shoes, then climbed into bed and stayed there for days. His house elf brought him food, but it remained untouched. He had no energy to get out of bed and wished he could stop existing without having to go to the trouble of offing himself. He didn't want to live in this world anymore, but the desire to end his life wasn't strong enough to move him into action, so he just stayed in bed.

As Draco laid there, all the memories from the war started to creep in. Muggles and muggle-borns being killed in his home, countless wizards being tortured, some by his hand, the goblin massacre, Granger screaming in the drawing room, Crabbe getting swallowed by fiendfyre. No matter what he tried, the memories wouldn't go away.

After a few days Draco decided it was time to get out of bed. He had to move on with his life, whether he wanted to or not. Maybe this was his punishment, having to live with it all. He stumbled as he stood up, lightheaded from lack of food and he noticed he smelled. He walked into his washroom and started to run a bath. When the tub was full, he shut off the water, sat on the tile, and laid his head on the tub, savoring the cold feeling against his cheek.

He looked down at his clothes, which were filthy, and caught sight of the Dark Mark on his arm. He studied it then. This was what had caused all of his problems. He should have never taken it. He should have run. Dumbledore and Snape would have protected him. The Mark was pink and would never be black again, all thanks to Harry Potter. But it would always be there, reminding Draco how stupid he'd been. He'd always be a Death Eater, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

He saw his wand on the ground and picked it up, then held it to his arm and muttered, "Diffendo." A slice appeared right through the middle of the Mark and blood streamed out, flowing down his arm and pooling at the white shirt pulled up to his elbows. He watched it in fascination as it stained his shirt and continued to run down his arm. This was what the whole war had been about. Blood. But he'd seen enough Muggle blood to know it was just like his, not muddy at all.

He thought it would hurt, cutting his arm, but it felt amazing. The feelings that had been bubbling in him (guilt, anger, confusion, hatred, sadness) were flowing out of the cut. For the first time in months he felt release. When he began to feel lightheaded, he healed the cut, then looked down and saw he was covered in blood. He removed his clothes and got into the bath and the blood turned the water red. He was bathing in his own pure blood and it was oddly satisfying. It seemed to a good punishment for someone who had been so obsessed with blood statuses his whole life. Draco finished his bath, burned his clothes, then cleaned up the mess.

A few hours later, when the feelings started to creep in and overwhelm him again, he sent an elf to fetch a blood replenishing potion from their stores. After downing the potion, he sat on the same spot in his bathroom and cut his arm open again.

It became a sort of addiction, when things got to be too much for Draco. He found he could clear his mind much more effectively than Occlumency by cutting his arm open and watching the blood flow. He'd have to catch himself before he grew too lightheaded and heal the cut and take a blood replenishing potion. It was a little bit of a game, to see how long he could go before healing the cut and drinking the potion. If he missed the timing he would pass out on the floor and bleed out. It would be a rather poetic death, wouldn't it? he'd think to himself.

But it was a nasty habit and the relief never lasted long. At the end of each session a new emotion was added to the mix, shame. He promised himself each night it was the last time, then there he was a few days later, bleeding again.

One day, after cutting his arm and healing it and drinking the potion (which he'd memorized by then and made a few times a week) the story of the dragon boy came into his mind. He saw the blood dripping down his arm and envisioned the scene with the boy killing his dragon with a dagger to his heart.

Draco cleaned himself off and sat down at the desk in his room and began to write. He didn't know it at the time, but he'd found his salvation. Every time he felt the urge to slice his arm open, he'd rush to the library and research more for his book or recount another scene from the war. Once he finished the dragon book, he chose another subject. The next project was creating a comprehensive potions reference book, which was an appealing choice since it would take ages to complete.

With time, the urge to cut himself faded, though it never went away completely. And anytime he saw blood, the feelings from that time (powerlessness, shame, remorse) would overwhelm him and nearly drive him back to that madness.

* * *

_Author's Note: I know it's repulsive, that's why I never told you. I'm still ashamed as I think of it now. But the worst thing is I haven't beaten it. I've never done it again after that day I started writing. But I've sat in the same spot in my bathroom with my wand raised to my arm a few times since. I'm fighting it Hermione, but there's a darkness in me I fear I'll never overcome._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione put the page down. Draco was a cutter? How did she not know that? She knew this happened in the Muggle world and it made sense it would exist in the Wizarding one too. Especially with much more effective means of hiding the habit.

Oh Draco. Where was he? Was he okay? She knew he had dark moods and she expected he suffered from bouts of depression, but he'd been dealing with so much more than she'd ever realized.

Was this the point of the story? Is this what he'd wanted her to understand? She looked back in the box. It didn't seem like it, she was only about halfway through. She read his last line again.

_I'm fighting it Hermione, but there's a darkness in me I fear I'll never overcome._

"Draco?" She spoke out loud, hoping he was listening, even though she knew it wasn't possible. "I love you. Please keep fighting until I find you."

She went back to the book, desperate to find a clue to where he was.

* * *

Manuscript:

_July 2002_

Hermione took a deep breath and approached Draco, who was staring out into the lake filled with blood. She placed a hand on his shoulder while he continued to wipe the hand he'd dipped in the lake on the grass.

"We can try to walk around," Hermione said in a low voice, "but I think we're meant to swim to the other side."

Draco shuttered, and she saw him glance around the meadow before nodding solemnly. He looked utterly terrified. She hadn't forgotten that day with the quill. He could barely manage the thought of a small drop of blood on his hand. And now he'd have to swim through it? His task seemed much worse than hers and there wasn't much Hermione could do to help.

Draco pulled up the hand he'd been rubbing on the ground to inspect, then seemingly satisfied that it was clean enough, he wrapped his arms around his knees and she could hear him breathing in and out deeply, like he was trying to calm himself. He was staring at the lake with a determined look in his eye.

"It's not real Draco," she whispered, scooting closer to him. He kept his face forward and she saw a single tear run down his cheek. "I can go with you, and I think if you face this and we make it to the other side, the relic will finally let us go."

 _Save Hermione, save Hermione, save Hermione._ Draco was trying to focus on his purpose here while he gazed at the lake, but when Hermione offered to go in with him, he snapped out of it. "No," he turned toward her and stood up, wiping his eyes which he'd just realized were wet.

"You don't have to go in, just me. Then if I make it, it'll probably let us both go," He couldn't handle the thought of her being covered in blood and he was trying to shake the image of it from his mind. He stood and stared back out at the lake, clenching his fists at his side. He could feel his body start to shake as he accepted the fact that he was about to be covered in blood. He'd tried to forget that awful time in his life, but now he'd be forced to face it again. Blood would be all over his body, his hair, probably even in his mouth. He shuttered. Hermione placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he focused on it.

He wondered what she was thinking. She was probably wishing she was in here with Potter. They'd have been long gone by now. It was Draco's fault she was even trapped in here. He'd suggested using the relics to translate the book because he didn't want her to leave him. And now he had to do this to save her. _This isn't real,_ he reminded himself.

He turned to Hermione and she lifted a hand to his cheek, "You can do this," she said confidently, and he nodded.

He turned back to the lake, but hesitated again and looked back at her, "I may need you to push me in."

She shook her head, "I don't think so. To break the magic, I think you need to do it yourself."

It made sense, but was disappointing. He looked back at the lake. Save Hermione, save Hermione, save Hermione. Then he jumped.

It was cold, which was strange, since blood was always warm. He ignored the smell of it as much as possible, but his heart was beating faster than ever and the feeling of the liquid as he waded through was disgustingly thick. He tried to keep his head above the lake as he swam and focused on the cool air on his face instead of the blood sticking to the rest of his body. It was slower going this way, but he thought if he had to dive head-first into the blood he wouldn't make it back up.

 _Save Hermione, save Hermione, save Hermione._ He chanted his mantra in his head, and it wasn't long before he was on the other side. Draco pulled himself out of the lake and almost passed out when he saw the blood covering his hands and arms. He stumbled back, then suddenly, the blood disappeared. He let out a sigh of relief, looking all around him. He was no longer covered in blood, thank Merlin.

"You did it!" Hermione yelled from the other side.

"Yeah, it was revolting," Draco admitted, "but nothing happened. That didn't break the spell."

"What do you see over there?"

Draco looked behind him. There were mountains. They could walk to them, was there more they'd have to do? "There's no clear path, but maybe we're supposed to keep walking. I can go ahead and – "

"No! We're not separating. I'll come."

"No, it's disgusting, you shouldn't have –"

"Too late!" She had already walked into the lake and the blood was up to her chest. Draco looked away, feeling sick, but forced his gaze back to her. Hermione was moving slowly, trying to keep her head above the surface as he had. He watched her intently, not wanting to take his eyes off her even though the site of her in the blood was causing bile to rush into his mouth. Then when she was at the middle of the lake, she went under.

"Shit!" Draco yelled and ran along the edge of the lake, "Hermione!"

There was no sound. Draco realized then how eerily quiet it was. No insects or birds, just the sound of his own breathing. Hermione was in there, and he realized he'd have to go back for her. He shook his head and started shaking again, considering it. But there was no other option. He stood on the edge, staring into the lake for a long time (too long), before jumping back in. He waded toward the spot where she'd been pulled under, still trying to keep his head above the surface, but she was nowhere to be seen.

He took a deep breath, then dove under. The lake turned hot then; it was the temperature of blood he was used to. Draco could feel his mind racing through images of his slicing his arm, bleeding, bathing in his blood. The disgust, shame, and guilt were back. He was panicking, but he needed to find Hermione. He tried to open his eyes, but all he saw was red.

He kept swimming down, down, down, as far as he could, but his lungs were screaming for air. He took a breath and inhaled blood and he wanted to choke at the taste, but it seemed to fill his need for air somehow.

He kept on for an impossible amount of time, swimming down and taking in mouthfuls of blood anytime he needed air. But there was no bottom to this lake. And Hermione was nowhere to be found. Then, a blinding light reached his eyes and he opened them and saw a white blur at the edge of his vision. Draco swam toward it and collided with a platform.

As he pulled himself onto it, the blood around him was sucked away into a large sphere which hovered just behind him. Draco panted, relishing the taste of the clean air and trying not to look at his blood-soaked body. He stumbled further onto the platform and as he did so the blood disappeared from his skin, just as it had when he'd first crawled out of the lake. Draco let out a sigh of relief and leaned against a white wall.

His heart was racing and his thoughts were cluttered. He tried to forget the blood and stared down at his clean hands, breathing deeply until he was calm enough to focus on the scene around him.

The lake was transformed into the hovering sphere of liquid just a few feet away. He approached and touched a finger to it which came back warm and bloody. He pulled it back and stepped further onto the platform, hoping he wouldn't have to go back in there. Behind him was a door, and he recognized it immediately. It was the door to the library at Malfoy Manor.

He knew then that if he opened this he'd be back in the library. Away from the blood and the edge of the veil. Draco walked to it and placed his hand on the doorknob, thinking there was nothing he wanted more than to escape this place. _No!_ A voice shouted in his head then and he remembered, there was one thing he wanted more than safety – Hermione.

He turned to look back at the sphere but kept his hand on the doorknob. _What can you do for her? Swimming frantically in a pool of blood isn't going to help anyone. She's gone. Save yourself._ It was the same voice from before, the one that told him to continue walking up the stairs.

"No," Draco said defiantly, "Not again."

But it took Draco's body a few minutes to catch up with his words. He stood at the door, steeling himself for what he knew would be warm, thick, disgusting blood, then he ran and dove into the sphere.

He didn't land into the lake but fell instead onto the floor of the library. He pulled himself up to his knees, then saw Hermione panting on his side and let out a sigh of relief.

When Hermione saw Draco, she dove for him, then clutched him tight. She broke down and he held her in his lap and stroked her hair as she cried, trying to calm his own breathing. He'd never felt that level of terror in his entire life. He looked around and spotted the relic a few feet away from them, then grabbed his wand and trapped it in a shield charm.

He moved to stand then, but Hermione clutched him tighter, worried he'd go away. "I'm not leaving," he whispered, "I'm just going to move off the floor," she nodded but didn't move to help him, so he pulled them both up awkwardly, then carried her to the couch.

She burrowed her head into his chest and he pulled her arms and legs into him, taking comfort in her warmth as he tried to regain his composure. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but it felt like sometime between two hours and two weeks. It was a wonderful feeling, being safe again, with her.

Eventually, Hermione pulled away, but remained sitting in Draco's lap. "You came for me," her voice broke and tears were still streaming slowly down her cheeks. He wondered how she had any tears left.

"What?" Draco's voice was hoarse, and he raised his hand to wipe the tears from her face.

"When I went into the lake, I was in a bubble and I could see you. I watched you jump in and swim. I was right at your side but you didn't see," she was speaking in a rush and he could tell remembering it was bringing back the fear of being there. "Then there was a small room with a door. You swam for it, and it was that door," She turned and pointed to the library door. "You stood with your hand on the handle for a long time, then you ran back for me. I think that's what finally broke the spell."

Draco looked back into her eyes and he could tell by the remnant of doubt there that she'd feared he wouldn't come for her. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, tightening his grip on her. He was hurt that she hadn't trusted him but didn't blame her because a big part of him thought he wouldn't be able to do it either.

* * *

_Author's Note: I hesitated Hermione. First when jumping back into the lake after you went under. Then again, I stood with my hand on the door for far too long. I am so sorry, I wish I could have been stronger for you Hermione, you deserve better._

* * *

Hermione settled back against his chest then and stiffened, remembering where she was. She and Draco were friends, but this was a bit much. She'd clung to him like a child for at least an hour and cried while he held her. She blushed, suddenly embarrassed, and moved to pull away, "I'm sorry, I soaked your shirt and I shouldn't be crowding you like this."

"Wait," Draco kept a grip on her then said in a low, pleading tone, "stay," he added quickly, "just for a few more minutes." She looked back at him and studied him. His face was blank but she could tell by his eyes that this request was sincere and he'd be hurt if she denied him. So she didn't. She nodded, then laid her head against his chest. Comforted by the fact that he was getting solace out of this unusual embrace too.

Draco relaxed when Hermione laid back down, but wondered why she'd settled back into this position. He guessed it was so she wouldn't have to look at whose arms she was in. Maybe she was closing her eyes and trying to imagine he was someone else. Perhaps Potter, he and Draco were built similarly.

"Our worst fears," Hermione whispered then. "Mine was – "

"Oblivion," Draco said, "complete nothingness."

He felt her nod her head against his chest, "Not knowing, remembering, or feeling anything, and a complete lack of control," her voice was shaking. "I wouldn't have made it out without you Draco. And your fear –" she paused, then whispered, "blood. The bracelet made you face it so many times..." her voice trailed off.

Draco had been considering this. Hermione only had to jump into oblivion once, but he'd had to jump into that lake three times before the bracelet released him. It meant his fear hadn't just been about facing the blood and that dark time in his life. It was what the blood represented for him, guilt. All of the blood he'd seen spilled during the war and done nothing about. And once he'd made the decision to save Hermione over himself, he'd finally overcome it.

"Thank you, Draco," Hermione whispered, "you saved me."

As Draco held her and breathed in the flowery smell of her hair, an irrefutable truth settled into his mind. There was only one reason he would have faced all of that for her, he loved her. And he'd proven to himself, and her, that he would fight for her. But was it enough? Or was it four years too late?

* * *

Present Day:

The tears which had started to fall when she read about Draco's Dark Period had turned to sobs now and Hermione put the manuscript down on the bed and let herself cry for a few minutes. This wasn't the Draco she knew. Her Draco was confident, composed, and, well, arrogant. This Draco was a mess and filled with doubt and self-loathing. Hermione never knew this is what was going on in his mind. Even after overcoming his worst fear to save her, he didn't think it was enough.

"It was enough, Draco," she said aloud, but the room felt emptier than ever as her voice echoed. "You're enough," she added in a whisper. It was a long time before Hermione was ready to keep reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Hello! I have so many notes for this chapter.
> 
> 1) The inspiration for the entire edge of the veil scene came from a Dr. Seuss baby book – Oh the Thinks You Can Think. I was reading it to my kids and one of the pages said "Think of light, think of bright, think of stairs in the night." Then this entire scene flooded into my mind. It was weird, since that is not usually how inspiration comes to me, but I went with it so hopefully it was okay.
> 
> 2) I struggled with the placement of Draco's Dark Period scene. I originally had it after the entire edge of the veil scene, but then I moved it to the middle, thinking it would be good to see why Draco hated blood so much before we saw him trying to battle his fear. But it might not be good there since it breaks the flow of the veil scene. I'm still not sure on that one.
> 
> 3) I know the tone of this chapter is a lot darker. We know Draco is the narrator and he obviously struggles from bouts of depression. So, it makes sense that when he's in a bad mood (and he would be while having to relive this stuff) his narrative gets dark and depressing. But he doesn't live in his bad moods, so other chapters will be lighter and more hopeful. That's why the tone of the narrative and author's notes will swing from lighter to darker as the story continues, which wouldn't be typical with an unbiased narrator.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the long A/N, hope you all are still liking this! Look for me on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) if you want to see aesthetics for all the chapters or send me a note.


	7. St. Mungo's

**Chapter 7 – St. Mungo's**

Manuscript:

_August 2002_

Hermione stayed away for two weeks. She sent an owl saying she was going to spend her next few Thursdays off researching relics in the Ministry archives and would notify Draco if she found anything useful. Draco wasn't surprised. Surely after almost being killed they were done with their project and instead of saying so outright, she was trying to let him down easy.

He felt his depression start to creep back into his life, like a dementor floating toward him, but he tried to focus on the end of her letter, when she'd promised to be in touch. They weren't completely finished yet, he reminded himself, this was just a break, though he didn't fully believe it.

Draco was reading in the library when Effie led Hermione into the room. His eyes widened when he saw it was her. When he'd felt the shimmer of the wards, he'd expected Potter or Weasley were at the gate coming to collect the remaining relics, which was why he'd sent Effie to get them instead of going himself.

"Hermione," Draco stepped toward her, tentatively. When they'd last seen each other she'd spent hours crying into his chest, then he'd walked her to the gate where they'd exchanged an awkward farewell. He'd thought it was for good and hadn't even been sad since he was just relieved she was alive.

"Hi," Hermione said, and a small smile crept onto her face. She walked into the room and Effie left, closing the door behind her.

"What are you doing here? I thought they'd send Potter for the rest of the relics."

"I'm not here to take them away," she explained. "I think we should finish what we started."

Draco was confused and raised an eyebrow, "What? No, it's not safe, you–"

Hermione cut in, "We need to be more careful, for sure, but let's finish translating the remaining passages."

Draco was stunned that she was back. He nodded and gave her a huge smile. Hermione, not used to seeing him smile, grinned widely in response.

Hermione didn't tell Draco that she'd been working on a theory in the past few weeks. After the bracelet had come for her, she remembered Voldemort's locket again and how it had come for Harry in the lake in the Forest of Dean. Maybe the bracelet was an old Horcrux. Maybe that's what all relics were. She wondered where the other part of the wizards who'd made them were. Perhaps floating around, not able to get a body like Voldemort had. The thought made her uneasy.

If the bracelet was a horcrux, that meant the sword of Gryffindor could destroy it. Maybe that was the way to destroy all the relics. She knew she should tell Harry, but she also knew once she did the project would be over.

And Hermione would miss the project. It had been such a welcome distraction from her job, and her sadness over the loss of her parents, and the loneliness of being the fifth wheel with Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Nora. This was something that was her own and she wasn't ready to give it up yet. And after that relic had tried to kill her, she was determined to fight back in some way. So, she kept quiet, and set to translating the rest of the passages in the book.

* * *

Present Day:

"It wasn't about the project, Draco," Hermione muttered under her breath. "It was _you_. I wasn't ready to give up my excuse to see _you_. How did you not see that?"

* * *

Manuscript:

A few weeks later, Hermione and Draco were in an unused bedroom working on their fourth relic. They'd successfully translated two more passages after the bracelet, then locked up the relics with all the wards they knew. The one they were working on now was inside an antique perfume bottle currently perched on a nearby vanity. So far, they'd learned the relic wasn't the bottle itself, but a substance inside that was harmful when inhaled. But they didn't know yet what happened when it was breathed in.

Once Hermione came back to the Manor, Draco had implemented a rule that they would no longer work in the same room as any of the relics, but within an hour they'd been forced to break it. First Draco had tried to copy the markings on their second relic (a teapot), but each time he tried the words disappeared from the page. Then he'd tried taking a photo, but it came out blank. Reading the inscription directly from the relics seemed to be the only way.

So, they'd decided that instead of handling the relics by moving them to the library, they'd go to where the relics were instead. They had each put up a shield charm around the dark object and Hermione found a spell that allowed them to view the writing on the object from several feet away. They took turns working through the translations and guarding the relics. Now Draco was on relic guarding duty while Hermione worked on the passage.

He watched her leaning over the book and biting her lip for longer than was probably prudent, as he was supposed to be watching the relic, but he couldn't look away. Hermione noticed him watching her then blushed, but Draco shrugged, unabashed at having been caught staring at her. But he still moved his eyes back to the perfume bottle. Draco wondered why she'd blushed, then he picked up their conversation from a few moments ago.

"Do you think maybe you don't understand the game?" Draco said. He shifted his eyes to gauge Hermione's reaction before moving them quickly back to the relic.

"Yes, that's it," Hermione said sarcastically. "The rules of Quidditch are just so complicated that my little brain can't comprehend."

Draco snorted, "Then why don't you like it?"

Hermione shrugged, "I don't know, I just don't. There are loads of things you don't like that make no sense to me."

"Like what?"

"Smiling, chocolate frogs, the entire Muggle world, Hagrid, Harry... Well, if I start listing people this could go on for a while," she smirked at him and he shook his head.

"Smiling is overrated, you'd hate chocolate frogs too if you'd taken a bite out of a real one Blaise had given you after spelling it to look like chocolate," Draco said defensively. "And I don't dislike the Muggle world, I just don't understand most of it, and the people, well, probably best to leave that topic alone for now."

Hermione nodded and grinned back at him, "Fair on the chocolate frog, I'm sure that was alarming, smiling is _not_ overrated, and I'll take you into the Muggle world some time."

"Yeah?" Draco felt his chest lighten. He was finally allowing himself to hope for a friendship with Hermione after their project was over. He was fairly certain she'd never like him romantically the way he liked her, but he could be okay with that, as long as he still got to see her. Draco had been trying to figure out a way to broach the subject, and now he had an invitation from her to go to the Muggle world he could work with.

"I go pretty often actually," Hermione continued. "It's nice to be surrounded by people who don't know who you are. You'd probably like that part of it too." Draco nodded, that would be nice. "Anyway, stop distracting me," Hermione added, then bent back toward her notes.

Draco watched her for a few moments, then scolded himself for getting distracted again and looked back at the relic. He had had no idea what to expect from Hermione after what had happened at the edge of the veil. How did you act around someone after facing your worst fear in front of them, then falling apart in their arms for a few hours after? It turns out, you carried on like old friends and said pretty much anything that came into your mind. Draco had been surprised by the sudden ease between them, but Hermione wasn't. She'd learned in her first year at Hogwarts that surviving a near-death experience with someone was the fastest way to a close friendship.

And now they really did act like old friends. No one would guess that they'd despised each other in school. Hermione gave him playful shoves and punches, no longer hesitating before touching him. Sometimes she'd rest a leg or an arm against him while they were sitting next to each other and all thoughts in Draco's mind would leave him as his focus shifted to the feeling of her touching him. In those moments he'd let himself pretend this was something more than just a friendship for her, did she sidle up against all her friends this readily? _You're delusional,_ he'd remind himself, then shift away from her, though a few times he swore he saw a look of disappointment flash across her face when he moved away.

They also talked more about their personal lives. Draco finally learned more about her parents than the fact that they liked ballroom dancing. And he, in turn, told her tidbits from his childhood, before it had become a dark hellscape.

Hermione liked asking Draco about his wizarding childhood and found he didn't mind answering all the questions Ron and Ginny found annoying. Also, Draco's family had traveled to wonderful Wizarding destinations and Draco didn't mind describing some of his favorite spots in great detail. He was very good at describing scenes with words and she wondered again if he'd been lying about writing The Little Dragon Boy. One subject Draco always avoided when talking about his childhood was his father. She wondered if it was for her benefit, his benefit, or if maybe his father hadn't been around during Draco's fond childhood memories.

* * *

_Author's Note: It was a mixture of all three Hermione._

* * *

Draco's thoughts were interrupted by movement in the corner of his eye. He turned and saw his great aunt Silvia and great uncle Newton were walking into a portrait of a hilly landscape across the room. His uncle was holding a glowing shield. The two images had been stalking Draco and Hermione since they'd been bound and silenced almost a month ago, and now it looked like they'd managed to fight through the barriers Draco had set on the edges of this portrait.

"Honestly," Hermione muttered, then raised her wand and cast something in their direction. Draco saw his uncle hold up the large shield and whatever spell Hermione had sent hit the shield and ricocheted around the room. Hermione dove instinctively to the ground and Draco watched the spell land on one of the legs of the vanity, throwing the relic into the air. Draco lunged to catch it but was too far away and he watched in horror as the bottle crashed into the ground, releasing a puff of white powder that instantly filled the room. Draco aimed a bubble head charm at Hermione as fast as possible, praying he'd been quick enough.

Hermione's enlarged face looked back at Draco in alarm and the sight was comical, but laughter was the farthest thing from Draco's mind right then. A bubble head charm appeared around his face and he saw that Hermione looked angry, probably because he'd protected her instead of himself, though she should appreciate that, he thought, it was a very Gryffindor move. He leaned against the desk and looked around the room, but the powder seemed to have vanished. Had his charm been quick enough? Had she breathed any of it in?

"It's not safe for you here, I'll walk you out," Draco said quickly, then rose and offered Hermione his hand. He glared at the portrait then, but his aunt and uncle were gone. He'd deal with them later.

"You got to me in a second. You're the one who inhaled it for longer and you were right next to it," Hermione was saying.

"I'll be fine," Draco waved her off. "Let's go." He led them to the library, where Hermione collected her bag, then walked quietly to the gate. Hermione moved to drop the charm once they got outside, but Draco lowered her wand arm, "Not until we're outside the wards."

Hermione shook her head but complied. This time Draco walked with Hermione past the gates all the way to the edge of his property until he felt the wards drop. They both removed the bubble head charms and breathed in the fresh air.

"How far had you gotten with that translation today?" Draco asked Hermione, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Not far." She reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook, then started to read, "'This relic is a most evil substance that is harmful to inhale. It starves the victim of-' That's it. I hadn't gotten to what yet. Life? Power? Energy? The will to live? It could be anything."

Draco nodded seriously, "I'll work on it some more and let you know what I find."

"Well, what do you think happened with the powder? It just disappeared. I can go get the dark detector and we can see if it moved to a different container in your house."

"No. You're not coming back here," Draco said insistently.

"Draco – "

"I said no. There have been too many close calls. I'll send an elf to pick up the dark detector and I'll check."

"So what? This is done? Just like that?"

"Yes." Draco closed his eyes and straightened his back. Just a few moments ago he'd been dreading the end of this project and now here he was, fighting to get her to leave. But he couldn't bear her getting hurt in his house again. First Bellatrix, then the bracelet, now this?

"Draco," she said in a soft voice, but Draco cut her off again.

"Hermione, I know you Gryffindors love near-death experiences, but this has gone too far. I'll owl Potter and tell him to come get the rest of the relics."

"You're the one who breathed in more of it. What makes you so sure it's safe for you back in there?" Hermione moved her hands to her hips and glared at him.

"I'm the heir, there are protections around the house to keep me safe."

"The bracelet worked on you," she pointed out.

Draco sighed, "Yeah, well, there's not really anywhere else for me to go. But there is somewhere for you. Go home and stay away from the house that is trying to kill you, I'll let you know what I find out."

She sighed, annoyed, but she couldn't force herself into his house if he didn't want her here. She wondered if that's why he'd walked her outside the wards before telling her this. "You need to write and let me know you're okay. Otherwise I'll come check on you."

Draco's heart lifted at that. Would she be worried about him? Would she think about him once she left? Hermione held her hand out to him then, "Still friends? Even with this project over?"

Draco took her hand and gripped it firmly, "Sure."

There was a look of longing in both of their eyes as they shook hands, then after a lengthier than normal amount of time for a parting handshake between friends, Hermione pulled away and Apparated back to her flat. Draco stood in the spot for several minutes, until he could no longer sense her presence. He walked slowly back to the house and sat in the chair she usually occupied for the rest of the day, fighting off the depression that was threatening to take over.

Draco sent Pippin to Hermione's office the next day for the dark magic detector. He busied himself that Friday by going into every room to scan for the powder, but it seemed to have vanished. He worried that one of them had inhaled it, and that's where the powder had gone. Draco didn't know if the detector worked on people, but he tried scanning himself anyway and came back clean. He instructed Hermione to do the same when he wrote her that night, but she responded quickly saying she was clean too. Another close call, Draco thought to himself, wondering at the luck of Gryffindors when he fell asleep that night.

The weekend was duller than usual for Draco. He tried not to think about the end of his sessions with Hermione, since when he did so he always glared unhealthily toward his bathroom. Instead he set to translating the rest of the passage so he could find out how the powder worked. But with the perfume bottle in thousands of pieces he had to do it the long way and without Hermione, it was slower than ever.

* * *

_September 2002_

Draco missed Hermione and he wondered if she missed him. Probably not. She had hundreds of other friends and could hardly notice the loss of one. After a few days of writing her to tell her he was still alive, and her writing back confirming the same, he stopped since it seemed pointless and the task of sitting down to write to her just reminded him of how much he missed her and how much he wanted to say, but was too much of a coward to put into words. He could feel the darkness closing in but made a deal to himself that he'd finish translating the passage first, then he'd let himself wallow in depression.

Draco recommitted to his routines to get through the next few days. The next Thursday, his heart jumped when he received a letter from Hermione.

_Draco,_

_I'm working from home today for the first time in months. Nine and a half to be exact, I just counted it up. I had to take a few minutes to remember what I used to do on Thursdays before heading over to the Manor. Anyway, I hope all is well with you, I've been thinking about our time together and I'm sorry the whole project had to end so abruptly._

_I haven't heard from you on the relic so I'm guessing you're still working on the passage, probably going very slow without my Runes knowledge which you always said was useless. I bet you're not thinking that now._

_I haven't forgotten my promise to show you the Muggle world. Maybe someday soon we can meet for lunch. I've been under the weather the past few days. It doesn't seem to be anything serious, likely just due to the change in weather. I've been completely drained of energy, like my body is trying to fight something off. When this illness passes, I'll let you know and we can set a time to meet._

_I've been reading through your potions books more and I found a few ingredients you missed. I'm researching their properties and will send my notes over when I'm done so you can include them in your copy. Goodbye and good luck with the rest of the translation! I wish I was there._

_-Hermione_

Draco smiled as he read her note. His translation was going appallingly slow without her Runes knowledge. He'd only managed to find the thing the powder starved the wizard of – sustenance, but the remaining sentences were still a challenge.

He rubbed his hands along her signature and read the note again. She said they could meet later, when she was over her illness. And she was clearly thinking about him, she'd been combing through his potions book, what a swot. He put the letter down and for the next few days every time his owl flew by he looked up for another note from Hermione, but none came.

* * *

Next Tuesday Draco was up late, finally getting to the end of the passage. He copied out the last word, then read the finished passage for the first time.

_This relic is a most evil substance that is harmful to inhale. It starves the victim of sustenance until they perish. It's best used at large gatherings where the substance can be released into the room for maximum damage. It will affect only those with dirty blood, so the pure can rest easy._

Draco rose quickly, almost upending his desk and scanned the nearby shelf for Hermione's letter. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck," he was muttering, then he found it and read the words he'd been dreading, hoping he'd mis-remembered them somehow.

_I've been under the weather the past few days. It doesn't seem to be anything serious, likely just due to the change in weather. I've been completely drained of energy, like my body is trying to fight something off. When this illness passes, I'll let you know and we can set a time to meet._

His eyes scanned to the date at the top of her note, five days ago. And she'd never sent him her potions notes. Fuck! Draco rushed to the healer section of the library, looking for a reference book. He pulled it down and quickly pointed his wand at the book.

 _How long can wizards live without food?_ He thought in his mind, and the book opened to a page near the end. Draco's eyes scanned the page until he found the passage he was looking for.

_Muggles have been reported to live up to a month without food so long as they have water. For wizards it is different, since using magic requires much more energy. No wizard has ever lived longer than two weeks without food._

Draco threw the book and screamed "FUCK!" one more time before running into the hall and grabbing his cloak out of the closet. He ran to the edge of the wards while he fastened it and Apparated to the only place he could think to go.

* * *

Less than a minute later Draco was pounding on the door of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. He stopped for a second and put his ear to the door but couldn't hear anything on the other side, then started pounding again. He didn't know if Potter still lived here. But he didn't know where Hermione lived and remembered this was Potter's home during the war, he'd been set to guard the outside multiple times looking for signs of the Golden Trio. Draco was about to turn to go, heading for the Burrow next, when the door opened to reveal a confused-looking Potter.

Draco let out a sigh of relief and scanned Potter's appearance. He looked like he'd been woken up and Draco remembered it was late, normal people were asleep. Oh well, this was an emergency. Draco stormed through the doorway into the house and turned to Potter who was muttering, "Yes, Malfoy, come on in."

"When's the last time you saw Hermione?" Harry cocked his head, this clearly wasn't the question he'd been expecting.

"Uh, a few weeks ago," Harry replied.

Draco took a sharp intake of breath, then walked further into Potter's gloomy home, pacing in a nearby drawing room. "You need to take me to her, right now."

"Why? What's going on?" Harry was finally awake and looked fierce.

Draco sighed, annoyed that he'd have to waste time explaining to Potter, but started in on his story anyway, knowing it would be easier to help Hermione with Potter on his side. Harry's green eyes widened when Draco relayed the content of the passage.

"Has she been going to work?" Draco asked.

Harry shook his head, "She was sick last week, and this week she's at a conference in Scotland."

Draco let out a sigh and walked to the fireplace, "Take me to her flat."

Harry shook his head and Draco was about to start yelling when Harry explained, "She's not set up with the Floo network, she hates it. We'll have to Apparate, come on."

He led them outside to the doorstep then grabbed Draco's arm and Apparated them to a dark alley. Harry walked a few paces to a side door on a large grey building and rushed inside, Draco barely caught the door before it slammed shut and followed Harry up four flights of stairs.

Harry stood outside a dark green door with a gold number 402 on it, working through a series of wards for a few minutes before the door clicked. Draco charged ahead of Harry once the door was open.

It was a neat flat, _very Hermione_ , Draco thought. There was a small kitchen on the right and a sitting room on the left. Ahead of him was a small hallway with three doors. All three doors were open and Draco peered in them quickly. One was a small, empty bedroom, one was a bathroom, and the other was what Draco guessed was Hermione's bedroom. He walked in but the room was empty. The bed was messy and there were empty mugs, glasses, and books cluttering the nightstand, but no Hermione.

"She must be at the conference, maybe you were wrong," Harry said, coming into the room behind Draco.

Draco shook his head, something felt off. With how neat the rest of the flat was, he didn't think Hermione would leave her bedroom this messy before going out of town. He walked back into the main room then spotted her in a nook to the left of the front door, laying on the ground in a ball. He rushed over and dropped to her side, fearing she was dead. Why else would she be on the floor? Her wand was on the ground a few feet away.

Draco shook her shoulder gently, "Hermione?" She didn't wake, but he checked her pulse and she was still alive. He let out a sigh of relief and noticed Potter at his side then. "She's alive?" Draco nodded then went back to try to wake her.

"You couldn't check on your fucking friend?" Draco muttered under his breath, horrified at the thought of Hermione trying and failing to get help for herself.

Harry looked ashamed, but said angrily, "Fuck off, Malfoy. It's your fault any of this happened in the first place." Draco shook her shoulder again and it felt bonier than normal in his grip.

"Hermione, you need to wake up," Draco said in a tone much kinder than the one he'd used with Harry.

Her eyes fluttered open and they were duller than he remembered. Draco looked to the closest lamp but couldn't figure out how to light it. He muttered _Lumos_ instead and looked back at Hermione. Her hair was wild and her eyes and cheeks were sunken in. She was wearing two jumpers and pajama pants and was wrapped in a thick blanket. She looked curiously at the two of them, then said, "Draco? Harry?"

Her voice was hoarse and she moved to pull herself to sitting, but didn't appear to have the strength. Harry helped her sit up and she laid her head back against the wall behind her.

"What are you doing on the floor Hermione?" Harry asked. "And why didn't you tell me you were this sick?"

"I didn't realize until too late. A few days ago, I stopped being able to do magic. I just – don't have the energy. I couldn't send a patronus, and definitely couldn't apparate. I don't have an owl and you know I hate to floo." She stopped, out a breath and Draco placed a comforting hand on her arm. Harry glared at it but didn't say anything. Hermione placed one of her hands on top of Draco's and continued. "So I threw myself out of bed and was determined to escape but the door is locked with magic." She let out a small, pathetic laugh.

"But you came." Hermione paused and squeezed Draco's hand, then grazed Harry's knee with her other one. "You're real, right?"

"Yes, Hermione, we're going to get you help," Harry said, tears catching in his throat.

Hermione cocked her head at Draco. "Why are you two together?"

"Uh–" Draco hesitated but Harry cut in, "It's a long story, we can go through it later. We need to get you to St. Mungo's."

Draco nodded and Hermione knew it must be serious if Harry and Draco were agreeing on something. Harry leaned toward Hermione, about to pick her up, but she moved toward Draco instead and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her into his chest and picked her up easily (too easily, he thought).

She laid her head against his neck then whispered, "You smell like Draco, so you must be real."

Draco shook his head and muttered, "We need to address that smelling fetish of yours when this is all over."

She didn't respond and seemed to have fallen back asleep. Draco's heart was beating hard against his chest and he could feel himself starting to panic, but he focused on the feeling of Hermione in his arms. He needed to get her help first, he could break down later.

Harry was watching them with a mixture of wonder and horror. Draco, welcoming the distraction from thinking about how ill Hermione looked, focused on Potter's ridiculous expression. He wanted to smirk but knew it wasn't the time. "Snap out of it Potter and grab some of her stuff."

Draco watched Harry pocket her wand and disappear into her room and come out with the beaded bag she always had on her. Then he reached into the hall closet and extracted a cloak. Harry approached Draco and fastened it around her neck, then said, "I can take her."

"I'm fine, let's go." Draco pulled Hermione into his chest possessively and Harry shook his head, but didn't say anything else.

It was lucky Draco had Harry with him since a former Death Eater arriving with a near-dead famous Muggle-born caused a bit of alarm when they first arrived at the hospital. Luckily Harry vouched for Draco and demanded they admit Hermione at once.

Draco rushed through his explanation about the relic again and the first thing the healer suggested was Draught of the Living Death. If she was dying from lack of sustenance, they needed to get her in a state where she was using the least amount of energy possible while they worked out a cure.

Draco lowered Hermione onto the hospital bed, reluctant to let her go, and watched her appearance change from sleeping to almost dead as the potion worked through her body. It was terrifying and he had to look away. He saw Potter watching him curiously again and cursed him for being so nosy.

Harry turned to the healer and asked, "So now what? We need to feed her somehow."

Draco rolled his eyes, "It's not that simple Potter. I assume she's been eating this whole time. The magic takes the food and vanishes it or keeps it from giving her nutrients somehow."

"Why didn't you get ill?" Harry rounded on Draco.

Draco had left that part out of his story so far. But he knew he'd have to admit this eventually. "It only works on Muggle-borns," he said through gritted teeth.

Both the healer and Harry's eyes widened, and Draco felt sick. The healer probably thought he'd done this on purpose. He hoped Potter didn't. Draco studied him. Harry looked revolted, but not at Draco specifically, just the idea of the magic. Good. Draco scanned his eyes to the healer then, but he looked triumphant, not disgusted like Draco had expected.

"That's good news," he said. "It means there's an immunity and we may be able to transfer it to her."

Draco was confused by his words, then it clicked. The way he could transfer his immunity to Hermione. Blood. Of course it came back to blood. But this time he didn't hesitate. He pulled his sleeve up and shoved his arm at the healer, "Do it, give her my blood."

Harry's eyes widened in alarm. "That's not what he meant –"

"It was," the healer said. "Blood transfusions are not common in Wizarding medicine, but in the muggle world it works. And it seems logical to try it here. And well, even if it doesn't work, it shouldn't hurt."

Harry was still looking at Draco confused. Being concerned for Hermione was one thing, offering her his precious pure blood was another. Harry had definitely underestimated their relationship. "There are other purebloods we can work with," Harry said and Draco scowled at him but Harry ignored him and looked back at the healer.

"Of course, Mr. Potter. With no next of kin Miss Granger had listed you as her proxy, so this is your decision." The healer motioned to Draco then. "But Mr. Malfoy here has demonstrated he is immune to this substance, and he is already here, and apparently willing."

Draco's arm was still exposed and he pulled it back and glared at Harry. Harry gave him a curt nod and several minutes later Draco's blood was flowing into Hermione. Draco watched it pass through the tube into her arm, this time not in disgust, but hope, hope that the tiny trickle would be enough.

* * *

_Author's Note: I didn't care about the blood at all. I remember the constant blood replenishing potions were hard to choke down in the beginning since they reminded me so vividly of that dark time in my life, but all I cared about was you Hermione. I just needed you to get better._

* * *

Draco didn't leave Hermione's side for a solid week. Effie brought him food and changes of clothes. He didn't even take baths, not wanting to be away from Hermione for too long. He just cleaned himself with his wand as best he could while changing clothes each day.

His blood was working, but slowly. The healers said she was absorbing the nutrients in the potions they gave her, but they had to work slowly so as not to shock her system. And they wanted to keep her asleep at least for the first week to give her body time to heal.

Draco gave her blood transfusions every few hours, then between those times he'd talk to her or sometimes just hold her hand. He knew she couldn't hear him while under the potion but thought maybe in her subconscious she'd interpret his words. It helped him too, to think of her as living when she looked so dead.

He tried to talk to her about her friends each day, since that seemed to work well on the edge of the veil. It would be good to remind her who she was fighting for.

"Potter comes by every day and he hates that I'm here, but I obviously don't care," Draco was saying, leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on her bed. "He's kicking himself for not checking on you sooner, rightly so. I can tell you never told him about the bracelet or the day we inhaled the powder, I wonder why Hermione." Draco sighed.

"The entire Weasley clan has stopped coming by every day, thank Merlin, too much red hair in one room for me. Now it's just the Weasel and his sister who stop by. Don't tell her, but I like the sister. I used to always wonder how Potter could possibly pick her when he had you around, but I get it a little. She's clever, and funny, and is the only one who isn't completely mad about me being here.

"The Weasel is fun as ever, we dislike each other just as much as we did before all this. He kicks me out of the room every time he comes, demanding alone time. Asshole. Even Potter doesn't do that. And I met the girlfriend you told me about, the Hufflepuff. She does seem better suited to him, pretty, but kind of dumb. I know you'd be mad at me for saying so, but I'm sure you secretly agree. Anyway, he misses you, they all do. And you need to come back for them, okay?" And me, he wanted to add, but didn't.

As much as Draco wanted to continue seeing her, he knew it wasn't a good idea. He'd been the cause of two near-death experiences. He was dangerous, even when he didn't mean to be, and Hermione would be better off without him.

Later that day Harry came to see Hermione.

"They tested Ginny and Ron's blood and it seems it has the same effect as yours. So you don't have to be here non-stop, you can take breaks."

Draco sighed, considering. He didn't want to leave. But he'd decided it was for the best to slip out of Hermione's life, and it would be easier to leave before she woke up. "I should go," Draco said in a flat voice. "I've been away from home long enough. When will they be ready to take over?"

Harry cocked his head, surprised, "You don't have to leave if you don't –"

"I want to, when do the Weasleys want to take over?"

Harry was confused. This dismissal was at complete odds with how Malfoy had been acting this whole week. Harry had seen how gently he'd held Hermione to his chest, he'd seen him cry over her bed and hold her hand. He talked to her and read the Prophet out loud cover to cover every day. It was clear Malfoy cared for her, but now he was acting like he was ready to put this inconvenience to his schedule behind him.

"Tomorrow, I'll let them know," Harry said eventually.

Draco gave him a curt nod, then settled quietly back into his seat, his expression blank.

The next morning Ginny came to relieve Draco. A young female healer came to set her up with the blood transfusion then left them alone in the room. Draco brushed Hermione's leg with his fingertips in a silent farewell, then turned to leave.

"That's it? After everything? You're just going to leave?" Ginny challenged.

"What do you mean by 'everything?'" Draco asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think you do. You don't even want to be here when she wakes up?"

Draco shook his head, "Take care, Weasley," then he rushed home.

* * *

_October 2002_

A week later Harry and two Aurors came to the Manor to collect the relics. Draco directed them around the house, but lingered in the hall as they warded and boxed up each relic, never wanting to set eyes on any of those awful objects again.

When they were done Draco walked them to the gates and watched them strap the crates on their broomsticks. The two Aurors Draco didn't know flew off, but Potter stayed back.

"She was released from the hospital yesterday," Harry said in a low voice.

Draco crossed his arms, nosy Potter, at it again. "Good. Any lasting damage?"

"They don't think so. They're going to have her go in for blood transfusions every few days to start, then stretch it out to a week, then a month, until they are sure she doesn't need them anymore. After that she should be fine."

"Okay," Draco said indifferently. "Bye, Potter." He turned back to the house and didn't look back at what he assumed was Potter's disappointed expression.

* * *

A few days later when Draco felt the shimmer of the wards, he knew exactly who it was. He sat in his chair in the library and sent his house elf to collect her from the gates.

Hermione was disappointed when Effie greeted her at the gate instead of Draco. She gave the elf a warm smile, but the elf didn't react. None of the house elves liked her because they knew if she had it her way, they'd all be free. She followed Effie through the hall into the library, then found Draco sitting in her chair by the window, looking blankly back at her. Effie left the room quickly and Hermione approached Draco and sat on the chair next to his. He was waiting for her to start speaking, but she wasn't sure where to start.

"I hate damsels in distress," Hermione said eventually. "They're so pathetic, but that's exactly what I've been the past few months and you keep saving me."

Draco nodded, then said, "You're not a pathetic damsel, you were just attacked by immensely powerful Dark Magic. It would have taken anyone down, even a wizard like Dumbledore," his voice was flat and Hermione leaned toward him.

She placed a tentative hand on his knee and he looked at it, then back at her. His grey eyes were flat and devoid of emotion and she wondered how he was managing this look of complete indifference. "Thank you, Draco," Hermione said with as much sincerity as possible. "Harry told me what you did, and if you hadn't acted so quickly, I wouldn't have made it."

She squeezed his leg and he gave her a curt nod, then looked out the window.

"And uh –" she hesitated, then rushed through her next sentence. "I know you hate blood, but you gave me so many transfusions, I'm sure that was hard."

He looked back at her and scanned her face, but his eyes were still dead. "It was the least I could do."

Hermione leaned back in her chair, then said in a light tone, "I have so much of yours, Ron's, and Ginny's blood in my veins now, do you think that makes me a pureblood? Maybe the portraits won't hate me so much anymore." She looked around the room and noticed Draco had taken all the portraits down. She looked back at him and was disappointed that he hadn't even twitched his mouth at her lame joke.

"We were stupid, I'm glad the project is over," he said then.

Hermione's chest clenched. That devastating feeling when you realize you're not as important to someone as they are to you overtook her. It was the same feeling she'd had every time she'd seen her parents look at her like she was a stranger. She tried again, "Right, but, well, I do miss the work a little, even though some of the relics tried to kill us. Parts of it were fun."

"Hmph," was all Draco said in response.

"Do you think we can still be friends?"

"No, Hermione," his harsh tone made her feel cold and she crossed her arms over her chest protectively. "The assignment is done, you should go. Before something else in this house tries to kill you," he added bitterly.

Hermione stood, completely heart-broken, but Draco didn't move to join her. Instead he summoned Effie and said, "Please show Miss Granger out." That's how he said it, "Miss Granger," and she was reminded of school then. And this Draco was more similar to her former school bully than ever. Tears sprung into her eyes and she dropped her head to hide them as she followed Effie out the door.

She turned before she reached the hall though and said angrily, "Why are you doing this? Pushing me away?"

Draco stared back at her blankly and didn't respond.

She approached him, "Was it the powder? How it only attacked me? It wasn't your fault Draco, you tried to protect me, and cured me, you need to get over it."

He narrowed his eyes at her and the cruel look he gave her reminded her of his younger self again, not the Draco she'd come to know. "You were a nice distraction from the boredom in my life, but it's over. You should go. Did you really think we could be friends?" He said the last part like she was stupid and Hermione got angry then.

She knew she hadn't misinterpreted anything and had no idea why Draco had decided to revert to his old, mean self. "And that's what you want? For me to leave and never come back?" she asked in a challenging tone, searching his face.

Draco stared back at her, then hissed, "Yes." Hermione shook her head but turned to leave.

Draco dropped his Occlumency shields as soon as Hermione was out of the room and lowered his face into his hands. His resolve to push her away had nearly crumbled, but he'd managed it, barely. She was the only good thing in his life. What was he going to do now without her? Go back to his stupid routines? Maybe write a deeply depressing book about unrequited love. But he had to do this for her safety. He'd been selfish and his desire to see her had nearly gotten her killed, twice.

While watching her lying on the hospital bed, almost dead, Draco had decided that he'd rather be in a world where Hermione was living and happy than in one without her.

Hermione was a fighter though, and she didn't stay away from the Manor for long. Two weeks later she was back, and that time Draco wasn't strong enough to push her away.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione smirked to herself, "Nice try, Draco," then she continued reading, eager to see how he'd write the scene she knew was coming next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Hello! Special shout out to my new beta Chloe.Ray for helping with this chapter!
> 
> So maybe Hermione is a little stupid here, letting her illness get out of hand and not realizing it was related to the relic. But some people think they can power through illnesses but then eventually their body gives up. I can see Hermione being one of those people.
> 
> And classic Draco here, super sweet, then super cold. He'd be great if he could get out of his own way, right?
> 
> Bonus points to anyone who caught that I changed the name of Ron's girlfriend. It was Laura, which I realized looked too similar to Luna, so it's Nora now. I've edited the earlier chapter where I first mentioned it, sorry about that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you are all still enjoying the story. Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	8. Together

**CHAPTER 8 - Together**

_Author's Note: I don't know why you came back after I was so rude to you. I thought I had done such a thorough job of convincing you I didn't care for you, especially judging by the hurt expression on your face when you left that day (which I'm still sorry for). But the next time you came back to the Manor you were sure I'd been lying about my feelings for you. I never asked what changed your mind, but I'm glad something did._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione smiled to herself. She'd never told Draco it was Ron who'd changed her mind. She made a note in the margins to remind herself to tell him, though she knew he'd hate it. She remembered that conversation with Ron vividly.

Hermione was sitting at the kitchen counter in her flat, reading through a note she'd just received from the publisher of _The Little Dragon Boy_. She'd written to the publisher a few months ago to ask if _The Little Dragon Boy_ and the Alchemy book Draco had lent her were written by the same person. When she re-read the dragon book so soon after reading the Alchemy book from Draco, she thought the writing styles were very similar and she suspected the authors were the same. This note from the publisher confirmed it, and it was clear then who the author was.

Hermione was chewing her lip, considering what to do with the information when Ron came into her flat. So what if Draco had written one of her favorite books? It didn't matter since it was clear he didn't want to see her again. Every time she thought of how impassive he'd appeared that day she almost cried. She liked him, more than as a friend, though it had taken her awhile to figure it out.

A closeness had developed between them following their trip to the edge of the veil. She'd tried to ignore it and convinced herself her attraction to him was related to the magic somehow, but that was wrong. She liked him because he was intelligent, and handsome, and witty, and surprisingly gallant at times, at least when it really counted (like saving her life). And she was sure he liked her. She'd caught him staring at her a lot, and why else would he risk himself to save her so many times? But she'd been wrong, he'd let her go without a fight.

Ron hung his cloak in the closet then sat down beside her at the counter. When he saw her expression, he put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay? What is that?" He pointed at the letter she was still holding.

"Oh, it's about – uh, Malfoy." Ron cocked his eyebrow but didn't look upset, so she continued. "I think he may have written that dragon boy book, you know the one I loved, about the war?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah... you thought it was Nott."

"I was wrong, I never considered Malfoy at the time." Her voice trailed off and she put the note down and took a sip of tea.

"Why do you seem so sad?"

Hermione shrugged. "It's nothing, I was just thinking about the book."

"Yeah, that boy killed himself at the end, depressing. I could see Malfoy writing something like that I guess, he's a pretty dark bloke." Hermione shook her head. Was she the only one who hadn't interpreted the ending of that book as depressing?

"Anyway, I'm sure you're glad you don't have to go over to Malfoy Manor anymore. That one time I went was more than enough. The images from that day we were captured came back to me so clearly," he cut off and shuddered, then added, "I don't know how you managed it every week Hermione."

Hermione gave him a small smile, "It wasn't so bad. Malfoy and I kind of became friends."

"Well yeah," he chuckled. "Friends," he said sarcastically.

"What?" Hermione didn't get the joke.

Ron was smiling and shaking his head at her. "Well I'm sure from your perspective you were friends, but Draco Malfoy is in love with you."

She almost dropped her mug, then placed it carefully on the counter. "What?"

"Yeah, came as a shock to me too. I wanted to punch him when I saw the way he looked at you, but we needed him for his blood, or, well, we thought we did at the time."

"You're mistaken, Ron."

"Oh, Hermione, come on." Ron gave her a playful shove. "You do this a lot. There will be a bloke completely enamored with you and you have no idea."

"I do not," she said lamely.

"It's happening now," Ron argued. "With that new Auror in training, Johnson, he's obsessed with you."

She waved him off. "He is not _obsessed_ with me. Anyway, what makes you think Malfoy likes me?"

"I have eyes, Hermione," he opened them wide as if to show them off for her. "You should have seen him at St. Mungo's. He refused to leave your side for a solid week."

Hermione cocked her head. This was the first she'd heard of that, "Well he had to give me all those blood transfusions – "

"No, it was more than that. Those were only every few hours and he could have left between them, but he didn't. He sat at your side and stared at you the whole time. Even when my family came in to visit, he wouldn't leave. I had to kick him out a few times when I wanted to see you alone, but he'd just linger in the hall until I left, then he went right back in."

"I don't know, I think he just felt guilty since it all happened at his hou–"

"No, I'm right on this," Ron cut in. "And it's not just me who thinks so. Ask Harry and Ginny, they agree."

Hermione's eyes widened. She could see Ron misinterpreting something, but not Ginny. "Well I saw him later and he was rude and distant, so he must have gotten over it." She sighed and finished off her tea.

"Maybe," Ron shrugged, clearly not convinced. "But I don't think you get over something like that so quickly. He probably just pushed you away since he's a ferrety coward and is worried about your blood statuses or something. Or maybe he knows he's not good enough for you, and he's right," Ron added sternly.

Hermione shook her head, not sure what to believe anymore. Ron studied her, then a look of alarm came across his face, "It's one-sided, right?"

Hermione had nodded absentmindedly, then stared back at the note and allowed herself to hope that Ron was right. The next day, after confirming Ginny agreed with Ron's theory, Hermione set off for the Manor. She'd give Draco one more chance and if he pushed her away again, she'd move on.

* * *

Manuscript:

_October 2002_

When Hermione arrived at Malfoy Manor, Della received her at the gate and informed her that Draco was out and would be back shortly. The house elf led Hermione into the library to wait for him. First Hermione sat in her usual spot, but found she was too filled with nervous energy to stay still, so she stood and started examining some of the book shelves.

Hermione was reading through a blue book Draco didn't recognize when he stepped into the library. She didn't notice him come in and jumped when he said, "You're back."

Hermione quickly replaced the book on the shelf and said accusingly, "You wrote _The Little Dragon Boy."_ Draco approached her slowly and she was relieved to find he didn't look as cold as he had the last time. He looked kind of happy, at least his version of happy.

"I did," he said simply.

"Why did you lie?"

Draco let out a small sigh. "I honestly don't know. It was personal, and we weren't that close when you first asked me." He crossed his arms and stared back at her.

"And we're close now?" Hermione said in a small voice.

Draco ignored the question and pretended to study a nearby book.

"And that's not the only thing you lied about," Hermione continued.

"It's not?" Draco looked back at her, genuinely confused and was trying to remember another lie.

Hermione walked closer to him and he looked back at her nervously and uncrossed his arms but stayed in his spot next to the bookshelf. When Hermione reached him she took both of his hands in hers and said in a low voice, "You tried to pretend you didn't care about me the last time I was here. Why?" Draco stepped back and dropped her hands.

"Why are you here?" Hermione stepped closer to him again but didn't touch him this time.

"You know I kind of fell for the person who wrote that book, in a distant sort of way," she motioned toward the shelf she knew held _The Little Dragon Boy_. "And well, separate from that, I kind of fell for you this past year," Draco was staring at her intently and she could tell he was working hard to control his emotions. The turmoil she sensed there gave her the courage to go on.

"I got proof a few days ago you two are the same person. And, well, I don't know. I wanted to stop by and be absolutely certain that you don't feel anything – uh, more than friendship toward me."

Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and Hermione took the opportunity to raise her hands to his shoulders and trace her fingers up and down his neck.

Draco was struggling internally. He should push her away, make her leave again, that's what was best for her. But he loved her, and she said she liked him too, and the feeling of her hands on his neck was divine. But if she didn't stop rubbing his neck his body was about to give him away, so he grabbed her hands and pulled them down gently, but kept a grip on them as he said, "I don't know what you want from me, Hermione. I think this is a terrible idea." He looked down at their clasped hands to hide from her penetrating stare.

Hermione studied him for a time, then she finally placed the primary emotion he'd been trying to hide, fear. "Why are so scared of this?"

_Because I'd do anything for you, even jump into a fucking lake of blood, and it terrifies me. Because when I saw you looking dead in that hospital bed, I found out that losing you could hurt me more than anything else I can imagine._

Draco didn't speak any of the thoughts that had come into his mind. Instead he said, "Survival instincts kicking in I guess."

Hermione smirked, "You don't think you'd survive a relationship with me?"

Draco shook his head, then dropped his eyes. A relationship? Did she really want to be with him? He couldn't fathom how that was possible.

"Are you worried about others' reactions? Because of my – uh – blood status?" Draco's eyes snapped up and he lifted a hand to her cheek and tightened his grip on her other hand.

"No, of course not. That's- " he paused, looking for the right word. "Inconsequential."

 _Then what is it?_ Hermione wondered. Draco was looking at her in a way no one had in a really long time. She could get lost in his grey eyes, wondering forever what he was thinking. But he didn't look like he was going to admit to it anytime soon. She shook her head. She'd already put herself out there so much already, the next move would have to be his, she decided. But Draco didn't move, he just continued staring at her.

Hermione sighed sadly. "I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want."

Draco dropped the hand on her face and her heart dropped when she realized he wasn't going to fight for her. She squeezed his other hand which was still holding hers before backing away. But Draco kept his grip on her hand so by the time Hermione took another step back her arm was outstretched. She expected him to drop her hand then, but instead she saw a look of determination flash in his eyes and Draco pulled her back to him. It reminded Hermione of the twirls from when they'd danced over a year ago.

She was surprised by the force of his tug and thankfully he caught her by the waist before she crashed into him. He moved his hands up to her face and studied her eyes like he was looking for something. Whatever it was, he seemed to have found it, because the next moment he was kissing her with a passion that was surprising considering how indifferent he'd seemed just a moment before.

Hermione leaned into him, pushing him into the bookshelf. He moved his hands to her hips and pulled her into him, like he couldn't get close enough to her. She kissed him back as fiercely as he was kissing her, not realizing until that moment how much she'd wanted to do this. A few moments later, Draco pulled back but kept a firm grip on her hips as he studied her face.

Draco still had no idea what Hermione saw in him. But he wanted this, wanted to be with her. And she knew what she was getting with him. She knew he was the pathetic boy who wrote the dragon book and was afraid of blood. The shitty Death Eater with evil parents. She knew he'd been a bully and hated her in school, and now hated himself for it, and she still wanted him.

And honestly, he was never going to succeed in pushing her away. He had already been considering excuses to see her again before she'd shown up that day. His mind was made up that moment in the sitting room months before when he'd looked into her beautiful brown eyes and seen a better version of himself reflected back. And Hermione's moment of clarity was linking the author of the dragon boy book, who she'd always cared for, to him.

But as Draco considered a relationship with her, and how hard it would be, he frowned slightly. Hermione noticed his frown and moved to pull away, dropping her arms from around his neck. But he moved his hand behind her head before she had a chance to step back, and she could see in his gaze that he'd made some type of decision. Then he was kissing her again.

Kissing Hermione was better than Draco had ever imagined. Any lingering doubts that his attraction to her was a product of extreme isolation and loneliness were erased the second his lips touched hers. There was a real connection between them, stronger than anything he'd ever felt with other witches. They kissed for a long time, as if they were making up for all the time they missed out on earlier. Draco was cursing himself for not throwing her onto his bed and snogging her that first day when she'd joked about being in his bedroom.

Eventually they both pulled away slowly, a little out of breath. They stood staring at each other for a while, both nervous and looking for reassurance in the other's gaze. Hermione eventually said, "What's next?"

Draco frowned again but remembered his decision from just a few moments before. Although he was undoubtedly bad for her, and would never be good enough to deserve her (despite how many times he tried to redeem himself or apologize), as long as she wanted this, wanted _him,_ he'd be there for her.

So when Hermione asked him what was next, he knew it was a good deal of pain, because everyone would hate this – her friends, his parents, their entire world. But that was a problem for another time. Draco focused instead on the foreign feeling of anticipation that was flowing through his body, making him feel more alive than he had in years.

"Lunch?" he asked, "I think you owe me a trip to the Muggle world," she smiled so warmly that he couldn't help but smile back, completely forgetting his doubts from before.

* * *

 _Author's Note: My doubts weren't unfounded. The world_ did _hate us and succeeded in tearing us apart. But even if I'd known then how messed up everything would get, I wouldn't have been able to leave. Not after I found out what kissing you was like._

* * *

Draco's first trip to the Muggle world wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. His main impression was that it was crowded and loud, but not dirty like his father had always said, and the Muggles seemed harmless.

Draco had a fright when he thought one of them was yelling at him, but Hermione pointed to the rectangle in the woman's hand and explained she was yelling into a phone. Then Hermione had laughed at him which he didn't appreciate, so he'd retaliated by pulling her in for a long kiss.

The bold action had surprised both of them, but Draco just smirked in response. He'd decided to commit to this, so he pulled Hermione to his side possessively while they waited in line to order and his heart leapt when she leaned into him.

After lunch they'd walked around Muggle London and Hermione explained about the traffic patterns and told Draco one of the most common ways wizards revealed themselves in large Muggle cities was by using magic to avoid getting hit by oncoming cars. "Do you know that's how Harry's aunt and uncle told him his parents died? In a car crash?"

"That doesn't seem to be an effective way to kill a wizard."

"Yeah, but obviously Harry didn't know any better. When Hagrid found out they'd lied to him he got so angry he gave Harry's cousin a pig tail."

"Potter didn't know anything about his past growing up?" Draco asked. He'd assumed Potter had come into Hogwarts knowing how famous and wonderful he was.

Hermione wasn't paying attention anymore. She'd stopped on the sidewalk in front of a grey building and Draco recognized where they were, he saw the alley Potter had Apparated them into on their right.

Hermione was chewing on her lip and he waited for her to say whatever was on her mind. He wanted to ask when he'd get to see her again but didn't want to seem too desperate. He hated to admit it, but she had all the power here.

"Do you want to come in for tea? I uh – think we should agree on some ground rules, for, um, us."

Draco couldn't help but grin back at her. Of course Hermione wanted to talk about rules. But he followed her into the building without complaint, curious to see what she had in mind. As soon as they got into her flat Hermione busied herself with the tea while Draco looked around her sitting room. There was a Muggle device in the corner and six books stacked neatly on the center table. He wondered if she was reading them all at once and bent to check the titles.

He didn't recognize any of the authors then wondered if they were Muggle books. It occurred to him then that there was probably an entire collection of interesting Muggle literature that he'd never experienced. His father always said they were filthy heathens, but obviously that wasn't true. Draco was trying to think of a way to ask Hermione about it without being too insulting when she cleared her throat behind him. He turned and saw her holding a mug out to him with a very serious expression and decided to ask her about the books later.

He took the mug and sat down on her couch, waiting to see what she seemed so nervous about. Was she already done with him? That hadn't even lasted 24 hours.

"Is it safe to say we're dating now?" Hermione asked, sitting down next to Draco on the couch.

Draco nodded back at her and took a sip of his tea. It was perfect, she'd remembered how he liked it and he smiled to himself and made a mental note to learn how she liked her tea.

"Exclusively?" she added then.

Draco gave her a sardonic look, "Obviously."

"Ok, good." She still looked apprehensive and Draco wondered why when she blurted out, "We should talk about sex."

Draco almost spit out his tea. He recovered then said teasingly, "Wow, straight to it, Hermione."

She was blushing now but didn't respond.

"Okay, well, what about sex? Is this an offer…?" He grinned seductively and leaned into her.

"No!" She pushed him away and he struggled to keep from spilling his mug, then placed it on the table in front of them. She continued, "I'm not a prude, I've had sex before, but, uh, I'd like to wait, at least a few months before that happens with us. I want to make sure it's serious." She took a sip of her tea then and Draco cocked his head at her, wondering again why she was so nervous.

"What?" he asked, offended, "Are you expecting me to say I'm not okay with that and leave?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and took another sip of tea.

"That's fine, Hermione." He laid back on the couch then turned his head to look at her. "But when you say you've had sex before... With how many blokes exactly...?"

She shoved him again. "Seriously? You want to talk about that right now? After we've technically only been on one date?"

"I don't think that counted as a date since I didn't pay," Draco grumbled. He'd tried to get her to take some galleons after she'd paid with a strange plastic card, but she'd refused, just saying, "Yes, yes, I know you're rich Draco, but it's fine, really."

"Well, whether we've been on one date or none, it feels like more for some reason," she muttered. Draco nodded, he knew how she felt. He figured all those hours alone together, then the drama with the relics, should count for at least five dates, maybe ten. Draco looked back at her and saw she was watching him, nervous again.

"Okay, what's next?" he asked.

"I'd like to keep this, uh, relationship secret, just to start." He noticed that she stumbled on the word 'relationship.' She continued with an apologetic look. "So we can get used to it before getting yelled at by everyone we know." Hermione was worried what his reaction would be to this request.

 _Yeah right_ , Draco thought to himself, _more like you're ashamed to be dating a former Death Eater and have no idea how to tell your friends_. But he knew he wasn't in a position to argue, so he said, "Fine."

Hermione let out a sigh of relief. "Good, so we can meet in the Muggle world and here." Draco made a mental note to visit Gringotts on his way home to get some Muggle currency and maybe he'd stop by Flourish and Blotts too to get a book about the Muggle world. "Um, I don't really want to go to the Manor if I don't have to," Hermione added.

"Agreed, I don't want you there either, I'd prefer if you were alive during this, uh, relationship." he stumbled through the last part in an impersonation of her and she pushed him again.

"Right." Hermione put her mug next to Draco's then leaned back on the couch, "I guess those were the things I wanted to talk through, do you have anything to add?" She turned her head to him.

"Did all fifty of your other romantic relationships start out with an uncomfortable conversation like this?"

She blushed and crossed her arms. "I think it's good to agree on expectations ahead of time. And don't think by throwing out a ridiculously high number like fifty you're going to trick me into correcting you and providing the actual number," she added with a smirk.

Draco smirked back. It had been worth a try. He sat up on the couch, "I have something," she perked up, curious. "When do I get to see you again?"

"Oh – right," Hermione nodded and got up from the couch to get her beaded bag. She pulled out a planner and started flipping through it, "We should set a regular day to meet, good idea." Draco frowned but she didn't notice. That's not what he'd meant. He just wanted to see her the next time she was available, and hoped it was soon. "How about Friday nights?"

Draco looked back at her incredulously, "Once a week?"

"Well, we can probably do something during the day Saturday too, but every so often I have plans with my friends, so I can't commit to every week..." her voice trailed off when she saw his expression. "What?"

"So twice a week, if you can fit me in." Draco's tone made Hermione think of a petulant child.

She sat up on the couch and turned to face him, "What do you want? Not everyone has a completely unconstrained schedule, Draco."

Draco felt a pit start to settle in his stomach. This wasn't a big deal for Hermione, just some casual relationship she'd fit into her free time. But she was so much more than that to him. Draco scowled at her insult, then asked, "What do you do after work?"

Hermione shrugged, "Eat dinner, read, unwind."

"All alone?"

"Usually."

"Okay, that's when I want to come over. Weekdays after work, including the previously agreed upon Friday night, and all day Saturday. You can have Saturday night and all of Sunday for your friends."

Hermione shook her head, then stood to grab their mugs and return them to the kitchen and Draco followed her. She turned back after leaving them by the sink and said with her hands on her hips, "One weekday after work, you can pick the day, Friday night, and Saturday from 11 to 3."

Draco considered, then countered, "Tuesdays and Fridays after work and Saturdays from 10 to 5."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "10 to 4."

"4:30."

"Fine," Draco smirked at her. "You're awfully demanding for someone who was pretending like he didn't want to be with me just hours ago."

Draco put his hands on her arms and gave her a serious look, "I'm finished pretending."

She gave him a small smile. "I can see that."

Draco looked at his watch then, "It's 3pm on a Saturday, so I think I have an hour and a half before you kick me out."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Is this what dating a Slytherin is going to be like? Constant negotiations?"

He pulled her into him and kissed her on the cheek, then whispered in her ear, "It's easier if you give in."

Hermione shuddered at the feeling of his breath on her neck and pulled back, looking up at him, "You're impossible."

Draco studied her, still not believing his luck in having her here in his arms. He could tell her brain was working hard, then her face fell and Draco saw a flash of uncertainty cross her eyes, "What's wrong?" he asked.

"If I let myself really think about it, logically, it's crazy. _Me_ dating Draco Malfoy?"

Shit, was she already reconsidering? He wasn't going to let her go that easily. He tightened his arms around her waist, "I know what you mean. But if you turn your brain off, and focus on this," he moved his hands lightly up and down her side. "The feeling of being here with me, it feels right, doesn't it?" He knew it felt right for him, in a way few things had in Draco's life. But he didn't know how it felt for her and the knot that had begun to form in his chest earlier was back as he considered whether this was one-sided. Maybe she liked him enough to kiss him and enjoy time alone with him, but not enough to fight against the mountain of obstacles that stood between them.

Hermione's eyes brightened and she nodded then gave him a small kiss on his jaw. Draco let out a sigh of relief, then moved his lips to her neck and trailed a few kisses there before saying, "In the spirit of setting expectations, I'm going to need you to clearly define where the line between heavy snogging and shagging is for you."

Hermione rolled her eyes but didn't push him away when he pulled her in for another kiss.

* * *

_Author's Note: This is my favorite part of the story. We were falling in love without any outside distractions. It was the happiest I've been in my entire life, even counting the delusional times when I was a teenager and thought I was better than everyone and would one day rule the world (or at least heavily influence it like my father did). How do we get back to that time, Hermione?_

* * *

_December 2002_

Draco and Hermione's relationship progressed quickly. After just a month Hermione was spending almost all her free time with Draco, taking breaks only for work and two or three outings with her friends each week. Even those times she was reluctant to go and would give Draco an apologetic smile, but it was important for her to keep up some semblance of normalcy during this rapidly progressing relationship.

Unlike Hermione, Draco had abandoned the concept of normalcy. There was nothing from his new life with her that resembled his old life. Some of the routines were the same, he still ate breakfast with his mother each morning, flew most days, and tried to write, but the feelings were completely different.

If he thought about it too long, it scared him how quickly she'd become so ingrained in his life. It was like racing on a broom that was going faster and faster and he couldn't slow it down. It was exhilarating, but also frightening, and he was worried they'd crash. But they couldn't get enough of each other, and the time they spent together never seemed to be sufficient. Draco felt like he'd been missing Hermione for years without even realizing it. She was like the final piece to a complicated puzzle he hadn't known he'd been trying to solve.

Currently, Draco was walking through the streets of Muggle London, looking for a small gift for Hermione to celebrate one year since they'd started their Dark Artifact project. Draco had fallen in love with Muggle London since his first trip there six weeks before. He reveled in the anonymity and made a routine of Apparating to a new point near her flat an hour or two before she was due home from work. Then he'd walk around the streets and scope out new spots for them to explore together later.

But today he was having no luck in the Muggle world and sighed when he realized he'd have to venture into the Wizarding one for Hermione's gift. He ducked into a dark alley and apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. He pulled up his cloak to cover his face before rushing into Diagon Alley.

Draco was scanning the shop windows when he spotted Blaise up the road. He ducked into the nearest shop and found himself in one of his mother's favorite jewelry shops. He knew he wouldn't find a small gift in here, but looked around anyway, wanting to give Blaise enough time to leave.

Just then the perfect gift for Herminoe caught his eye. It was a long gold necklace with dozens of thin strands tied into a knot. It reminded Draco of the golden strings they'd had to untie when dismantling the Dark Artifacts. The salesman approached and showed Draco that with a touch of his wand the gold strands started to shimmer. That made up Draco's mind and he handed over a pile of gold.

Draco knew Hermione would be upset by the cost, but he didn't care, it was worth it for something so beautiful, just like her. And the memory it evoked was beautiful too. That had been their favorite part of their project, before the objects started fighting back.

Draco glanced around quickly and checked the necklace was secure in his jacket, then rushed back into the street toward the Leaky Cauldron. Blaise stopped him a few paces down the road. He'd been leaning against the building and Draco wondered if he'd been waiting for him.

"Jewelry shopping Malfoy?" Blaise raised his eyebrow at his old friend.

Draco shrugged nonchalantly, "Christmas gift for my mother, why do you care?"

"Since when do you shop yourself? You always send your house elves out for that kind of thing," Blaise looked him up and down and added, "And what's with the Muggle clothes?"

Draco shrugged again, trying to think up an excuse, then Blaise continued, "No one has seen you in ages. There's a rumor floating around that you have spattergroit."

Draco scoffed at that. "I'm fine."

"You should join us for drinks sometime. Nott, Goyle, and me all get together at The Green Dragon every Thursday."

"No thank you." Draco tried to move past him but Blaise stood in his way.

"If it's about Goyle, you should know he doesn't care. It's not your fault Potter spoke up for you and not him, and he doesn't blame you for not visiting him in Azkaban. According to him you barely visit your own father."

Draco sighed, this was not a conversation he wanted to be having right now. "It's not that, I just don't want to go," Draco said quickly. "Tell Goyle I'm glad he's out of jail."

"Why?" Blaise was angry now. "Are you too good for your old friends?"

"I didn't say that, you did."

"Whatever Malfoy," Blaise finally moved out of Draco's way. "The invite's out there, if you ever want to rejoin the world."

"Noted," Draco mumbled as he rushed past him.

* * *

A few hours later Hermione was in the shower while Draco laid on her bed and read one of the Muggle books she'd recommended. Her no sex rule had ended about four weeks after they'd started dating instead of the initially quoted "couple of months." Draco figured it was because he was incredible at snogging and the few shagging-adjacent activities she'd allowed, and Hermione, finding him entirely irresistible, could no longer hold out for the real thing.

* * *

Present Day:

"Hah!" Hermione could clearly visualize the smirk Draco must have been wearing when he wrote that line. Her heart ached when she realized she hadn't seen that carefree expression on him in a long time.

* * *

Manuscript:

Hermione sat Draco down for another serious talk before they'd had sex for the first time. First she'd explained her multiple methods of contraception in excruciating detail, then she admitted to previously sleeping with three men. Weasley (Draco had cringed), a dull Ravenclaw from their year who she'd dated after Weasley (something like Shoe or Boot), and a bloke a few years older than them from the Ministry that Draco didn't know.

Draco had provided his number then, four (he'd been pleased it was higher than hers). He'd dated Astoria Greengrass about two years ago, Pansy for most of his time in school, and had brief encounters with two other witches whose names he couldn't remember.

"That's disgusting," Hermione admonished.

"I know they were Ravenclaws," Draco provided.

"You knew their Hogwarts house but not their names?"

Draco shrugged and explained, "They had blue on their uniforms."

Hermione froze, then looked at him curiously. "You were with them in school?"

"Yeah…"

"But you were with Pansy since third –" her eyes widened. "Draco, you didn't."

Draco was confused, then he realized what she was talking about, "What? Oh, cheat on Pansy? I did."

She hit him. "That's awful".

Draco cocked his head. "You do know I was a Death Eater, right? Tortured people, tried to kill the Headmaster? But cheating on Pansy is what upsets you most?" He tried to keep from laughing.

Hermione put her hands on her hips and said menacingly, "I will hex you into oblivion (and we both know what it looks like now) if you cheat on me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he'd promised. And he'd meant it. Hermione was far and away the best thing that had ever happened to him and he wouldn't be stupid enough to screw it up like that.

Draco was drawn back to the present when the bathroom door opened and Hermione entered wearing the white silk robe he loved on her. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and she walked between his legs and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"I have something for you," he said and summoned his jacket with his wand.

"What?" Hermione looked excited.

Draco pulled the necklace out of his jacket and held it up for her, "Today marks one year since we started working together. I saw this and it reminded me of our curse-breaking," her eyes widened and, predictably, she began to shake her head.

"Come on Hermione, get over it, I swear there are loads of gold sitting completely unused in multiple vaults. Let me spend some of it on you." He clasped the necklace around her then tapped it with his wand so the stands started to shimmer.

He could tell she loved it and was fighting against her instinct to hate the extravagance of the gift. "It's just like the spell," she whispered in awe.

Draco nodded back at her, then pulled her robe open slightly so the long necklace rested against her skin between her breasts, ending in the middle of her chest. "It really looks best like this," he muttered, tracing his fingers along the side of the necklace down her cleavage.

Hermione shook her head. "You know I'll have to wear a shirt when I wear this, so no one else will see this view."

"I'll know," Draco cocked an eyebrow at her. "That'll be enough."

Hermione pulled him in for a deep kiss, then she moved out from between his legs and started rummaging for pajamas in her dresser, "I'm sorry but I have to kick you out. I have plans to meet Ginny early tomorrow."

Draco waited for her to put on her pajamas, then said, "I want to stay."

"Here?"

Draco smirked. "Do I need to define the word _stay_ for you? It means remaining in your current location. So yes, here."

"Stay the night, here, at my place?"

"Yes," Draco said slowly, watching her thinking through all the implications of letting him stay the night.

"Why?" she asked.

Draco shook his head, he hadn't thought it out, maybe he should have. Then he could have a better argument prepared. But he hadn't expected her to have a big problem with it. He was still a little uncomfortable around her and usually examined everything he said before blurting it out to avoid any awkwardness between them. He'd bite his tongue before saying something too sarcastic or cutting, avoided all remarks about her friends, and rarely mentioned things about the Muggle world he found odd, not wanting to remind her of his previous views. But in this case the request to stay the night had fallen out of his mouth before he could consider it carefully.

He sighed then responded, "Because you're here, and my house is gloomy, empty, and depressing. Why not?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's okay, but I need to sleep."

"Yes, I gathered that from your previous statement about the early plans."

"And then you'll leave and go home in the morning?"

"That is the idea. I need to be back for breakfast with my mother anyway."

"Okay," Hermione said hesitantly and Draco could tell she didn't mean it.

"What's wrong? We already shag which means you think this is serious, I'm here every day when you get back from work, what's so bad about me sleeping here?"

"It just seems really fast," she explained. Draco tried to ignore the dark feeling that crept in as he considered that maybe she didn't feel for him as deeply as he did for her. This was a common fear that threatened to take over at least once a day. He tried his best to bury these doubts, but occasionally they'd take over and throw him into a terrible mood. On those days he'd skip his visits to Hermione's, knowing that exposing her to his depression would likely be the last bit of evidence she needed to finally decide he was not worth her time.

"Right," Draco said, sounding hurt. He stood and picked his shirt up off the ground and started to put it on. He had it over his head when he felt her hands on his chest, "No, you should stay."

Draco pulled his head through the shirt and shook his head. "It's really okay Hermione, I don't want to force you into anything you -"

"Stay." She grabbed the end of his shirt and pulled it back over his head, then added, "please."

Draco studied her to be sure she wanted this, but didn't see any doubt in her eyes. He wasn't sure how he'd managed it, but here was another negotiation he'd won. _Ten points to Slytherin._

* * *

Present Day:

"Prat," Hermione muttered, grinning to herself. She was laying on her stomach breezing through this section. She agreed with Draco, this was the best part of their relationship. She loved him so much and they didn't have to deal with any complications. It was blissful, but even then she'd known it couldn't last. Her friends were constantly bugging her about where she was and Ginny suspected she was seeing someone. Hermione sighed and kept reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE A/N: Yay! I love writing scenes with these two dating. Thanks for all of your support. I tagged this as a slow-burn story, but it only took until chapter 8 for them to get together. But in this case the slow-burn energy isn't so much about them getting together, but about us finding out what the heck is going on between them in the present.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	9. Bliss

**CHAPTER 9 - Bliss**

Manuscript:

_Christmas Eve 2002_

A few weeks later Draco was reading on Hermione's couch, waiting for her to get back from work. He looked at his watch again, she was about two hours late, though he'd expected it. Most people left work early on Christmas Eve to spend time with their families, but Hermione had been trying to ignore the existence of this holiday all month. She hadn't even decorated her flat. Just then he heard her in the hall outside the door and his eyes scanned her kitchen quickly to ensure he hadn't left out any evidence of what he'd been doing all afternoon.

"Hey," She beamed when she saw him, then used her wand to remove the snow from her hair and cloak. Draco looked out the window, he hadn't noticed the snow before, he'd been distracted in the kitchen, but it was falling heavily outside.

He closed his book and stood, then started making them tea. He finally learned how Hermione liked hers and had even figured out how to make it the Muggle way after a few tense instructional sessions with Hermione. She may have been a stellar student, but it turned out she was a terrible teacher. Draco thought it was probably because everything came so easy for her, so she rarely had to figure out how to break things down into simple steps.

While Draco bustled around in the kitchen, Hermione walked to the window and watched the snow fall outside. Tea was the only thing he'd attempted to make so far. Hermione had tried to get him to experiment with more recipes, claiming it was like Potions, his favorite subject, but he wasn't interested. She suspected he had a mental block toward cooking since he viewed it as house elves' work. But she would like him to learn. It would be nice if he made dinner for them a few times a week so they didn't have to eat out so much.

Draco watched Hermione at the window as he waited for the water to boil. He'd prefer to use magic for this task, but Hermione insisted tea was better the Muggle way. Though how water boiled with a wand or with a kettle could possibly be different made no sense to him.

He could tell from the moment she'd walked in she was forlorn. Draco figured she was thinking about her parents again, probably remembering what they used to do on Christmas Eve. Draco had been surprised when she didn't dive into the holiday, since she seemed the type who would, but when he'd asked her about it she'd brushed it off in the same tone she used anytime the subject of her parents came up. Then he'd figured she was trying to avoid Christmas since it reminded her too much of the Grangers.

When the tea was done, he brought their mugs over but she remained focused on the snow outside. Draco placed their teas on a side table and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed, contented, and leaned back against him.

"You can still see them, Hermione," Draco whispered into her ear, "even if they don't remember you."

Tears sprung into Hermione's eyes. She wasn't surprised Draco had guessed why she was so upset. Even after their short time together, he was adept at reading her. She shook her head against his chest, "What would I say? Just pretend to be some stranger and try to become their friend? And they live in Australia, so even if I came up with an excuse to visit them regularly I'd rarely get a chance to."

"We can get Portkeys, it wouldn't be that-"

"No," she looked at Draco's reflection in the window. "It's more than that. They don't know me, Draco. I can't bear it. Imagine it, if your mother, someone you always counted on to love you unconditionally, didn't know you."

Draco nodded at her sadly. "And worse," she looked away from his reflection then and back out at the snow. "To know that it was my spell…"

Draco tightened his arms around her. He was sure he'd go see his mother, even if she didn't know him. And he knew Longbottom still saw his parents, and that was much worse. At least Hermione's parents were sane. "So you're just going to live the rest of your life without them? They're still the same people. I know it would be hard to start but-"

"I said no Draco," her eyes snapped back up to meet his. "God, you sound just like Harry," she pulled away from him, then spotted the mugs of tea on the table and picked hers up and started sipping it.

"Well those were the words you needed to say to get me to drop that topic," Draco muttered, picking up his own mug. "I'm just trying to help," he added. It was true, but he regretted it instantly. He didn't want to give her any more reasons to push him away. Being Draco Malfoy, former childhood bully and Death Eater and current depressed loner, was reason enough.

Hermione stepped toward him. "Just give me a hug and let me be sad."

Draco took their mugs and placed them back on the table, then pulled her into his arms. She laid her head on his shoulder and Draco could feel a few tears drop onto his shirt. He understood this. Sometimes he just needed to sit in his melancholic moods too. When depression hit there was rarely a cure besides time. In the middle of it, it felt like it would never pass. But then the next day he woke up it would be gone, at least for a little while.

They moved to the couch and finished their tea while she outlined a new bill she was working on, explaining that was why she'd been late. Then she asked, "What are your plans for Christmas?"

Draco's expression turned dark. "Azkaban."

Hermione shuddered, then asked tentatively, "How is he?" Draco hated talking about his father, but she'd still ask every so often, wanting to give him an opening to vent if he needed to. Most of the time he'd shrug her off, but she didn't mind. She understood, since she did the same when he brought up her parents.

"The same." Draco looked away from her into the fire and was absently rubbing his left forearm. "He's thinner and looks tired, but he hasn't gone mad. He has a purpose, I told you, planning his return to high society once he's out." Draco sighed and looked back at Hermione gloomily.

"That's right, he's getting out soon, isn't he?" They hadn't discussed his father's release from prison since they'd gotten together, and Hermione wondered how having Lucius back in Draco's life would impact their relationship.

"This summer," Draco said in a flat voice.

"It's frightening to think you'll be living with him again."

"Uh huh," Draco said, then shook his head, eager to change the subject. "What are your plans? They're bound to be better than mine."

Hermione sighed. "Harry and Ron will try to keep me busy all day to take my mind off my parents. I'm meeting them at Harry's place in the morning and we'll go straight to the Burrow. It should be fun, there will be four kids there now that George and Percy just had their babies." Draco nodded politely, biting his tongue as he always did when the topic of her friends came up.

"Well, I'd kind of like to sneak away for a few hours to see you, if you can manage it," she said conspiratorially.

Draco's eyes lit up. "Of course." He was surprised she'd abandon her precious friends for him.

"We can exchange our gifts," Hermione said with a smile, then pointed her finger toward him. "You're sticking to the guidelines for your gift, right?"

Draco rolled his eyes, "No money, yes, I remember." He shook his head. One thing he'd learned about Hermione was that she had a rule for everything.

* * *

Present:

"That's an exaggeration," Hermione muttered as she turned the page.

* * *

Manuscript:

_Christmas 2002_

When Draco arrived at Hermione's flat the next night it was empty. He sighed and sat on the couch and started to read one of the magazines on the table. She must have had a harder time escaping her friends than she'd planned. A few minutes later Draco heard voices outside her door. Shit, he thought, then ran into her empty bedroom just as the front door clicked open.

He still had the magazine, so he sat on the bed and continued to read, hoping Hermione would be able to kick whoever had followed her here out soon. This had happened a few times before. Since her illness her friends had been a little nosier but Draco had always managed to hide in time.

It was lucky Hermione didn't have the Floo setup, since there wouldn't be as much warning before people stopped by. That was one of the reasons she didn't like it. "Imagine someone just popping their head into the middle of my flat whenever they please! It's ridiculous."

Draco strained his ears and heard Potter and his girlfriend talking to Hermione. He stopped reading and listened to their conversation.

"You didn't have to take me home, I come home by myself all the time," Hermione said.

Harry responded, "Are you sure you want to be alone tonight?"

"I'm fine, Harry." Draco imagined her placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I had a lovely day, but now I'm exhausted and just want to pour myself a glass of wine and unwind."

"Uh huh, then call over your secret boyfriend and wish him a Happy Christmas," Ginny cut in.

Draco started at that and sat up on the bed.

"Ginny, stop saying that," Harry said.

"In a few months Hermione is finally going to admit that that's the reason she'd been so absent and then I'll get to tell all of you, 'I told you so.'"

Draco smirked, he did like this Weasley. He wondered if she suspected the identity of Hermione's secret boyfriend.

"Hermione wouldn't hide a boyfriend," Harry argued back, and Draco wondered if Hermione was blushing. She was a terrible liar. "Anyway, goodnight Hermione. Will you be at Luna and Rolf's for lunch tomorrow?"

The voices were muffled then, and Draco guessed they'd moved into the hall. He focused back on the magazine.

After Harry and Ginny left Hermione went back to the guest room and found Draco inside with his legs crossed, reading the Quibbler. He looked over at her and gave her a small smile, which she returned. "Did you see the article about Kingsley's secret team of Alchemists? I thought you'd like that one."

"I did." He put the magazine on the nightstand and stood to meet her in the doorway. He placed his hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a kiss, then asked, "When were you going to tell _me_ about your secret boyfriend?"

Hermione shook her head and turned toward the sitting area and took a seat on the couch. "I didn't think I'd have to; I was sure this wouldn't last through the end of the year." Draco frowned, wondering if that was partly true.

"Well there's still a week left." He sat next to her on the couch and she leaned against his side, then he wrapped his arm around her.

"How was your day?" she asked, her voice a little muffled as she talked into his chest.

"Lousy, yours?"

"It was good, really loud though," she added. Draco nodded. He could imagine. She said there would be around thirty people there and he knew the Weasleys didn't have a large house. That sounded miserable. But not as bad as spending Christmas alone with his mother in a giant Manor, he reasoned.

"Okay, are you ready for your gift?" Hermione wiggled out of his arm and reached into the drawer of the side table. She pretended to rummage around and said, "Just need to make sure I get the one meant for you and not my other boyfriend…"

Draco scowled, he knew it was a joke, but it was also a big fear of his, that she'd find someone else. He was sure there were loads of blokes out there who were better suited for her. Wizards who hadn't fought on the wrong side of the war. Or better yet, maybe someone foreign who hadn't been involved in the war at all. Maybe Krum would come back and fly her away on his stupid professional racing broom.

But no, two months had passed and she was still with him. And every time she saw him in her flat she beamed as if she hadn't been expecting him to show up either. He tried not to think about it too hard, since it caused him to panic, but surprisingly, he hadn't screwed this up yet.

Hermione joined him back on the couch with his present in her hand. She laughed at his pout and moved onto his lap to face him, straddling her legs around him.

"Oh, come on. Not only would I never cheat, based on principle," she took a second to send him an admonishing look and he rolled his eyes. "But I'm actually very happy with you."

"And why do you sound so surprised when you say that?" he challenged.

She shrugged, "Honestly, based on how you were in the beginning, I expected you to push me away or be moody or something. But you're a surprisingly excellent boyfriend." She patted him on the cheek. He turned his head to kiss her palm and smirked.

* * *

_Author's Note: Spoke too soon there, Hermione._

* * *

"Do you want your gift?" She held up a small box with a purple ribbon.

Draco picked it up and Hermione moved off his lap and watched him eagerly. He untied the ribbon extremely slowly, to annoy her, then Hermione huffed and snatched it out of his hand and took the ribbon off, then opened the box and handed it back to him.

"So aggressive," he muttered under his breath, then peered into the box which held a small bottle. He lifted it, confused, "Floo powder?"

Hermione nodded excitedly.

"Two thoughts come to mind, one - Floo powder costs money," he cocked an admonishing eyebrow at her, "and two, you don't use the Floo network."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Yes I know the powder costs money, but that's not technically the gift. I linked my fireplace to the network, and that did not cost money. So now you can Floo straight here from your house. You're always complaining about having to walk a long way to get out of your wards to Apparate, then walk up four flights of stairs… blah blah…"

Draco cut in, "What about all the privacy concerns?"

"I'm planning to ward against all entrances besides yours, and I certainly won't be telling my friends, otherwise they'll pop in whenever they want."

Draco scooted closer to her and pushed a curl behind her ear. He didn't know if he'd ever been given such a thoughtful gift. Hermione hated the Floo but was putting that aside for him. "This is a great gift," he said with as much sincerity as he could muster.

Hermione smiled back and Draco stood up to get his gift from his robes. When he looked back Hermione was jumping in place on the couch. She was very excited to see what he'd come up with without spending any money.

Draco was pretty excited too. He'd been working on it all week. He handed her a plain box very close in size to the one she'd given him, but without a ribbon. She smiled at him then opened the box to reveal a perfect chocolate cupcake.

"I made it," Draco explained when she lifted it from the box.

"What?!" She'd been urging him to try cooking for weeks and he kept refusing. She wondered where he'd made this, and how. Then she narrowed her eyes, " _You_ made this? Not a house elf?" Draco rolled his eyes.

"I know better than that." He had had two house elves assist, but they only talked him through the steps and didn't touch anything, because he knew she'd ask him this.

"And I did it the Muggle way," he added. "Well, not the frosting on top, I tried that the Muggle way about five times before giving up and using my wand. But the rest was just me in that unmagical kitchen of yours."

"Really?" She was beaming and Draco was proud, he didn't know how the cupcake would go over and was glad he hadn't gotten it wrong. "And the cupcake is really just part of the gift. I learned a few meals too and can show you next week. I would have made you something tonight, but I knew you'd eat at the Weasleys'"

"Oh my God, really Draco?" She was almost glowing now and Draco found himself grinning ear to ear.

"Yes, I picked up on your hints Hermione."

"Thank you." She looked back at the cupcake. "Can I taste it? Is it going to be gross?"

"It'll be fine. Well, I'm pretty sure it won't poison you; I was going to try it on an elf…"

She hit his arm and looked back at the cupcake warily now. "I'm kidding Hermione, just eat it."

She took a big bite, then chewed slowly, trying to keep her expression blank. Draco could tell she was trying to bait him, so he crossed his arms and waited patiently for her verdict. She stared at him for awhile, then started laughing. "It's really good."

"No need to act so surprised," he grumbled.

"Really," she pushed the rest of the cupcake toward him. "Taste it."

He ignored the proffered cupcake and grabbed her chin instead, kissing her deeply. He moved his tongue around her mouth so he could get a proper taste and she pulled away, laughing again.

"You're right," he said, grinning, "delicious."

Hermione finished the cupcake, then leaned back into him and said, "Happy Christmas, Draco."

Draco nodded, content. She was right, it was.

* * *

_January 2003_

Hermione was happy to have the holidays behind her. Not only had she been sullen due to constant reminders of her parents, but her friends were regularly demanding her attention since they were all off work. And with Ginny's frequent references to Hermione's 'secret boyfriend,' she hadn't wanted to refuse them too many times.

She was glad to be back into a routine with Draco. He cooked for them three times a week and he was getting better. She'd told him it would be like Potions, but he pointed out that with the exception of making stew, it wasn't very much like Potions. He admitted baking was similar to Alchemy, since there was a type of transformation involved, but the rest of it was just, well, cooking.

Draco didn't mind the cooking though; it was clear Hermione appreciated it and he liked having something to do. He'd also started writing a curse-breaking reference book to document everything he and Hermione had learned when working with the dark objects in his home. It gave him something else to do while she was at work since he'd grown bored of exploring Muggle London, having already combed through the streets near her flat.

The weather was too cold and wet to walk around aimlessly anyway without being able to use water repellent and warming charms. He wondered how Muggles could stand to live in a city like this without the ability to use magic to make it comfortable.

Draco stayed over most nights. But about one or two nights a week he'd leave Hermione alone. She'd tried to figure out the pattern, but it seemed completely random. Draco didn't tell her, but he'd stay home when he was feeling overly depressed, still not ready to share that part of his personality with her.

It was a Tuesday morning and Hermione was searching through her bedroom while a half-naked Draco watched her, propped up on a pillow and smirking, since he had the shoe she was currently looking for.

Hermione picked up her wand from the nightstand and muttered, _Accio Shoe!_ The shoe zoomed from its hiding spot under Draco's leg and into her hand. She put it on quickly, then gave him an admonishing glare, "That trick would work better if I didn't know magic."

He propped his chin on his hands and pouted as sexily as he could manage, "You're really going to leave your naked boyfriend behind for work?" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You're not naked, you have underwear on, and I do it every morning." She looked back in the mirror and pulled her hair up.

"I can take my underwear off, if that would change your mind." Hermione shook her head, pinning an errant curl in place.

"Some of us need jobs so we can buy things, Draco. We don't all have unlimited gold." Draco stood up and hugged her from behind, watching her in the mirror.

"How about I pay for this flat outright and you can quit your job and hang out with me all day?" Hermione rolled her eyes again.

"You know me so well," she said sarcastically.

Draco smirked and started kissing her on the neck. She let herself enjoy it for a moment, then turned to face him.

"I really do have to go right now, but I can move things around Thursday, we can have morning sex then." She rubbed her hand along his stomach, then gently pushed him away.

Draco shook his head and said sarcastically, "Planned sex, very hot, Hermione."

"Planned, or not at all," Hermione said over her shoulder as she left the room.

Draco followed her into the main room and watched her grab her cloak from the closet, then pulled her in for a last kiss. "I'll take it."

Hermione, true to her word, delivered on the planned shag that Thursday.

* * *

_Author's Note: I'm not going to write out that scene, since this isn't_ that _type of story, but I'm sure you remember. I was determined to show you how exquisite morning shagging could be. Feel free to take a break now to cool yourself off as you recall that day, I'll still be here when you get back._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione performed the biggest eye roll she could manage before turning the page. But she still allowed herself a small grin at the memory.

* * *

Manuscript:

Draco was late for breakfast with his mother that day and Flooed back to his room in a rush. He was trying to think of a good excuse for his tardiness as he watched the fireplaces flash before him. When he stepped out into his bedroom, he jumped at the sight of his mother standing with her hands on her hips, clearly waiting for him.

"Mother," Draco said in a questioning tone. He saw her raise an eyebrow at him and looked down to find that his buttons were mismatched since he'd dressed quickly. He turned away from her and began unbuttoning his shirt to correct them.

"Draco," she drawled then leaned against the wall, watching him with one eyebrow raised.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Draco finally fixed his last button, then stood tall, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"You're late for breakfast, so I came to check on you."

"I went out." He saw her mouth twitch and didn't know if she was amused or upset.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I haven't noticed that you're gone from the Manor most nights and weekends? That you connected your personal fireplace to the Floo? There's only one explanation for that type of behavior." She walked toward him then.

Draco sighed and crossed his arms, then made his expression blank.

"You're dating someone," his mother continued. "And since you're keeping it a secret, I'm assuming it's not someone who is good enough for you." His mother glared at him.

Draco rolled his eyes at that last comment. His mother was delusional. Did she not see what a mess her son was? It was him who wasn't good enough for anyone else, least of all Hermione.

She seemed to pick Hermione's name out of his mind then. "Please tell me it's not that Granger Mudblo-"

"Mother," Draco cut in with a threatening tone.

"Fine, Muggle-born," his mother amended grudgingly.

"Why did you guess her?"

"You're not denying it?" Her eyes narrowed and Draco stayed quiet, so she continued. "I saw you two together, there was an unmistakable attraction. The only solace is I haven't read about it in the papers, which means at least you're not stupid enough to go public with such a disgusting-"

"Don't mother." Draco was getting angry now.

"So, I'm right?! You're dating _her?_ " She seemed simultaneously pleased with herself for guessing his secret and disgusted by what she'd found.

Draco sighed. He could try to lie, but what was the point? It was bound to come out eventually. And it's not like there was any risk with his mother knowing, she wasn't going to tell anyone.

"Do I really need to list the countless reasons why this relationship is absolutely unacceptable?"

"I've heard them all before, Mother. Now can you please leave? I need to take a bath and get dressed."

His mother's eyes widened, and she looked him up and down, then snapped, "Please tell me she uses some type of contraception, there is no way I will ever approve of an heir with dirty –"

"Mother, I told you to leave," he said through gritted teeth.

"Draco listen to me," her tone was menacing, which he'd witnessed a few times before, but never directed at him. "I know you've been lonely, and if that girl checks off some type of rebellious phase you need to get out of your system, then fine. Keep it secret, and no children. But I can guarantee that as soon as your father is released from prison, he will make sure this ends."

Draco glared at her as she left his room, probably on the way to owl his father. He dressed quickly, then left for London again, finally deciding that it was time for him to get a place of his own.

* * *

_March 2003_

The next two months passed easily. Draco likened the feeling of that time to being under the Imperius curse. Everything felt pleasant and fuzzy, and decisions came easy to him. He'd just follow Hermione's lead, and it invariably felt right. But he never shared this thought with her, knowing she wouldn't appreciate him comparing their relationship to an Unforgivable Curse.

* * *

_Author's Note: In my head, I refer to this time as "The Period of Bliss." It was completely contrary to my Dark Period._

* * *

Hermione was laying on Draco's chest, tracing her finger along his skin while she listened to him breathe. She felt him shiver in response when she twirled her finger around his nipple, then she moved to his stomach instead.

Draco breathed deeply, taking in the intoxicating smell of Hermione, then closed his eyes, enjoying her tracing patterns. Sometimes she'd spell out messages for him, but as he focused now he found she was just moving randomly. These moments with her, laying in bed after shagging, were Draco's favorite. He figured she thought it was the sex itself, but he actually enjoyed this intimate time more.

As soon as they were done shagging, Hermione would always disappear into the bathroom for a few moments to clean off and don her silk white robe, then she'd climb into bed with Draco and bury her head into his chest while he strung an arm around her and pulled her close.

They'd have their deepest conversations during these moments, talking while touching, but not looking at each other. It was during one of these times that Hermione confided in Draco that she resented being best known as Harry Potter's Muggle-born friend. She felt that even all these years later, most of her accomplishments were still credited in part to Harry.

Draco had admitted one day that he hated his father and wasn't sure if that was okay. Children were meant to love their parents unconditionally, so what did it say that Draco had absolutely no feelings of caring or love toward Lucius? He also confessed to being terrified of what would happen when he got out of jail in a few months.

* * *

_Author's Note: It's been a long time since we've laid in bed like that and talked. I always felt safest with you then, like I could tell you anything. If I'd ever worked up the courage to confess about my Dark Period, it would have been during one of these times._

_I've been thinking recently that maybe the next time we fight we should take our clothes off and get into bed. When I'm arguing while facing you, registering the disappointed look in your eyes, I get defensive and mean. Maybe it'd be better if I was holding you in my arms instead. I feel I can speak more openly in that setting for some reason._

_I thought to bring it up during our last fight, but I knew you'd roll your eyes and assume I was just trying to get you to have sex with me. So I held my tongue._

* * *

But not all their post-coital talks were depressing. On this day, Draco said out of nowhere, "I have a confession."

He felt Hermione stiffen and his heart dropped. Even after months of dating him, Herimone expected the worst from him. He tried not to sound hurt as he said, "It's not anything sinister. Well, you can decide," he added.

"Now I'm curious."

"When are you ever not?" he teased.

He felt her smile against his chest, then continued, "So sometimes, maybe a couple days a week, I'll wake up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep. Not from a nightmare or anything, I'm just not tired for some reason."

"That's kind of a lame confession, that happens to everyone."

"Relax, witch, that's not the confession part. Anyway, when that happens, I'll turn to the side and watch you sleep. Sometimes for hours, before I drift back to sleep." Hermione shifted to look up at him, but he kept his eyes on the ceiling.

"You do? Why?"

"You're beautiful, even with your crazy bed hair." He smirked and she slapped him softly. "You look calm, not stressed about work or something I did or said. And as I watch you breathe, I always wonder how I ended up with the good fortune of getting to wake up in the middle of the night next to you."

She laughed silently and Draco felt it against his chest, "What?"

"Interesting choice of words, 'good fortune,' from someone who has limitless gold."

"Oh, yeah? I'd give it all up for you," he said quickly. He hadn't thought this before, but as he said the words, he knew they were true. He'd been willing to die for her, so what was gold after that?

"Really?" Hermione was surprised. "You'd be poor? No more nice clothes, or house elves, and you'd need to get a job." Draco shrugged and tightened his grip on her.

"I would," he said simply.

He felt her smile against his chest again and smiled in turn, then they were both silent a while.

"Draco?" she said eventually.

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

Draco's heart swelled, then was replaced quickly with a hollow feeling as he considered the implication of her words. She loved him? How? Why? He didn't deserve that. And he loved her, desperately, and he should say so, now. Her words were hanging in the air and he needed to get his own out there, but he couldn't, they wouldn't come out.

"Hermione-" he started, lamely.

"I don't want you to say it back," Hermione said quickly, and he felt her bury her head deeper into his chest, maybe embarrassed to look at him after what she'd let slip. "I just want you to know."

"Why?" he asked.

"No big reason, I just do."

Hermione fell asleep soon after that, but Draco couldn't, her words were still rolling around in his head.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Draco moved her off of him, then got out of bed and padded into the kitchen for a drink of water. He leaned over the sink and stared at his reflection in the window. _Why can't I tell her how I feel?_

He was reminded of that day ages ago, when he'd escaped to the bathroom at the Manor to splash water on his face after having a minor panic attack at the thought of her leaving him. He'd wondered why in the world Hermione was wasting her time with him.

And here he was, having gotten exactly what he wanted. Hermione loved him and being with her was better than he could have ever imagined. And he loved her. He felt it deeply, all the way to his bones. He'd loved her even before they'd started dating. But the thought of putting it into words felt wrong. Like he didn't deserve to feel that way, or he didn't know how, so it couldn't possibly be true coming out of his mouth.

Draco climbed back into bed and watched Hermione sleep, like he had so many nights before. Finally, what he'd been expecting was coming to pass. He was going to be the one to screw this up. They'd seemed unbreakable up until now, but there was a crack forming. Or maybe it had started forming already and Draco was just now feeling it, and that was why he couldn't tell her he loved her. Or maybe the crack started as a type of self-fulling prophecy. Either way, it was there, and soon, the foundation they'd both thought was so solid, began to crumble.

* * *

_May 2003_

They were hiking in Scotland and Draco was in a bad mood. Hermione was used to this and wasn't too worried, knowing it would pass. Everyone was prone to bouts of melancholy, though Draco seemed especially susceptible. She wondered if he'd always been like this, or if it was a byproduct of what he'd gone through in the war.

Herimone thought she knew what was bothering him this time. Having to spend so much time in the Muggle world was finally wearing on Draco. He more than anyone she knew loved magic. It must have been hard for him to abandon it so often so they could continue to keep their relationship a secret.

They'd had a fight about it the week before. He'd wondered why she still insisted on hiding their relationship and she didn't have a good answer. They'd been dating for almost six months and she'd never expected to keep it a secret for that long, but she was nervous. She and Draco had such a good thing and she knew as soon as the world found out they'd be under attack. But Hermione knew they couldn't last much longer like this; she figured she'd have to decide between external attacks and internal ones.

Their fight had started when one of the new Aurors, Johnson, had insisted on walking Hermione home after drinks with a large group of Ministry workers at a nearby pub. She hadn't let him in her flat, which was a good thing since Draco was sitting on the couch, not bothering to hide. She thought he'd wanted to be found. Johnson had asked her out on her landing and she'd cringed, knowing Draco was listening just inside. She'd brushed him off, then rushed inside to meet an angry Draco.

"Sorry to interrupt, did you want me to go so you can call him back?" Draco had asked coldly.

"Don't be ridiculous, I told you months ago I'd never cheat on you."

"I liked your excuse when you let him down," Draco continued, then said in an impersonation of her; "'I've just got so much going on right now, sorry.' Is that what I am? Just some task you have to take care of? A burden?" Hermione rolled her eyes and approached him, placing her arms around his neck.

"Please no fighting, I can tell you want to, and I really don't. You're not just something I've got going on, you're the _only_ thing I've got going on. And I love you." She'd leaned in to kiss him, but he'd pulled away.

"When am _I_ going to be your excuse when blokes ask you out? When are you going to tell other people you love me?" he'd asked in a rare, pleading tone, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I'm scared of what that will mean for us."

"You're a Gryffindor."

"I'm still allowed to be scared."

"You don't think we're strong enough?"

She hadn't answered, which had been enough of a response. Hermione had suggested this trip the next day, hoping a weekend away would help. But Draco was still in a bad mood, and honestly, she didn't blame him.

Draco scowled as he watched Hermione walking ahead of him. He'd been frowning often lately since he had a lot on his mind. First and foremost, he was sick of the Muggle world. He didn't want to kill Muggles or anything, he wasn't reverting, he just missed magic. Like now, Hermione wanted to see the top of this fucking mountain. Well it would be loads easier to fly, rather than walking for hours.

Second, he'd moved into a townhome a few blocks away from her a month ago but hadn't told her. At first, he'd kept it from Hermione since he didn't want to admit why he'd moved, having never told her his mother knew about them. Hermione seemed obsessed with keeping their relationship a secret and he didn't want her to get angry with him for allowing his mother to find out. Also, the fact that his mother absolutely hated Hermione and told Draco about it daily was something else he didn't want to share. But now he'd waited so long to tell Hermione about his new home, he was worried he'd get in trouble for keeping it a secret. So, he was sitting on the information and worried each day he waited would make the whole thing worse when it did come out.

The last frustration (and the biggest) was that Draco still hadn't managed to tell Hermione he loved her. He said it out loud all the time when he was alone. "I love her. I love you, Hermione Granger. Love is the emotion I feel for you." He said every variation he could think of, but hadn't said any of them to the person who counted most. And every time she said it to him, which was quite a lot, he'd cringe internally and hate himself a little more.

It started to drizzle then, and Hermione heard Draco huff behind her. He hated the rain. Not usually, but as a Muggle. He complained about it more than anything. And unfortunately, they were on a Muggle trail so they wouldn't be able to use water repellent charms.

She started to explain to him about how in Muggle films rain was often considered romantic. She had no idea if Draco was listening, but kept on, "It makes no sense really, that so many of them could have this big romantic moment in the rain. It's uncomfortable, and cold, and no one looks good drenched in water."

"Can we go back?" he cut in and Hermione turned around to face him.

"No, we're almost to the end," she pointed ahead, not sure if this was true, but they'd already made it this far so they may as well see the view from the top.

Draco crossed his arms and stayed rooted in place. "We don't have to knock every little thing off your list."

"Come on," Hermione pleaded.

"This is uncomfortable, let me use a water repellent charm."

"No, we could be seen, and we need to look wet if a Muggle passes us on the trail." Draco scowled, but looked resigned and started walking again behind her.

A few minutes later he said, "You need to get over your obsessive attachment to your stupid to-do lists." Hermione rolled her eyes but kept walking as she argued back.

"My to-do lists are not stupid, I get a lot done," she turned to him and added, "You know it was one of the reasons we even ended up together. I had this thought to come to the Manor to see the drawing room again and if I never went to cross it off my 'stupid to-do list' we wouldn't be together." She stopped and added with a small smile, "So they aren't all bad, right?"

"I wonder sometimes," Draco grunted.

"God, you are so mean Draco," she turned and kept walking but noticed that he wasn't following behind her. She turned back and he was standing in place, very wet now (since the rain was picking up) and scowling at her.

"Just finish this hike with me," she called back to him.

"No."

"Come on, you're nicer than this, I know it, I've seen it."

"Another failed item on your to-do list," he called to her.

"What?"

"Reform the Death Eater. I'm sure it was on there."

Hermione shook her head and walked back to him, "Now you're just trying to goad me into an argument."

"You're not denying it."

Hermione scoffed and raised her voice louder so she could be heard over the rain, "That's because it's a ridiculous accusation, of course I'm not with you in an attempt to complete a to-do list item of reforming a Death Eater. And if I was, I would have picked an easier one," she poked him on the chest, but he swatted her hand away angrily.

"Like Nott, right?"

Hermione shook her head, frustrated. "Oh my God, stop being facetious. Let's finish this hike then we can go back and –"

"Whatever, I'm done with this," Draco Disapparated on the spot.

Hermione looked around and thankfully no one else was around to see, then she stomped angrily up the trail. She was going to the top, with or without him. She needed time to cool off anyway. When she got there the view wasn't very good because of the rain, but she snapped a few photos anyway then looked around before Disapparating back to the house they were renting for the weekend.

When she arrived, she could hear Draco in the shower. She dried herself off with her wand and sat on the bed, waiting for him to get out. She wanted to resolve this argument so they could enjoy the rest of the trip.

Draco's expression was blank when he walked out of the bathroom in just a towel. He gave her a curt nod, then approached her slowly.

"Are you in a better mood?" Hermione asked.

Draco shrugged.

She stood up and raised her arms to his shoulders, "You were never a to-do list item. If anything, I had an item for 'avoid Death Eaters at all cost' and you forced me to break it."

"Okay," he said, then let out a sigh and pulled her in for a hug. He was still wet from the shower, but she didn't mind, she was glad they'd made up so easily.

"Draco?"

He pulled back and looked at her. "I know constantly visiting the Muggle world is getting to you, and I don't blame you, it's getting to me too. I think it's time to move this relationship back into our world."

His face lit up, "Really?"

"I'm sorry I was stalling, I thought there would be this perfect time when it would make sense to go public, but that was stupid, it's going to be hard no matter when we tell, so why not now?"

Draco was looking at her strangely and she saw him reach behind her for his wand which had been laying on the bed. He held it on the top of her head and muttered _Aguamenti_ and before she could react, Hermione was drenched in water.

"Hey!" she jumped away from him and moved the wet hair out of her face, "I thought we were finished fighting."

"We are," Draco said with a smirk, fighting back laughter.

"Then why did you just pour water on me?"

"You said being wet was some type of Muggle romance thing, and I'm about to say something romantic."

"You completely missed the point-"

"I'm wet," he pointed out.

"You just got out of the shower," she bit back.

"Can you shut your mouth so I can talk?"

Hermione crossed arms and Draco thought she looked like a drowned cat, which surprisingly made what he was about to admit easier. He put his hands on her face and said, "Hermione, you drive me absolutely crazy. And the thought of telling the rest of the world that I'm dating the beloved Muggle-born best friend of Harry Potter is, well, terrifying. But I don't care. I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life."

When the words left his mouth, they felt right. All that agonizing over saying it and it ended up being nothing, as simple as taking a breath.

"Really?" Hermione asked, suddenly forgetting the water.

He nodded, "I have for a long time, sorry it took so long for me to tell you."

"I love you too." She jumped into his arms then and he caught her easily.

"I know, you already told me," he said smugly.

"But you're still a prat."

"I know that too."

* * *

_Author's Note: This is where I'd end the story if I could. 'Draco and Hermione told the world and everyone accepted them because it was so clear how in love they were, and then they lived happily ever after.'_

_But that's not how it went. That summer was a complete disaster. We started telling your friends and my father got out of jail. By that autumn our fights were a weekly occurrence, then daily. And when I thought it couldn't get any worse than fighting every day, it did, and we stopped fighting altogether._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: I'd be grumpy too if I were Draco. I hate being cold and wet, and if I had a spell to solve that quickly and wasn't able to use it...there would definitely be yelling. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks again to my beta reader Chloe . Ray.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	10. Noise

**Chapter 10 - Noise**

_May 2003_

For the rest of their weekend in Scotland, Hermione agonized over how to tell her friends about Draco. Should she pull them aside ahead of time? Or just bring Draco to an event? If the latter, which type of event would be ideal? Something in public or at one of her friends' houses? Should she invite them to her place? Or maybe the Muggle world would be best so no one would be tempted to hex anyone. There were pros and cons to every option, and she was driving herself (and Draco) crazy thinking through every possibility.

Finally Draco cut in, sick of hearing her talk through the same arguments, "The next event, regardless of what it is. We'll both go and that will be it."

Hermione bit her lip, "Are you sure? What if it's-"

"Yes," Draco said through gritted teeth. "Whatever comes up next. Now, can we stop talking about this?"

Hermione usually didn't like being told what to do, but in this case she was relieved Draco had stepped in and made the decision for her. A few days later Harry invited her to a Quidditch match. He was surprised when she accepted, since she usually skipped out on Quidditch. And then when she requested two tickets, he did a comical double-take, "Wait, two? Ginny was right? You really have a secret boyfriend?"

Hermione blushed profusely, "I just - ugh, just give me two tickets."

"Who is it?"

She'd ignored him, then busied herself with a pile of legal briefs that needed to be reviewed until he left her desk.

Now, Hermione and Draco were walking through the booths outside the Quidditch pitch to their seats. Their time of arrival was another thing she'd agonized over. Draco had stepped in again, declaring they'd arrive at their seats exactly five minutes before the match was set to start. Now as they walked Hermione was a few paces ahead of him, pretending they were not together. But Draco didn't push it, since he knew she'd have to drop the charade soon enough.

"Public place was probably not the best, should have warned them in private," she was muttering to herself. Draco pulled her behind a concession stand and pushed her chin up so she was looking into his eyes.

"It seems our roles have changed here. Usually I'm the one in my head and you're the one pushing me to get over it. Look who the worrier is now…"

"Humph," was all she said. He could tell her mind was still racing.

Draco rubbed his hands up and down her arms, "It's just noise, right?" Then he leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. She nodded, then when they turned to leave there was a small man Draco vaguely recognized staring at them with his jaw opened.

"Oh, uh, hi Dennis," Hermione muttered, but he didn't respond, still shocked. She looked at Draco warily and he just shrugged.

"May as well get used to that," Draco muttered, then pulled her along behind him.

Draco nearly dragged her up the stairs to their seats, but when they got to the top, just behind the stands, Hermione held back and Draco stopped with her. All of her friends were seated, chatting animatedly and Hermione was nervous again. On the front row sat Ginny, Neville, Hannah, Rolf, and Luna. Then behind them were Nora, Ron, and Harry, with two empty spots for her and Draco next to him. She turned to Draco.

"Maybe I should go first and-"

"No." Draco grabbed her hand and marched forward, muttering, "...faced the Dark Lord and _this_ is terrifying to you…"

Draco headed for Harry, figuring he'd start with their leader.

"Potter," he said sharply, and Harry looked over at him confused.

"Oh, uh, do you need something Malfoy?" Harry looked down then and saw Draco and Hermione's clasped hands and his eyes widened. _Good_ , Draco thought, _he got there quickly._

Harry seemed to be at a loss for words and by then the whole group had noticed Hermione and Draco.

"Why are you holding Malfoy's hand, Hermione?" Ron asked. Draco shook his head, so Potter's wit didn't extend to his idiot friend.

"Oh come on, Ron, it's pretty obvious," Ginny cut in. " _He's_ Hermione's secret boyfriend."

"What?" Ron narrowed his eyes then looked at Harry. But Harry shrugged, still at a loss for words. Hermione finally found her voice and chimed in.

"Yeah, uh, Draco and I have been dating since the end of October. We were keeping it a secret, because...well I think that's obvious. But I'm happy with him and it would mean a lot to me if you all could be supportive."

This announcement was met with complete silence. Then Luna said, "Congratulations Hermione."

Nora reached over Ron and held her hand out to Draco. "I saw you at St. Mungo's but never introduced myself, I'm Nora." Ron tried to push her back, but she glared at him and he left her alone, then she and Draco shook hands while Ron glowered at the two of them.

Then Rolf introduced himself quickly and Neville nodded awkwardly and muttered, "Malfoy."

Draco responded with an equally awkward, "Longbottom."

Hermione sat down next to Harry and Draco sat next to her. It was completely quiet. "Uh, what were you talking about before we came?" Hermione asked.

Ginny said, "We were wondering who your secret boyfriend was."

"Not me," said Luna.

"Right," said Ginny. "You thought she hadn't requested the extra ticket for a person, but for a - what was it?"

"Demiguise. They're invisible so I thought maybe Hermione had a pet one she wanted to bring along and show us. They have a calming influence on their owner, and I noticed Hermione has been much less stressed lately. But I see now it was just Draco making her like that." Draco started at her odd proclamation and blasé use of his first name.

Rolf gave Luna a smile, but the rest of the group acted like they hadn't heard her, and Ginny continued.

"Well I'd like to point out that I've been saying for months Hermione has a secret boyfriend."

"You didn't say anything about it being Malfoy," Harry muttered angrily.

"Yeah we knew he liked her, but who would have guessed she'd like him back?" Ginny responded.

"I don't think anyone saw that coming," Neville added. He laughed but stopped abruptly at Draco's stern glare.

"How did this even happen?" Ron asked. "He's a Death Eater Hermione. He tried to kill Dumbledore and almost poisoned me. And he stood by and did nothing while you were tortured in his home by his aunt!"

"I'm not deaf Weasley, I'm right here," Draco responded coldly. "If you have a problem you can say it to me directly." Ron shifted his focus to Draco then.

"Of course I have a problem with you. Your friends killed my brother! You're a piece shit and not worth-" Harry cut in.

"Ron…" he gave his friend a warning glare. "Hermione isn't stupid. If she thinks he's worth her time then we should respect her opinion on this." Ron looked back at him angrily.

"You seriously don't have a problem with this?" Harry shook his head.

"Of course I have a problem, but it's Hermione's life."

"Thanks, Harry, I think," Hermione said.

Just then the Quidditch match started and they all turned to watch it in silence. After a time, her friends started talking easily again, but they ignored Hermione and Draco. Hermione leaned into Draco, then took his hand and squeezed it. He nodded curtly but kept his eyes on the game. Hermione saw Ron twitch out of the corner of her eye and turned to find him glaring at them. She glared back, then looked to Harry, trying to get his attention but he kept his face forward, clearly trying to ignore her. Eventually Hannah turned around and struck up a conversation with Draco.

"So, Malfoy, what are you up to these days?" Draco looked surprised at having been addressed directly.

"I write, mostly. Now I'm putting together everything Hermione and I learned from curse-breaking last year into a reference book."

"Yes," Hermione jumped in, and gave Hannah a grateful smile. "There is a giant hole in the reference material when it comes to disarming dark artifacts." She gave Draco a grin, remembering how long it had taken them to find that book with the curse-breaking spell.

"So Malfoy writes books now. When did he become a swot?" Ron muttered to himself.

"Just because you can't read doesn't mean books are useless," Draco said in a raised voice. Nora cut in before Ron could respond.

"How many books have you written?"

"This will be the fourth."

"Anything we've read?" Rolf asked.

Draco was about to say no, but Hermione provided, "Yes, _The Little Dragon Boy_. It came out after the war." Draco glared at her angrily and she gave him a small shrug.

"Oh, that book was depressing," Hannah said.

"Were you depressed when you wrote it, Draco?" Luna asked him seriously.

Draco ignored her and glared at Hermione and she blushed.

"You never answered my question from before Hermione, how did this happen?" Ron cut in again. Hermione sighed.

"We worked together for almost a year and became friends. Then...it progressed from there. There's not a big story or anything."

* * *

_Author's Note: I feel the need to point out here that I disagree, since I'm in the middle of writing that story and I think it's quite good._

* * *

"Was this going on when you were at St. Mungo's?" Ron asked.

"No," Ginny responded before Hermione could. "She said it started in October and that happened in September."

"Oh," Ron said, like he'd finally figured something out. "So is this just you trying to thank him for saving you? Because-"

"Yeah, that was it, Ron," Hermione said sarcastically. "Come on, don't be ridiculous. This is a real relationship just like all of yours." She motioned to the group of couples around her. "I love him, he loves me."

"Love?" Harry asked quickly, and looked to Draco, who shrugged back at him, then changed it to a nod at Hermione's admonishing look.

Luckily one of the teams scored a goal then and the group's attention was drawn back to the game. Once the game ended, they all sat in silence as the stands emptied. Luna stood to leave, grabbing Rolf's hand, then turned to Neville and Hannah.

"I think we should leave Hermione alone to talk with Harry and Ron." The small group nodded back at Luna and stood too, but Ginny and Nora remained seated.

Luna turned to Draco and said bluntly, "You can come with us if you want, this conversation will probably be tense."

Draco wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, so just said, "Uhh, I'll stay." Hermione nudged him in the ribs and he added, "Thanks."

The two couples left and when they were gone Hermione turned to her closest friends.

"I know this is strange, but, um, I think maybe with time you can all get used to each other," she said in a hopeful tone.

"Why can't we go back to before when you were hiding him from us?" Ron suggested. "We don't want him around and there is no way he's coming over to the Burrow-"

"I don't want to go to that sorry excuse for a -"

"Draco," Hermione hissed and he stopped his retort, but gave Ron a nasty glare.

"Why are you being so quiet? I know you have more concerns with this than you're voicing," Ron said to Harry.

Draco responded for Harry. "He's obviously putting his personal feelings aside for the sake of his best friend. You can try the same Weasley if you actually care about Hermi-"

"No, I will not sit here and let you talk about me not caring for Hermione!" Ron was yelling now. "Are you fucking kidding?! You called her a Mudblood every day for years and now you-"

"Stop!" Hermione silenced the pair of them with her wand. Then she turned to Ron. "Ron, I know why you are upset, it's a lot. But Draco is different. You can't keep punishing him for mistakes he made when we were younger."

Ron mouthed back at her, still under the silencing charm, _Mistakes?!_ Then Hermione turned to Harry and Ginny.

"You two were awfully quiet today, unusually so. I understand you're processing things, but in the future, I hope you can make more of an effort to get to know this Draco." She motioned toward Draco but he was still glaring at her for silencing him.

Lastly Hermione looked to Nora.

"Uh, Nora, thanks. You were nice and pleasant, as always. Right?" She said that last bit to Draco, who was still glaring at her.

 _You silenced me,_ he mouthed, unsure what she was expecting from him.

"Oh, right." She looked back at her friends and gave them a curt nod, then grabbed Draco's hand and pulled him down the stairs. As soon as they got to the concession area there were two flashes from a camera and Hermione rounded on the photographers.

"Mind your own business, you have no-"

Draco pulled her away and Apparated the two of them to the alley outside her building. Hermione was fuming and let herself into her building quickly and started marching up the stairs, rambling under her breath. Draco followed her and took the chance to remove the silencing charm, then followed her into her flat and watched her pace the room while she continued talking to herself.

"This is fine, we'll be fine, that was to be expected. No one hexed anyone, so that's good. They'll just have to get used to each other. Some of them were okay, Luna, that was to be expected. And the Hufflepuffs, of course. But Ron-" She turned to look at Draco then and his eyes narrowed at the mention of Ron.

"Ron was awful, I could just hex him!"

Draco nodded in agreement. They should hex that idiot. Maybe he could convince her to go do so right now.

"And you!" she rounded on Draco then.

"What about me? I'm the victim here!"

"Victim? You were cold and mean and rose to Ron's provocations." Draco sighed, clearly there was no winning in this argument.

"You reminded everyone of the Draco Malfoy we all hated as kids."

"Yeah I wonder why that was," Draco defended. "With Weasley bent on reminding us of everything I did the first chance he-"

"Why can't you be the Draco you are with me?" she cut in with a kinder tone.

Draco looked away from her then and focused on the window. Hermione felt bad, and stepped toward him and snaked her arms around his waist.

"I don't know how," he admitted. "You...know me. They don't." Hermione nodded, then laid her head on his chest.

"This was just the first event; we knew it would be bad. But I'll just keep bringing you and soon enough they'll all fall in love with you as thoroughly as I did." She gave him a big smile and kissed him on the cheek.

Draco thought she was a complete nutter but didn't say so. He was just glad they'd survived the day and that she wasn't yelling at him anymore.

* * *

A few days later Hermione was scanning a Witch Weekly article written about her and Draco while he was reading a similar article in the Daily Prophet. They both had the same picture of Draco and Hermione holding hands as they marched away from the Quidditch stands, glaring angrily at the camera. Hermione was growing increasingly frustrated as she read the article.

"Love potion? Oh, and taking advantage of pathetic (but fit) Draco Malfoy? Right, all because I can't get an attractive wizard on my own..." Draco's ears perked up.

"Wait, the Prophet is making _me_ out to be the bad guy, and in yours I'm the fit victim? Let's switch." Hermione rolled up the magazine and hit him, then threw it from her and sighed.

"And now we have all those…" Hermione said, gesturing to the pile of letters on the other side of the room.

"Oh, we aren't reading those," Draco said, laying the Prophet down on the table.

"We aren't?"

"No, we just need to destroy them safely." He pointed his wand at the stack and levitated the letters onto the table in front of them on top of the Daily Prophet.

"And how do we do that?" Hermione asked, peering at the stack warily. She still remembered the bubotuber pus from the hate mail she'd received in fourth year when Rita Skeeter reported that she was in a love triangle with Harry and Viktor. Draco rolled up his sleeves.

"So I've become a bit of an expert on dealing with hate mail," he said proudly. He raised his wand and Hermione scooted closer to him, always eager to learn new spells.

First, Draco placed a shield charm around the letters, then warned Herimone to cover her ears before performing a complicated wand movement and saying _Apscindo._ There was a burst of energy which dissolved when it hit the shield charm and a scream of voices, then four floating spheres appeared inside the shield charm. Hermione leaned in and saw the first one was a floating blob of ink, then a bunch of tiny scraps of paper, a smaller ball of wax, and lastly, colored scraps of shiny paper.

"What did that do?" she asked.

"I separated the elements in those letters. The flash was a compilation of any spells, so always use a shield charm," he added, looking back at her. "The noise was the voices from the howlers."

"Oh, I see," Hermione cut in, eagerly. "So that's the paper, ink, wax seals, what's that?" She stopped, pointing her wand at the ball of colorful pieces.

Draco looked down, then said something quietly under his breath.

"What?" Hermione asked, "I couldn't quite hear you."

"Well you see, they're um... they're photos."

"Photos?"

"I assume some of your, uh, correspondents want to remind you of loved ones they lost in the war. Since you're dating a Death Eater," he added awkwardly.

"Oh," Hermione noticed Draco's abrupt change in demeanor and placed a comforting hand on his leg. "Do you still get hate mail from the war?"

"Not as much anymore, just around holidays and anniversaries of loved one's deaths. May is obviously the worst…" his voice trailed off and she was reminded of the sullen Draco she'd seen often while working at the Manor. She hadn't seen him like this in a while and longed for those months they'd spent alone, separate from others' reactions. She knew it would be hard having her friends disapprove of them but had forgotten that for Draco this would dredge up all he'd done in the war over again. She squeezed his leg, then picked up her wand and pointed them at the floating spheres and sent them all into the fire.

Then Hermione asked him to show her the spell. It took her three times to get it right, which she found unbelievably frustrating. But when she eventually got it she beamed back at Draco, but noticed he still seemed down. She sidled up to him on the couch and laid her head on his lap. He started running his fingers through her curls and sighed heavily.

"It's all noise, right Draco?"

"This is just the beginning Hermione," Draco said in a dejected voice.

"They'll get used to it. Something I've learned from being friends with Harry is that the news runs in cycles. We won't be that interesting for very long, eventually something else will come up."

"The reporters may move on quickly, but your friends…" Hermione took a deep breath, then closed her eyes.

"Well that's what your weekly drinks with Harry will solve." She felt his fingers freeze in her hair and kept her eyes squeezed shut.

"My what?"

She cracked one eye open and saw him looking down at her with an irritated expression. She gave him a small smile and explained.

"I talked to Harry and he agreed to weekly drinks with you on Tuesdays. At least until you two get used to each other."

"Oh, well thanks, but I'm not doing that." She sat up and looked at him seriously.

"Draco, you're brilliant, and witty, and brave, and deep deep down, even nice. I see it so clearly, and...I just...want one of my friends to get a chance to get to know you and I know you're better one on one than in a group. Then maybe we can finally have someone on our side." Hermione was looking at him with a pleading expression on her face that was hard for him to say no to, so he looked away and focused on the fire instead. He could still see some bits of paper that hadn't burned yet.

"And it has to be Potter?" Draco asked through gritted teeth. Hermione sighed deeply.

"I know what I'm asking. I know you and Harry have a pact to hate each other for all of eternity. But since my parents are out of my life, Harry is the closest person I have. He's like a brother and we've always been there for each other. And I think out of all my friends he's the most likely to accept us."

Draco shook his head; he did not agree with this assessment. He thought the most likely to accept him was Lovegood, but he knew Lovegood didn't have as much pull as Potter with their group of friends.

"Once Harry accepts you, the rest of them will follow suit." Hermione confirmed Draco's line of thinking.

"Fine," Draco said, and pulled her into his side. "You can stop blabbing on and on, I'll go."

"I do not blab," she said.

"You do."

She sighed, then said, "I love you, Draco."

As Draco clung to her, he tried to calm his breathing. Since the Quidditch match, he'd been feeling out of control for the first time in years. The unmanageable feelings he thought he'd left behind in his Dark Period were bubbling back up to the surface. He didn't know if it was the return of the hate mail (he was getting loads more than Hermione) or all the time he was forced to spend with her war-hero friends, but Draco was feeling as unmoored as ever and Hermione was the only person that made him feel safe.

"I love you too Hermione," he whispered into her hair.

* * *

_June 2003_

"Why do I have to go again?" Draco whined. He was buttoning his shirt and checking his appearance in the mirror for the fifth time. Hermione came up behind him and smirked at his reflection.

"You don't have to preen for Harry." Draco scowled and refused to dignify the jab with a response. She wrapped her arms around his waist. "You're going because you love me, and sometimes we do things we don't want to do for the people we love." He turned and looked at her.

"When have you done something you don't want to do for me?" She shrugged.

"I put up with you being a git every day."

He frowned and she could tell he was in a bad mood, and reminded herself how upset she'd be if he insisted she go to drinks with Pansy or Goyle.

"Well did you have something in mind?" she asked in a softer tone.

"No," he said grumpily. "But I'll think of something. And it'll be dirty, whatever it is," he added with a grin.

"Yes, I assumed," she said, rolling her eyes.

Draco donned his robe and carefully placed his wand in the closest inner pocket, so it would be within reach. He checked his appearance one last time in the mirror, ignoring Hermione's snort behind him. She wrapped her arms around him one last time.

"Thanks again. This really means a lot to me."

"I know," he grumbled, then pulled away and opened the door.

"Good luck," she called after him and he shook his head, then rushed down the stairs into the alley to apparate to the Leaky Cauldron.

He stopped outside and took a deep breath. He was still uneasy around Potter, who, more than anyone, reminded Draco most of the awful person he'd been earlier in his life. When he walked inside the bar it was mostly empty, since it was early on a Tuesday. He saw Hannah behind the bar and she gave him a polite wave, then motioned toward the back where Potter was sitting with two glasses of whiskey in front of him.

Draco approached the table slowly and Harry nodded at him but didn't speak as Draco sat in the chair opposite. Draco glared at the drink in front of him and wondered briefly if Harry had poisoned it. When he looked up and saw Harry was watching him with an unreadable expression and Draco felt like he was on trial again. He straightened his posture and stared back, waiting for Harry to speak first.

"I don't want to be here any more than you do," Harry said, and Draco grunted in response, wondering how they were meant to get through the night. He'd already worked out with Hermione the minimum amount of time he had to stay (one and a half hours). She started at two, but he'd argued her down, thank Merlin. The thought of 90 minutes was bad enough and he started counting down the seconds in his head.

"You're not going to drink?" Harry asked then. Draco searched his eyes but didn't see anything deceitful there, so he took a gulp of the drink and winced as the whiskey burned the back of his throat. Harry kept watching him and Draco stared back. The alcohol was working quickly and he immediately felt calmer. He took another drink. If this was how they were going to spend their 90 minutes, that was fine by Draco. He'd rather stare at Potter than talk to him.

But the silence didn't last long. After a few more minutes Harry leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Malfoy, if we dueled right now, who do you think would win?"

"You," Draco answered quickly, then he cocked his head and realization dawned on him as he looked at his drink. "Fuck. Really Potter? Veritaserum?" Harry smirked at him.

"Out-manuevered by a fucking Gryffindor." Draco stood to leave but Harry put a hand on his arm. Draco glared at it but remained in place.

"Stay. You know this is important to Hermione. I just need to get a few things out of the way, and I won't do it again." Draco glowered at the speckled git.

"I won't be drinking anything you've handled ever again."

"Fair."

Draco took a seat and sighed, then waited for the first question.

"It's not a secret your father is working on a way to get your family back into favor, is you dating Hermione a part of that plan?"

"No," Draco grunted.

"Do you think dating Hermione will further your family's status?"

"Yes," Draco said. "But that is not why I'm with her," Draco added quickly. Harry cocked an eyebrow.

"Then why are you with her?"

Draco tried to keep from responding, but an intense pain formed in his mind and he eventually blurted out his answer.

"Because she reminds me of a part of myself I thought was lost...or was never there. She makes me laugh, and think, and...well...also want to wring her neck. But I feel alive with her." The pain left and Draco stared back into those startling green eyes he'd grown to hate. Draco smirked and added, "And she's fucking amazing in bed. She does this thing with her-"

"Enough," Harry said in a dangerous tone and Draco cut off, but continued smirking.

"Is that all?" Draco asked, ready to leave.

"When did it start for you? Liking her, uh, romantically?" Harry asked uneasily.

"Last summer."

"So well before St. Mungo's," Harry said to himself. "And you love her?"

"Yes, I love her," Draco answered without hesitation.

Harry was quiet for a time, and Draco nearly took another swig of whiskey on accident. He glared at the glass and vanished the liquid with his wand.

"What will your parents say when they find out?" Draco looked away.

"They know. My mother hates her and tells me so every time I see her. I don't know about my father, I haven't seen him since Christmas and I refuse to read his letters."

"Do you think he would hurt her to keep you two apart?"

"Yes," Draco hissed, then stood to leave. He hadn't realized the truth of those words before now. He'd been trying to avoid thinking about his father's release from prison as much as possible. But it was coming up fast, just weeks away now.

Harry followed him out of the bar and pulled him into a side alley.

"So you're going to stay with her even though you know doing so could put her in danger?"

"Yes," Draco growled. He grabbed at his hair and bent his head down, then tried to cover his ears so he wouldn't hear any more of Potter's questions. Harry pulled one of his hands away.

"Why? You say you love her. Why not leave?"

Draco's head snapped up and he blurted, "Because I fucking need her. She's all I have. You wouldn't understand that Potter," he added angrily, then pulled away from Harry and grabbed his wand out of his robes. Harry pulled his own wand out, but saw that Draco didn't mean to attack Harry, but meant to leave instead. Harry grabbed Draco's arm.

"I understand having no one. In that last year of the war I'd lost everyone. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore. All I had was Ginny, but I knew if I stayed with her she'd be in danger, so I left her. I loved her, so I left her to protect her," he said intently.

"Well good for you Potter," Draco said in a flat voice, then he pulled his arm away from Harry's grasp and Disapparated on the spot.

He appeared in the alley outside Hermione's building, but he knew he couldn't go inside. Not under Veritaserum. He Apparated instead to his townhome and dropped down on the sofa, which was the only furniture in the large sitting room. There were a total of four pieces of furniture in the entire home. The sofa he was currently sitting on, a desk and chair in the next room, and a bed in the largest room upstairs.

Draco still hadn't told Hermione about this house. He'd meant to, a few weeks ago he'd decided to tell her over dinner. But as he stood in her kitchen cooking the meal for that night, he thought back on the lunch he'd spent with her and her coworkers earlier that day. It had been awful. Half the group had ignored him, and the other half had shot him angry glares. He wasn't sure which he hated more. But the worst was when people were afraid of him. It didn't happen often with Hermione's friends, but occasionally when he was in the Wizarding world he'd look over and see a stranger looking back at him in terror.

At the restaurant during lunch, Draco had spotted a small woman with mousy hair looking at him scared from across the room and it had reminded him so vividly of a Muggle-born that had been killed in his home during the war that he'd had to rush to the loo to compose himself. Hermione hadn't even noticed. She was so focused on everyone else and hadn't paid him any mind.

As Draco stirred the soup in the pot and remembered the lunch, he changed his mind about telling Hermione about his townhome. Instead he finished making the meal, then left it on the counter with a warming charm and stayed away for the rest of that night. Draco had left everything from his old life behind for Hermione and he needed something that was all his own. It was a depressingly empty house, but it was his.

* * *

_Author's Note: That was the only reason I hid it from you Hermione, I promise. It was nothing sinister or untoward. I was losing command over so much, and the house gave me a tiny semblance of control. I just needed something that was mine in a life where everything else had become yours. I tried to explain, but I know by the time you found out you'd lost so much trust in me that you were prepared to assume the worst. Perhaps rightfully so._

* * *

Present Day:

"That's all you had to say Draco," Hermione said under her breath. But a voice in the back of her mind chimed in, _Would you have listened?_

She put the parchment down and racked her brain, trying to remember that lunch. Hermione remembered being worried about her boss. He was new to the department and she didn't know yet where she stood with him. She barely remembered Draco being there that day. Had she really missed him having a near-breakdown? Draco seemed so composed during that time, like all the insults were rolling off him. But they were cutting deep, and she hadn't noticed.

* * *

Manuscript:

As Draco sat in his empty house, fear started to rise in his chest when he thought about Harry's accusations. _I loved her, so I left her to protect her._ That's what Draco had tried, that first time after St. Mungo's, he'd tried to push Hermione away. But she came back. She wanted to be with him, and she knew the risks.

He shook his head. But she didn't know everything, he hadn't been completely honest with her. He hadn't even been honest with himself. Draco stood from the sofa and walked into the room next door which contained the desk and chair. There was a stack of three letters on the side, all addressed to him in his father's writing.

Draco picked up the letters, then went into the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets which held the only pantry-item in his kitchen, a bottle of Fire Whiskey. He removed the cap and took a swig from the bottle, since he had no glasses, then opened the first letter and scanned it for mentions of Hermione. This one wasn't so bad.

_Misguided attempt to help the family...You can call it off...We appreciate what you're trying to do here Draco._

He tossed it aside and ripped open the next one. This one was more aggressive.

_Filthy excuse for a witch...I'd rather have no son than a blood traitor for a son...You don't know what you're dealing with…_

Draco shook his head and took another shot of whiskey, then opened the last letter. This one was short, just two lines.

_Enjoy your time with the Mudblood now, son. It will be over before the year is up._

* * *

_Author's Note: We made it to January, so at least he was wrong on that point._

* * *

Draco shook his head, then wondered if his father still referring to him as 'son' in the last letter was a good sign, or a bad one. He started reading through all the letters again, thoroughly this time, taking a few drinks as he did so. But by the end his father's intentions were still unclear. It was obvious he wanted to break Draco and Hermione up, but Draco couldn't tell if he meant to use his slippery methods of influence or direct force to separate them.

Draco's head was spinning as the Fire Whiskey reached his brain and he gripped the counter and let himself get lost in the feeling of numbness for a while.

 _I loved her, so I left her to protect her._ Potter's words came back into his mind. Draco scowled.

"Well I'm not you, Potter!" Draco yelled and it echoed around his empty house.

He slipped onto the tile floor and leaned his back against the cabinet, then started to cry into his hands. He had no idea what to do or where to go next. He wanted Hermione, but he was drunk and probably still under the influence of Veritaserum. And if Draco showed her the letters, he had no idea how she'd react. They were having a hard enough time with the hate mail and her friends, they didn't need one more obstacle.

Draco sat there for an hour. He'd finally stopped crying and was busying himself with counting the tiles on the floor. But his brain was muddled, and he kept losing count around forty. Just then Hermione's Patronus appeared.

"I know what happened with Harry. Come back, we need to talk." Draco watched her otter bounce around, then vanish as he considered what to do.

"Fucking Potter," he cursed under his breath. Of course he'd gone straight to Hermione and told her that she was in danger and Draco knew, but had kept it from her. And now, well, maybe she was finally done.

He really didn't want to go. He wanted to stay away and sleep it off, but again, he was going to have to give in to what Hermione wanted. He knew if he didn't show up she'd Floo to the Manor to find him, and he couldn't have her roaming the halls yelling out for him.

Draco pulled himself to standing, stumbling a little. It was good he'd had all that Fire Whiskey, he preferred to be drunk when she was breaking up with him. He grabbed the letters from the counter and pocketed them, then walked to the fireplace in the sitting room.

Draco took a deep breath, then Floo-ed to his bedroom at the Manor. These were the only times he came here, the few seconds of stopover between his townhome and Hermione's flat, since she had warded her fireplace to only go to his room at the Manor. He looked around his old bedroom, then took a deep breath and Floo-ed to Hermione's.

* * *

Present Day:

"I never told you about my fight with Harry?" Hermione asked out loud, incredulous. "You thought he came to me…" her voice trailed off as she scanned the next page. Draco went right into the scene when he'd arrived at her flat. She knew if he'd known about what happened with Harry he would have included it here. She sighed and her heart dropped.

"I'm so sorry Draco, I fought for you, even against Harry, and you never knew. And it's so clear you needed to know."

She and Harry had had their biggest fight ever that night. When Draco didn't come back after the 90 minutes they'd agreed to, she knew something was wrong. First she considered going to the Leaky Cauldron, since that would be easiest. Maybe they were having such a good time they'd lost track of the hour? She snorted at that thought.

She thought of the Manor next, but she'd promised Draco she wouldn't go there again. So the next best option was Harry's house. Hermione grabbed her wand and beaded bag and ran down the stairs, then Apparated to Grimmauld Place and let herself inside.

"Harry?" she called. He came in from the sitting room and looked at her guiltily.

"Right, I can explain-"

"What?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Hermione walked into the sitting room and put her bag on the chair then turned to face Harry with her hands on her hips. He was wearing a sheepish grin and was running his hands through his hair.

"I spiked Malfoy's drink with Veritaserum," Harry admitted.

"What?!" Hermione responded, shocked. "But that's illegal." Harry shrugged.

"What? Are you going to turn me in?" he teased, but he dropped his smile when he saw her stern expression.

"What did you ask him?" she asked sharply.

"If he loved you, and about his family and if they'd hurt you. He said they would Hermione. He's worried they'd hurt you and he's still with you." Hermione waved him away.

"I know who his family is. You think I don't know what his father is capable of? I'm not stupid. And I don't need you swooping in like this," she turned away from her friend and sighed angrily. "God, this is such a classic Harry Potter move. I can't believe I didn't anticipate this. Is this the only reason you agreed to go out with him?" She glared back at Harry, but he remained silent.

Hermione thought about Draco then, and how upset he must have been when he realized what Harry had done.

"Why did he stay and answer your questions?" she asked, more to herself than to Harry.

"It turns out he does love you." Hermione's anger returned.

"I know that Harry!" she yelled back at him, then tears started falling from her eyes. "This isn't what he needed right now. He already has everyone against him. He needed one person to believe in him, someone besides me, and you-" she cut off, sobbing now as she considered how Draco must be feeling.

Harry looked alarmed and approached her tentatively.

"Hermione-" She stepped back, out of his reach and said in a cold voice she'd never used with him before.

"I supported you...always. Even when I thought you were wrong. Well now it's time for you to support me, Harry." Harry shook his head.

"You're in danger, Hermione."

"We're all in danger from something or another. You're an Auror, but you do it anyway, because it gives you satisfaction in life. You could argue your job puts Ginny in danger, but you still stay with her."

"It's not the same, and if Ginny was truly in danger because of me, I'd give her up. I've done it before, and Malfoy should do the same," he added, his expression fierce. Hermione's eyes widened.

"Did you tell Draco that?"

"Of course." Hermione wanted to hex him, but instead she pushed him, and he looked back at her surprised.

"You had no right! He's still holding on to a ton of guilt from the war and you had no right to interfere!" Harry looked back at her completely shocked by her violent reaction. "This is nothing like that time with Ginny! Lucius isn't bloody Voldemort and you have no idea what you're talking about," she stopped yelling and glared at him and he met her gaze, then she said in a lower tone. "Harry, I'm so mad at you right now. I know you think you were helping but -" she cut off and took a deep breath, then turned to grab her bag. "I need to find him."

"You'd risk so much for someone who's too selfish to put you first?" Harry grabbed her arm.

Hermione pulled her arm away and nodded back at him, tears streaming freely down her face again.

"You're wrong. You think he's selfish and a coward, but he's not. He saved me. Not just at St. Mungo's. But that day we inhaled the powder, he threw a bubble head charm at me before considering his own safety. And before, it's a long story, but a relic attacked us and he saved me then too." She stopped to wipe her eyes, then took a deep breath and continued. "He'll do anything to keep me safe. He tried to push me away to start and I think that's why. But I pushed back. Because I get a say in this too," she added in a challenging tone.

Harry moved toward her and she could tell he meant to embrace her, but she stepped back and saw the pain of the rejection on his face.

"I've never asked you for anything Harry. And the one time I did, you screwed it up." She saw tears come to his eyes and knew her words were hurting him, but she didn't care right then, she was only thinking of Draco.

"Hermione, I-" he hesitated. "-it's _Malfoy._ You're going to give everything up for him?"

"What am I giving up?" she argued back. "You? Are you asking me to choose between my friends and him?"

"Of course not," Harry shook his head quickly.

"Good, because I'm not sure you'd like my decision." Harry's eyes flashed at that.

"What? You'd put him above all of us? Your friends who would do anything for-"

"No, not anything," Hermione cut in. "I'm seeing now that there are limits to what you'll do for me." That blow hurt him and he actually winced. She felt guilty for causing him pain, but still continued, since he needed to hear this. "If you made me choose, I'd pick him, you know why?" Harry was silent but shook his head and she continued.

"Because he'd never ask me to choose. All he wants is for me to be happy, and I thought you wanted the same, but I was wrong." A few tears finally escaped Harry's eyes then and Hermione watched them flow slowly down his face.

"Hermione," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I want you to be happy too."

She approached him and rubbed the tears away, then squeezed his arm softly.

"Then prove it," Hermione said before turning to leave. She Disapparated back to her flat and sent the Patronus to Draco.

* * *

Manuscript:

When Draco arrived through the Floo Hermione was pacing and she stopped as soon as she saw him and flung her arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Harry was completely out of line. I had no idea...he should have never-" she pulled back and studied his face. "Are you okay?"

Draco nodded, but the potion still forced him to say, "Yes." Hermione slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Sorry, I promised myself no questions. I won't take advantage, that's not why I asked you to come back. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

She started crying into his chest and Draco was confused. This wasn't what he'd been expecting. He thought she'd be angry with him. But instead she was worried for him, and sad for some reason. Maybe it was hard for her to let him go. He did believe she loved him, just not more than she loved her friends or her safety.

"It's okay Hermione," he whispered, rubbing her back.

"You shouldn't be comforting me, I should be making you feel better," she said into his chest. Draco was confused again.

"What did Potter tell you?"

"He told me about the Veritaserum," she was angry then, and Draco thought she was thinking through what he'd admitted to Harry. "He said he was checking that you actually loved me, but that's absurd, of course you love me, you've proven it enough times…" Draco nodded, waiting for her to get to the next part.

"And he told me about what you talked about, with your father. Draco," she grabbed his face and stared into his eyes. "I don't care," her gaze was intense. "Don't listen to Harry." Draco shook his head and pulled away from her.

"He was right, I shouldn't be putting you in danger. If I was a better-"

"Don't even finish that statement," she cut him off. "What happened with Ginny was completely different. She wasn't of age, and they'd barely started dating. I could kill him for making you feel like you're doing wrong by staying with me.

Draco realized then her anger wasn't directed at him, but at Potter. He immediately felt himself relax, like a giant weight had been lifted off of him. He sat on the couch and started to rub his temples, trying to focus. "So we aren't breaking up?" Hermione looked at Draco questioningly.

"No, wh-? I mean, of course not," she sat next to him on the couch.

Draco's brain was moving sluggishly, he'd had too much whiskey. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, then pulled his father's letters out of his robes and handed them to her. He felt her take them from his hands.

"What is this?" she asked. Then she realized she'd inadvertently asked another question and tried to backtrack, "I mean, sorry-"

"It's fine," Draco cut in. "They are letters from my father. He's threatening to do something to break us up when he's out. It could be dangerous. I want you to have all the information before you make the decision to stay with me."

"Draco, there's no decision here, I'm with you and I'm not going anywhere." She looked at him concerned and rubbed his leg

"Just read them," he said, his eyes still closed.

Hermione turned to the letters and started to read. It wasn't anything she hadn't been expecting. Lucius was upset Draco was with her because of her blood status and promised to break them up. She knew he'd fight back in some way once he was out of jail. But she didn't care. She'd been a little worried about Draco and wondered if he'd cave when his parents put the pressure on, especially if they threatened to cut off his funds and disown him. But he seemed more worried about her reaction, he was watching her warily.

"And you still want this? To be with me?" Draco asked.

"Of course," she climbed into his lap and could smell the whiskey on his breath. He must have been drinking at the Manor. She didn't blame him, she was sure Harry's actions had hurt him.

"Are you sure? He might try to hurt you, and you've already been through-"

"Yes," she said firmly, cutting him off again.

Draco felt tears well behind his eyes. He breathed in and out slowly. He should have come straight to her. He was meant to be here, with Hermione. He was finally able to relax again and the feeling of security he only felt around her was returning.

Potter was wrong. He said he knew how Draco felt, having no one, but he didn't. Potter may have left his girlfriend, but he'd always had Hermione and Weasley, and even the Order to back him up. Without Hermione Draco had no one. Just an empty house and parents who he'd recently found out didn't love him unconditionally.

When he opened his eyes, Hermione was looking at him concerned, he was sure the turmoil was present on his face since he wasn't trying to hide it.

"I love you Draco," she whispered and he nodded.

"I love you too." He gave her a small smile and added. "And now you know it's the truth." She shook her head.

"I never doubted." She stood then. "Come on, it's late, will you stay tonight?"

Draco nodded, thinking of his empty house and how the only place he wanted to be was here with Hermione. He added a "Yes," when the pain from the potion returned, but it was much duller than before.

That night Hermione didn't fall asleep as quickly as usual. She was on her side, looking back at Draco with concern. Every time Draco tried to close his eyes his head spun uncomfortably, so he had his eyes opened, watching the shadows move across the ceiling.

Draco was thinking about his father's letters again and Hermione's unconcerned reaction. He wished he could dismiss the threat that easily. _Enjoy your time with the Mudblood now, son. It will be over before the year is up._

"What are you thinking about?" she whispered a few moments later, taking one of his hands in hers.

He turned his head and gave her a small smile, then said a half-truth, relieved the Veritaserum had finally worn off so he wouldn't have to worry her.

"You. Always you Hermione."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Whoa, intense chapter. So now we're seeing a hint of what may be carrying over into their conflict in the present.
> 
> Not cool Harry. I love Harry, more than almost any other literary character, but he's definitely flawed and hopefully you all didn't find his actions in this chapter too unbelievable. Don't worry, he'll have a chance to redeem himself in future chapters. Also, I'm glad Hermione fought back, but it's too bad she never told Draco about it.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	11. Cracks

**CHAPTER 11 - Cracks**

_June 2003_

About a week later, Draco woke up in a dark mood. He looked over at Hermione sleeping in an effort to break out of it, but when a small smile came across her face he scowled, sure she must be thinking about someone besides him. The only expressions he created on her face lately were negative: concern, stress, worry. Draco sighed, then stood and began to pull his pants on, planning to return to his townhome for the day.

Hermione woke up while Draco was looking around for his shirt and greeted him with a groggy, "hey". He nodded at her, then continued searching. She reached out and grabbed one of his hands.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," Draco said flatly.

"Hmm, okay," Hermione responded, a little disappointed. "I have that birthday party for little Fred at the Burrow later, but we have a few hours if you want to...uh...hang out until I have to go."

Maybe that's what had made her smile, the Weasley birthday party. They seemed to have one every few weeks since there were so many of them. He never went to events at the Burrow, it was an unspoken agreement between Draco, Hermione, and the Weasel. Draco typically didn't care, but now he was angry that he wasn't allowed at the Weasleys', even though he didn't even want to go.

"You look upset, why?" He sat on the side of the bed and sighed, then dropped his head in his hands.

"I'm just in a bad mood," he grumbled. She lifted herself up and hugged him from behind.

"I just offered to do something to cheer you up. I'm not sure how much more obvious I can be here," she added in an undertone. He turned his head to kiss her, then pushed her back into the bed.

A few hours later Hermione was in the shower while Draco laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt a little better, but not much. He knew once Hermione left the darkness would settle in again and he was trying to think of what to do to occupy himself. He looked over at the clock and felt a pang when he saw the time, 9:30. That's usually when breakfast with his mother started at the Manor, but he'd cut those back to once a week.

His mother had been meaner than usual toward him since his relationship with Hermione had gone public. She was embarrassed about having a blood traitor for a son. But Draco still missed her. Not the bitter, cruel witch she was now, but the way she'd been before he started dating Hermione.

Draco heard voices in the main room and groaned when he recognized their owners. Fucking Potter and his girlfriend. He hadn't seen Harry since the disastrous Veritaserum night. Why did they have to come here to meet Hermione? She could easily meet up with them at the Burrow. They probably wanted to check that she was still alive. Draco could hear them talking clearly since the bedroom door was ajar.

"Do you think he's here?" Harry said in a low voice.

"Probably, she told me he sleeps here a lot," Ginny responded.

"That's disturbing."

"You know they have sex, you said he told you-"

"No need to remind me," Harry cut her off. "What do you think 'a lot' means?" Draco sighed and walked into the doorway and glared at the couple with his arms crossed.

"It means about six nights a week." Ginny blushed when she saw Draco but Harry just glared back.

"Malfoy," Potter muttered.

"Potter, Weasley." Draco strutted into the kitchen and started making himself tea.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Harry grumbled. Draco shrugged.

"I'm about to get in the shower. Why would I put a shirt on just to take it off again? Oh," he added. "I shower here too, in case you were wondering." Ginny snorted and Harry gave her a sharp look. They both watched Draco working on the tea. He saw them watching him.

"I'd offer you one, but I'd be wary drinking from anything I've prepared if I were you."

"I want one," Ginny piped up. Harry was about to speak but Draco beat him to it.

"I'm not going to poison your girlfriend." Then he turned to Ginny. "How do you like it, Weasley?"

When Hermione entered the sitting room she started, surprised by the sight before her. Draco was sitting on the couch with no shirt, sipping from a mug and listening to Ginny talk about Quidditch. Harry was leaning against the fireplace and glaring at the pair of them with his arms crossed.

"Hey," Hermione said tentatively as she entered the room. "You two are here early."

"Yeah," Draco responded. "They came to check you weren't being tortured. Quite the opposite actually, we were…" He trailed off when he saw Hermione's look, then took another sip of his tea.

Ginny snorted and Harry started massaging his temples.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, to upset Harry," Ginny said. "And I would say it's working, though I don't mind." She winked at Draco and Harry grunted, which made Draco laugh out loud.

Draco stood from the couch and reached for Ginny's mug.

"I'm taken, Weasley." The smile on her face vanished when she saw the Dark Mark on the arm he was holding out to her. Ginny's brown eyes flashed up to meet his, and he saw an odd mixture of pity and disgust there.

They regarded each other for several moments before Draco said roughly, "Your mug, Weasley." She snapped out of it and handed it to him. Hermione was checking her bag for her gift for Fred and didn't notice the interaction, but Harry did. He gave Ginny a look that said, _He doesn't look as good with his shirt off now, does he?_ Then his eyes moved to meet Draco's. They glared at each other for a long while, then Hermione cut in, confused by the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Uh, we should go."

Draco put the mugs on the counter, then pulled her in for a long, deep kiss. She shook her head when he let her go.

"I wouldn't provoke Harry too much Malfoy, he _will_ hex you," Ginny teased. Draco shrugged.

"He already poisoned me." He saw Hermione and Harry share an uncomfortable look, then Harry turned to Draco. "Weren't you going to take a shower?"

Harry gave Draco's Dark Mark one last look of disapproval, then turned to the door, pulling Ginny behind him.

"Let's go, we're going to be late," Harry called to Hermione from the hallway.

"Are you okay?" Hermione whispered, placing a tentative hand on Draco's chest.

"Go," Draco said through gritted teeth. "Your friends are waiting."

"Draco, I don't know what just-"

"Just go."

Hermione gave him a peck on the cheek, then followed her friends into the hall. When the door closed Draco heard Ginny say, "Oh Merlin Harry, your face. Come on, you know you're the only wizard for me."

Harry responded but Draco didn't hear it since they were too far away. He looked at the two mugs on the counter, then picked one up and threw it hard on the ground. Watching the pieces shatter was satisfying, but not enough, so he picked up the second mug and threw it too. He scowled at the broken shards, then marched into the shower.

Draco tried to avoid looking at his Dark Mark while he was washing, but his eyes kept going back to it, then the image of Ginny's disturbing reaction kept flooding back into his mind. He finally gave in and looked at the ugly Mark, then he started to wash it, scrubbing it until it was raw.

Draco sighed and collapsed onto the shower floor and stayed there as the water turned cold. He didn't have his wand with him to make it warm again, so he reached up to turn off the tap before settling back into a sitting position on the now-cold tile. He stared at his Mark for a long while, wishing he could get a time turner and take it back. Then he started to scratch it. First slowly, then more aggressively like he was trying to pry it off. When he finally drew blood he stopped, horrified by what he'd done.

He ran out of the shower, dripping wet, to Hermione's drawer full of medical supplies in the kitchen. He pulled out a bandage and wrapped it around his arm quickly, covering the sight of the blood. He grabbed his wand and considered healing it, but didn't trust himself to unwrap the bandage, so he just placed a permanent sticking charm on it instead.

He fixed the mugs and cleaned up the spilled tea, then went to get dressed, since he noticed he was shaking from the cold.

Draco was not okay. As he let himself admit that and it felt a little better. He was trying to act strong for Hermione. But being back in the public eye and having to spend so much time with her friends who were so fucking good and nice even after he'd terrorized most of them, it was too much. He was falling apart, and trying to look like he wasn't was making it worse somehow.

Draco went back to his townhome and worked on his book. He had a few notes from the publisher to address, then he would be done. He'd have to find a new project. Something else to dive into when things got like this. He glared at the bandage, but pulled his sleeve to cover it and forced his attention back to the book.

Hermione was disappointed when she got back from the birthday party and found that Draco wasn't there. She'd had a hard day with Ron, George, and Molly pulling her aside to talk about Draco. She was getting sick of everyone treating her like she was a child who was getting in over her head. She cleaned her flat thoroughly, then worked a little, then read. She checked the fire every few minutes, hoping Draco would show up, but he never did. That night when she went to bed she stayed to her side, instead of sleeping in the middle like she did when he wasn't there. She hoped maybe he'd join her later, but he stayed away.

* * *

Present Day:

"You should have told me, Draco," Hermione said, rubbing her fingers over Draco's last paragraph. She was so used to her friends and how they told each other everything. She'd assumed Draco would do the same if something was really wrong with him. But clearly that was not the case. She'd known something was going on, but hadn't wanted to pry, worried she'd set him off. "I didn't know how bad it was, please forgive me, Draco."

* * *

Manuscript:

_July 2003_

Draco was confused when he heard a knock on Hermione's door. She wasn't due back from work for another hour and most of her visitors let themselves in. But she lived in a Muggle building, so it could be a neighbor or someone wanting to sell her something. Draco used a supersensory charm to check who was on the other side of the door, then sighed when he saw it was Harry.

He opened the door with his wand then went back to his spot on the couch, picking up the Daily Prophet he'd been reading.

"She's not here, and since when do you knock anyway?" Harry looked nervous, which was rare for him, and said while he closed the door behind him.

"I'm here to see you, actually." Draco raised an eyebrow at him, then folded the paper and leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms as he waited for Harry to speak.

"I shouldn't have judged you so quickly. I - I'm having a hard time reconciling you," he motioned toward Draco, "this older, mature you who obviously loves Hermione with...well...the you from school." Draco was silent, unsure how to respond. It was obvious Harry wasn't finished, so he waited to see what else he had to say.

"But - uh, it's clear you're different. I haven't forgotten what you did to save her when she was sick, and she's convinced you've changed and we both know she's brilliant." Harry pinched the bridge of his nose and Draco couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Harry struggle so much with words. "So - uh, I'm sorry. For the Veritaserum, and for - uh, what I said," Harry finished quickly.

"Okay Potter," Draco said simply, then opened up his newspaper. Harry's apology had caused a feeling of relief to sweep through him, but Draco was trying to hide it. Harry sighed.

"I think we should start up Tuesday drinks again. And I won't poison you, or have Hannah do it, we should-" The words were rushing out of Harry's mouth and he sighed before continuing. "We should try to get along for Hermione."

"No," Draco said quickly, then went back to the paper.

Harry sighed again and started muttering to himself, though Draco couldn't make it out, then he walked to Draco and pulled the paper out of his hands.

"She told me you'd do anything to make her happy, and this will do that. So can you at least try?" Draco narrowed his eyes, then grabbed the paper back as he considered Potter. These Gryffindors could be as manipulative as Slytherins when they wanted to be. But while Slytherins typically worked through threats and bribery, Gryffindors went straight for the heart. In his youth this wouldn't have worked on Draco, but now, well it turned out he had a heart.

"Fine," he said, then asked, "And I assume you mean to start tonight?" Harry gave him a curt nod and looked a little relieved, then went for the door.

"Eight o'clock at the Leaky Cauldron, see you then." Draco sighed, then cursed Hermione for sending Potter over. He wondered how she convinced him to not only start up drinks again, but to apologize. He knew the methods of persuasion she used on him, but those would certainly not be appropriate for Potter.

* * *

Present Day:

"I didn't send him," Hermione smiled to herself. "That was all Harry."

* * *

Manuscript:

When Draco arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, he made a big show of getting his own drink and watched Hannah pour it directly from the bottle before going to join Harry at the same table they'd occupied a few weeks prior. They stared at each other in silence for a bit, before Draco began the conversation.

"Well you got me here, what do you propose we talk about?" Harry shrugged.

"We're supposed to be getting along, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Honestly, we have nothing in common. Just Hermione and an appreciation for Quidditch." Draco sighed, then took another sip of his drink.

"Yes, Hermione thinks two people can talk endlessly about Quidditch, but I haven't been following the season, so I don't have much to say." Harry grunted in response and took another sip of his drink.

"We both went to the same school," Harry offered.

_Yeah, where I tormented you and your friends and then contributed to the death of the Headmaster, who you clearly loved. Let's talk more about that Potter._

"Okay, sure. Uh, what was your favorite subject?" Draco asked.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, you?"

"Potions." Harry winced.

"I heard you cheated in sixth year," Draco said with a small smirk.

"Hermione told you that?"

"Yeah, how did you do it?" Harry shrugged.

"I had Snape's old Potions text." Draco's eyes flashed painfully at the mention of Snape and he dropped his head. Harry tried to pretend he hadn't noticed and asked, "Uh, least favorite subject? Mine was Divination."

"Care of Magical Creatures," Draco responded, and Harry glared at him angrily.

"Maybe not school," Draco said and they both took another big drink. "What did you do before school?" Draco asked. He remembered having success discussing his childhood with Hermione during their meetings at the Manor.

Harry shook his head quickly. "That's not a good topic for me." Draco sighed.

"How do you have so many friends if you're this bad at carrying on a conversation?"

"I think the fact that I have so many, and you have none, shows which of us is the one with the problem here." Harry smirked and Draco scowled.

"Tell me about your job."

"I'm an Auror, I catch dark wizards. You're familiar with the group," he said sardonically, but Draco ignored the jab. "And you don't have a job."

"No, but I wrote some books."

"Yeah, I heard, I don't have much time to read, besides the paper." Draco shook his head and started scanning the room, looking for a clock when he spotted an abandoned paper on the bar.

"Hang on," Draco said and he stood up to cross the room. He came back with yesterday's edition of the Daily Prophet in hand.

"What are you doing?"

"We both read the paper."

"We're going to talk about the news?"

"Do you have any other ideas Potter?" Harry shrugged and Draco opened to a random page.

"Ok, this article is about the fights between centaur tribes. Thoughts?" Harry shook his head, like he thought this was dumb, but decided to play along.

"I'm glad I'm not in that department at the Ministry. Centaurs are aggressive and scary as hell." Draco nodded.

"I don't have much to add, I agree." He went to the next article. "Here's something about a new Gringotts branch in Scotland." Harry shrugged.

"Uhh, I wonder about the logistics of making a tunnel system as elaborate as the one here. And I doubt people will think their money is as safe."

"It makes me think of that time you broke in during the war. I still have respect for that, it was ballsy as hell."

"You know how we did it, right?" Harry asked after a moment of being startled by the compliment from Draco.

Draco shook his head, then Harry went on to explain how Hermione had used Polyjuice to turn into Bellatrix and how they'd had help from Griphook. Then how they'd come to escape on the dragon.

"You never planned how to get out? Fuck, that's insane. You three were so lucky," Draco added under his breath. Harry smirked and leaned back in his seat.

"Ok, next?"

"Marriage announcement...uh, probably too personal," he moved on to the next article, but Harry cut in. "Not for me. I'm going to marry Ginny, I love her. We already live together and it's just a matter of time."

Draco nodded, then said awkwardly, "Marriage isn't really about love in my family," he looked back at the paper.

"But you love Hermione," Harry pointed out.

Draco nodded, then looked up to find Harry eyeing him curiously, "Yeah. I guess I've defected from the Malfoy family in a way." Harry smirked.

"I think that sounds almost as ballsy as my Gringotts breakin." Draco placed the paper back on the table and cocked his head.

"Why are you being nice?" Harry shrugged.

"It's important to Hermione," he replied.

"But you'd still prefer she realize how much better she is than me and dump me?"

"Of course," Harry finished off his drink, but his smile hinted that he was half-joking. He leaned forward and motioned toward the paper. "What's next Malfoy?"

* * *

_Author's Note: You would always pester me with questions about what Harry and I would talk about every Tuesday. It was as thrilling as that, Hermione. We spend most of the time discussing Monday's news. Even now, months later, we always start with a review of the Prophet._

_We can mostly carry on a conversation without it, but it's become a bit of the joke between the two of us. I never would have thought I'd have an inside joke with Harry Potter. But then again, I also never thought I'd be madly in love with Hermione Granger. Life can be surprising like that._

* * *

On a Thursday night near the end of July, Draco was pacing the street outside The Green Dragon. He'd almost entered the bar twice before losing his nerve. But he kept thinking back to the dinner from the night before at Potter's house and why he'd decided to come today.

That night it was just Hermione and Draco with Ron, Nora, Harry, and Ginny. Usually when it was this group of people Nora would speak politely with Draco for a few minutes, then they'd run out of things to say and he'd pass the rest of the night in silence. Occasionally, Harry would try to ask him a few questions, but they still hadn't managed to converse without the help of a newspaper.

Nora was asking Draco about his house elves and wondering how Hermione had put up with them living in his home. Draco explained how when Hermione used to visit the Manor the house elves feared her and avoided her at all costs, worried she'd somehow set them free. Hermione had come over and rolled her eyes, then admitted that she'd mostly forgiven Draco for owning house elves since he treated them well and she knew a losing battle when she saw one.

"Draco was clearly raised to believe differently," she'd said.

"Well I guess you've already overcome so many of your beliefs Draco, you're allowed just this one," Nora had teased kindly. Draco had sneered.

"Oh, are you referring to the Muggle-born thing? I'm not over that. I'm with Hermione for the status boost, haven't you read?" Nora turned white, then looked awkwardly at Hermione.

"He's joking," Hermione waved casually, then looked angrily back at Draco.

"Right," Nora said, confused.

"Yes," Draco said, exasperated and annoyed, "of course I am."

This stupid conversation had caused a fight between Draco and Hermione later that night. He'd argued that obviously his comment was a joke and it wasn't his fault Nora was a nitwit who didn't understand sarcasm.

Hermione had told him he needed to try harder, and keep in mind the company when he made jokes like that.

Draco had argued that her friends were sarcastic with each other all the time. But anytime he tried it they took him at his word.

"My friends will come around, we just need to be cautious, then one day we'll look back on this and laugh," she'd tried to assure him.

Draco was sick of always holding his tongue, and the few times he did speak out he was invariably scolded. That's when he'd remembered Blaise's offer from months before and decided to take him up on it. He wasn't sure if the offer still stood now that his relationship with Hermione was public. But he longed for interaction with a group who would accept him as he was. His friends might taunt him for dating a Mudblood, but they wouldn't look at him like he was evil like Hermione's friends did.

With that thought, Draco stopped his pacing and finally charged into the bar. He spotted Blaise, Theo, and Greg quickly. Draco took a deep breath, reminded himself he had nothing to lose here, then marched to their table.

Blaise cocked his head at Draco and considered him silently, then broke into a grin and said, "Well, well. If it isn't the wizard voted most unlikely to turn blood traitor. What brings you back out into the world Malfoy?"

Draco shrugged, then took the empty seat next to Blaise and nodded toward Theo and Greg.

Blaise waved for the waitress and ordered Draco a drink. Draco watched the bartender pour it and made sure the waitress' hands went nowhere near the rim of the glass as she brought it to their table. His former friends just looked at him silently, probably waiting for him to start talking. _Well they'll be waiting awhile,_ Draco thought to himself.

They watched Draco take a few sips of his drink, then Greg finally broke the silence.

"So you're dating Potter's Mudblood?" Draco winced at the slur, but instead of correcting him, he nodded in response.

"Why?" Blaise asked, leaning in eagerly.

"It's complicated, let's talk about something else," Draco said quickly, then took another gulp of his drink.

"Is it part of a grand plan to regain your former status in the world?" Blaise pressed.

Draco nodded, and his heart fell as he considered Hermione and how she'd react if this ever got back to her.

"See, I told you," Blaise whispered to Theo and Theo just stared back at Draco, silent. Greg shook his head.

"That's commitment. I don't think I could do something so vile." Draco sneered at Greg, but stayed silent.

"How did you get her to agree?" Blaise asked.

"My irresistible charm," Draco muttered, then turned to Greg, desperate to turn the conversation, "What's going on with you, Goyle?"

* * *

_Author's Note: I'm so sorry I didn't correct them, Hermione, but I didn't want to be turned away. I just wanted to be with people who didn't think I was despicable. I knew it was because they were despicable too, but I ignored it at the time. It was so refreshing to finally be able to speak and joke freely. Please forgive me._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione wiped a few tears from her eyes. Draco had already admitted this to her, but it still hurt to read.

"So that's why you reconnected with them," Hermione said under her breath. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. That fight about Nora was stupid and she shouldn't have scolded Draco. She agreed Nora was just being dumb, but she'd taken it out on Draco for some reason. Probably because she had been so stressed that summer.

She'd gotten a new boss who pushed her harder than any of her coworkers and she'd been desperate to prove herself. But she'd never really confided the details to Draco at the time. She hadn't wanted to add to the stress they were already under by making their relationship public. But looking back now, staying silent about the pressures she was facing at work had probably made things worse.

* * *

Manuscript:

When Draco got back to Hermione's place that night he was feeling a mixture of comfort and remorse. His friends never circled back to the topic of Hermione, and instead filled Draco in on everything he'd missed since he'd last seen them. It wasn't so bad. Occasionally they'd throw out an inappropriate comment or slur, but for the most part they were alright, and Draco made plans to meet them again next Thursday.

Hermione was livid when she saw Draco and he racked his brain to try and figure out what he'd done wrong.

"Where were you?"

"What?"

"We were supposed to go to Neville's celebration dinner, since he got the professor job. remember?"

"Oh," Draco did not remember, he must not have been listening. This happened a lot, especially lately. He was so much in his head he forgot to focus on the world around him. He shrugged in response, then took off his robes and draped them over a chair.

Hermione glared at them and he could tell she was mad he hadn't hung them in the closet. He crossed his arms, bracing for the imminent fight. She turned back to look at him.

"You said you were coming and I waited for you." Draco shook his head.

"This isn't working. I don't want to go to your events anymore. Let's do what Weasley suggested and just keep us," he motioned toward the space between them, "separate." She looked hurt, and he continued. "I know that's what you want anyway."

"That's not what I want. What makes you say that?" Draco sighed.

"You're always getting on me for behaving incorrectly or saying the wrong thing. So let's avoid all that. I'll just stay away while you connect with your friends, then we can hang out alone. It was better when it was just us anyway."

"I don't want to have two separate lives. In some areas, yes, but not completely. I want to bring you to things and it's not going to get better until we power through." Draco scowled at the thought _._

"I'm sick of powering through. You go to your stuff and I'll go to my stuff."

"What stuff do you have?" she cocked her head, confused.

Draco glowered at her. It was a reasonable question, but still, she didn't have to look so shocked.

"Drinks with my friends."

"What friends?"

"I have friends," Draco bit back defensively.

"Right - uh, who?" Hermione asked, trying her best not to sound condescending.

"Goyle, Zabini, and Nott." Hermione's eyes widened.

"You said they hadn't moved on from their prejudices, that you didn't-"

"Well I decided to give them another chance," Draco cut her off, "and they're fine." Hermione crossed her arms.

"And what do they think about me?"

"You didn't come up. I have other things in my life to talk about besides you," he added sharply.

Hermione rolled her eyes

"Of course, Draco. I didn't mean -" she stopped when she saw him pick up his robes and put them back on. "Wait, are you leaving? You just got here."

"Yeah, then you started yelling at me."

"Only because you made a commitment to me and didn't keep it. I was worried."

"Well I'm fine, you can see that. Good night." He went to her fireplace and picked up a handful of Floo powder from the jar on the mantle.

"Draco," she grabbed his arm so he couldn't leave. "Why do you always leave? Come on, stay, we can talk through this."

Draco closed his eyes and sighed. _If I stay I'll be mean. But if I leave I'll be reminded of how pathetic my life is without you and eventually decide to stop taking you for granted and come back._ He didn't say this though, since at the time it was a mix of feelings that he hadn't managed to put words to. He pulled his arm away from her gently.

Hermione looked hurt, but she still leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you. Good night, Draco."

"Right, good night," Draco grunted, then threw the powder into the flames and said "Draco's Bedroom, Malfoy Manor," before stepping in. Once he got to his bedroom he slammed his hand against the stone mantel, enraged with himself and his inability to explain his feelings to Hermione.

He paced around for a while, then picked up another handful of Floo powder. But instead of saying "Draco Malfoy's Townhome," he said, "Hermione Granger's Flat."

Hermione was in the kitchen making tea and yelped when she saw him walk out of the fireplace. Draco strode toward her quickly and pulled her into a kiss. He stepped back and muttered half-grudgingly, "I love you too," before walking back to the fireplace. She nodded and gave him a sad smile, then watched him Floo back to the Manor.

* * *

When Draco showed up the next night he was carrying a bouquet of flowers. Hermione smiled at the cliché gesture as she rummaged around for a vase.

"I realize I've never brought you flowers before. It's because I thought you might be one of those annoying witches who doesn't like the idea of killing flowers just to make a room look nice. Are you?" Hermione grinned and looked back at him.

"I like flowers just fine, and they're beautiful. They remind me of autumn."

Draco came up behind her and moved her hair to one side, then placed a kiss on her neck.

"That was intentional. This summer has been awful, I'd like to just skip ahead to the next season." Hermione turned to face him.

"I'm sorry about last night, you can just tell me if you don't want to go to something."

"Yeah, uh, sorry too. But I am going out again next Thursday with those guys."

"Okay," she looked disappointed so Draco averted his eyes, then froze at what he saw on her counter. "Shit."

Hermione turned to see what Draco was looking at. It was the stack of mail that she hadn't had a chance to sort through yet.

"What is it?" she asked.

Draco reached over and picked up a small letter from the middle of the pile.

"This is from my father."

Hermione's eyes widened. He started to open it and she stopped him.

"Shouldn't you check it for curses?"

Draco shook his head, "Not his style." He read the letter quickly, then tossed it into the fire.

Hermione watched him pace the room for a while before he eventually told her what the letter said.

"They invited you to dinner Sunday. It wasn't clear if I'm meant to come too," he added with a hollow laugh.

"So he's out of Azkaban?"

"Looks like it," Draco shrugged, watching the last of the letter burn in the fire.

"Did you not see him last night?" Hermione asked, confused.

"I don't leave my room," Draco lied easily. "And I've warded it so they can't come in. I only see Effie when I'm there."

Hermione nodded, believing the lie since Draco hadn't given her a reason to doubt him yet. He didn't quite know why he was still carrying on with this deception. But he clung to the lie, finding a small comfort in knowing he could go somewhere where no one would be able to find him, not even Hermione.

"I think we should go," Hermione said.

"What?"

"We can't avoid them forever, Draco. So we may as well get it over with."

Draco looked back at her dumbfounded.

"We can barely handle outings with lovable Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, and you want to go into a den of snakes?" Hermione smirked at his question and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Not all snakes are bad." He stepped back out of her grasp and pointed at the fire.

"Those two are."

She grabbed him by his belt and pulled him back to her, smiling suggestively.

"Well if you're going to fight this I guess I can fall back on my usual methods of persuasion." He shook his head amused and she slowly started to undo his belt.

"You're offering to shag me in order to convince me to take you to dinner with my parents, where they will undoubtedly spend the entire time insulting you and trying to convince us to break up?"

She didn't respond, but moved her hands to his shirt buttons now that his pants were undone.

"You are a very strange witch, Hermione."

"Not dirty talk, per se, but I guess I'll take what I can get."

Draco smirked, then picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

Later when they were laying in bed she said in a grave tone, "Draco, we need to talk about something serious."

Draco saw the next conversation unfold in his mind. She'd say how they needed to break up. It was getting too hard, and love should be easy, not this much work. He'd imagined this moment so many times that it seemed more like a memory than something he'd made up. And it was fitting that Hermione would do it like this. One last shag, then a kind breakup speech while he held her in his arms, so she didn't have to look at him.

The more logical part of Draco's brain kicked in then and he focused back on Hermione.

"Uh, right, what about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Are you worried your parents will cut you off?" Draco let out a sigh of relief at her response.

"No." He felt her relax in his arms then added teasingly. "But you seem to be." She shrugged.

"I told you I'd give it all up for you. And I - well, I've already been planning on it."

She looked up at him.

"Really?"

Draco nodded.

"I moved the money that's mine from the Blacks to a separate vault. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. And this next book is actually in high demand with Aurors and curse-breakers and a few schools. Proceeds from those sales should cover my expenses for the next year. I don't need much."

"That's good Draco. But - uh - you won't be rich anymore." Draco tightened his grip on her.

"I know. But I already told you I'd give it up for you. You didn't believe me?" He looked down at her. She gave him an embarrassed look.

"I did, but, well, saying and doing are different."

His heart dropped. She still didn't think much of him, did she? She seemed to sense his unease and lifted a hand to his cheek.

"Thank you, Draco." She pulled him in for a kiss and he kissed her back, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest.

* * *

_August 2003_

Hermione did her hair three times while getting ready for dinner with the Malfoys.

"I don't know why you're bothering," Draco muttered as he straightened his tie, "They're going to hate you no matter what."

Hermione sighed, then gave up and moved to straightening her dress.

"We can still back out of this," Draco said, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She shook her head.

"We need to get this over with." He sighed.

"Fine." Then he started pacing the room nervously. Hermione watched him in the mirror, then turned around and looked at him curiously.

When Draco saw her watching him he walked toward her and grabbed both of her hands, then pushed her into a sitting position on the bed. He took the seat next to her, then let out a huge sigh.

"They're going to bring up the subject of marriage."

Hermione's eyes widened, then she looked back at Draco and was a little amused by what she found. He was usually so smooth and composed, but he was almost shaking and she was reminded how Neville acted around Snape when they were younger. She tried to keep from smirking and waited patiently for Draco to continue.

"Marriage has always been a complicated concept for me. I've always considered it to be more related to duty than love. And, well I've always planned on marrying, eventually, to someone on my mother's list." Hermione smiled, remembering their conversation about this over a year ago. Draco took another deep breath then continued.

"But then I met you. And well, for the first time I let myself visualize a life with a partner I love and consider an equal." Hermione smiled and placed a comforting hand on one of his. "But it's too soon now, we're still a bit of a mess in many areas," he added with a smirk. "And when I say 'we,' I mean me, of course." Hermione squeezed his hand and nodded. "But you're the only one I'd ever want, Hermione. And I'd like to think it's a possibility for us, uh - later." Draco looked away from her once he was done, worried about how she'd respond.

Hermione pulled his face back so he was looking at her.

"I'd like to think that too." Draco's heart began to float and a genuine smile took over his face.

"Right, okay. So that's what I'll say when they ask, because they will. That marriage isn't imminent, but it's on the table." Hermione nodded and smiled back at him.

"I feel the same way." Draco stood and let out a final sigh of relief, then held his hand out to her.

"Good."

Later at dinner, when the subject of marriage came up, Draco said exactly that.

"We aren't getting married anytime soon, but it's a definite possibility. We love each other." He gave Hermione a small smile from across the table.

"We will never approve of that union," his father said angrily. "You will be disowned, Draco. The Malfoy Manor, the vaults, the power, all of it will be passed to someone else. It's a cousin of mine in France. We've already tracked him down, worried you'd be foolish enough to continue with this."

"That's fine Father, I expected as much," Draco said in an almost bored tone that angered his father further.

"You'd give it all up? For a Mud-"

"Yes, and I already said if you call her that one more time we're leaving."

His mother chimed in then.

"If you're going to give up everything you know you could have at least chosen someone more beautiful and polished like-"

"Mother," Draco stood up and motioned for Hermione to do the same, but Lucius cut in, "Narcissa, we promised to stop insulting the girl. Let's stop for now or they'll both leave," he drawled with an implication that they'd pick up this line of conversation as soon as Draco and Hermione left.

Lucius turned to Hermione then.

"You may think you can handle marriage, but you're from different worlds. Soon enough those two worlds will collide. I just hope it's before you decide to get married and force my son to give up everything, and not after."

Hermione rolled her eyes and bit her tongue, she knew better than to try and argue with Lucius on this point. They ate the next course in silence.

"Will you be attending my birthday party next month?" Narcissa said to Draco. Draco sighed.

"Of course not mother, Hermione would be eaten alive at an event like that."

"You've never missed one," his mother argued. Draco shook his head.

"That's an exaggeration, I missed it for seven years in a row." His mother's eyes narrowed,

"You're not in school anymore. And I already never see you since you've moved out of the house…"

Draco's eyes snapped to Hermione and she cocked her head in confusion, then figured Narcissa must be referring to all the time Draco spent at her place. She remembered he said he warded his bedroom. Maybe she didn't know about the few nights he still spent here.

Lucius noticed Draco's odd response and logged it for future reference.

"We could go to the party," Herimone chimed in. All three Malfoys glowered at her and she looked back at Draco.

"No," Draco said quickly.

"Your mother has a point. We only go to my events, if this is important to you-"

"I said no," Draco said sharply. Hermione glared at him for cutting her off, but let it go, not wanting to fight with him in front of his parents.

* * *

_Author's Note: I was right from the start; we should have never gone to that fucking party._

* * *

Present Day:

"I agree."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Oh dear, it's getting shaky. I hope you all are still enjoying the story. Thanks for sticking with it so far.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	12. The Party

**Chapter 12 - The Party**

_August 2003_

When Draco and Hermione got back to her flat after dinner with his parents they let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Wow, that was tense," Hermione said with a small smile.

"I feel the need to point out here that it was _you_ who insisted we suffer through that." Hermione shrugged.

"Yeah, I know, but it's done. And no one hexed anyone, so there was that." She walked into her bedroom and started removing the pins from her hair. Draco followed her and watched her in the mirror while he removed his tie. He saw a hint of sadness in her eyes and wondered if she was remembering the awful things his parents had said about her. He crept behind her and placed his hands on her arms.

Draco waited until she met his eye in the mirror before saying, "I'm sorry for everything they said, and even for the things they didn't say but were clearly thinking." He bent to place a kiss on her temple. "You're beautiful." Hermione gave him a small smile and he moved to kiss her cheek and continued. "Very polished," he smirked, recalling his mother's ridiculous statement. Then he moved to her neck and he felt goosebumps appear on her arm when he placed a kiss there before he whispered, "and brilliant...something they didn't even try to refute."

He moved his head to her shoulder and slipped the strap of her dress down before kissing it. "And powerful." Draco moved his hand to the zipper on the back of her dress and met her eyes in the mirror again, "Need help with this?" She smirked and nodded. Draco unzipped it and the dress dropped into a puddle on the floor. She stepped out of it and turned to face him and he grazed his hand along her jaw and said, "Not filthy in any way, Hermione," before finally placing a kiss on her lips.

When she pulled back, he saw her eyes were wet and when she blinked one tear fell down her cheek, which he quickly wiped away.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I needed to hear that. It's hard to listen to it all night and not take it personally." Draco leaned his forehead against hers.

"They are terrible. Please never let them make you feel like you are anything less than perfect."

"They can't be all bad, they made you," Hermione countered.

"I think your logic may be flawed." Hermione shrugged, then pushed him back on the bed and lifted her finger to her lips.

"How is it fair that I'm only in my knickers and you're still fully clothed?"

"Well you had help," he pointed out. "I may need some too." Draco leaned back onto his hands and smirked at her. She climbed on top of him and started working on his shirt buttons.

"I love you Draco," she whispered into his ear. Draco thought then that his parents were insane if they thought he'd ever give her up.

Later, when they were in bed, Hermione brought up something that was still bothering her from dinner.

"Your mother's party. I meant what I said. If you want to go to it, to support her, and maybe show her that being with me doesn't mean you have to give up your family, we can." Draco shook his head.

"No, it's okay."

"Well think about it and let me know if you change your mind."

Hermione started talking about work then, but Draco's mind was still on the dinner. He'd been replaying the entire evening, dissecting every one of his father's actions and trying to guess at his next move. Draco knew his father had expected the threat of being cut-off to upset Draco more than it had. He'd been visibly disappointed by Draco's indifferent reaction. So Draco knew he'd try something else, he just wished he knew what.

"You're not listening, are you?" Draco focused back on Hermione.

"Sorry, tell me again."

"I was saying that he thinks I have a shot at becoming the Minister for Magic."

Draco's full attention was on Hermione now. "Wait, what? You're only 23."

"I know, not now. It would be, in like, 15 years. But he said it's something that I should decide to pursue early on, so I can build my career around that goal."

"Who are we talking about again?"

"My new boss."

"Right." Draco remembered him from the lunch when he'd almost lost it and had to excuse himself to the washroom. "Benden?" he asked.

"Benson," she corrected. "He's been so hard on me I was sure he hated me, but he said he was pushing me to see what I could put up with." Draco nodded, then thought to himself, _arsehole._ "And he thinks I have what it takes. He wants to diversify my exposure, get some rotations in other departments at the Ministry. But he really thinks I would be able to handle the job." Hermione's tone suggested that she didn't believe this herself.

But Draco did, he knew she could handle anything.

"And uh, Minister for Magic, you want that?" he asked tentatively. She'd never mentioned anything like this before.

"I don't know, maybe. It's...I mean...yeah. I'd like to strive for it at least."

 _That's all it would be for you Hermione, a lofty goal. At least so long as you have me at your side._ Draco wondered if her boss had mentioned this to her yet but was too afraid to ask.

Hermione changed the subject then, thankfully. "What about you? I can tell you've been bored; you need something to work on."

Draco had been considering that too, but nothing came to mind. But she was right, he needed a distraction from the mounting chaos in his head.

"I'll just keep working on your legal briefs until I find something." He felt her smile against his chest.

"It's really not fair to my coworkers that I have such a brilliant person helping me with my work at home. But I'm not complaining, of course." She placed a kiss on his chest, and he hugged her close to him.

* * *

The next time Draco went out for drinks at The Green Dragon, Blaise said out of nowhere with his characteristic nonchalance; "I was talking to Daphne last week and she mentioned your father."

Draco froze and the atmosphere around them shifted, even Goyle and Nott noticed and looked warily at the two wizards.

"From what she heard, it sounds like you dating Granger has nothing to do with furthering your family's standing in the Wizarding World. Daphne said your father threatened to cut you off and you're still going on with the relationship," Blaise continued, baiting Draco.

Draco put his drink down and glared at Blaise. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up the charade for long. He sighed and shrugged, trying to act detached.

"It started like that, but you're right. Now I'm dating her because I want to, and my father doesn't approve. And that's where the discussion on Granger ends," he added as threateningly as possible.

Blaise tried to goad him further. "Well it still looks like you're hiding her."

Draco was caught off guard by the remark.

"We're not hiding, I'm constantly out in public with her."

"In her world, not yours. And I don't blame you, if I was dating... _that_ , I'd keep it hidden too."

A pressure developed around Blaise's throat and he felt like he was being slowly strangled by an invisible hand. First, he looked back angrily at Draco, then scared when the pressure continued to tighten. Draco dropped the curse as soon as he saw the flash of fear in Blaise's eyes. Even with Blaise, Draco couldn't handle being looked at with fear.

"I said the discussion about her was over," Draco said coldly, trying to hide his discomfort. Did people really think he was ashamed of her? He didn't bring her to any high society Pureblood events because he hated them, not because he didn't want to show up with a Muggle-born.

"Fine, I'm done," Blaise rubbed his neck and started talking about some witch he was dating instead. Draco saw him move his wand into his lap though and he eyed Draco warily for the rest of the evening.

That night Theo followed Draco down the road and stopped him before he could apparate back to the alley outside Hermione's flat.

"You're really dating Granger? Like no games, you fell in love with a Mudblood?"

"I am not discussing her," Draco grumbled, drawing his wand.

"Easy, no need to strangle me, I was just wondering if it was real," Theo muttered.

"Fuck off, Nott," Draco said before Disapparating. He did not want any of his friends interested in Hermione.

* * *

_Author's Note: When I got home that night and relayed the conversation to you, we changed our minds about attending the party. I wanted to quell any rumors that I was ashamed of you. But I realize now these were my father's words coming out of Blaise's mouth that night. It took me entirely too long to realize Blaise was working with my father. I was out of practice when it came to picking up on evil schemes. I blame all that time spent with Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs._

* * *

_September 2003_

At first Narcissa's birthday party wasn't so bad. Hermione looked stunning in a floor-length gold gown that brought out the specks of gold in her eyes and Draco was wearing grey dress robes that also matched his eyes. The two of them passed the first hour dancing and ignoring the disapproving stares directed their way. Unfortunately, they couldn't dance the entire night and had to take a break when the music stopped for Lucius to greet the guests and give a lovely speech about his wife. Hermione had to give him credit, he was very eloquent and regal, and she never would have guessed he'd been in jail just months before.

Then food and drinks started to be passed around and tall tables appeared around the room, signaling that it was time to eat and mingle. Hermione tried to ignore the house elves carrying the trays as she and Draco leaned against a table and sipped on glasses of wine. Blaise came up to them then with an exotic witch on his arms. She had dark skin and bright green eyes that reminded Hermione of Harry. She longed for Harry then, but pushed the thought out of her mind. She needed to make an effort to get to know Draco's friends.

As soon as Hermione thought of Draco's friends the rest of them appeared. Goyle came up with Pansy on his arm and Hermione noted with a hint of satisfaction that Pansy was eyeing Draco like she wanted to devour him, but he didn't give her a second glance. Hermione was pleased to see he didn't seem to care that his ex-girlfriend was now dating Goyle. On the other side of Blaise were the two Greengrass sisters and Theo Nott.

Draco went through a quick round of re-introductions and Hermione was shocked when no one insulted her or called her Mudblood. They were all polite, even though their smiles were forced. But Hermione had to admit that although this crowd could be cruel, they did have good manners.

After they got past the initial round of greetings, a hand grazed Hermione's arm from behind and she jumped when she recognized Narcissa and Lucius. Draco's friends stepped away from their table then; even they seemed to be intimidated by the Malfoys. Hermione plastered a smile on her face as Narcissa pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek. _There was that bloody politeness again_ , Hermione thought to herself. You wouldn't know it from Narcissa's kind greeting that she wanted to throw Hermione off a tall tower.

"You look lovely as always Miss Granger," Lucius said, and Hermione forced herself to smile back instead of making the fake-vomit motion she wanted to. "Twice in one week, how fortunate," Hermione's eyes widened in alarm and flashed to Draco. He wasn't paying attention since his mother had just whispered something in his ear. But Lucius caught her reaction and a flash of triumph came across his eyes.

Draco's arms slinked behind her back and he started guiding her away. "Happy birthday, Mother, we're going to walk around the room if you don't mind." He started to pull Hermione toward his friends who had gathered a few feet away. Hermione didn't know which group she dreaded speaking to more and wished the music would start back up so they could dance again.

Draco led her to his friends and Blaise started teasing her about house elves when Draco felt someone behind him. He turned to find his father standing there.

"Did you need something, Father?"

"I just wanted to commend you on having the courage to bring her tonight," Lucius said in a low voice, so as not to be overheard. "I thought you were ashamed of the arrangement, but the embarrassment to be seen with the other seems to be one-sided."

Every instinct told Draco to turn back to Hermione and ignore the jab, but he was still out of practice dealing with his father's schemes and naively asked, "What?"

"Oh, did Miss Granger not mention it? We saw her just a few days ago at the St. Mungo's fundraiser. We were thrilled to see her at first, assuming that meant you were near, but she told us you were ill and couldn't attend. Glad to see you're feeling better son." Lucius registered Draco's hurt and shock, then turned back to his wife, barely managing to conceal the grin creeping onto his face.

When Draco looked back at Hermione, she was making eyes at him, as if to say, _Please don't leave me alone over here!_ He went to her side and placed a hand on her back, but his mind was elsewhere. He was reminded of their conversation in bed a few weeks ago when she'd told him about wanting to become the Minister for Magic. And now she wasn't taking him to events anymore?

No, that's not entirely true, he thought. She was taking him to private dinners and lunches, but nothing so big as the St. Mungo's fundraiser, where there would be reporters and important Ministry higher-ups, like her boss. And that particular event was one Draco would have actually enjoyed attending. It was when he'd first danced with her and realized how beautiful she was. But Hermione was too ashamed to be seen with him to invite him.

Draco told himself he'd ask Hermione about it later that night, when they finally escaped this awful party. But his father's words kept creeping back into his mind like a poison. He wondered who she'd danced with that night. Who had made her laugh? Did she think of Draco and remember that night when he'd made them float? Or had she been too distracted by her hundreds of other friends?

Draco and Hermione were dancing again when he finally caved. "Do you know what this reminds me of?" he asked with a feigned air of innocence.

"Hmm?"

"The first time I danced with you at the St. Mungo's fundraiser." Hermione's face was expressionless, which Draco found disappointing. He'd wanted her to look embarrassed or shocked, not impassive.

"Why don't we go this year?" he pressed, "I'm sure it's coming up." That finally incited a reaction in her. Hermione looked down and stopped dancing.

"It was earlier this week. I had to work late that night. I didn't know you wanted to go…" She said quickly, then added an apologetic smile. Draco's heart dropped. He hadn't expected her to lie.

A cold feeling started to flow through Draco's veins then and he could almost feel his heart harden. When he looked back at Hermione, she was studying him curiously, trying to place the change in his demeanor. He pulled her back into his arms and started moving them around the dance floor again. But he was stiff, and clearly upset.

"What's wrong Draco?" Hermione leaned in to whisper. Draco recoiled at the feeling of her warm breath on his neck and pulled away.

"You're lying," he hissed. Hermione looked confused, then her eyes widened as she realized what he was talking about. She looked ashamed then.

"Draco, I -" but he stepped back and disappeared into the crowd.

Hermione tried to follow him but lost him quickly. She looked around, trying to pick out his hair, but he seemed to have left the ballroom. When she got into the quiet hall she looked around and whispered, "Draco!" but he wasn't there. She didn't know the Manor very well but at least knew how to get to the library and his bedroom, but Draco wasn't in either of those rooms.

She leaned against the cold stone wall and took a deep breath, cursing Lucius. He must have told Draco, how else would he have found out? She should have invited him, but he'd been in an awful mood and she knew he wouldn't want to go. She thought she'd been sparing him, but obviously he didn't see it that way. She took another long breath, then turned toward the music from the ballroom and made her way back.

Hermione was standing at the side of the ballroom, looking around for a flash of blonde hair, when Daphne and Pansy approached her. She gave them a curt nod and turned away from them, but that didn't keep them from coming to stand next to her.

"Where's Draco?" Pansy asked nastily. Hermione didn't answer, so Pansy pressed, "Did you fight?"

"No," Hermione lied, narrowing her eyes at the dark-haired witch.

"You have no business being here, Granger," Pansy said then.

"Believe me, this is the last place I want to be," Hermione muttered under her breath.

Narcissa came up on her other side and Hermione took a deep breath, then turned to the older witch.

"Where's my son?" Narcissa asked.

"I lost track of him," Hermione said simply.

"We're pretty sure they fought," Daphne cut in and Hermione shot her a harsh glare. A look of glee came over Narcissa's face.

"Oh well, that's too bad dear," she said in a fake sullen tone. Narcissa moved to place a comforting hand on Hermione's arm but Hermione stepped out of her grasp.

Draco was watching Hermione from the other side of the room. He smirked when he saw her jump away from his mother. Hermione looked upset. _Good_ , he thought. He wanted her to suffer just like he did at all her stupid events.

"Draco." He turned to see Astoria behind him. "Long time no see," she added with a grin.

"Yeah," he said noncommittally, turning back to watch Hermione. Astoria turned to see where he was looking.

"Are you really dating Hermione Granger?"

"Yes."

"You're not going to rescue her? That conversation looks painful." As if on cue, Hermione winced. Draco didn't respond though.

"Hey, do you want to join me outside? It's stuffy in here," Astoria placed a hand on his arm and Draco shook it off, but still said, "yes," and followed her outside.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione scrunched her face up and rubbed her eyes to keep tears from falling. She didn't know this part. She thought Draco had gone outside to cool-off and maybe Astoria had found him, that he was oblivious to her suffering. But he'd seen it, then chosen to go with Astoria instead of her. It hurt, just as much now as it had then. She looked back and there was an Author's Note, as if Draco knew she'd pause here.

* * *

_Author's Note: You accused me of hurting you on purpose that night, but I don't think you realized the extent to which I did so. I'm so sorry, I wish I could take all of this back. When you finally forgave me for this_ _night, we talked about how sometimes we hurt the people we love the most. Why do we do that? Why do we always end up hurting each other?_

* * *

Manuscript:

"Ah, Miss Granger." Now Lucius had joined their group and Hermione started looking around frantically for Draco. She glared at Lucius and could tell by his smug expression that he had been the one to tell Draco about her attending that fundraiser alone.

"I'd love to introduce you to some of my colleagues, Miss Granger, if you wouldn't mind," Hermione continued to stare into his cold grey eyes. They were just like Draco's, which was alarming, though Draco's rarely looked this cold.

"If you think I'm going to let you parade me around like a trophy to help prove that you've moved on from your unsavory past, you're mistaken Mr. Malfoy," she said dismissively before turning back to Pansy and Daphne. She'd rather talk to these two than Lucius any day.

Lucius smirked at that, then asked, "Why did you come today Miss Granger? To hide in the corner, clearly abandoned by your date? Or to be seen?" He looked her up and down, then met her eyes with a challenging expression. Hermione considered following him for a moment. She _had_ come to be seen, but she was meant to be at Draco's side, not Lucius'. She shook her head.

"Nice try, now leave me alone."

Lucius left, but he didn't leave her alone for long. Instead he brought his friends to her and smirked every time they inquired about Draco before shaking her hand, commending her on her role in the war, and asking questions about Harry Potter. She wanted to hex Lucius, and after meeting his third "colleague" (which she'd discovered was Lucius's word for person of influence) she was planning her escape when she felt a hand on her back and almost cried out in relief. But when she turned it wasn't Draco behind her, but Theo Nott.

"Care to dance?"

"Yes," she almost yelled. Anything to get away from Lucius. Nott was quiet and Hermione wondered if he'd saved her on purpose, or just wanted to dance with her to make Draco jealous. Though that would only work if he was actually here to see them. "You saved me," she said and Theo's mouth twitched, which Hermione assumed was his version of a smile.

After the second song Theo moved them to the edge of the ballroom and pulled her into the hall as the final notes played out.

"He's out there," Theo motioned toward a door at the end of the hall.

"Draco?" Theo nodded.

"Thanks," Hermione turned toward the door and wondered why Theo hadn't told her that he knew where Draco was to start.

"Why are you wasting your time with such an arsehole, Granger?"

Hermione cocked her head. She'd had this question from so many of her friends but hadn't expected it from one of Draco's. Her automatic response poured out of her mouth, "He's changed."

"Oh yeah? Not from what I've seen," Theo leaned against the wall and started picking at his nails. Hermione found his assessment a little off-putting. Theo had drinks with Draco every week. Had he really not noticed a difference? She wondered how Draco acted when he was alone with his friends.

Hermione shook her head, she could think about that later, Theo was probably just trying to mess with her, just like all the other Slytherins here tonight. When she passed through the door, she found herself in a beautiful garden lit by hundreds of floating lights. There were a few small groups of wizards gathered around smoking from pipes. She scanned their heads quickly and found none with blonde hair, so she continued down the path past rows of flowers which she guessed in the daylight would be breathtaking.

She finally heard Draco's voice then and followed it down a bend in the path that ended in a bench with two people sitting on it. As she approached, she recognized a woman's voice talking to Draco. He laughed heartily and Hermione paused. So Draco was out here laughing with some witch while she was suffering through being used by his father? She marched up and saw that the witch was Astoria, which made her that much angrier.

Astoria spotted Hermione first and looked over at her unabashed. "Oh, hi, Hermione."

Hermione glared back at Astoria. She knew her from prefect meetings during her eighth year at Hogwarts but didn't think they were as close as Astoria's easy tone implied. When Draco turned and spotted Hermione he was taken aback by her angry expression but tried to keep his face blank.

"Having fun?" Hermione asked harshly, crossing her arms over her chest. Draco saw she was cold and almost stood to offer his outer robe, but something made him stay in place. Hermione wasn't the only one with a reason to be angry, he reminded himself. He shrugged but didn't respond.

"We were just trying to remember all those constellations from Astronomy," Astoria provided, seemingly oblivious to the stand-off between Draco and Hermione. Hermione ignored her and turned to Draco.

"I think you've punished me enough tonight, take me home."

Draco stared at her and considered denying her, but he'd pushed her enough and eventually stood up. He gave Astoria a curt nod, then walked with Hermione back to the house. He tried to place his hand on the small of her back, but she stepped away from it and he could tell she was fuming. He took a deep breath and braced himself for the fight he knew was coming when they got back to her flat.

* * *

When they stepped out of the fireplace Hermione marched straight to her bedroom and started changing out of her gold dress. Draco leaned against the frame of the door and watched her. He figured she wanted to get comfortable before yelling at him. But when she looked up at him her face wasn't angry, but sad, and he was surprised to find tears in her eyes.

"You left me," she said, a little shocked like she still didn't believe it had happened. Draco narrowed his eyes at her.

"I thought you preferred attending those types of events alone."

Hermione marched up to him and stopped when she was just inches away.

"So this was all a setup? Get to that awful party and leave me alone to - what? Teach me some type of lesson? Is that why you changed your mind about going in the first place?"

"Of course not. I didn't find out about your lie," he paused to emphasize the word. "until tonight. And when I asked you about it, you lied again Hermione." Hermione sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I know, that was wrong. And I know you were hurt, but you should have talked to me, instead of abandoning me."

"You want to talk? Let's talk now. Why did you lie? Or better yet, why did you go without me in the first place?"

Hermione looked away from his piercing gaze and focused instead on a perfume bottle on her dresser, then responded.

"I wasn't planning on going at all. Then at work on Monday Mr. Benson asked me to go so I could meet some friends of his. And when I came home…" she looked back at him, her expression was apologetic. "You were in an awful mood Monday, remember?" Draco narrowed his eyes. He remembered, but still didn't think that gave her the right to lie to him.

"I thought it would be better for both of us if I went alone. I shouldn't have lied, but honestly I only did it to save both of us a fight, which obviously didn't work," she added in an undertone.

"That's not why you did it," Draco said in a cold tone. "You went alone because you're ashamed to be seen with me."

"I am not-"

"Yes, now that you've got in your mind that you want to be the Minister for Magic you don't want to be seen around with an ex-Death Eater anymore." Hermione rolled her eyes

"Oh my God, that's like fifteen years away. I'm not making decisions now about that."

"Yes, you are," Draco argued, "Just admit you're ashamed of me Hermione."

They started each other down for a few moments.

"You're right," Hermione eventually said.

Draco felt like he'd been punched. Hermione approached him to place a hand on his arm, but he stepped back into the hall, out of her reach.

"Draco, ashamed isn't the right word. But...well, sometimes I don't want to be around you. And it's not because of your past. But sometimes you're just plain mean. Not all the time, of course. You can be thoughtful and kind, which is why I fell in love with you. But occasionally you turn nasty and cruel and when you're like that I don't want to bring you around to events."

Draco didn't know what to say to that. It was an accurate assessment, sometimes he'd get in a sour mood and surprise even himself with how cruel he could be. But he didn't know how to explain how he could simultaneously be both good and evil. And he also didn't know which one was his true self.

"And tonight," Hermione continued and started pacing her bedroom. "You did it again. You hurt me, Draco."

Draco was mad at her now. She'd made her point and Draco didn't need to hear more examples of how awful he could be.

"You hurt me!" he retaliated. He was clinging to the hope that some of this was her fault, and not all his. "You think I liked finding out about you attending that St. Mungo's fundraiser from my father?" Hermione stopped pacing and stood across from him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Draco, but there's a big difference here. When I lied to you, I wasn't intending to hurt you. But I can tell you were _trying_ to hurt me tonight. And guess what? You succeeded. I met so many people tonight who looked at me like I was scum while pretending to smile and act gracious because of my part in the war. And they were all calling me Granger-" her voice broke, then she continued.

"The whole time I was thinking, what am I doing here?! That's right, I'm here for Draco. Draco wanted to come because he said he wanted to show the people in his world that he's not ashamed of me, but then he leaves me alone and goes off with his beautiful ex-girlfriend!" The tears had returned to Hermione's eyes.

"It wasn't like that -"

"I don't think you were doing anything romantic with her, but still. I doubt your choice of companion was an accident. You wanted to cause the maximum amount of pain, didn't you?"

Draco wished he could deny the accusation, but he couldn't, she was right. He'd seen her suffering across the ballroom and hadn't tried to help her. He did want to hurt her. Who did that? Not Hermione, she'd never do that to him. But Draco Malfoy from ten years ago would be that cruel. Perhaps he hadn't changed as much as they both thought.

"Draco, I don't know what to think. I never know who I'm going to get with you. The Draco I love, or the self-destructive one who hates everyone, me and himself included?"

Draco reached for Hermione, but she stepped back toward the bed.

"Hermione, you're right. Let's just -"

"No," she cut him off. "Whatever you're going to suggest, no. I don't want you to stay here tonight." She crossed her arms and sat on the bed. This was the first time she'd asked him to stay away. It was usually Draco making the decision to stay at his place.

He walked slowly toward the bed but didn't touch her, not wanting to see her recoil.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me." Hermione nodded and he saw a few tears fall from her eyes.

"I will Draco, I just need time alone tonight." She didn't look sad, but tired. And for the first time Draco felt like he was a burden to her. Just one more thing on her long list of worries and to-dos that was sapping her of energy.

Draco nodded, then left the room. He went to her fireplace to Floo home, but didn't want to go back to the Manor, even if it was just for a few minutes on his way to his townhome. So he marched downstairs to the dark alley instead, but when he got there he decided against going home, knowing being alone in his empty house in this state wasn't wise. So instead, he transfigured his outer robe into a long overcoat and started walking around the streets of London.

Draco walked around the streets near Hermione's flat for almost an hour, focusing on his feet hitting the sidewalk instead of the tumultuous thoughts threatening to take over his mind. He stopped on an unfamiliar street and wondered where he was, since he'd tried to stay near her flat, but then he realized why he didn't recognize the shops around him. He was on the one street two blocks from Hermione's flat that she avoided like bubotuber pus.

He looked around and spotted the hanging tooth sign a few doors down. This was why Hermione hated this road, walking by that dentist office reminded her of her parents. Draco walked up a few paces, so he was facing the dentist office and sat on a stone window ledge while he watched the tooth sign blow in the wind.

Now that Draco was stationary, the thoughts he'd been trying to avoid crept to the front of his mind. There was a dark part of himself that he was having trouble controlling. He had no idea where it came from, but it had been there for years. Sometimes he imagined it was connected to his Dark Mark. But he knew it was deeper than that, and it was something that was his, not passed on from the Dark Lord. It was the version of himself he'd been in his youth, even before the Dark Lord had marked him.

Draco hated being reminded of the person he'd been before, committed to causing Hermione and her friends pain. But he'd been that person tonight and she didn't deserve that. She needed someone who made her life better, not worse. Look what she'd already been through. The war, enduring continued judgment because of her blood status, and the thing with her parents. And what did she get in return? A shitty boyfriend who played games with her.

The tooth sign was creaking now as it blew violently in the wind, like it agreed Draco was a piece of shit. Draco went to pull up the collar of his cloak but was annoyed when remembered he'd transfigured into a jacket with a shorter collar. He sighed and cast a warming charm on himself instead. He watched the sign and recalled his conversation with Potter from a few days ago.

"What are dentists again? Hermione keeps saying they are Healers for teeth, but that still makes no sense. What type of ailment could impact teeth?" Draco had never encountered tooth-related illnesses and hadn't seen anything about it in the healer books he'd checked. But he didn't want to ask Hermione since she hated talking about her parents.

Harry laughed, then explained the many ailments Muggles struggled with without quick Mouth Cleansing Charms and Bone-Strengthening potions at their disposal.

Then Draco had asked about Harry's opinion on her estrangement from her parents, remembering then that Hermione had mentioned Harry pushing her to reconnect with them.

"Yeah, I tried to convince her she could still have them in her life. I came up with this entire backstory and even logged the paperwork with the Muggle government to back it up. Hermione had a mother, Anna, who died of cancer. Anna's sister was Hermione's real mom, but Anna had run away from home after getting pregnant at an early age, so they were estranged. I even planted the memory of Anna in her mother's mind, but Hermione wouldn't go for it. She was horrified at the thought of having to see her parents without them having a memory of her. I even considered taking her there by force, but I knew she would literally kick and scream, so I gave it up." Harry shrugged and finished off his drink.

"Is all the background work you did still in place?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded and raised an eyebrow at Draco. "Why? Are you planning to try again?"

Draco had shrugged, unsure at the time why he'd even asked Potter about it. But now that he was staring at that damn tooth sign, he decided that yes, he would try again. Draco wanted to make Hermione's life better in some way, and up until now he'd just been a burden to her. And Potter had already done a lot of the work for him, all Draco had to do was get Hermione to Australia to face her parents.

Draco stood, energized by his plan, and apparated to Grimmauld Place. It took Harry a while to answer the door, but when he did, he started in on a lecture about proper visiting hours, then cut himself off.

"Wait, is Hermione okay?" Draco waved Harry off and let himself into the sitting room.

"What is it then?" Harry asked with his arms crossed. Ginny came up behind him and nodded to Draco, then waited next to Harry for Draco's response.

Draco explained his plan to get Hermione to face her parents, leaving out of the details about why he'd suddenly decided to do this. Harry sighed deeply.

"I commend what you're trying to do, but I don't think you understand. Hermione is very against this idea. You'll probably have to kidnap her to get her there."

"I'm willing to do that. I think if I can force her there, she'll change her mind. She needs them in her life; she has no other family."

"She has us," Ginny chimed in.

"Yes, very cute," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "But she's obviously still upset about them. It's the one, resolved mess she's clinging to from the war and she needs to face it. She won't even walk down this road near her flat because it has a dentist office on it." Ginny nodded.

"I know what you mean, but you should have seen how angry she got with Harry when he tried. If you really do kidnap her and take her to Australia, she'll hate you."

"She already hates me, may as well be getting some good out of it," Draco said in a flat voice.

Ginny and Harry gave each other a knowing look, but, thankfully, didn't respond.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione scoffed. She'd already forgiven her friends for their extreme meddling in her personal life, but that didn't mean she wasn't still annoyed by this part of the story.

* * *

Manuscript:

_October 2003_

Draco gave Hermione a few days to cool off while he planned the Australia trip with Ginny and Harry. Then he sent her a letter by owl, the first time he'd done so since they started dating, but he was worried that if he showed up to her flat, she'd turn him away.

_Hermione,_

_It's me, the Draco you fell in love with, not the evil one. I'm trying my best to kill the other one off, but it's taking longer than I'd hoped. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. I've included a menu for tonight, circle your preferred dishes and I'll prepare them while you're at work._

_Love, Draco_

Draco hoped she wouldn't find the letter too presumptuous. Maybe she wouldn't respond or maybe she'd send the menu back to him in pieces. But he received a response in under an hour. She'd carefully circled a starter, main dish, and dessert on the menu. She'd also returned his original note to him and had underlined the portion that said, "I'm trying my best to kill the other one off," and written in the margin, "Try poison next." Draco smirked, then went to the store to get ingredients for their meal before heading to her flat.

Now, a few weeks had passed, and Draco was standing in Hermione's sitting room waiting for her to return from a quick stop to the store for some last-minute items before their trip to Australia. He heard someone coming up the stairs and stood, but it was just Harry and Ginny. He nodded at them and sat back down on the couch.

Ginny started to go over their plan again. They'd had a lucky break when they found the Wilkins rented out a small beach cottage for extra income less than a hundred yards from their house. Draco rented the next available week, glad to have the perfect excuse to stay near them. Last week Harry and Draco had visited the Wilkins and explained about Hermione and how they wanted her to reconnect with her last living family members. They'd been eager to meet her, and Draco had explained that she would be resistant at first, since she didn't like being reminded of her mother.

The Wilkins' had been kind and understanding, which was no surprise to Draco, they'd raised Hermione, so they were obviously wonderful people. Then he'd made plans to meet them for dinner the first night he and Hermione arrived.

Harry pulled two items out of his robes and placed them on the counter.

"This will take you right outside the cottage." Harry pointed at an object covered in cloth that Draco assumed must be the Portkey. "And it is scheduled to return next Sunday," Harry added. Draco nodded and looked at the next item which was a thin box.

"This can only be opened by the person who closed it," Harry said. "It's probably the best way to keep her wand away, and...well you should probably put yours in there too so she doesn't try to steal it." Draco nodded, and stood to grab the box and hide it in his robes.

* * *

_Author's Note: This was my least favorite part of the whole plan, taking your wand. I'm sorry I had to do it. But I knew it was necessary because if you had your wand you likely would have overpowered me and the whole trip would have been over before it started._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione huffed, "I _definitely_ would have overpowered you."

* * *

Manuscript:

"So where does she think you're going?" Ginny asked.

"Greece. I needed her to pack for the beach."

"And how did you convince her to take off work?"

"That was the hardest part. I used guilt, since that seems to work for you Gryffindors." He smirked and Ginny rolled her eyes. "We were supposed to go away for my birthday in June, but then we went public and everything got crazy. Then we were supposed to go away again for her birthday, but, well we were fighting about something. But anyway, I still had to agree to let her work up to 4 hours a day and proofread her reports."

Draco sighed. "She is going to fucking kill me." Both Harry and Ginny nodded at that.

Draco was nervous. He and Hermione hadn't fully recovered from the fight following his mother's birthday party. She said she'd forgiven him, but the accusations between them still hung heavy, and Draco could feel a distance settling between them. Maybe that was why Hermione had agreed to the trip, maybe she felt it too. But if she was expecting a romantic getaway, she was about to be sorely disappointed.

"So I have a Portkey scheduled to come check in on you Monday," Harry said.

Draco nodded, they'd been over this before and he was getting bored of constantly replaying everything. He just needed to get it over with. As if on cue Hermione came through the front door.

"Oh, hey, what are you two doing here?"

"Just came to say goodbye," Ginny said cheerily.

"Oh, okay. Well, Draco's right, you two are really nosy." Draco smiled triumphantly at that. Even though he had been the one to invite them over this time.

Hermione was surprised when Harry and Ginny gave her longer than normal hugs. It was just a week. They were looking at her expectantly and if she didn't know better, she'd think they were in on some secret with Draco, but that was just absurd.

"Come here," Draco said. She stepped toward him and he pulled her into a close embrace. She was confused by the gesture, since they were going away together, and she wondered if he was doing this to upset Harry again, but when she looked at Harry, he gave Ginny a secret smile.

Draco pocketed Hermione's wand, then motioned for her to grab her bag while he picked his own up off the floor. He pulled the cloth off the Portkey to reveal an empty ink bottle.

"Ready?" Hermione nodded, then grabbed Draco's hand as he picked up the ink bottle. She felt the familiar pull behind her navel and a few seconds later they landed outside a black cottage on the beach.

The sun was starting to set, and Hermione was confused. She hadn't been expecting a time change like this. Greece was only one hour ahead of London. She looked questioningly at Draco but he ignored her and started marching toward the cottage.

"This is where we're staying."

Hermione felt like she'd been here before. She'd never stayed in this house, but something about this place was familiar. She started counting in her head. They must be eight or nine hours ahead...she froze on the path.

"I'm not going in there."

Draco considered her, impressed she'd put it together so quickly.

"You are," Draco said simply. She crossed her arms, prepared to fight him.

"No, I'm not." Draco sighed.

"They're not in there, it's an empty cottage I rented for the week. You can yell at me inside." Hermione hesitated, but agreed eventually. They still had the statute of secrecy to consider and she wanted to keep her hexes out of the open.

She waited for Draco to walk in, then went to get her wand to cast a silencing charm around the house but found it gone.

"Where's my…?" She narrowed her eyes at Draco. "You took my wand?"

"Of course, I needed to keep you from leaving." He pulled a small box out of his robes and two wands out of his pocket. He closed them both in the box and placed it on a side table. She started back at him, stunned. She couldn't believe he'd stolen her wand. That must be what that passionate hug was about back at her flat. She walked to the box and wasn't surprised when it wouldn't open. Then she tried wandless magic, but nothing worked.

Draco watched her and his eyes were sad, then he went to the doorway.

"We have dinner with the Wilkins'." He opened the door and motioned up a path that Hermione knew led to a small white house looking over the ocean. She dug her heels in and crossed her arms.

"I said no, Draco." He sighed, then walked to her.

"I'll carry you if I have to."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You need this Hermione."

"Who are you to decide what's best for me? This is MY life! And I am NOT going up there."

"Yes, you are." He pulled her arm and she tried to fight back, but he was much stronger than her. "They're expecting us, I told your mother you're a long-lost niece who is desperate to meet her family. Your mother died years ago from cancer…" Hermione recognized the story.

"You worked with Harry on this?!" She stopped fighting for a second, shocked at the thought of Harry and Draco working together. Draco took the opportunity to pull her almost halfway up the path. Hermione pulled back again once the white house came into view. Then she tried a different tactic and started crying. "Please, Draco. No, look what you're doing. You're hurting me again," he stopped, and pain came across his features.

"Hermione, come on…"

She pressed on, "I can't, I can't, don't make me go."

Just then a woman appeared at the top of the path. She must have heard them struggling and come to check on them. "Draco?" she asked. "Hermione?"

Hermione stood frozen, remembering the thousands of times she'd heard that voice saying that exact name as Draco dragged her the rest of the way up the path to where her parents were waiting to greet her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know it ended with a bit of a cliffhanger, but the next chapter is nearly ready and will be posted this weekend, so you won't have to wait long to find out what happens next.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	13. Australia

**CHAPTER 13 - Australia**

_October 2003_

"Hermione?"

Hermione looked back at Draco in terror and he almost gave in right then and took her back to the cottage. But he figured they already made it this far, so he may as well go through with it. He wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her the rest of the way up the path.

When they reached the end, both of Hermione's parents were waiting and smiling at them, seemingly unsure how to proceed. It wasn't common to meet a long-lost relative and none of Draco's etiquette classes had covered the matter either. So the four of them stared at each other for an uncomfortable few seconds, then Draco cut in, "Mr. and Mrs. Wilkins, it's nice to see you again."

He shook Hermione's father's hand first, then her mother's before turning back to Hermione who was frozen in place.

"Uh, this is Hermione Granger, your niece."

"My God, Monica, she looks just like you," Wendell said under his breath. Monica nodded.

"I know you already showed us the papers Draco, but even without those I would have believed you after seeing her." Monica took a step closer to Hermione and Draco saw Hermione's eyes were wet and he tried to give her a comforting look, but she was focused on her mother and didn't notice him.

Monica pulled Hermione into a hug and Draco could tell Hermione was stiff. When she blinked a few tears fell from her eyes and she wiped them away quickly with the back of her hand. "Nice to meet you," she said in a rough voice. Then the awkward silence was back.

Wendell announced, "Let's go inside, dinner is ready on the table," he motioned toward the door. Monica went in first and Draco rejoined Hermione at her side and led her into the house. Once they were inside Draco said, "Thank you very much for dinner, I know this is an imposition."

"Not at all," Monica responded. "It's not every day I get to meet a forgotten relative," Hermione hitched her breath at the word 'forgotten," but only Draco seemed to notice. Monica continued with an encouraging smile, "Especially one that looks so much like me." Hermione looked back at her blankly and Draco placed a comforting hand on her back, which she stepped away from.

Monica's tone turned serious, "Now Hermione, I do have to be honest with you. I won't be able to give you many details about your mother. I was much older than her and long gone when the whole fallout happened between her and my parents. But I can tell you anything you want to know about me, and my parents, other relatives…" she cut off when she noticed Hermione had started sobbing silently.

Hermione shook her head, then excused herself and bolted for the porch just outside the kitchen. Draco rushed to apologize, "I don't think she was expecting you to remind her so much of her mother, I'll go check on her."

"Of course Draco, take your time."

Draco went through the door Hermione had left through and found himself on a large porch looking out on the ocean. Hermione was sitting in a chair turned toward the beach and crying into her hands. Draco approached her and knelt so he was facing her. When she saw him, she said through her sobs, "You had no right...this is my business...how dare you." Draco looked around to make sure the door was closed and wished he had his wand to cast a silencing charm.

He said in a low voice, "I know you're upset, but I think you need this Hermione."

She glared at him and her sobs subsided a little, "It's not your decision, Draco."

Draco didn't have an answer for that, since she had a good point, so instead he leaned in to hug her and she dropped her head onto his shoulder and started crying again. "It's just a week, Hermione."

Hermione shook her head and pulled away and Draco started to wipe the tears from her eyes with his thumbs. "I can't do this for a week. My heart," she grabbed at her shirt, "it feels like it's going to explode. All I can see when I look at them is those final moments before I cast the spell. Their expressions...they were scared…" She leaned toward him and started crying anew.

Draco patted her back. His heart was breaking for her, but he kept reminding himself that he wasn't the only one who thought this was a good idea. Potter and she-Weasley agreed that Hermione needed this. He gently pushed Hermione back on the chair and pulled her chin up, so she was looking at him. "I know exactly how you feel Hermione. If there's one emotion I know better than any others, it's guilt." Hermione sniffed and nodded at him sadly. "But your parents are fine, and they're happy. The only person who was hurt in this situation was you. And you've been punishing yourself enough Hermione; it's time to stop."

Draco wiped her face with the bottom of his shirt, then stood and offered her his hand, "Let's go back in there and make them fall in love with you all over again."

Hermione stood, but when Draco looked into her eyes, he didn't see the determination he'd hoped, but grim acceptance instead. "I hate you Draco, just as much as I hated you in school." Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reminding himself that she was just upset. But the jab still hurt. Hermione ignored his proffered hand and walked ahead of him back inside. Draco took another breath, steeling himself, before joining her.

The beginning of dinner wasn't as bad as Hermione thought it would be. When they described their early lives and where they'd grown up, how they'd met at school in Oxford, and how they'd set up their dental practice together, Hermione could almost imagine she was bringing Draco home to meet the Grangers. But when they moved on to the part of the story that was supposed to have her in it, she began to unravel. All she wanted to do was flee but she expected Draco would follow her and drag her back. She glared at him next to her, like she'd been doing for most of dinner, but he was making a point to avoid her gaze.

"Monica has always loved the beach," Wendell was saying. "And we always had a dream to retire here. So one day we just decided, let's do it. We had enough money saved up and with the added income from renting out the cottage…"

Hermione snorted and she saw Draco look at her warily. She rolled her eyes. What did he think? That she was going to blurt, "You made that decision because I cast a spell on you?" Hermione looked back at Wendell who was looking at her curiously. "Did you ever have kids?" she asked.

A sad look came across Wendell's eyes and Hermione didn't know if she should be comforted or disappointed by it. "No, my dear, it was never in the cards for us."

She looked over at Draco who was still looking at her warily. He moved his hand onto her leg, but she promptly picked it up and put it back on his chair. She could tell he was hurt, but she was past caring about that now.

Once dinner was over Hermione declined dessert and practically ran back to the cottage. She looked back and was relieved to see Draco hadn't followed her. He was probably apologizing for her behavior or something. She paced the cottage, trying to calm her breathing, then spotted the box with the wands. She made her way to it and tried to open it a few more times before finally giving up.

Hermione went to the window and watched the ocean, trying to find comfort in the thought that her parents had finally realized their dream of living on the beach. But soon she had to look away from the window since the ocean's endlessness was reminding her of the oblivion she'd faced with Draco and was making her uneasy. Her mind was racing and her heart was pounding hard in her chest. She felt out of control and didn't know what to do. She started pacing again.

The violent sound of the waves crashing on the rocks mimicked the cacophony of thoughts in her mind. Betrayal toward Draco for bringing her here, the lingering memory of oblivion from the edge of the veil, the Wilkins looking at her like they were seeing her for the first time, her father saying they'd never had children. And worst of all, the long-buried memory of their faces right before she'd Obliviated them.

" _Mum, Dad, I need to talk to you…"_

"No!" Hermione yelled, slapping her hands over her ears as the memory from that day started to flood into her mind. She needed something to distract her. She looked around for a TV, but there wasn't one in the cottage. That wasn't surprising, she knew her parents hated television.

" _We need to go away? Darling, that's absurd, we haven't heard anything of a war going on."_

" _I know we look kindly, but your mother and I can take care of ourselves when we need to."_

" _You don't understand, they'll have power you can't combat…"_

"Stop, stop, stop," Hermione was crouched on the floor, trying to focus on anything but the voices in her head. She rushed into the bedroom and looked around frantically, then sighed in relief when she spotted a clock radio on the nightstand. "Thank God," she rushed to it and started flipping through the stations, but all she got was static.

Hermione sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard, listening to a voice cracking through the static, but soon the memory she'd been trying to avoid came back into her mind.

" _Hermione, put down your wand please, you're scaring us."_

" _I'm so sorry Mum, I love you. Obliviate."_

_Her father had looked back at her horrified, "What did you do?"_

" _Obliviate!"_

Hermione pulled her knees to her chest and held on as tight as she could, sobbing freely now as her mother's last words kept playing through her mind. _You're scaring us. You're scaring us. You're scaring us._

"I'm so sorry," she muttered between her sobs. "I had to, and I thought I'd be able to reverse it." She was almost wailing now and laid down on the bed. Through the clamor of her own sobs, the loud ocean, and the static on the radio, she heard banging on the door and Draco's voice on the other side. But she couldn't make out what he was saying. She kept hearing her mother and father over everything else. _You're scaring us. What did you do?_

 _Bang bang bang._ It was Draco again. Hermione glowered at the door. This was his fault. She picked up the radio and threw it as hard as she could at the door. It broke into pieces and went quiet, as did the banging on the other side of the door. She shook her head. If he really wanted to get in, he could get his wand. She hoped he would, since she was sure she'd be able to disarm him with the rage of energy flowing through her now.

Her mind drifted away from Draco soon though as her parent's voices returned. She wished she could silence them as easily as she had the radio and Draco, but they were as difficult to silence as the ocean and played on a loop in her head. She felt simultaneously empty and about to burst and hugged her knees tight into her chest to try to get a grip on herself. Her sobs turned into quiet moans as she remembered her parents as they were, when they were the Grangers with a daughter they loved more than anything and not the childless Wilkins.

* * *

Present Day:

"You're too good of a writer, Draco," Hermione said through her tears. He'd told her many times that he understood how she felt about what happened with her parents, but she didn't truly believe him until now.

* * *

Manuscript:

When Draco awoke the next morning, Hermione was looming over the couch with her arms crossed. He pulled himself to sitting and rubbed his eyes, then she said, "Ok, I gave it a go. It's time to leave now. Give me my wand."

Draco shook his head, still trying to clear the sleep from his mind. He'd spent most of the night leaning against her door listening to her cry and had just managed to fall asleep himself around dawn. He yawned, then said in a rough voice, "No Hermione."

She glowered at him, but didn't seem particularly surprised, then she marched into the bedroom and locked it again. Draco showered and went up to the Wilkins' to get breakfast. He made a plate for Hermione and left it outside the bedroom door, but she left it alone. She came out of the room eventually and seemed determined to ignore Draco.

But it didn't take Hermione long to realize that the silent treatment wasn't a very effective form of punishment for him. Before they'd gotten together, he'd spent most of his life alone and was more comfortable in silence than anyone she knew. By Sunday afternoon she switched her strategy and tried to reason with Draco instead.

Hermione told Draco she knew this whole trip was Harry's idea and that she didn't blame Draco for his part in it. They both knew Harry was nosy and he'd obviously tricked Draco into this. "If you let me go back to London now, I'll forget all about your role in this."

Draco sighed, "I'm the one who went to Potter, Hermione." Hermione shook her head.

"It just doesn't seem like something you'd do. And I know Harry helped, this is the backstory he created when he tried to get me here last year." Draco sighed and gave her an apologetic look.

"I'm not going to change my mind until you at least try."

"I did, I had dinner with them, and it was awful. I want to go home."

"That's just one-"

"Take me home!"

He sighed, then left to take a walk along the beach. He knew Hermione wouldn't follow since she refused to leave the safety of the cottage, probably worried about running into her parents. It was a valid fear, since he ran into Monica on his way back to the house. She chatted with him about the nearby town and the recent weather and Draco realized this was where Hermione had gotten her talkativeness from. It was a shame she couldn't be the one here talking to Monica, he expected she and her mother could go on for hours.

When Draco got back to the cottage Hermione was on the window seat looking at the ocean. He told her about his talk with Monica. She listened patiently, then threw a book at him which he narrowly avoided. Then Hermione disappeared into the bedroom for the rest of the night. Draco listened at the door and was relieved that she wasn't sobbing like she had been last night. He hoped that was progress but had no idea.

The next day was the worst. That's when Hermione turned mean. Draco went to get breakfast from the Wilkins again and this time Hermione came out and nibbled on a bit of the food on the plate he'd made for her. Then she asked, "Does this bring you back to the war?"

"What?"

"Capturing a Muggleborn and keeping her hostage. Must remind you of the good 'ol days." Draco hitched his breath.

"Fuck, Hermione," He threw a silencing charm at her, but she dropped it easily. He glowered at her and she lowered her eyes as he stood to go outside. At least she'd had the decency to look ashamed, Draco thought to himself as he started in on another walk. When he got back to the cottage she tried again.

"I'm disappointed in you Draco." He sighed and tried to ignore her.

"Do you want to know why?"

"Sure Hermione," Draco grumbled.

"I thought you were better than the rest of the Malfoys."

"Okay Hermione, I'm sorry to disappoint you," he said in a dull tone. Not interested to find out where she was going with this line of thinking.

"Remember that Malfoy family relic we read about where the witch's magic was transferred to her husband? It's clear your family believes wizards are superior and witches are just around to serve their needs."

"And you think that's how I feel too?"

"Yes. You are making this decision on my behalf, because you're the wizard. You don't have a care for what a little witch like me wants." Draco sighed and dropped his face into his hands, rubbing his eyes.

"Ok Hermione."

"Well if that's what you believe, we may as well split up now, because I cannot be in a relationship with someone who thinks that way." She crossed her arms and shot him a challenging look. Draco looked up from his hands.

"So you want to split up?"

"Will you let me go if I do?" Draco started pacing the room, angry now.

"Yes Hermione. If you break up with me right now, I'll give you your wand back and let you leave."

He stopped and looked at her and they stared at each other for a long while, then she huffed and marched outside.

About an hour later there was a knock on the door and Draco found Harry on the other side, "Fuck, I never thought I'd be happy to see you, Potter."

"Harry James Potter!" Hermione had come in from the porch and Harry looked back at Draco alarmed.

"He's all yours," Draco muttered to Hermione before leaving the house. He walked around outside and sat on the beach, glad that Hermione would have someone else to berate for a while. Draco was starting to crack. He wondered if he should drag her to another meal with the Wilkins, but he was worried Hermione would say something cruel to them that she'd regret later. He wished he knew how to help her. He thought this was the right thing for her, but clearly he'd been wrong.

Eventually Harry came up behind him and sat next to him on the sand, pulling up his legs to mimic Draco's pose. "She's been like that the whole time?"

Draco sighed, "She was fine at first, quiet through dinner, then fell apart back at the cottage. She wouldn't let me in the room, but I could hear her crying. Then she ignored me, then she tried to reason with me. Then she turned mean and has been insulting me all day."

"Yeah, she threatened to turn me in for kidnapping when she's back. Had all the laws written down and has even drafted a letter directly to Kingsley." Draco nodded.

"I got the lecture about the laws, but nothing about a letter. She told me she bet I was having fun locking up a Muggleborn, like it reminded me of the good times from the war."

Harry hitched his breath, "Wow, I didn't get anything quite that bad."

They both sat in silence, Draco dipped his head onto his knees, "I don't think I'm going to last the week, Potter."

"I know it's hard Malfoy, but I've heard people lash out the worst on the one they love the most. So the fact she'd been so awful just shows how much she loves you."

Draco looked back at Harry like he was stupid, and he gave a small laugh, then added, "I told you she would be like this. But you're the one who insisted on bringing her here. You said she could handle this, obviously you were wrong." Harry looked back at the ocean then and Draco scowled.

"Fuck you Potter. And please, don't take that as a declaration of love or anything."

* * *

_Author's Note: I was about to give up before Potter said he'd told me so. Now that I'm thinking back on it, I wonder if he knew that and said it on purpose. He told me once he was almost sorted into Slytherin and at the time I thought he'd have made an awful Slytherin, but now I'm not as sure. That git can be sneaky when he wants to be._

* * *

Present Day:

"Oh, he definitely said that on purpose," Hermione smirked. She was surprised Harry had told Draco about almost being sorted into Slytherin. He didn't tell anyone that. She hadn't realized until reading Draco's story that the two of them had become friends and she wondered if they even realized it.

* * *

Manuscript:

Draco and Harry both watched the ocean, then Draco asked, "Do you think she'll forgive me for this?"

Harry looked at him and considered his former rival for a few seconds, then said, "She's forgiven you for much worse."

Draco nodded, then Harry stood, "I need to get back. Hang in there Malfoy." Draco waited a few minutes to give Harry a chance to say goodbye to Hermione before heading back to the cottage. He was re-energized by his talk with Harry and determined to outlast Hermione. He reminded himself he'd dealt with torture from the Dark Lord himself, he could deal with emotional pressure from Hermione.

When Draco got back, she was ready with a fresh taunt, but he was ready too. He pulled up his Occlumency shields as she said, "So I know you two think you know what's best for me and my parents but consider this: You are not good judges here. You and your parents have a terrible relationship, and Harry has no parents. You have no idea what you're doing here and are probably the worst equipped wizards to weigh in on this."

"Interesting point Hermione," Draco said in a flat voice, then he pulled a deck of cards from a nearby drawer and started setting up a game of Solitaire.

* * *

Even with the urge to prove Potter wrong, Draco's resolve only lasted until the next morning. Hermione's next insult was so bad he was sure she'd been working on it all night. She came right at him as soon as she emerged from her bedroom.

It started out innocently enough. Draco didn't even pull up his Occlumency shields. "Draco, explain to me again why you brought me here."

He said in a rehearsed tone, "You need to face this Hermione rather than burying it away. Just like you faced what happened at the Manor."

"Hmm," Draco should have taken that as a warning, but he was so tired, and his mind was groggy. He'd barely slept the past two nights between his worry about Hermione, having to sleep on the uncomfortable couch, and the crashing sound of the waves.

"Well who are you to demand I face the war?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Draco started using Occlumency then, picking up on the dangerous tone in her voice. He looked back at her impassive.

"Have _you_ faced the war Draco?" She walked over to where he was standing and looked at him questioningly, but he ignored her and looked out the window.

"No, I don't think you have. You're running from it, trying to pretend all that happened in the past is just, a - a - separate reality or something, not linked to who you are now in any way."

Draco continued looking out the window and focused on his Occlumency, but her words were creeping into his mind.

"But you're wrong. You may have grown, but there's still a part of you connected to that awful Death Eater." She grabbed the arm with his Dark Mark but he pulled it away. "The person who tried to kill Dumbledore. Who almost killed Katie and Ron. Who let Death Eaters into the castle. Who tortured people, even first-years! Who stood by and did nothing while I was tortured." Draco's eyes flashed at her and she could see a hint of fury. Draco advanced on her and Hermione stepped back and he saw a flash of fear in her eyes, which made him drop the Occlumency.

"You really think that Hermione?"

"Yes," she bit back. Her face was so twisted with cruelty that he almost didn't recognize her. "You can't cleanly kill off your evil as easily as the little dragon boy, can you? Why are you allowed to lecture me on facing my past when you refuse to face yours?"

They stared each other down, then Draco walked over to the box with the wands, breathing in and out deeply to keep from doing something rash. He opened the box quickly and grabbed both wands, then walked back to her and shoved hers into her hand. "You win Hermione," his voice was rough, then he marched to the door, but turned back to her before going outside.

"You know why I did it? After the party, I was thinking, fucking hell Draco, look what Hermione has been through already. Tortured by Bellatrix, constantly insulted for being a Muggleborn, her parents, what you yourself put her through in school. And now she finally deserves some fucking peace, and you're still causing her pain." He rubbed his face hard with his palm, then continued, "And I wanted to do one thing that was good for you. I was sure this would be good for you, even Potter agreed, and he's much better at assessing these types of things than I am. But no - I was wrong. Just add it to the long list of terrible things I've done. You seem to be keeping a fucking tally."

He turned away from her and slammed the door behind him before sinking into a bench on the porch, holding his wand tight in his hand. He focused on the magic flowing through his veins and longed to perform a spell, though he knew it was a bad idea since a Muggle could appear on the nearby path at any time. But just feeling the magic was enough to calm him. Then he turned to watch the ocean and looked at the waves going in and out.

Hermione had said the day before she hated the ocean but hadn't explained why. Draco wondered if it had to do with her fear of oblivion. Draco liked its vastness and how small it made him feel. It was a good reminder that all his problems, which seemed to fill up his entire being, were really nothing compared to this ocean. Maybe that was why Lucius had rarely taken them to the beach when Draco was younger, he preferred to feel large and important. It was just another way Draco was nothing like his father, though Hermione didn't seem to agree.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione winced and put down the parchment. She'd forgotten exactly what she'd said to Draco that day. She had probably blocked out the details on purpose. But Draco hadn't forgotten, and she could tell he'd dwelled on it many times since that day. "I didn't mean it, I truly didn't." But she knew getting him to believe that wouldn't be so easy as saying it out loud into an empty room.

* * *

Manuscript:

Several hours later, Hermione came out and sat next to Draco on the bench. Draco ignored her and kept watching the waves. He saw a whale and watched it before he lost sight of it. Eventually she said, "I never forgave you for how you treated me at your mother's party."

"Fuck Hermione," he stood abruptly like he'd been burned. "Just leave, okay. I fucking get it." He pulled up his Occlumency shields and turned to go back inside, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back, "No, I - please listen." He looked at her warily and sat back down.

"Without Occlumency please," she added.

He looked at her blankly, then she saw his eyes turn wary as the shields went down and she started talking again, "Before this trip, I hadn't forgiven you. I thought, how could you be so hurtful to someone you loved? It didn't make sense, and, I - well honestly I had a bit of doubt about whether you really loved me as much as you say you do."

"What's your fucking point Hermione?" Draco was struggling to keep his voice steady and she rushed on, "But now, I've been unbelievably cruel and immature, way worse than anything you've done, and it's all because I'm hurting and thought it was okay to take it out on you. I'm so sorry Draco, I know you're trying to help, and you didn't deserve that."

Draco turned to her and wondered if she was telling the truth or if this was some type of trap. She placed a tentative hand on his arm and whispered, "Please forgive me, I didn't mean it."

Draco was silent still, unsure what to think. Then Hermione started crying, "Please, I'm a mess, I'm sorry, I'm, I don't even know what's going on. I've never lost control like this." Draco finally pulled her into his chest, and she let go and started crying. It reminded him of that time when they were released from the relic, and he pulled her onto his lap like then and let her cry until she finally calmed down. Then he said, "We can go tonight. The Portkey won't work until this weekend, but we can go to the Australian Ministry and get them to activate it early for us. I was wrong to bring you here. I'm sorry."

Hermione shook her head and leaned back to look at him, "I want to stay."

"What?"

"You weren't wrong Draco. This thing with my parents is obviously unresolved. Look at the monster I turned into when faced with it. I -" she paused and sighed, "The Manor was the second worst thing I went through in the war, and I decided to face it and - well look what I got -" she gave him a heartbreaking smile and leaned her head onto his shoulder.

"I may not decide to pursue a lasting relationship with them, but I need to face this too."

Relief flooded through Draco then and tears started to fall from his eyes and he didn't even try to hide them. Hermione was back, for real, and she was going to forgive him. He didn't know how worried he'd been about the lasting damage of this trip on their relationship until now. "I'm so sorry Draco."

Draco cupped her face in his hand and moved his thumb gently along her cheek, so glad she was letting him touch her again. "I forgive you. Believe me, I understand what it feels like to lose yourself."

* * *

Hermione spent a large portion of the remaining days with her parents, and the rest of the time with Draco. She was so committed to making up for her earlier behavior that she gave up the work she'd brought along to spend more time with him. Currently she was walking along the beach with her mother searching for seashells while Draco and her father watched them from the porch of the Wilkins' house.

Draco didn't know what the outcome would be from this experiment, but he thought it had been good for her. She was still completely drained and a bit sad after spending time with her parents, but it seemed less severe with each passing day and he hoped that meant she was healing. She told him about her last memory of the Grangers and how they'd been afraid of her. And most nights on the trip she'd awoken from nightmares from that day. But the previous night she'd finally slept soundlessly.

"It was a good thing you did, bringing her here," Wendell said, as if he could hear Draco's thoughts. "It's clear she didn't want to come, but we've been -" he cut off to smile as Monica pulled Hermione into her side. "We never had any children, and a long-lost niece is perfect for us right now."

"Thank you for being so open with two strangers."

"Hah. The spitting image of Monica hardly feels like a stranger."

Draco nodded as Hermione laughed in the distance, "She belongs here."

Wendell nodded, then turned to Draco with a knowing look, "And you feel like you don't."

Draco shrugged, "I'm not sure I belong anywhere."

Wendell cocked his head toward Hermione, "I think you may belong with her."

"Yeah?"

"Well she does."

Draco shook his head. If only Wendell could have heard some of the stuff she'd been saying earlier in the week. "What makes you say that?"

"She brightens up when you enter the room. She leans toward you, wherever you are, like a flower growing toward the sun."

Draco nodded sadly and looked back at Hermione.

"What's wrong? That should make any man happy."

"I'm not sure I deserve her," Draco confided. For some reason he was finding it easier to talk to Wendell than anyone else in his life.

"Why not?"

Draco laughed to himself. How could he possibly explain? "I'm an okay bloke now, but when I was younger, I was a mess. I, uh, was in a bad crowd and did a lot of things I regret."

Wendell nodded like he didn't find this surprising. Draco wondered what he assumed. Maybe that Draco was into petty crime and drugs, certainly not attempted murder and torture. "People change."

"She told me the same thing, ages ago," Draco responded. But then she'd taken it back just a few days before. And Draco was still not sure now what Hermione really believed.

* * *

Hermione was tracing Runes on Draco's bare chest during their last night in Australia while she laid in his arms. " _Eternity_?" he guessed.

"No, _Always_. Close," She smiled up at him. "Remember when you barely knew the Rune for _Fire_?"

"Yes, I'm a quick study. Nothing compared to you though."

She smiled, then stopped tracing and took a deep breath before saying, "I told the Wilkins we'd be back around Christmas."

"Really? Are you sure?" Draco bent his head to look at her, but she had buried her face in his chest. "You don't have to come back. I asked you to give it a week and you did."

He felt a few tears fall onto his chest and pulled her closer to him. "I can see being in their life. Not as a daughter, but, well someone close. They've been so eager to get to know me these past few days that I think a part of them senses that I belong here with them."

"We can come more often if you want."

Hermione finally looked up at Draco and smiled, "Christmas is good to start and it's only a few months away. Then maybe we can come up with some story that brings us here every few months after that. Something related to our jobs..." She trailed off and traced another Rune.

" _Regret_ ," he guessed and she nodded, then said, "Draco, about what I said…"

"It's okay." He cut her off. He was feeling content and peaceful right now and didn't want to dredge up the memory of what she'd said.

"It's not. And I didn't mean it at all." Hermione sat up on the bed so she could see Draco clearly. "I only - I knew it would hurt you, that's why I said it, not because I think it. I - I don't know why I was so mean, it was like, I was a different person. And you didn't deserve that. You were just trying to do something good. And you did." Draco nodded and pulled her back into his arms.

"It's okay Hermione. Potter told me we lash out worst on those we love the most."

Hermione laughed, "I'd have loved to see your face when he said that."

Draco smirked, "I told him to fuck off, but to not take it as a sign that I loved him."

Hermione laughed, then they were quiet again. "Well if Harry's right, then we must love each other a lot Draco," Draco gave a half-hearted snort then muttered, "No fucking kidding."

* * *

By the time they got back to London Hermione thought she and Draco were closer than ever. They'd made it through the rollercoaster of events in Australia and Hermione felt she could be more open with Draco and sensed he felt the same. She still felt awful for how she'd treated him, but it seemed to level the field between the two of them, since she was the one apologizing for something now. But their post-vacation bliss only lasted three days.

Hermione received a letter and was about to burn it when she recognized the insignia on the wax seal as the Malfoy family crest. She braced herself before opening it, knowing that whatever was inside couldn't be good. It was two pages. The first was a short note from Lucius that said, simply _I thought you'd find this interesting Miss Granger. A reminder that you and my son come from different worlds._

The next page was a letter from Draco. Hermione cocked her head in confusion and began to read.

_Father,_

_I've searched the house in Hampstead but it's empty. There is no trace of Granger or her parents, magical or otherwise. I asked the neighbors and it seems they've moved but no one knows where to. If I had to guess I'd say Granger sent them away. I have plans to check their office next, then will look for any records filed with the Muggle government. I will keep you informed of my progress._

_Your son, Draco_

Hermione's heart stopped and her head began to spin. She sat on the couch and read the letter again, tears coming into her eyes. It was Draco who'd tried to track down her parents. He'd never told her, but here it was, undeniable proof.

Draco returned with the takeout food a few minutes later and found Hermione on the couch looking back at him with a betrayed expression. "Hermione?"

She didn't respond, just handed him the sheets of parchment. Draco read through the first one then tossed it in the fire. When he got to the next one, he froze. The timing of this note was too coincidental; his father must have known about their trip to Australia. It wouldn't have been hard to find out since they'd received their Portkey from the Ministry. When Draco looked back up Hermione was glaring at him, "You left that detail out." Draco approached her slowly.

"Hermione I was ordered, I never found them. I wasn't looking that hard. I didn't even go to their office-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She stood up from the couch.

Draco was at a loss for words. How do you possibly tell someone that? He couldn't do it the day she'd first told him about her parents. That was too soon. And after, when was the right time to bring it up?

"You told me it was good I hid them," Hermione continued, "because they were looking for them. You meant _you_ were looking for them." Draco reached out for her, but she stepped out of his reach. "And you said if they found them, _you_ found them, they'd have been killed. Does that mean you would have killed them?"

"I wouldn't have killed them," Draco was sure of this.

"But you would have turned them in. Which would have been just as bad."

"I have no idea what I would have done, Hermione. I never found them."

"Not for lack of trying!"

"Yes, for lack of trying, believe me, I was _not_ trying."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I possibly bring that up? You barely discussed them."

"You could have brought it up last week. Is this what the Australia trip was about? You said it was about me facing what happened, but was it really a way to assuage your own guilt?" Draco shook his head again.

"No Hermione, it was about you. Everything I do is about you. I - I'm sorry." We waved the letter he was still holding at her, "This is just my father trying to get between us, don't you see?!"

She moved into her bedroom and started pulling out clothes and shoving them into her beaded bag. "Please Hermione, please, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wouldn't have done anything; I didn't want to find them. You have to believe me." She stayed silent and went to the bathroom to grab a few more items for her bag. "Look at me. You know I'm not this person. I never was, I was just pretending." Hermione still refused to look at Draco and he found that worse than any expression he could imagine on her face.

"I'm going to Harry and Ginny's for a few days. I - I just need time." She left then and Draco sat back on her bed and listened to the sound of her running down the stairs. He wondered then if his father was right. Maybe they would never get over their differences. He'd been naive, and he felt for the first time in a long while that her proclamation that redemption and second chances were possible, the one truth he'd clung to for over a year, was just an empty promise.

* * *

_Author's Note: This was the first letter of many from my father. I'm not surprised he tried to put a wedge between us, Hermione. But I am surprised, and disappointed, that his stupid plan worked._

* * *

Draco stayed at Hermione's for the next two days so he'd be there the second she came back. He thought maybe she wouldn't want him there when she returned, but stayed anyway since he was worried she'd ward the place against him and he wouldn't be able to get back in.

That Friday Hermione arrived back at her flat in the middle of the night and found Draco sleeping on her side of the bed. She'd been sleeping terribly and Harry's and after tossing and turning all night again, she'd finally got out of bed and decided to return home. She hadn't expected Draco to be here but was glad he was and watched him for a little while before rubbing his back gently to wake him up.

Draco bolted upright, then she saw him withdraw into himself when he recognized her. He pulled his knees into his chest like he was trying to protect himself and Hermione recognized the fact that she, with just her words and actions, could hurt him deeply.

 _Well it turns out that goes both ways,_ she thought to herself. Hermione sighed and sat on the edge of the bed while Draco waited patiently for her to continue, prepared for any eventuality.

"I forgive you Draco."

Draco nodded and a few tears fell from his eyes. He dropped his head onto his knees to hide them from her. "You should have told me, but I understand why you didn't."

"I wouldn't have done anything, I'm sure of it. I just needed to look like I was trying." Draco's voice was muffled since he was talking into his knees, but she could still tell it was shaking.

"I know. You were scared and just trying to stay alive, and we weren't even close then. My parents were just some random Muggles to you."

Draco took a few deep breaths, trying to work up the courage to ask his next question. It was the type of thing he'd never have the courage to say while looking at her, especially in daylight. But now, in the middle of the night in a dark, quiet room, he was able to ask, "Do you think maybe the past - and everything else between us, is too much to overcome?" He was terrified to discover her answer. But if it was yes, he figured they may as well get it out now.

Hermione saw Draco's arms tighten around his knees and she couldn't remember a time he'd been so vulnerable with her. She took a deep breath, then said, "No. We just have to work a little harder than most couples. But I think we'll be able to get past it." She laid her head on his shoulder and added, "But Draco, you need to be honest with me."

Draco lifted his head and she picked hers up to look at him. His eyes were shining in the moonlight coming in from the window and her heart skipped when he fixed her with an intense gaze. "I will," he promised, "I - I don't have anything else from the war, nothing you don't already know."

"Come on," Hermione wiped a few errant tears from his cheek then laid down on the bed and waited for him to join her. "I slept terribly at Harry's. Their guest bed is awful and every time I woke up and you weren't there…" her voice trailed off and Draco pulled her close to him and she turned so her back was against his chest.

"I'm here Hermione," he whispered into her hair, holding her tight against him, "as long as you'll have me."

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione put down the manuscript. She'd missed this in the middle of it, but their relationship was so unbalanced. It was painfully obvious to her now as she read their story all in one go. She'd committed a large indiscretion in Australia, but they'd both glossed over it so quickly. And here they were, focused back on something else that was Draco's fault.

It was always Draco apologizing, Draco who could be kicked out at any moment, Draco waiting for her to forgive him. And this was all before she received the remaining letters from Lucius. How had Hermione let it go on like that? And now that she'd recognized it, could she change their dynamic? Or was it too late?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N:
> 
> So yeah, Hermione was super mean here. But I've seen this type of thing happen in real life, where the nicest people turn a bit cruel under extreme pressure (like Harry in book 5). Hopefully you all didn't find it too unbelievable.
> 
> Also, I know this part of the story is a bit slow and part of me wanted to blaze through the struggle phase of their relationship since it hurts to write. BUT, in real life it takes time to break down a strong relationship. It's usually a pile of little things that eventually become too much, rather than one or two big fights. So that's what I'm going for here, though I realize it may be dragging on a bit. Please hang in there. Thanks!
> 
> Please let me know what you think of the story so far, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	14. The Letters

**CHAPTER 14 - The Letters**

_Author's Note: This is the point in the story when I started writing it all down. That first day we got back from Australia I thought this manuscript would be a good idea for a Christmas gift for you in case you implemented that no money rule again. Then a few days later, when you got that letter from my father and ran off to Potter's, I kept writing it. But instead of doing so for a gift for you, I thought I would keep it for myself as a nice reminder of that blissful year Hermione Granger spent loving me._

_But then you came back and forgave me, and my reason for writing this shifted a third time. I felt things slipping and I hoped writing everything down - how it started, progressed, and began to deteriorate - would help me pick out what went wrong. I hoped maybe I could correct things before they got too bad._

_But I didn't want to share what I was doing with you. I didn't want you to know I had doubts about our relationship, so I hid this. You knew I was working on something new, but every time you asked about it, I brushed you off. I see now that only made things worse. You already didn't trust me, and here was one more thing I was trying to hide from you._

* * *

_October 2003_

Ever since that disastrous letter from his father, Draco tried hard to stay on his best behavior for Hermione. But he was breaking himself for her, and she didn't even see. She was still annoyed with him, even with all the effort he was already putting in; she wanted him to be even better.

Hermione wanted someone impossible. When they were alone, she was okay with Draco being himself - reserved, thoughtful, considerate. But in public she wanted him to transform into one of her fun-loving, boisterous friends. Someone adept at small talk who joked and smiled easily.

Now they were at a Halloween party hosted by the Ministry for all the Magical Law Enforcement employees. Draco was on the side of the large room watching Hermione joke with Weasley and that Auror who loved her. She looked gorgeous in a black lace dress and Draco could see the Auror admiring her. Fucking prick. They were all laughing at something Draco assumed was stupid and he felt that dark feeling creeping in again.

Hermione must have sensed him watching her because her eyes flashed to Draco suddenly and he could tell, even from a distance, that she was disappointed. He wondered if she wished she'd lied to him about this event too before turning away from her and heading outside to the patio. He cast a warming charm on himself, then leaned against the railing and took a few deep breaths, trying to get a grip before he did something stupid. Hermione was at his side in a few minutes.

"Will you finally come meet my boss?"

"No." Draco kept his gaze on the city skyline, not wanting to see that disappointed look in her eyes again.

"Why not? You're already here, so you could at least make an effort."

"Being here is effort enough."

"What's the point in being here if you're going to sulk and refuse to talk to people? I want my boss to meet you. I talk about you all the time and it would be good for him to put a face to a name."

"I'm sure he knows what I look like. Aren't there wanted posters outside the Auror offices?" Hermione sighed heavily.

"Don't do that. You're not a wanted criminal. Just come on," she started to pull his arm.

"I said no." Draco shook her off easily and turned back to the view of the city.

"Draco, I need you to…" she trailed off then and Draco turned to see what had distracted her. A tall, thin man with greying hair and rectangle-framed glasses was approaching with a warm smile. "Mr. Benson!" Hermione's frown turned immediately into a smile. "We were just talking about you."

"You were? Good things I hope." Benson pulled out a pipe and cocked his head at Hermione and Draco, as if to ask if it was okay to light it. Hermione nodded and Draco remained still, which her boss took as a sign of acceptance.

"You must be Hermione's boyfriend." he took a drag from his pipe and let out a puff of smoke. "She really does gush about you." Draco frowned, that didn't sound like Hermione. He didn't like this man. He reminded Draco a little of his father, calculating and enterprising, but probably not evil, Draco allowed.

Benson was holding out a hand to Draco and Draco shook it firmly, "Draco Malfoy."

"Frances Benson, happy to finally meet you, Mr. Malfoy."

"You can call me Draco, Mr. Malfoy just reminds me of my father."

"I'm not acquainted with him." Benson puffed on his pipe again.

"Count yourself lucky," Draco grumbled, and Benson raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

"Right," Hermione cut in. "Uh, Draco and I actually met on that curse-breaking assignment you were curious about. Draco wrote a book on it, and the Aurors have been using it as they work through the remaining pureblood estates to implement the dark artifacts law our office passed last year."

Benson nodded. "That was impressive work, you must give me the details on your research sometime Mr. Mal-"

"Yes, I will, another time." Draco cut him off and turned to go. "I've just seen someone I need to say 'hello' to."

Draco walked away quickly, without any real plan where he was going. He just hated conversations like that. He'd told the man to call him Draco, and he hadn't listened. And the whole thing was so fake. Benson didn't care about their project and didn't want to talk to Draco. And Draco didn't want to talk to him, so why pretend?

Draco decided to go home, that would be best. He was walking toward the Apparation point when Hermione grabbed him.

"Why do you always have to be so rude? Come back and apologize."

"Hermione," Draco lowered his voice and pulled her to the side. He noticed a few people nearby were watching them curiously but ignored them. "It's just better if I go. You stay and have fun, I'll see you later tonight."

"No!" Hermione crossed her arms. "Stay here and be a decent wizard or don't stay at my place tonight." Draco narrowed his eyes at her. He hated when people tried to manipulate him like this. It was just one more reminder of his father.

"Fine," Draco hissed and followed Hermione back outside where Benson was leaning against the railing. "Mr. Benson," Draco grunted. "Sorry for leaving, it wasn't who I thought," Hermione nodded at him encouragingly and he shook his head, frustrated.

Benson saw their interaction and looked a little amused, which was the final straw for Draco. "So you wanted to talk about curse-breaking. But Hermione," Draco turned to her and muttered loud enough for Benson to hear. "Are you sure it's wise to discuss with _him_?"

"What?" Hermione looked back at him confused.

"The spells were quite complicated, and isn't this the man you said was," he lowered his voice to a loud whisper, "barely more than a Squib?"

Hermione's face froze in shock and Draco smirked, then Benson shook his head, annoyed. He turned to Hermione and said, "I think I should leave you two alone," before disappearing back inside.

Hermione recovered and when she looked at Draco there were angry tears in her eyes. But she seemed to be at a loss for words, so instead of yelling at him, she turned on her toe and went back inside, probably to apologize to her boss. Draco shrugged and turned back to the railing, relishing the feeling of the cold air in his lungs.

He stayed there alone for thirty minutes, waiting for Hermione to come back and yell at him, but the next person to come to his side was Ginny. Draco nodded at her, then went back to watching the city lights.

"There's a saying about men and women," Ginny started talking out of nowhere and Draco didn't react, but she knew he was listening. "Women always think the men they love will change, and men always think the women they love will never leave."

"I think I know the punch line," Draco said without looking back at Ginny. "They're both wrong."

"Correct."

Draco sighed. "And you think that describes me and Hermione?"

"Probably more than any couple I've ever seen." Draco looked over at her, but she didn't look angry or annoyed, just pensive.

"So you're saying she's going to leave me when she realizes I can't change?" Draco considered this idea and decided he agreed. He was impressed Weasley had managed to put it so eloquently and made a note to add it to his book, but Ginny was shaking her head.

"I'm not sure what will happen with you two. It does look like she's trying to mold you into someone you're not," Draco snorted. "And you are certainly pushing her away…" She turned back to Draco and fixed him with an intense stare. "But it's clear you two are desperately in love, maybe enough to overcome this…impasse." Draco regarded her for a few moments. He was relieved. He didn't really care what Weasley thought of his and Hermione's relationship, but she seemed to be trying to help, and it was comforting to have one person outside their relationship rooting for them.

Draco gave her an appreciative nod. "Can you scope out her anger level?"

Ginny smirked, then disappeared back inside for a few minutes. When she came back out, she said, "Seven." Draco sighed.

"That's probably the lowest I'm going to get tonight." Then he turned to go back inside and fix his mistake.

"Malfoy," Ginny called after him. He stopped but didn't turn around. "Don't push too hard. She _will_ leave."

* * *

_Author's Note: Weasley must have gone to Potter after this conversation, because the next week at drinks he brought this exact topic up again. He told me he pushed Weasley away constantly when they first got together, though he said it wasn't as aggressive as what I was doing to you. I told him to fuck off, of course, but he'd made some promise to Weasley to discuss this with me and powered through._

" _Everyone in my life had left me. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin...and I got it in my head that she would leave too. So I pushed, hard, to see if she'd come back. And she did, every time, but that just made me push harder, like I wanted to find her limit."_

" _Why did you stop?" I asked. It sounded exactly like what I was doing, and for a very similar reason._

_He shrugged, "She called me out on it and warned me that if I kept pushing her to her limit, one day I may actually find it. I guess it scared me. I didn't stop immediately, but...it got better, when I realized what I was doing."_

" _Why are you telling me this? You want me and Hermione to split up."_

" _I'm doing this on Ginny's orders, first and foremost. And I guess...I wanted you to know. I'm not sure why."_

_It reminded me of that time you told me Weasley left during your Horcrux hunt. It's always nice being reminded of the various fuck-ups of Potter and Weasley, since they seem to be rare. I was relieved and resolved to do better. I actually wrote on a parchment that night: "Stop pushing to find her limit, because if you're not careful, you will."_

* * *

Draco returned to the party and was able to salvage the night. He apologized to Benson and sat through an excruciatingly long conversation that was about curse-breaking to start, but then turned into a recount of Benson's glory days as a young Auror and his decision to move into politics.

That night Hermione forgave Draco. She admitted she'd pushed him too hard and appreciated his effort to make it up to her by talking to her boss for so long. But things were crumbling and they both felt it. Then, as if Lucius could sense the exact moment his mail would have the worst impact, his second delivery arrived.

Hermione and Draco were both reading in the sitting room when Draco recognized his family's owl outside the window.

"Shit," he muttered before opening the window to let the owl in. He tried to remove the thick parcel from the owl's leg, but the owl nipped at his hand and Draco rolled his eyes. "How quickly you forget who fed you while he was in jail," he muttered angrily.

"What?" Hermione had approached now.

"He'll only deliver to you."

Hermione took the parcel, then the owl hooted sternly at Draco before flying out the open window.

"You should just burn them," Draco said, crossing his arms as Hermione weighed the parcel in her hand. It was a stack of about ten letters tied together with twine.

"We should know what's in them, in case he brings it up. Or in case we need to stay ahead of his next move." Draco sighed.

"Fine," then held his hand out. Hermione hesitated and Draco scowled, then marched to the couch. "Go for it, since you don't trust me to-"

"No, it's not that, of course not," she went to sit next to him on the couch. "We'll read them together."

She placed the parcel on her lap, then untied the string. On the top of the letters was another short note from Lucius, _Another reminder, Miss Granger, that my son is not the man you think he is. Sincerely, LM._

Hermione shook her head, then opened the next letter. It was from Blaise Zabini to Lucius. She looked back at Draco surprised and he leaned closer, suddenly curious.

Hermione shook her head as she read four letters from Blaise to Lucius that seemed to be a report of Draco's actions during weekly drinks at the Green Dragon. His accusations were all over the place, ranging from " _When he first came he claimed he was dating her to further the Malfoys' status in society,"_ to, " _We speak of the war often and Draco always talks of the outcome with regret, it's clear he misses the time when his side was in power,"_ and then finally, " _the Greengrass sisters have come to stopping by occasionally, Astoria and Draco have a clear bond and the last week when she joined our table she took a seat on his lap instead of the chair."_

When Hermione finished Blaise's last letter she looked at Draco with an amused expression, "Did he really think I was going to believe all this? There's not an ounce of truth in here." When she said that she noticed Draco frown and put down the letters. "It is all a lie, right Draco?"

Draco bit his lip. "Most of it, uh, Astoria and Daphne have never joined us for drinks. That place is way too dodgy for witches like them anyway. And I don't think back to the war with any sort of fondness. We never discuss it. But, uh-" he dropped his face into his hands.

"What?"

"I did say I was dating you for a status boost, when I first met them." Hermione hitched her breath.

"What? Why?"

"I didn't want to be turned away. I just wanted someone to talk to who wasn't going to look at me like I was evil. And a few weeks later you came up again and I told them I was lying before. So they know now that's not why we're together. I'm...I'm sorry."

Hermione was silent and looked unbelievably sad. Draco wanted to hug her but didn't want to be pushed away.

"I'll stop going, I promise. Especially now I know Blaise is reporting back to my father. It's not worth losing you. Nothing is."

"You can talk to me about these things Draco. If you want to reconnect with your friends, feel like you can't be truthful with them, all of it. We should be able to discuss this. I'm so open with you, and you don't let me in on anything."

"I know, I - it's all new for me, having someone to talk to. I'm trying." Hermione looked into his eyes and saw that he was sincere.

She sighed and leaned against his shoulder. "I know Draco, I know."

But they weren't finished yet. There was a second group of letters waiting on the table. Hermione looked over at them and sighed.

"Shall we?" Draco steeled himself but was still shocked when he saw the name on these letters.

"Astoria?" Hermione asked. He shrugged, curious, and started reading. Astoria outlined an elaborate love affair between her and Draco. She claimed it started in July and that they met a few times each week at a townhouse in London that he kept secret from Hermione. She talked about Narcissa's party and how they'd stolen away for a moment of intimacy, followed by a nice walk around the garden that was interrupted by Hermione. Then she said Draco promised that by the end of the year he'd end it with Hermione, he was just staying with her since he felt sorry for her and how alone she was. Astoria said he'd admitted to being attracted to Hermione briefly, but said the spark between them had died months ago.

Doubt was flooding through Hermione's head as she finished Astoria's last letter. She was running through the details in her mind and a chill started to spread through her as she realized some of this fit. Draco _was_ gone for multiple nights a week, and he _had_ been with Astoria at the party. And when they'd Floo-ed to his bedroom at the Manor, she'd thought to herself that it looked like he never slept there since there had been a layer of dust on the bedspread. And according to Blaise, Astoria went to drinks with them, she only had Draco's word that that wasn't true. And was this really outside the realm of possibility? Astoria was gorgeous, she and Draco had a history, and Draco had cheated on Pansy in school, so maybe he had it in him to do it again.

Draco placed a tentative hand on her arm, and she fought the instinct to lean away from him. "It's obviously not true Hermione, I have no idea how he got her to write those."

Hermione kept her focus on the fire.

"Where do you go, when you don't stay here?" Draco sighed and dropped his head in his hands.

"I have a house." Tears sprung into her eyes, but she still didn't look at Draco.

"A townhouse in London?"

Draco shook his head, how the hell had his father found that? "Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "But it's not like she's saying. Astoria has never been there! No one has. I didn't get it as some place to take other witches. I just - wanted to move out of the Manor. I got it ages ago-"

"You did? When?" Hermione finally looked back at Draco and her expression was hurt and confused.

"February," Draco admitted, resolved to tell her everything he'd been keeping from her now. He was racking his brain for anything else he may have missed, his dark period? That seemed to be the last secret.

"But my fire is linked to the Manor." Hermione pointed toward the fireplace. Draco sighed, lowering his head.

"I always go to the Manor first, then Floo straight from the Manor to my house."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hermione was shaking her head.

"I - " Draco was at a complete loss for words. How could he explain his need for a place to escape when things got to be too much? He didn't want to give her any more reasons to be angry with him.

"I want to see it," Hermione stood up then and approached the fireplace.

"It's an empty house."

"Show it to me." She turned back to him and put her hands on her hips.

"No." Draco shook his head and crossed his arms. Did she really not believe him?

"Why not, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing, but I want you to believe me - I need to know you believe me."

"If there's nothing to hide, then just bring me there, then you can explain why you've been lying to me all year!" Draco sighed and approached her.

"Why are you believing my father and Astoria over me?" he asked in an almost pleading tone, "Why can't you believe in me?"

"Because you're hiding things and you refuse to show me."

"Don't you see what you're saying? By insisting on going there right now you're saying that you don't trust me. How can you be with me and not trust me?"

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed deeply before saying, "I don't know what to believe. Not everything in these letters is wrong. You admitted parts of Blaise's were right. And Astoria got the house right. And you did disappear with her at the party. What am I supposed to believe? I need you to show me your house, Draco."

They stared each other down for a few moments.

"Fine," Draco said and grabbed a pile of Floo powder and violently threw it into the fire. "Draco's Bedroom, Malfoy Manor."

As soon as they got to the Manor, they went right back into the fire to go to his townhome. They stepped out into the empty sitting room with just the couch in it and Hermione started looking around. "See? It's empty," Draco motioned around the room. "I have nothing to hide, Hermione."

Hermione walked a few paces, then cast a silent _Hominem Revelio_ charm. When she turned to look at Draco his expression was hurt and betrayed. She could hear the tears in his voice when he asked, "Did you expect that spell to reveal anything?" She didn't respond, but the doubt was present on her face. Draco shook his head, then Disapparated on the spot. Hermione didn't see him again for three days.

* * *

_Author's Note: In my initial draft, I never got past this point in the story. Everything started unraveling after this. I was holding out hope that we'd recover, and then I'd finally get the energy to work through this bad part, knowing there was a happy ending. But that improvement never came._

_When Christmas rolled around, I reconsidered finishing this and gifting it to you, but you decided we didn't need to exchange gifts. You said the trip to Australia could be our gift to each other, though you spent most of the time with your parents and barely looked at me._

_And then you left, and I finally decided it was time to finish this story, since I'm pretty sure now there won't be a happy ending. I apologize for the rushed pace from here to the end. There are two things to blame: one, I wrote this in a few days, and two, everything from here on is painful, so I didn't add in unnecessary details._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione shook her head and stood up from the bed. She carried the manuscript with her to her desk and opened the drawer for a blank sheet of parchment. She laid the parchment on the desk next to Draco's story and took a deep breath. Draco was wrong, this story would have a happy ending.

She wanted to read this next part about as little as he'd wanted to write it. But she powered on, determined to take notes along the way anytime she identified an area they could improve when they were finally reunited.

"I _will_ find you Draco," Hermione muttered. He hadn't mentioned in this last scene where he'd disappeared to for those three days, but she was sure it was the same place he was now. She was almost finished with his story, and as soon as she reached the end, she'd start looking for him.

* * *

_November 2003_

When Draco came back, he surprised Hermione with a key to his townhome. She was impressed by the gesture, but was further astonished to find that he didn't just want her to be able to come and go as she pleased, but wanted her to move in. She hesitated, unsure if moving in was the best step with how shaky their relationship had been in the past few months. But after a few days of consideration, she agreed.

Draco hadn't really expected her to accept but was thrilled when she did. He was desperate for anything that would bring them closer together, believing, incorrectly, that physical proximity would translate into intimacy. Hermione's motive for moving remained a mystery to Draco until a few weeks later when he finally figured it out. She wanted to keep a closer eye on him.

The letters from Lucius had ended. But Draco still reviewed the story he was writing for Hermione, as well as all his memories from the war for anything else Lucius could use against them. He was confident there were no other secrets between them. Just his Dark period, but he knew no one besides him knew the details of that time. Hermione's excited voice cut into his thoughts.

"Isn't that great?"

"What?" He tried to focus back on her. Draco spent so much time in his head these days and he knew it annoyed her. She confirmed this with her next statement.

"You never listen to me. What are you thinking about now?"

"Nothing important," Draco shook his head.

"Your secret book?"

"What were you saying?" Draco ignored the question, "What's great?"

"Oh, Bill wants you to come to his birthday party at the Burrow this weekend." She waved a letter in front of him.

"Oh, uh, no thanks."

"Come on, finally going to the Burrow is a big step. The Weasleys are my wizarding family."

"They're your ex-boyfriend's family. The ex-boyfriend who hates me and doesn't want me there." Hermione waved him off.

"Ron will be fine; I'll talk to him. And this is Bill's celebration anyway. He loved your book and wants to talk to you about it."

Draco almost pointed out what happened the last time she forced him to discuss his book with someone but didn't want to remind her about the incident with her boss. But based on the expression on her face, she was already thinking about it. Draco was worried he'd have a repeat of that night if he went to the Burrow. He was having a lot harder time controlling himself lately and feared he'd do something stupid again and cause another fight.

"Why do you keep dragging me to these things when they clearly make both of us miserable?"

"Come on, I thought you were going to make more of an effort."

"I've been making an effort for six months. I think we need to write this off as a failed experiment. Just stop caring so much what everyone else thinks. They don't like me, I don't like them, it's fine." Hermione closed her eyes and tried to get her temper under control

"I can't keep having the same fight with you over and over again. I'm not incredibly social, but I do have a group of friends I love like family and I want to spend time with them and it's important to me that you're by my side. Why can't you get used to being there with me without causing a scene?"

"I've tried that, but then it's not enough. If I'm quiet and biting my tongue you say, 'Why don't you talk?' When I sit on the side you say, "Come on, join us!' Can't you just adjust your expectations here?"

"I don't know, Draco," Hermione sighed heavily and started rubbing her temples. "I think we're at an impasse." Draco thought of his conversation with Ginny. She'd used that word, 'impasse.' Did Hermione talk about this with her friends? Probably, that thought made him angry.

"Maybe we won't be able to get past this. We fight about the same few topics, then things get better, for a little while, but then we regress and are right back in the same argument. This isn't sustainable."

Draco's stomach fell. "So you're giving up, just like that? What happened to being bold and brave?" He asked in a mocking tone and Hermione's eyes flashed with anger. "You're a Gryffindor," he continued meanly. "Power through it."

"You're the one who can't stop being an absolute prat for one bloody night," she bit back. "God! You know, I _am_ brave. And sometimes the brave thing to do is admit when something is over rather than clinging to it out of habit."

"So I'm a habit you've developed and are trying to break?"

"You're not listening to me. You're just hearing what you want to hear to fuel this argument instead of having a mature conversation with me. You always do that!"

"Oh I do?" Draco asked sardonically. "Well please go on, tell me all of the other things you hate about me, since you're clearly trying to invent reasons to drop me and run back to your friends!"

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and remained silent, not rising to Draco's bait.

"Okay I'll go first," he said. "You nag me senselessly. You never give me a chance to think and are always chattering," he was counting the items out on his fingers. "You have crazy views about creature rights and seem to place them above witches and wizards for some reason. Oh, and your friends can do no wrong though they have some serious character flaws. You have to be right all of the time-" Finally Hermione was angry enough to burst in.

"You have to be right too! You never talk to me or tell me what you're thinking. You never tell me anything, then get mad when I think you're up to something bad. What else do you expect me to think when you don't talk to me?!"

She stopped to give him a chance to respond, but all he said was, "Go on Hermione, that can't be all. I've never seen you say something so succinctly."

Hermione's eyes flashed and she continued. "You said my friends have flaws? Who are you to say so? Your friends, and parents, are evil. And sometimes I think maybe a part of you still is."

The look of shock on Draco's face pulled Hermione out of her rant and she snapped her mouth shut. She approached him but he didn't notice her, he was elsewhere. Her comment had brought him back to that day in Australia when she'd said the same thing. But she'd immediately taken it back, but now he knew that was a lie. She meant it then and she meant it now. She didn't think he would ever get over that evil part of himself, and honestly, neither did he. He felt her hand on his arm and walked past her quickly, heading for the door.

"I didn't mean it, I-"

"You did." He cut her off. "You told me once you believed in second chances and redemption. It seems you've changed your mind."

"No. Please, Drac-"

"I think you mean Malfoy," he bit out before slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione tapped her quill on the blank parchment but couldn't think what to write. She'd committed to taking notes as she noticed areas of improvement but thought writing _Don't tell him he's evil EVER AGAIN,_ sounded too obvious. She closed her eyes and a few tears fell onto her cheeks. This was their worst fight. This was the one she'd been dreading reliving and she felt just as bad reading it now as she had when it happened.

After Draco left, she'd gone straight to Grimmauld Place and collapsed in a puddle of tears once she was inside the door.

"Hermione! What happened?" Harry rushed to her side.

"Draco…" she started but couldn't find the words to explain.

"Did he hurt you?" Harry was in full Auror mode now and Hermione shook her head quickly.

"Of course not, you need to stop assuming-"

"Right, yeah," Harry rushed, obviously not wanting to get into another fight with her over Draco. "You, uh, you fought?" He pulled her up to standing and led her to the couch in the sitting room. Ginny joined them and sidled up next to Hermione on the couch and put a comforting arm around her.

"Just tell us what happened," Ginny said kindly. "It will feel good to get it out."

"It was my fault," Hermione started in a dead voice. "Draco didn't want to go to the Burrow, and I don't know why I pushed so hard. I've just been so annoyed with him since, well the Halloween dinner, and his mother's party, and, all of it. He hasn't been fitting in like I'd hoped…" her voice trailed off and Ginny and Harry nodded politely and were nice enough not to comment.

"Well, I got upset and told him I thought a part of him was still evil." Hermione looked down at her hands in her lap, embarrassed.

"Oh," Ginny tightened her grip on Hermione, but Hermione could tell she didn't understand the impact this would have on Draco.

"I know it sounds mild, but for Draco, it's bad. He's been trying to put all that awful stuff behind him for years. He's still holding a ton of guilt and baggage. But for me to- he trusts me, I'm probably the only person he trusts, and I'm the one who said it -" she started crying again and Harry sat on her other side and started rubbing her back.

"So it's like the equivalent of him calling you Mudblood?" Ginny asked.

"Worse, I think. At least being a Mudblood is something I have no control over, I either am or am not. This, being a Death Eater, evil, it's more of a choice. And I implied he still had that in him after he's tried so hard to put it behind him."

"Was it true?" Harry asked. Hermione shook her head.

"I – I was trying to hurt him, and I knew that would do it. It's not true. But I've said it before when we went to, uh, Australia." Harry nodded knowingly and she looked away, embarrassed as she remembered the mean things she'd said to Harry on that trip.

"I'm supposed to be the person he can talk to and trust. It took months to get him to open up to me. And lately…" she cut off, not wanting to explain about the townhouse. She was still confused about why he'd hid that from her and worried it was just the beginning of a long list of things he was still hiding. "I'm just worried this will set us back really far," she finished.

"Malfoy loves you more than anything Hermione," Ginny said soothingly, "He'll cool off for a few days, then come running back to you, like he always does." Hermione nodded, but wondered how many times they could go through this cycle without eventually breaking.

That night when she'd slept in Harry's guest room, she'd had a nightmare. Harry rushed in and she thought it was Draco for a second, but the feeling of his arms around her was wrong. Draco was gone, she reminded herself and started crying.

"Which one was it?" Harry asked, probably expecting a memory from the war. She hadn't answered because it wasn't a scene from the war. She was back in that bloody lake, stuck in the bubble and watching Draco swim to the platform with the door. But this time, Draco walked through the door back to the safety of the library and left her behind.

Hermione never told Draco about that nightmare, for obvious reasons, but the memory of it still haunted her. She looked back at the blank parchment which now contained a few blots of ink from her quill tapping. Eventually she wrote, _Stop trying to turn him into someone else._

Then under that line she wrote, _Don't tell him he's evil EVER AGAIN!_

* * *

Manuscript:

Hermione almost skipped Bill's birthday party that weekend, but Harry convinced her to go, hoping it would break her of her terrible mood. She'd looked for Draco everywhere, even at the Manor, but couldn't find him. And she'd tried sending her Patronus but hadn't received a response.

When Hermione arrived at the Burrow with Ginny and Harry she was confronted with an astonishing site in the garden.

Draco and Arthur were leaning over a book on the table and they were both smiling. When Hermione approached, she noticed Fleur sitting on Draco's other side with Victoire on her lap, watching the two men with an amused expression. Hermione was sure Polyjuice potion was at play and started running through a list of possible imposters when Draco spotted her. He gave her a quick shrug, then focused back on Arthur.

"What the hell…?" Ginny muttered and Hermione turned to find Harry and Ginny's expressions matched the astonishment she was feeling.

"Oh, there you three are," muttered Ron, coming from the kitchen. He turned to watch Draco with his arms crossed.

"What did we miss?" Harry asked.

"He showed up even before I got here. He had this gift for Dad, that's what they're looking at now. It's an ancient book on Muggle life from the middle ages from the Malfoy library or something. Dad thinks it's all fascinating how they lived without teckology"

"Technology," Hermione corrected.

"Yeah, then he had some rare flowers for Mum. And said something about how he's not his father and wants to make amends. I don't know, they ate it up. Mum was showing off her garden when I showed up, and Fleur is definitely on his side. She hasn't left him alone yet; probably worried I'll curse him or something," he shook his head and as if on cue Fleur looked their way and shot Ron a nasty look. Hermione wondered if she was remembering her own struggle with getting the Weasley family to accept her and if that was why she was trying to help Draco.

Hermione moved her eyes back to Draco and saw he was watching her. She cocked her head to the side to motion that he join her on the side of the house and she saw him excuse himself and walk toward her. He stopped a few feet away from her and she didn't know where to start.

"Where did the relic take us? The bracelet," she blurted.

Draco was confused, then shook his head as he realized why she'd asked. "The edge of the veil. Oblivion for you, a bloody lake for me."

Hermione let out a sigh of relief and threw her arms around him. "I missed you, where did you go?" He ignored the question and said in a flat voice.

"Shouldn't we get back? It's rude to stay away." Hermione loosened her grip on him and noticed he wasn't hugging her back.

"Draco, I'm so sorry. I-"

"We can talk about this later." He turned back and returned to his seat next to Fleur and started talking to her in French. Harry gave Hermione a concerned look when she rejoined the group, but she gave him a small smile and went to wish Bill a happy birthday.

Draco was completely civil the rest of the evening, though remained distant from Hermione. He talked about Quidditch with Harry and Ginny, gave George advice on items for his joke shop that would appeal to Slytherins, and talked at length about curse-breaking with Bill. Hermione couldn't remember a time she'd seen him say so many words in one day. And even though he was mostly avoiding her, she couldn't keep from smiling.

* * *

Draco left the party a little earlier than Hermione and he was standing in their kitchen drinking tea when she got back home. He stared at her silently with a look that said, _Go ahead and say what we both know you're thinking._

"I actually don't know what to say," Hermione put her bag on the barstool and went to pour herself a cup of tea.

"That's a first, at least since I've known you," Draco responded in a flat voice. Hermione turned back to him, gripping her mug with both hands.

"You didn't have to be that nice, I didn't even know you had it in you. It wasn't what I meant when I said –"

"Is that why you had that goofy smile on your face all night?" Draco cut her off. But she was confused by his mood. He wasn't amused, or smug, he seemed sad for some reason.

Hermione placed her tea on the counter and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hi," she said lamely. Draco looked back at her but didn't move to put his tea down so he could hug her back. She closed her eyes, disappointed by the slight. "I was awful Draco. I didn't mean it, and I shouldn't have pushed you to go when you clearly didn't want to."

Hermione wished Draco would move, or talk, but he just stayed still, holding his tea with one hand and looking down at her with a blank stare.

Hermione let go of him and stepped back so she could see him better. "I'm sorry. I don't think you're evil and I only said it to hurt your feelings. You were right. I care way too much about what others think and it's been getting to me these past months. But these past few days – thinking that this is probably it for us, has given me the perspective I need to know that I want this, you." She placed a hand on his heart, but he continued to stand still. Hermione laid her forehead against his chest and closed her eyes, willing him to hug her.

"I was wrong. I made a mistake. Please forgive me," she whispered. "I love you. And I need you."

Draco shifted then to put his mug on the counter next to hers, then he bent his head down to hers.

"I should leave you. I'm rubbish for you. I know it, your friends know it, and you know it, deep down. But I can't. I'm not strong enough."

"You're wrong," Hermione's head snapped up and she looked him in the eye. "I don't know that. And it's not true."

Draco shook his head. "I'll stay as long as you'll have me."

Hermione let out a sigh of relief and hugged him again, then was reassured when he finally hugged her back.

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione added another line to her parchment, _Fix the imbalance - Hermione is regarded as having all the power and that notion is_ _toxic_ _._ She knew she should have fought him when he said he'd stay as long as she'd let him, even in the moment. But she'd been so relieved to have him back and be done with the argument that she'd let it slide. But why didn't she fight harder? She'd always been a fighter, but somewhere along the way she'd stopped fighting for Draco. "That ends now," she promised herself, then turned to the next page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: The end is in sight! Draco's manuscript will be ending in the next chapter. So I took a short-cut here and claimed Draco wanted to breeze through this part of their relationship since he didn't like it and didn't have time to write it, but really it's me who doesn't like writing it. That's the good thing about this POV, I can just blame any lazy writing on Draco.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe.Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	15. The End

**CHAPTER 15 - The End**

That night while Hermione slept, Draco stared up at the ceiling, thinking back on Bill's birthday party. Well he'd finally found the person Hermione wanted him to be. The kind, polite, engaged version of himself that was buried deep, deep, deep down. And Draco had managed to get through the night, so he could do it again, right? But he could already feel the doubt creeping in. As he recalled every conversation, he felt embarrassed by what he'd said. Surely it had been the wrong thing. But his actions and words had been met with smiles, so that was good, right? Or had they been silently making fun of him? Had they thought it ridiculous that he'd tried to be nice?

Draco wondered what they said amongst themselves once he left. He took a deep breath. He was letting his mind run away from him and there was no evidence they thought he was an idiot. If he really had made a complete fool of himself Hermione would have been upset, and she wasn't. The opposite actually, she was happier than he'd ever seen her.

But how could he tell her it was a fluke? He clearly couldn't keep this up. He placed a hand on his chest and felt his heart pounding hard. What was wrong with him? He felt like he'd just finished fighting in a battle, not acting like a normal human at a fucking birthday party. When had this anxiety started? He didn't remember this from school. He'd been popular then, but also delusional, feeling like he was in control of every situation. Now Draco wasn't in control of anything and was always the least popular person at every event, the one everyone wished wasn't there. That would always be the case, no matter how nice Draco acted. He wondered if the anxiety he felt in public now was tied to his fear of screwing things up with Hermione or if it would be there even if he wasn't with her.

Draco turned then to look at Hermione sleeping. "I love you," he whispered, tracing a finger along her jaw. She smiled in her sleep and he sighed before adding, "but I don't think I'll ever become the man you want me to be." Hermione continued to sleep, oblivious to his confession. Draco watched her and tried to enjoy this moment of peace, since he was sure more conflict would be returning soon.

* * *

Present Day:

_Convince him he's already enough,_ Hermione wrote on her parchment. Then she underlined it. She had no idea how to go about this, but knew it was the key to saving their relationship.

* * *

Manuscript:

_Author's Note: That's the last good time I remember. I know it's the last time we slept together. That was five weeks ago. We both retreated after this and at the time I was so confused about the cause. Surely after that birthday party we'd be close? But now I see what happened. I was terrified of screwing up again and wanted desperately to avoid another fight, so I avoided you, reasoning that if we didn't talk then we couldn't fight._

_I was so worried about losing you, I inadvertently caused the distance, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I started writing another book and spent all my time on it. And I was quiet, not trusting myself to speak, worried whatever I said would make things worse. I felt things going wrong but had no idea what to do, so I kept pushing you away. I'm so sorry Hermione, you deserved better._

* * *

_December 2003_

Hermione threw herself into her work. She had a lot to get done so she could take a full week off to go to Australia with Draco. Draco had completely withdrawn but Hermione was hesitant to question him about it, not wanting to cause another fight, so she left him alone.

She stayed at work later and later, preferring take-out dinners at her desk to sitting in an awkward silence at home with Draco. And most times she returned home so late he was already asleep, though she suspected many times he was just pretending.

He continued to accompany her to various events on the weekends, but he was silent and reserved. She didn't see the Draco from Bill's party return, but she didn't push the issue, hoping if she gave him space, he'd eventually come back to her.

But a few weeks went by and nothing had improved, so Hermione decided to take matters into her own hands. She suspected Draco's reticence was caused by another one of his secrets and reasoned that if they brought it out in the open, they could finally start to move past it and heal.

It was a Saturday afternoon the week before Christmas when Hermione finally worked up the courage to start the conversation she'd rehearsed in her head a few times already.

"Draco?"

Draco was stirring his tea with a spoon and watching the liquid swirl around when the sound of Hermione's voice caught him off guard. He looked up at her confused, that's how long it had been since they'd talked. How depressing.

"Hmmm?" he responded, out of practice when it came to forming words.

"The last time we fought, before Bill's party, where did you go?"

Draco put his spoon down and sat up straight, taking a defensive stance. "I just needed some time away."

Hermione nodded patiently before saying. "I know why you left, I asked where."

Draco waved his hand to brush her off, then looked back at his tea, it had finally stopped swirling and the surface of the liquid was still. "It doesn't matter."

"Was it the same place you went after you showed me this house?" Hermione asked, still calm.

Draco nodded but avoided her gaze.

"Are you alone there?" Hermione continued. Draco's eyes snapped up to meet hers, but she didn't look angry or suspicious, just...curious. Her primary emotion. But the question still put Draco off.

"What are you insinuating?" he asked coldly.

Hermione sighed, "I'm just curious."

"You think I'm cheating on you?" he pressed. "You think I would do that? Do you still believe my father?"

"No," Hermione said quickly, shaking her head. "I don't want to fight, I just-" she stood up and started pacing the kitchen, then stopped and placed both hands on the counter. "I want to clear the air between us. You can tell me this...secret. It's okay, whatever it is."

Draco looked down at the counter and pinched the bridge of his nose. _I want to clear the air between us._ There were so many thoughts that had sprung into his mind when she said that. Things he should tell her now to "clear the air."

He should explain the urge to cut himself that he still had to work to fend off daily. Or the bad moods that overtook him and seemed to only disappear with time (but felt never-ending when he was in the middle of them). How he loved listening to her talk, but at times found it hard to focus because his brain needed a break, especially if they'd just returned from a social engagement. And lastly how he loved her more than anything but feared he would never be good enough for her.

But he couldn't say any of this, not then, not ever really. He could never properly articulate his thoughts into spoken words. And now he could tell she was bracing for him to admit to some indiscretion. That he'd cheated or something. He could see it in her eyes.

"Why are you still with me?" he whispered into his mug.

"What?" He looked up at her and his eyes were wet.

"Why are you still with me when you think so little of me?"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. "Why are you still with someone who you don't trust enough to confide in?" she countered.

Draco stood then and brought the mug to the sink and emptied the full cup down the drain, watching the brown liquid splatter the white porcelain. "I don't want to fight," he said to the wall.

"Me neither," she sighed deeply. "I already said that." Then she left the room.

* * *

_December 2003 - January 2004_

Hermione didn't try to talk to Draco again. She reasoned it was on him now to come to her and she hoped that whatever bad mood he was in would pass. But it didn't, and the distance between them continued to grow. They went to Australia but spent the days at the Wilkins so they wouldn't have to be alone together in the cottage. Draco was silent for most of the trip, but a few times Hermione saw him talking to her father and was jealous and hurt. Why was he able to exchange more words with Wendell than his own girlfriend?

When they got back to London, they both retreated again. Hermione spent most of the time at her desk in their bedroom and Draco nearly lived in the office downstairs. The few times they were together the air hung heavy with fear. Not anger, or sadness, annoyance, disappointment, or any of the other expected emotions when two couples are fighting. Because Draco and Hermione weren't fighting, they were waiting. Waiting and desperately trying to ignore the distance growing between them, hoping if they failed to acknowledge it, it would go away.

But the tension finally broke and it was all because of Harry fucking Potter (of course).

"How is Harry?" Hermione asked when Draco returned from drinks. He hung his cloak in the closet then turned to her, surprised to see her reading a book on the couch. She usually read in bed so she wouldn't have to see him.

"Fine, he's getting engaged. He said he'll ask Weasley next week when she gets back from her trip. Guess I'll have to call her something else soon," he added.

Hermione's heart filled with joy for her friends, but then she immediately felt sad. She remembered her conversation with Draco over the summer about marriage. At the time that had seemed like a possibility for them, but now…

"We'll never get there, will we?" she asked, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. She watched Draco sigh heavily and shake his head.

"The wizarding world would literally explode," he murmured.

"So you agree with me?" Draco shrugged but didn't respond.

"Why is it not an option anymore?" Hermione asked, suddenly hurt and angry. "You said it was on the table last summer, you even told your parents."

Draco took the seat next to her on the couch. "You want to get married? We barely talk."

"Whose fault in that?"

"Mine," Draco said, resigned. He stood and left the room then but Hermione followed him.

"Why did you ask me to move in here if you don't see a future between us?"

Draco was marching up to the bedroom trying to ignore her, but she followed him. When he stepped through the doorway she grabbed his arm to force him to face her. "What do you want from me, Hermione?"

"I want to have a serious conversation about our future."

"Ok, that should be short," he said brusquely.

"Why did you say that?" She narrowed her eyes at him but he didn't respond. They both knew the answer. He'd said it because he knew it would upset her.

"So this is the Draco I'm going to get now," she muttered to herself, moving past him to sit on the bed.

"There's only one Draco," he said angrily.

She shook her head, "You can be so sweet, but then, you can also be like this. I can't do this anymore."

"Fine, then go!" he motioned toward the door. "This is who I am and I'm sick of you trying to change me. Like I'm some type of alchemy experiment. Maybe if you can get the ingredients just right, I'll become the version you want." Hermione crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't want to change you. I just want you to overcome these demons that keep pulling you down. And I know you're going to regret being mean later."

"I'll only regret being with someone who makes me feel like shit over, and over, and over again." Hermione's eyes flashed with anger but she tried to keep her temper in check.

"You don't mean that."

"I do," he bit back, "and I'm done. It's too much." He turned to leave but Hermione jumped up from the bed and pulled him back into the room.

"No! You don't get to leave again, like a coward. It's my turn this time. I'm going on that trip with Ginny and her friends. I originally declined, hoping to spend the rest of the break with you so we could work through, whatever this is. But that's obviously not going to happen." She went to her dresser and started throwing clothes into a bag. "Maybe when I get back the nice, reasonable Draco will be here, and I can have a productive conversation with him about our future."

She gave him one last angry look before slamming the bedroom door behind her and marching down the stairs.

* * *

_Author's Note: You'd think our last fight would be a big blowout, but this one wasn't even in the top five. But it's probably better to end it now, before it gets to that point. Do you see now, Hermione? I'll always revert back to that evil Draco you hate and lash out at you. Then I'll find my way back, briefly, just enough for you to forgive me, before becoming him again._

_There's a blackness in me that I can't control. I haven't been able to figure out if I gained it through birth or from my experiences in the war, but it's there all the same. And you deserve so much better. I wanted so badly to be good enough for you, I tried so hard, but I think I need to call it off before we hurt each other any more._

_I've packed my things and will be gone when you get back from your trip. Please take the house, I know you love it and it's paid for. I'm going back to my hiding spot for a while, then will find somewhere more permanent and out of your way, so you can start to move on. I know you never found out where I disappear to, but it's simple. When I'm clouded by dark thoughts about myself, or the war, or your disappointment where I haven't measured up yet again, I go to the place that reminds me that I can still do good things, that buried deep there's light._

_I love you Hermione, more than anything. I just wish it had been enough and that I didn't have to write here: The End._

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione placed the last page on the pile and pushed the manuscript away from her. She was feeling a whirl of emotions. Sadness, anger, regret, confusion. She stood and started pacing the room, then stopped and screamed at the top of her lungs. She'd never actually done this before, just read about it in books. It felt good, screaming all of her frustration out into the world, but when she was done her throat was sore and she still felt a hollowness in her heart that wouldn't go away.

She rushed back to the manuscript and read Draco's last note again. _I go to the place that reminds me that I can still do good things, that buried deep there's light._

She smirked to herself. If he really hadn't wanted to be found, he wouldn't have left a clue to where he was. She didn't know what it meant, but she'd figure it out, she was good with riddles. She put the stack of parchment back in the box, then read through Draco's first note again.

_It's a position piece...Here's the claim: Draco Malfoy will never be good enough for Hermione Granger...I tried to change Hermione, I really did. I loved you as best I could, but I don't think it was enough. Maybe after reading this, you'll finally join us all on the right side of this debate._

"It was a solid effort, Draco," Hermione said under her breath, taking the front and last page of the manuscript out of the pile before closing the lid on the box. But he'd failed. She wasn't convinced he was wrong for her at all, though she had come to the realization that the real Draco Malfoy was very different from the man she thought he was.

She'd believed he was self-assured and confident, deliberate with all of his words and actions. But he was so much more complicated than she'd ever realized and was clearly suffering with some major mental health issues. The signs had been there, of course, but she'd missed them. She was too preoccupied with what everyone else thought of them, and with work, and keeping up with her own friends when she should have been paying attention to Draco. She thought he didn't need her, he certainly acted like it, but that was so wrong.

Her eyes roamed over the list of notes she'd made for herself.

_Stop trying to turn him into someone else._

_Don't tell him he's evil EVER AGAIN!_

_Fix the imbalance - Hermione is regarded as having all the power and that notion is_ _ toxic _ _._

_Convince him he's already enough._

She shook her head. This was stupid, she shouldn't have to make a list of notes like this. If she truly loved him shouldn't this all come naturally? She dismissed the thought, since it wasn't very helpful, then bent to add one more line. _Fight for him!_

She folded the page and put it in her pocket, then took the pages of the manuscript she'd pulled out and folded them and added them to her pocket too. Then she turned and left for Grimmauld Place, a plan of attack forming in her mind.

* * *

It took Harry and Ginny a long time to open the door. Hermione banged again, then considered letting herself in when Harry opened it in his pajamas, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Hermione?"

Hermione winced, but still let herself inside, "Oh, sorry, it's the middle of the night, isn't it?" She hadn't checked the time but figured it must be late. She'd gotten back from her trip around seven, then sat and read Draco's entire manuscript. It was probably around one o-clock in the morning.

"I need to sit you and Malfoy down and explain about sleep and how most of us need it…" Harry was grumbling. Ginny appeared on the stairs.

"Hermione? What happened?"

"Good, you're both up." Hermione smiled at them and they both scowled since it didn't seem by Hermione's demeanor that this was an emergency. "I'll make some tea." Hermione rushed into the kitchen and the two of them followed her in, taking seats at the counter and exchanging curious glances.

"Go ahead and start talking, Hermione." Harry said as she poured water into the kettle. "And if you want to lead with the part about why you had to show up in the middle of the night, that would be great." Hermione turned to face her friends and blushed, then said, "Draco left again."

Ginny shrugged. "Yeah, I think I called that one when you told me about your fight on our trip. So what? He'll be back. He always comes back." Hermione shook her head, sadly.

"This is different. He moved out. Everything he owned is gone, and he left me a note saying I could have the house."

"He left a note?" Harry asked. He knew all about Malfoy's tendency to run away. He liked to do this when they fought and usually Hermione would come stay at Grimmauld Place until he came back. But this was the first time he'd left a note.

"Well, a long note, around 100,000 words."

"What? So he left you a book," Harry clarified.

"Yeah," she smiled, but it dropped quickly. The water started to boil and she busied herself with preparing the tea.

"Just tell us the whole story Hermione," Ginny yawned. "It sounds like it's not going to be very short." Hermione shook her head.

"I'm not going to tell you about the book, it's - uh, personal. But I do need to ask you two something, and I want you to be completely honest, don't hold back." They both nodded.

"Okay," she turned to Harry first and handed him his tea. "You've been having drinks with Draco for months now. So I want to know your honest opinion about him and me dating. Now that you know him better."

"That is a loaded question Hermione," Harry shook his head, then took a sip of his tea.

"I know, just tell me, please."

Harry sighed and considered lying, but Hermione's eyes were pleading and he figured he wouldn't get another chance like this to tell her what he'd wanted to say for months. He looked down into his mug.

"He's changed, that much is clear, and he loves you, that much is also clear. But you two -" he hesitated and looked up at Hermione. She was nodding at him encouragingly, "well you seem to tear each other apart. He talks about you with fear, like he's afraid you'll hurt him. And you, it's hard to explain, but I think in some cases he brings out the worst in you..." Harry trailed off and looked to Ginny for support, but she just shrugged.

Hermione nodded, hurt, but glad he'd been honest. "So you think we're bad for each other?"

"I actually think you're well suited, but you don't seem to be a very healthy couple." Tears sprung into Hermione's eyes and Harry added in a rush, "That's just an outsider's perspective, and you told me to be hon-"

"It's fine," Hermione cut in and grabbed his hand from across the counter. "Thank you for being honest." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then turned to Ginny.

"Same question?" Ginny asked.

Hermione shook her head and pulled out the first and last pages of Draco's manuscript and handed them to Ginny. "Draco wrote me these notes, explaining why he left. Do you - uh, agree with him? Is it over?"

Ginny read the pages with Harry following along over her shoulder. When they were both finished Ginny handed the parchments back to Hermione and sighed, looking sad. Hermione folded them and put them back in her pocket as she waited for the verdict.

"I have a question for you, Hermione."

Hermione nodded, bracing herself.

"Do you think you're better than him?" Hermione started to shake her head but Ginny held up her hand.

"Hear me out first. You were on the right side of the war, you are on a path to be the Minister for Magic, you have incredible friends, you're beautiful, and kind, and usually right. While he was a Death Eater. His family is a mess, and honestly, he's a mess too. I mean, he is attractive," Harry grunted but Ginny continued. "To some people. And he's occasionally witty, obviously smart. But also mean, sullen, detached, and has no real prospects. And from what you've told us, is at risk of losing all his money. So honestly consider this, do you think you're better? Because he does," she motioned toward the pages that were already back in Hermione's pocket, "and most of your friends do. And if you agree, then you two have no chance and I think you should end it now."

Hermione looked down at her tea and saw a few dregs swirling around. She was ashamed to admit it to herself, but she _had_ thought she was better than Draco. That was, in part, why she'd been attracted to him in the first place. She'd always been extremely insecure and when she sensed how broken he was she became more and more interested in him. But then after they'd started dating, she forgot about how much he was struggling, or maybe had just pushed it to the side of her mind. Now she rarely connected him to the same suffering person who wrote _The Little Dragon Boy._

But after reading his manuscript, she'd been reminded that Draco was worth so much more than everyone gave him credit for, herself included at times. He was complicated, for sure, and he could be dark, but he was also beautiful, not just physically, but his mind was fascinating and he had as big and kind a heart as any of her friends. Draco deserved Hermione's respect and before now she'd been taking him for granted. Hermione looked back at Ginny, tears falling slowly down her face.

"I think I did," she admitted in a whisper, "but I don't anymore."

"And you're wrong," Hermione added in a stronger voice. "Draco isn't just good-looking and smart. He has so many other good qualities. He's...he's," she stopped, looking for the right words. "Thoughtful, and considerate. Brave, even though I know you two don't agree, and he does have prospects. Not as an influential heir in Pureblood high society, of course, but he is an incredibly talented writer and researcher. Which requires intuition and persistence and extreme intellect...I've never met anyone else like him," she took a breath; she missed Draco immensely.

"He's the one for me. I know it. We just need to figure out how to communicate." Hermione stopped and looked back at Ginny, expecting her to argue, but she was just smiling and nodding.

"You two are going to be fine," Ginny said with a confidence Hermione wished she felt too.

"Uhh, what about Malfoy?" Harry asked, "He said he wants to end it, so, I mean, isn't it over already?"

Ginny waved him off and she and Hermione exchanged a knowing look. "He wouldn't have gone to the trouble of writing Hermione an entire book if he wanted it to be over. This is a cry for…" she paused, looking for the right word, "not help...but..."

"Understanding," Hermione provided. Harry shrugged, knowing better than to argue with these two.

"So do you know where he is?" he asked.

"No," Hermione shook her head. "but I'll figure it out. I need to take care of a few things here before I go anyway. That's the main reason I came over." She shot Harry a sheepish grin. "I'm going to the Green Dragon tomorrow night."

"What?! No, that place is extremely dangerous. Do you know how many black-market deals occur there?"

"I need to speak to Draco's friends, then after that, I need to stop by Malfoy Manor," Hermione continued, as if she hadn't heard him.

"Hermione. Are you insane? That's probably more dangerous than-"

"I know, that's why my best friend who also happens to be an Auror is coming with me." Harry shook his head and looked at Ginny, hoping she'd cut in, but she just smirked back at him and shrugged.

He scowled, then said, "I feel the need to point out that Malfoy would hate this."

"Yeah, well he's not here, is he?" Hermione challenged.

"Fine. But can we sleep now? We all have to get up for work in just a few hours."

"Oh right, work, I almost forgot," Hermione said.

Ginny laughed. "Only true love would make Hermione forget about work."

* * *

The next night Harry met Hermione at her house and tried, in vain, to change her mind. Hermione brushed him off. She had decided to fight for Draco and was going to start with setting his friends and family straight.

"Nothing you say is going to change my mind." She grabbed her wand from the table and turned to Harry. "I've been meaning to ask, Draco said you're proposing to Ginny?" Harry smiled and nodded, then reached into his robes and pulled out a beautiful diamond ring.

"I can't keep this around the house since I suspect she's been looking for it," he held it out for Hermione to inspect.

"You did a great job, it's perfect. And you're right, I think she's been sweeping the house with summoning charms for a few months now. You know she loves to know everyone's secrets and Fred and George trained her well. Are you nervous?"

"Not at all," Harry smiled widely. "I just want to get it over with, really. I'm ready to move on to the next stage with her."

Hermione threw her arms around him and he stumbled but managed to keep them both upright. "I'm so proud of you Harry and you two are perfect for each other." She stepped back, then sighed deeply, wishing she and Draco would be able to get to this point one day.

"You're going to be fine Hermione," Harry said, picking up on her change in demeanor.

"I'm sorry Harry, I shouldn't be turning this back on me. I really am happy for you." She handed him the ring and he secured it back in his robes, then turned to her with his hand outstretched, "We may as well get this over with. Ready?"

Hermione nodded and placed her hand in his, then he Apparated them to a dark alley outside The Green Dragon. She straightened her robes and gripped her wand tighter.

"And what makes you so sure they'll be in there?" Harry asked, walking toward the main street.

"It's Thursday, this is when Draco would always go to meet them, come on."

She walked ahead of Harry onto the street and marched up to the pub entrance. Then she took one more breath to steady herself before marching inside with more confidence than she was feeling. She spotted her three former classmates in the back corner of the room immediately. Good, she thought, they'd have some privacy. Neither of them noticed Hermione or Harry until they were standing right at the table. Then all their eyes widened in surprise when they recognized their visitors.

The three Slytherins reached for their wands at the same time, but Harry and Hermione had anticipated this and were faster. In seconds they had disarmed them and Hermione held Blaise's wand while Harry held Theo's and Goyle's. Hermione looked back at the barman but he seemed committed to ignoring them.

When she turned back to Blaise he drawled, "Lovely to see you again, Granger." He was trying to hide his fear, figuring she'd found out about his reports to Lucius and had come to punish him. He just hoped whatever she had in mind wouldn't be too painful. It was probably good Draco hadn't come with her.

"Why did you do it?" Hermione asked. Blaise sighed, then answered quickly.

"My mother was charged with murder and Lucius offered to use his influence to get her off in exchange for keeping an eye on Draco."

"Why did you lie?" Blaise smirked at her question.

"It wasn't all a lie, so I don't know what he told you but-" He cut off as a pressure like a hand around his throat appeared and he looked back at her shocked. Not only at the fact that she'd use a dark spell like this, but that it was the same one Draco had used. Had he really told Granger about that?

"He tells me everything," Hermione said in answer to his unspoken question. "And I know the parts that were ture, which weren't very many. Now answer me, why did you lie?" She released the spell so he could talk and he glared back at her.

"Lucius told me to, said he was trying to break you up. It was all his idea. I was just trying to protect my mother."

"Well it didn't work. And you can keep trying stupid schemes to get between us and they will never work." She rounded on Goyle next. "I have no idea if you knew about Zabini's letters, or helped or, if you're supportive of me and Draco or not. But take this as a warning too, Goyle." He nodded, stupidly, and she suspected he had no idea what she was talking about.

"And you," she turned to Theo.

"What? I was nice to you," he held his hands up in surrender.

"Nice? You tried to convince me Draco hadn't changed. And I'm sure you knew he was with Astoria when you pointed me to the garden that night at the party. You were probably eager to cause a fight between us."

Theo shook his head and was about to speak, but then he looked at Blaise and stayed silent. "Just back off, all of you. Because I'm not going anywhere." Hermione finished. Then she nodded to Harry and they both placed the wands they'd captured back on the table before turning to go. But when they got to the alley to Apparate to their next destination, Theo caught up with them.

"I wasn't acting like that to drive a wedge between you. I would never work with Lucius." Hermione cocked her head, confused, and Theo continued to explain. "I was actually excited when Draco showed up for drinks. I was sure he'd written that dragon boy book a few years back, and then when I read about you two dating in the papers, I thought, finally, someone else who grew up like I did who is also rethinking everything. But that first night when he came for drinks, Draco was a dick and I was fucking disappointed because he hadn't changed at all." Hermione shook her head.

"He has changed, he was just, trying to fit in. Probably the same as you when you're around those two," she motioned back toward the pub.

"You're sure he's changed Granger?"

"I am, and he did write that book. But why do you care? Have you changed?"

Theo didn't answer and she wasn't surprised. What was with these Slytherins and their inability to discuss their feelings? "Well, when Draco's back, you should try going out for drinks with him. Alone. And somewhere less dodgy, like the Leaky Cauldron."

"I can't get in there," Theo shook his head.

"Draco is friends with the barmaid, you can get in if you're with him. Anyway, we need to go. Uh, thanks Nott, for trying to be nice I guess."

She looked at Harry who had been watching them curiously, then they both nodded toward each other and Apparated to the gates outside Malfoy Manor.

* * *

Hermione took a deep breath as she looked at the gates ahead of them.

"You can still change your mind," Harry said behind her.

"I know, but I'm not going to."

"The Green Dragon is one thing, but here, we won't be able to Apparate out." She turned back to Harry and nodded.

"He's not going to hurt us; he doesn't want to go back to jail."

"You're right, but still, it's hard to forget the time we were trapped there during the war."

"Believe me, I know." She took another deep breath. "But the more we stand here and think about it the worse it will get, let's go." She stepped up the path and marched to the gate, then they waited in silence for a few minutes until she recognized Pippin coming up the path. She didn't bother greeting him, knowing he'd ignore her, and they followed Pippin to the drawing room. Of course they'd be in there, Hermione thought to herself. She took a deep breath in the hall before walking inside the room.

"Miss Granger," Narcissa said from her spot on the sofa. See didn't make any move to stand and greet them and also didn't look surprised to see Hermione and Harry at all. Hermione knew their wards didn't alert them to the identity of their visitors, so figured this was just another example of how good the Malfoys were at hiding their emotions.

"Narcissa," Hemione said as she stepped in the room, then she spotted Lucius on a chair at the end of the room. "Lucius," she added, her tone colder.

Lucius stood and walked to the sofa where Narcissa remained seated. "Ah, Mr. Potter is here too, what a pleasure," he said sarcastically.

"And where is my son?" he looked toward the hall and smirked when he saw that no one else was behind them. "Perhaps you're here to tell us you're dating Potter now and my son will be returning to his rightful home any day now?"

Hermione glowered back.

"Or maybe Potter is here for another lecture on proper jurisdiction between French and English governments?"

"I stand by what I said in our last conversation Lucius," Harry responded, "If either office finds you breaking any laws, you will be arrested on the spot - we'll work out jurisdiction later."

"Charitable donations hardly count as breaking the law," Lucius drawled.

"This isn't why we're here," Harry shook his head. "but we are watching you, so be careful Lucius."

"Thank you for the warning," he said in a mocking tone." Then he turned toward Hermione, "So why are you here? I presume this has to do with you?"

"I'm here to commend you on your scheme Lucius, it nearly worked," he raised his eyebrows.

"Scheme?" he asked innocently.

"Don't play dumb." Hermione crossed her arms.

"There was no scheme, Miss Granger, I was merely informing you of some harsh truths about your relationship before you made the error of taking things further with my son. I don't doubt he tried to feed you more lies, but believe me, my son is not the man you think he is."

"I know who Draco is," Hermione snapped back. "More than either of you. I know he's made mistakes, and continues to make them, but I love him anyway, despite his flaws and his awful family. You can send me a letter a day for the rest of my life and I won't change my mind on that. So I recommend you start thinking of plan B, Lucius, which should be to accept your son as he is and finally let him be happy." Lucius remained impassive.

"And where is my son? I'm sure he'd have loved to witness this impassioned speech of yours."

The fact that Hermione didn't know where Draco was must have flashed across her face, because Lucius smiled triumphantly when he saw her reaction. "So you've lost him again. You might want to check the Greengrass estate. Or perhaps he's off hunting Muggles again, a favorite pastime of his…"

But his jab didn't land because Hermione's thoughts were elsewhere, she turned back to Harry and whispered, "That's where he is!"

"Hunting Muggles?" Harry hissed back, confused.

"No," she turned back to Lucius. "It's time for me to go meet up with Draco, goodbye."

Once Harry and Hermione left the house Lucius returned to his chair and picked up the paper he'd put down. But before he began reading again, he said to Narcissa. "Don't worry dear, accepting half-bloods as heirs is _not_ plan B."

She lifted an eyebrow. "And what, my dear, is your next move?"

Lucius sighed. "Well I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I'll have to use more...direct methods to separate them."

Narcissa narrowed her eyes. "I didn't risk my neck to save Draco just for you to harm him later."

"Draco will be fine," Lucius waved her off. "What I have in mind won't hurt him at all. Quite the contrary, actually."

"Hmm," Narcissa went back to her book. She was curious to hear more but knew better than to push for details. Lucius would tell her when he had his plan fully fleshed out.

* * *

As they walked back to the front gates Hermione explained to Harry. "He's in Australia, with my parents, I'm sure of it. He said he goes to the place that reminds him he can still do good things. And helping me reconnect with them is the one thing he did that he's proud of." She smiled to herself. "I should have thought of it immediately."

"Hmm, weird. So you think he's been going there every time he runs away? Wouldn't they have said something when you were there for Christmas?"

They'd reached the Apparation point and Hermione waited until they were back in her house to answer.

"I have no idea, but it fits. Maybe he asked them to keep it quiet? Either way, I'm going to the portkey office first thing in the morning so I can check."

Harry nodded and placed his hands on her arms. "Good luck, uh - I guess I should go, it's late." He turned to the fireplace and was about to grab a handful of Floo when she pulled him back to face her.

"Before you go, I want to...er...address what you said about me and Draco last night."

"Hermione, I didn't mean-"

"No, let me finish." Harry stopped talking and looked back at Hermione expectantly.

"I know this has been very hard for you. Having to watch me with Draco in what has seemed like a messy, destructive relationship. I'm sure every time I came around to your house after a fight you wanted to say something, but kept biting your tongue, after I yelled at you that first time." Harry nodded, but waited for her to finish.

"It's not going to be like that anymore. I know what went wrong, and I know what to fix. And, well I really appreciate the support so far, and for keeping up with drinks with him. From his book, I can tell they mean a lot to him."

Harry gave her a small smile. "Don't tell him this, but I don't mind our drink meetings either."

"Great time to catch up on Monday's news, right?" Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, he covered that?" She nodded and smiled.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that if you don't see things getting better between me and Draco, you have permission to let me know. I won't bite your head off again."

Harry pulled her in for a hug. "I just want you to be happy Hermione. And if Malfoy's the one to do that, then I'll continue to support you two."

"Thanks Harry," she said into his chest before finally letting him go. "And good luck with Ginny, I can't wait to see her wearing that ring when I get back."

Harry smiled widely at that, then Floo-ed back to Grimmauld Place.

* * *

Hermione barely slept that night and was sitting outside the door of the Portkey office as soon as it opened. She had to argue with the older witch behind the counter who originally quoted three days before a portkey could be made to Australia. Hermione pointed out that this was an emergency, but the witch didn't budge until Hermione threw out Harry's name and claimed it was tied to Auror business. The witch seemed to have a soft spot for Harry and ultimately complied.

An hour later, she arrived just outside the Wilkins' white house. It was a clear, hot day and the sun was low in the sky. It felt strange being here and she worried she'd got it wrong. What if Draco wasn't here? She didn't know where else to check. Maybe that place in Scotland when he's first told her he loved her? But she was getting ahead of herself. She took a deep breath and walked up to the white house and knocked on the door. She was relieved when Monica answered and didn't look surprised to see her. Monica pulled her in for a hug and Hermione asked in a rush, "Is he here?"

Monica nodded and gave her a sad smile, then Wendell came up behind her.

"Is this where he's been coming this whole time?" Wendell nodded.

"But when we were here for Christmas, you never said…"

"It was clear he wanted to keep it to himself," Wendell explained. "I had a friend growing up who also suffered from depression. When he got down, he just needed time to regroup. And I suspect Draco finds the travel therapeutic too. He must, since that's almost a full day each way…" Hermione smiled to herself. It took less than a minute, though she did make a mental note to ask Draco how he managed to get portkeys to Australia so easily.

"Thank you, for taking care of him and giving him a safe place to come."

"Anything for family," Wendell gave her a small hug in greeting then and Hermione's heart swelled. He'd called her family. She pulled away reluctantly. "Where is he now?"

Monica motioned toward the path to the black cottage and Hermione nodded, then turned away, "I'll be back, uh, after I talk to him." They nodded understandingly, then closed the door as she started walking toward the cottage. She was fingering the stack of notes she'd written last night. Hermione had wanted to get all her thoughts down. There were a lot of things she wanted to be sure to say and she was worried she'd fall apart and lose her train of thought once she finally saw Draco again.

The cottage was empty and she looked around a few times before spotting him on the bench outside, watching the water. It was the same spot where they'd made up after that awful fight during their first trip here. She took a deep breath and opened the door to the patio.

Draco started when he heard the door open and cocked his head at her. But he didn't smile. He just gave her a curt nod and looked back at the ocean. Hermione had wished for a better reaction but wasn't surprised. Maybe he was disappointed that he'd now have to cross one more hiding spot off his list. Though she hoped from here on out Draco wouldn't need hiding places anymore.

"Hey," she said tentatively as she took a seat next to him on the bench. Draco turned to look at her. Hermione's heart stopped in her chest when she saw him. Her memory of him had been off, she couldn't imagine his eyes intense enough, or recall his features as striking as they were in person. The sharp angles of his face were accentuated by a few days of stubble and his hair was messy from the wind and glowing almost a pale gold in the sun. She knew it would be feathery soft to the touch but kept from running her fingers through it.

This was one part his book had never covered, probably because Draco didn't know. But when he looked at her full-on like this, like she was the only person in the world, it literally took her breath away. She didn't know how she could have lived with him for over a month without touching him. Draco was studying her with his unfathomable grey eyes, then he took a deep breath and responded in a resigned voice, "You found me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Ahhhh! Finally! I know, I know, this is a terrible spot to end on. But these two have so much to talk about that I may have to devote the entire next chapter to this upcoming conversation.
> 
> I know the ending of Draco's manuscript may have seemed a bit anticlimactic, but I like how it ended simply. It wasn't this huge fight but just a combination of a lot of little things, and when Draco picked up on the pattern and saw that things weren't getting better, he decided it was time to move on. I think it's a lot more realistic that way and hopefully you all agree. Also I have a quick confession about this point in the story: I've been so nervous about reaching this part since I won't have the unique POV anymore, and now all the lazy writing will be my own fault - not Draco's. Oh well, all good things must come to an end (except Hermione and Draco's relationship, of course).
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe.Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	16. Second Chances

**Chapter 16 - Second Chances**

_January 2004_

"You found me."

Draco sounded despondent, which was at extreme odds with the feeling of relief coursing through Hermione's body now that she'd been reunited with him. She tried to shrug off the feeling of disappointment brought on by his reaction and focused instead on the things she'd planned to tell him. She had so much to say, but now that she was faced with him, she was at a loss for words.

Surprisingly, Draco spoke up first. "I'm not going to off myself Hermione, or start using the severing charm again. That wasn't the point of the story, to guilt you into staying with me. But I can see how you'd take it as some type of duty of yours, after all I admitted." He looked down at his lap and her mind flashed to the parts of his manuscript that had broken her heart the most.

His recollection of his Dark Period, his uncertainty when trying to say he loved her, his reasons for keeping secrets from her, and his reaction to their worst fights. Draco had finally dropped his shields when writing that story and admitted everything he was thinking and feeling, but it wasn't until she saw him now that it dawned on her how completely he'd opened himself up to her. Hermione flung herself at him and burst into tears, no longer able to hold back. Draco caught her and started to gently rub her back.

"I love you Draco," Hermione said through her sobs. "I love you...I...love you...I...love...you…" she kept repeating the words through her tears.

"It's okay, Hermione," Draco said in a soothing tone. "We're both going to be fine." Hermione shook her head and pulled back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"You mean separately, right? You're saying we'll be okay...apart from each other?" Draco nodded back at her sadly.

"No," Hermione said forcefully, then she shifted to take her notes out of her pocket and pulled her legs up onto the bench and crossed them before turning to face him. She took a deep breath.

"Sorry for launching myself at you. I just - missed you. But I have a lot to say." She took another deep breath to compose herself while Draco continued to look at her concerned. "And I'm not here because I feel sorry for you or was thinking you're going to kill yourself or anything like that." He raised his eyebrow at her and she continued. "I'm here because I love you. Even though you tried really hard in your story to convince me not to." Draco started to shake his head but she waved her notes at him.

"You had an entire book to make your case. It's my turn."

"Hermione…"

"Just listen, and you may as well get comfortable, because I have a lot to say." She looked back at her pages and Draco couldn't help but smirk. He pulled his legs up to match her pose and faced her before nodding for her to continue.

"I took a lot of notes on the actual manuscript, but I didn't want to bring the whole thing…" he shook his head and smirked again, but his eyes were still sad. "So I copied over the major points I wanted to make," she looked down. "First, uh, you said early on you could apologize forever and it would never be enough. It _is_ enough. It was enough about one hundred apologies ago. So I will no longer be accepting anymore apologies from you from that time in our lives."

She raised her eyebrows at him and he nodded in response.

"Good, so next," she flipped to the next page. "The scene when we first kissed. You said my moment of clarity was linking you to the person who wrote _The Little Dragon Boy_. That's wrong. I knew you'd written that book almost as soon as I saw it on your shelf, I only used that as an excuse to come back to you. I'd fallen for you way before then." Draco looked surprised by that. "I fell in love with you the day you saved me from the bloody lake. When we got back safe, I cried in your lap, clinging to you like a wild animal," she chuckled to herself and wiped a few tears that had fallen from her eyes before continuing. "And ever since that day, I've never felt quite whole, quite myself, when I'm apart from you." Her voice broke and she placed a tentative hand on his knee, palm up.

He looked at her hand for a few seconds before placing his own on top and linking his fingers with hers. Her body's reaction was sudden and powerful. Hermione felt as if her magic, finally recognizing his again, was surging through her from the spot where their hands touched all through her body, ending at her heart. The tightness that had settled in her chest weeks ago finally released and she felt like she could float. But she knew this was all in her head; she knew magic didn't work like that. But she also knew, with every fiber of her being, that she was supposed to be here with Draco.

When she looked back up at Draco, he was studying their linked hands and she wondered if he'd had a similar feeling at finally being reunited with her.

"Do you feel it, Draco?" He nodded, still looking sad, but he didn't let her hand go. She swallowed hard and continued.

"This next note is a big one and may require a whole rewrite. It concerns the dynamic between your two characters. You write Draco like he's one or two steps below Hermione, like she's on a pedestal. That's wrong. Every part where he thinks he's worthless, every page where he says he doesn't deserve her, every time he thinks he'll stay with her as long as she'll let him, they all need to be rewritten." Draco released her hand and dropped his eyes but Hermione shifted onto her knees and pulled his face up so he was looking at her. "Look at me, Draco. This is important. I'm not better than you. Maybe it started like that, and maybe that was okay at the time, but it continued and a lot of that was my fault. We're equal, you're not less than, not undeserving, and I'm so sorry I let you think that this whole time."

Now tears were flowing freely down Draco's face and she climbed into his lap and took his face in her hands, rubbing the tears away with her thumbs. Her notes lay forgotten on the ground. She didn't need them anymore.

"You've been fighting for over a year. Starting with that day with the lake. Then at St. Mungo's. Then with Harry, my friends, and even me. You've been fighting so hard, and I didn't understand. I wish you had told me sooner."

She leaned her forehead against his and took a deep breath.

"It's my turn now. You said I was a fighter in your book, but I stopped for some reason. You said I was bold, and brave, and strong. But I lost it when it came to you. And the whole time I took you for granted, but you never took me for granted. In that way, you've been better than me."

Draco moved his hands to her hair and he started running his fingers through her curls as he took a few deep, shaky breaths, trying to swallow his tears so he could talk. After a few minutes he finally calmed his breathing then pulled back to look at her.

"Hermione," he ghosted his hands along her arms and they both felt goosebumps appear there. "Is it my turn to talk?" He looked down at her abandoned notes.

She nodded, "Sure, unless you're going to disagree with me, that is."

He shook his head but gave her a small smile.

"You say you want to fight, but we shouldn't have to fight so hard. This should be easier. And I-" he looked away from her beautiful eyes and back at the water. "I don't know if I can do it anymore, Hermione." Hermione pulled his face back so he was looking at her again.

"You're right, you've fought enough. It's my turn now, just give me a chance. Please, Draco, please don't give up on us yet." She moved her hands from his face and looped her arms behind his neck, not ready to let him go.

He was quiet, considering his next words.

"It's not normal. I saw it more as I wrote it down. We hurt each other and it shouldn't be like that."

"I know, but most of that could have been solved with a few honest conversations. I've been unbelievably stressed and was wrongly taking it out on you. And you've been keeping everything to yourself, afraid that if you share your insecurities with me I'll reject you. But now that we know these are our weak areas, we can work on them. Relationships are work. That's a saying."

"Hermione, we're around couples all the time. No one else is working that hard."

"Well they aren't as interesting and complicated as we are. And I don't care about anyone else anyway. You're the only wizard for me. And I've met hundreds, you know how many friends I have," she stopped to smile and he returned it reluctantly. "So if you leave me I'll just be a lonely, depressed spinster. Then you'll have that on your conscience."

"On top of the other stuff," he muttered darkly. Hermione frowned.

"I already told you to stop referring to the past. You've more than made up for all that by now." Draco was silent and pensive again. Hermione feared she was losing him.

"Do you remember when you said you fell in love with me?" He looked back at her and nodded.

"I kissed you right here," Hermione leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"And you told me you'd make me believe in redemption and second chances," Draco finished for her with a small smile. "I was yours then. I knew even that early on that you were my only shot at happiness." Hermione nodded encouragingly and he looked back at her confused, unsure where she was going with this train of thought.

"Well you're the only shot for me. And now I'm the one who needs the second chance. I'm practically begging for it here, Draco." Hermione leaned her head down so her forehead was resting on his shoulder. "Please. I can tell you still don't really believe you've been redeemed and that you deserve me. But you have, and it's me who hasn't been very deserving lately. I can make you see it. Give me more time."

"I'm getting a lot closer to believing it than I was before."

"Really?" She lifted her head up and Draco was smiling at her. A genuine smile that made her heart swell.

"It's the only explanation for how I got you."

Hermione started to cry. This was her Draco, the one she was fighting for.

"So that's a yes? You're going to give me another chance?"

He didn't respond, but instead captured her mouth with his. She kissed him back fervently, pushing him down so he was lying on the bench under her. But after a few moments they both pulled away and sat back up when they saw movement out of the corner of their eyes. An older couple was walking along the path and waved at them politely. Hermione blushed and stood up quickly, embarrassed at being caught snogging so passionately. She saw her notes on the ground and pocketed them then turned back to Draco who was smirking at her.

"Come on," she held her hand out for him then nearly dragged him inside to the bedroom. She pounced on Draco as soon as he closed the door. "Five weeks is entirely too long."

"I think it's closer to six by now," he said in between kisses.

"Never again, okay?" Hermione asked a bit out of breath when Draco finally released her mouth and began trailing kisses down her neck.

"Deal," he responded quickly before pulling her to the bed.

She reached to undo his pants but he swatted her hand away, "No, we're going to go slow," he muttered as he pulled her shirt over her head. "I've been waiting too long for this to rush through it," he added with a suggestive smile.

"You have?" she teased, undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Interesting since you were just saying how it was all over between us…"

He grabbed her chin and stared deeply into her eyes and she stopped with his buttons, frozen by the intensity of his gaze. "I was hoping you'd come find me and change my mind."

Hermione smiled, then remembered she'd been working on removing his shirt. She finally pulled it off and began moving her hands over his bare chest. "I know, if you really wanted to hide you wouldn't have left a clue."

"Exactly," he kissed her and pushed her back onto the pillows. "Now, enough talking."

* * *

Draco smiled when he saw Hermione come back into the room wearing her white robe. He imagined her packing for this trip and selecting the robe, hopeful, even before she saw him, that they'd make up and she'd get to use it. He'd told her he wanted her to come for him, but he hadn't really believed she would. After everything he'd admitted, from his Dark Period, to his depressing moods, to his on-going struggle to stay sane, how could she still want to be with him? But here she was, looking at him as lovingly as before, maybe even more so.

Hermione sat on the bed and started running her fingers through Draco's hair. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. When she'd imagined their reunion, she hadn't allowed herself to hope they'd make up so quickly. But it was clear he'd been waiting for her and he hadn't put up as much of a fight as she feared he would. Maybe being away from her for so long had lessened his resolve. Or maybe, like her, he'd recognized the intense connection between them once they were finally face to face again. But she knew this was just the beginning. They were still unsteady and she worried any small argument or misunderstanding would break this peace.

But it wasn't worth worrying about now. She focused back on Draco and moved her hands from his hair down to his neck and started massaging a tight knot she felt there.

Hermione's eye caught the time on the clock on the nightstand and she was surprised by how late it was. She'd promised the Wilkins she'd go back after talking to Draco, but she guessed it was too late now. She blamed Draco. He hadn't been lying about wanting to take it slow with her. First he'd taken an excruciating amount of time to reacquaint himself with every part of her body, peppering kisses from her neck all the way down to her toes until she was nearly begging him to just get on with it.

He'd smirked, but then continued to move slowly while they were making love, linking his hand in hers and shifting between staring intently into her eyes and whispering how much he loved her in her ear as he kissed her neck. It was incredible and Hermione couldn't remember a time she'd ever felt so close to someone.

Hermione had stopped rubbing his neck and Draco looked at her and saw she was lost in thought.

"Let me guess," he cut into her thoughts and she looked back at him, "you want to go through the remaining fifteen pages of notes you didn't get a chance to cover before." Hermione blushed.

"It was closer to ten."

He sighed, but he looked amused, not annoyed, then pulled her into his chest and leaned back against the pillows, tightening his arms around her. "Ok, I'm ready."

"Are you sure? I'm wide awake, but I know it's late for you."

"Come on, I'm dying to know all the other problems you had with my masterpiece," he said bitterly. Hermione turned her head to look at him.

"Wait, I should have said before, sorry. But your story was incredible. You are an excellent writer Draco and you should be proud-" Draco started to laugh out loud and she could feel his chest raise and lower behind her.

"I was kidding Hermione. I know we're both going to be on guard for a while, trying not to upset the other person. But come on, we can still joke with each other, right?"

"Yes, of course," she settled back against his chest, a little embarrassed. "But I still meant it, you should be proud. It's too bad it's way too personal to show anyone since I think it would probably sell really well." Draco shook his head.

"I'll stick to selling the research books."

"Okay," Hermione jumped out of his arms to get her notes which were in the pocket of the jeans that were discarded on the floor. She climbed back into Draco's arms and settled in, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before looking back at her notes. "I wanted to catch you up on some gaps I noticed. Scenes you missed because I forgot to tell you about them." She felt him laugh again. "I know, hah hah, I forgot to mention something, shocking. Anyway…"

She told him how Ron was the reason she'd come back to him after their project had ended. Then she detailed the fight she'd had with Harry after the night with the Veritaserum. She admitted the nightmare she'd had about the bloody lake when she'd imagined that Draco hadn't come back for her. He'd stiffened as she recounted it and squeezed her tighter but remained silent.

Then she went through her trips to The Green Dragon and the Manor just before she'd come to find him. "Hermione!" he'd scolded as she mentioned going to the Manor, but she waved him off, then, reluctantly, ended with the details of her conversation with Harry and Ginny just after she'd finished the manuscript.

When she finished, he sat in silence, thinking through every she'd said, and she was dying to know what was going through his mind, but didn't ask. Hermione repositioned herself on the bed so she was facing him and he started stroking her cheek and said, "You want to know what I'm thinking."

"Always," she admitted with a shy smile.

He took a deep breath. "Okay. Weasley being the reason you came back is kind of ironic, you should tell him that, and preferably when I'm there. Though it doesn't matter. I already told you I was thinking of excuses to see you again either way so I think it would have happened with or without Weasley.

"What was next? Oh, your fight with Potter. That's...surprising. Thank you standing up for me, I'm sure that was hard. And it explains some of his statements after, I think he thought I knew about it…" he trailed off, then looked down as he remembered her next confession.

"The nightmare," he shook his head and looked back up at her. "I would come back for you every time. I'm sorry your subconscious feared otherwise. But please tell me you believe that now." She nodded and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Um, what did you say next?"

"The Green Dragon and the Manor."

"Oh shit, yeah, what the hell was Potter thinking letting you go?"

"I told you I'm going to be fighting for you now. And I didn't give Harry a choice."

"Yeah, I bet you didn't." Draco sighed heavily again. "I'm worried you woke a sleeping dragon with my father, though honestly, he was probably never sleeping. I guess we'll just see. But I appreciate the gesture."

"And the guys, I really wish I could have seen that. Maybe I can get Potter to give me the memory so I can check it in a pensieve."

"What do you think about Nott?"

"Oh, I'm not sure I believe him. It may just be some other scheme, and I'm sick of Slytherin schemes."

"Says a Slytherin schemer…" she muttered under her breath.

"I've never been much of a schemer. I tried a bit in school but few of my plans really worked. The best one, the vanishing cabinets, wasn't even my idea, it was my fathers'. Anyway, I think it's probably best to leave Nott alone."

"It could be good," Hermione said in a hopeful voice. "If he _has_ changed, you'd have someone you can talk to who knows what you're feeling."

"That's why I think it may be a trap," Draco explained. "It seems too convenient."

"Or maybe you're just paranoid, after everything. You could just try it, once…" she looked away then added quickly. "If you want, it's your decision of course."

"I'll think about it. That was everything right?"

"Uh, then what Ginny and Harry said." Draco nodded and pulled her back into his arms.

"Right. Those two are surprisingly intuitive. Well, not surprising for Weasley, but Potter…" He took a deep breath. "He was right Hermione. Our relationship was destructive and unhealthy. And I do bring out the worst in you."

"Did," she corrected. "It _was_ destructive and you _did_ bring out the worst in me." She looked over at him and he wiped a lone tear from her cheek. "But you think we can fix it, right?" she asked.

Draco nodded quickly. "I do. And uh, Weasley. I agree with her, about you being better. You know that." Hermione turned so she was looking at him again.

"She wasn't saying I'm better, she was just trying to prove a point. Showing me that if I don't respect you and consider you an equal, we won't make it. And she was right about that. And I really don't think I'm any better than you. I think I did, but I don't anymore. I promise."

"I understand, I'm still not sure I agree, but I see what she was saying." Hermione nodded, knowing this was the best she was going to get now, then settled back into his arms.

"So there it is, all my thoughts, are you happy?" Draco said as she laughed and turned to kiss his neck.

"Yes." She leaned back against him and he focused on the rise and fall of her breathing for a few minutes.

"Hermione, I won't always be able to share them, or articulate them…uh,so quickly. It depends..." he trailed off, trying to find the words.

"On your mood," she provided. "And if you've had the proper time to process them so you can put words to them. You're not someone who processes things out loud like I do, I understand. Just, remind me if I forget. Please. I promise not to push."

Draco nodded and hugged her close. Maybe they did have a chance. Though he didn't know how many of these promises would fall apart the next time they encountered conflict. Draco shifted then so he was laying on the bed and Hermione joined him, laying her head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around her.

"I do have one request. It's not a demand in any way and you can say no," Hermione prefaced.

"What is it?" Draco asked.

"Please consider seeing a healer." Hermione felt him stiffen and wanted to see Draco's face, but kept her head down. Instead she traced a finger along his Dark Mark scar. And for the first time, he didn't shake her hand off. He was silent and she could feel him taking deliberate, deep breaths under her.

"I know it's a lot to ask," she said when she thought he wasn't going to respond. "And like I said, it's not a condition or anything, I'm fighting for you no matter what. I just really want you to get any help you need. I know I'm the only one you feel like you can confide in and I wish you had more than just me, since I can be such a dreadful listener sometimes." Draco nodded and tightened his grip on her.

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you, Draco." Hermione leaned her head up and kissed his jaw.

They sat there in silence for a while and she felt his breathing slow and when she looked up again, he was asleep. She reached over to grab her wand to turn off the lights and saw her notes on the foot of the bed. She glanced over them quickly and saw the last item she'd failed to cover.

She'd meant to tell Draco about Ron but had decided against it at the last moment since she knew it would hurt him, and he'd already been through enough. Draco didn't need to know anyway; she'd take care of it as soon as she was back in London.

Hermione stuffed her notes back in her bag, then settled back into Draco's arms, where she belonged.

* * *

Hermione and Draco stayed in Australia through the weekend. Draco was surprised when Hermione didn't protest, sure she'd want to get back to work after her trip with Ginny. But she admitted she was about a month ahead after all the work she'd been doing during their tense time before Christmas. They ate dinner with the Wilkins each night but spent the rest of the time alone, trying to catch up on all the time they'd missed.

Once they got back in town Hermione rushed to Harry's to congratulate Ginny on her engagement and the two witches started planning out her engagement party. "My mum is going to do some big thing for the whole family, but I'd like to do something else, maybe on the side, just for our friends. Like only the people we're still close with. You, Ron, Neville, Luna. I think it will mean more to Harry than a giant party with tons of people we don't know."

"That's a good idea."

"I was thinking here, but this place is so gloomy. I really want to sell it and move, but Harry is so attached since Sirius gave it to him. I just hate decorating. I need to get Kreacher back from Hogwarts to help a bit if we're going to live here." Hermione scowled at this but didn't say anything. Then she remembered there was another house they could use.

"Host it at our place!" Ginny cocked an eyebrow at her. "Why not? It's big enough, it's nice, and we've never had people over."

"And the owner of the house will approve?" Hermione hesitated.

"I think so. Yeah, well, I should ask, you're right. I'll owl you to let you know."

"So you two really are good?"

Hermione sighed happily and smiled, "Yes, Australia was exactly what we needed. At first we were both kind of awkward and things seemed forced, but we've mostly gotten past that. I feel closer to him than ever. And we can do this, I know it."

"Good." Ginny shot her a genuine smile. "Oh and by the way, you're my maid of honor."

"Of course I am," Hermione smirked. "Okay, I should go. I'll let you know what Draco says."

* * *

When Hermione asked Draco about it later that night he just shrugged. "Why not?" She was shocked he didn't put up a fight. She knew he was an extremely private person, but maybe that didn't extend to his house. It's not like they'd be showing off their bedroom or inviting their friends to read his manuscript. "Okay, I'll let Ginny know."

The whole next week while Hermione was planning out the party she was worried Draco would change his mind, but he didn't say anything. And now they were finally at the party and things were fine. It was still early in the evening, but nothing terrible had happened yet. They'd finished a long round of toasts and people were mingling around the room now. Hermione looked around for Draco and saw him talking to Nora and Ron. She crossed the room to join them, sensing trouble.

"It really is a lovely house," Nora was saying.

"I thought you gave up the Malfoy fortunes for Hermione." Ron bit back angrily, obviously put off by Nora's obvious admiration.

"I purchased this before I was cut off," Draco explained in a bored tone.

"Then hid it, right?" Ron challenged.

"Ron," Hermione said warningly. She wrapped her arm around Draco's back and he pulled her close to him and glared back at Ron.

"I'm going to get another drink," Ron said, looking disgusted. "More champagne Nora?" Nora nodded then turned to Hermione.

"Hey Hermione, I was just gushing about this house. It's in a perfect neighborhood, is a great size: not too big, not too small, and the style is beautiful. It really matches you two, simple and elegant."

"That was all Hermione," Draco smiled down at her. "It was completely empty when she moved in. How many pieces of furniture were there? Three?"

"Four, if you count the desk and chair as two separate items."

After several minutes, when it was clear Ron wasn't coming back, Nora excused herself and left to find him. Draco pulled Hermione in for a deep kiss. She knew it was a kind of test, to see if she'd push him off, but the thought barely crossed her mind before she leaned into him. Hermione would have scolded him before, since she knew it made her friends uncomfortable, but she didn't care anymore. When she pulled back Draco was beaming at her and she could tell he was more relaxed than he usually was around other people. If she had to upset her friends a little to get a calmer Draco who no longer thought she was ashamed of him, then it was more than worth it. She only wished she'd given in and let him snog her in public sooner.

"I love you," she whispered, and he nodded back at her, still smiling. "I need to go refill snacks," she said and he waved her away with a smile. A few minutes later when she was finished, she looked back at Draco and saw he was in the same spot she'd left him, leaning against the wall and watching the crowd.

She leaned against the counter and watched him, thinking of how different she felt about Ginny and Harry's engagement than she had that first night Draco had told her about it. Hermione had been jealous, fearing she'd never get there herself. But now she felt she and Draco were back on track for marriage, some day. She still had to be on guard, careful not to nag him or revert to protecting her friends' feelings over his, but she knew it would become more natural to her with practice. And after reading his book she found it a lot easier to guess at his thoughts and emotions.

"You look happy again," Ginny cut in and joined Hermione at the counter, looking over at Draco who was shaking his head at the arm wrestling tournament that had broken out between Harry and Neville. "And so does he," Ginny added, "more relaxed." Ginny was right. Draco wasn't trying to be someone he wasn't, like at Bill's party. He was sulking on the side, observing, and spending most of his time alone, but he looked content. "I'm finally learning how to let him be. Not trying to pull him into conversations he doesn't want to be in or send people to talk to him. And, well, I'm embarrassed it took me so long to figure out I was the one making it all worse."

Ginny smiled, "You can't be perfect Hermione. Also, I told you so. I told you to stop trying to change him, and I also told you that you two would be fine."

"Thanks," she smiled back at Ginny. "We're not in the clear yet. It still needs work. But things are already so much better and I think we'll be able to figure it out. Which is good since I expect I'll be pretty busy trying to plan a wedding in just six months!"

"Seven, but yeah, it is fast, but why wait?" She looked over at Harry lovingly and they both watched him jump up from his chair triumphantly, having just beaten Neville in arm wrestling.

"Who's next?" Harry looked around and spotted Malfoy leaning against the wall, looking at him like he was stupid. "Malfoy, care to test your strength? See who's the stronger man?" Draco shook his head.

"It still makes no sense to me why you'd measure strength using arm muscle and not magical power. I'll pass."

"Oh come on, scared you'll lose?"

"I know this is just some ruse so you can hold my hand Potter, but I'm taken. And I feel the need to remind you that you are too."

The rest of the guys laughed and Harry scowled, but was clearly holding in a grin.

"I'll go," Rolf spoke up, then handed his drink to Luna before sitting across from Harry.

Draco settled back against the wall. He looked around and saw Hermione talking animatedly with Ginny. She caught his eye and for a moment he expected to see her disappointed that he was alone, but she looked happy. He smiled inwardly. They were still overly polite and hadn't had any real fights to test their newfound commitment to being open and respectful with each other, but he felt better about their relationship than he ever had before. And he was no longer hiding anything from her and that alone felt amazing.

Draco noticed Weasley staring daggers at him from across the room, which only added to his good mood. He was upset because Draco and Hermione had been openly affectionate tonight. Well, Weasley could sod off and he may as well get used to it. Draco wasn't going to hide how he felt about her anymore and it was about time her friends saw how much they loved each other.

Draco looked back at the arm wrestling and almost laughed out loud when he saw that Rolf was having a hard time controlling his magic.

"No magic," Harry was saying. "You're only supposed to use your strength."

"But I want to win, so why wouldn't I use all of the tools at my disposal?" Rolf argued back logically.

"Hey," Draco's attention was pulled away from the argument when he saw that Hermione was back at his side. She leaned into him and whispered in his ear, "Do you want to steal away and snog upstairs for a bit?" Draco finished his drink quickly and placed it on a nearby table.

"Ever since that book you've been getting better and better at reading my mind." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and followed her into the hall. He looked back before they left the room and saw Weasley glaring at them. Draco winked at him before following Hermione into the hall and up the stairs.

* * *

A week later, Draco was sitting alone at the table he usually shared with Potter at the Leaky Cauldron waiting for Theo. After watching Hermione try so hard with their relationship, Draco decided to comply with her only two requests: seeing a healer and meeting Theo for drinks. Draco wanted her to see he was just as committed to fixing their relationship as she was. And the smile on her face when he told her was extremely satisfying.

Theo walked in and looked around nervously, like he was expecting to get kicked out, before he spotted Draco and made his way over, taking the seat across from him. Draco went to order two Fire Whiskeys and they both started sipping on them, quietly regarding each other. It was Draco who ultimately broke the silence.

"I still don't trust you, but Hermione told me to give you a chance."

"I don't trust you either."

"Why not?"

"You say you've changed, and you clearly have Granger and Potter convinced, but every time I've seen you you've behaved like your old self."

"I was just acting so you all wouldn't kick me out. I needed a break from her overly nice friends. But I _have_ changed. I'm dating a fucking Muggleborn and have been disowned by my family. I think that's proof enough." Theo shrugged and took another sip of his drink, like he still wasn't sure. "You're the one who doesn't seem to have changed," Draco continued, "How do I know you're not lying just to get in with me? Maybe keeping tabs on me for my father?"

"I'm not working with fucking Lucius," Theo said darkly, and Draco appreciated the hateful tone with which Theo said his father's name. Maybe they could get on.

"How am I supposed to trust you?" Draco asked.

"You want proof? We all can't date a well-known Mud- Sorry, old habits, Muggleborn."

Draco narrowed his eyes at his almost use of the slur.

"I said sorry," Theo repeated.

Draco shook his head, "I don't expect you to date a Muggleborn, I can't think of one who'd have you anyway. But think of something else, some way to prove you've changed." Draco knew it was an unfair request, and he wondered what he would have done to prove this without Hermione on his arm. Maybe admit to writing the dragon book? Besides that he couldn't think of anything. But Theo was thinking hard, he could tell. Suddenly he stood up.

"Okay, I've got something," Theo threw some gold on the table and downed the rest of his drink, "Come on."

Draco drank the rest of his Fire Whiskey, then checked to make sure his wand was close before following Theo outside. He nodded toward Hannah on the way out and she looked back at him questioningly, but he just shrugged. Once he got outside he followed Theo to a dark corner behind the building. "You need to transfigure those," Theo pointed at his robes.

"What?"

"Into Muggle clothes," Theo explained.

"We're going into the Muggle world?"

Theo nodded and Draco was thoroughly confused, but complied silently. When they'd both turned their robes into overcoats, Theo ducked back into a side alley that led right into a busy London street. Draco followed him, surprised that Theo seemed to know exactly where he was going.

Theo walked them a few blocks to a pub then greeted the bartender who he seemed to know him by name, then he sat and ordered two of his "usual" before looking back at Draco with a smug expression.

"So you're a regular here? At a Muggle pub?" Theo shrugged.

"I was curious to see how the Muggles really were. And wasn't entirely surprised to find everything we'd been told about them growing up was a lie." Draco remembered thinking the same when he'd first visited the Muggle world with Hermione. "This is as close as I think I can get to proof for you, that I don't believe it all." The bartender returned with two beers and had a small conversation with Theo.

If Draco hadn't believed before, he'd have changed his mind now as he watched them talk. Theo didn't sneer or look down on the bartender, but was treating him like an equal.

A warm feeling started to spread through Draco, and it wasn't from the beer. Hermione was right, maybe he could have a friend who understood him. But he tried not to get his hopes up. Theo was about as skilled at talking as Draco was, but still, this night was already going better than he'd hoped.

The bartender got busy and left them alone, then Theo looked back at Draco, a little embarrassed and Draco thought maybe he expected to be made fun of now. But that was the last thing on Draco's mind, he looked more impressed than anything.

"So when did you start to doubt it?" Draco heard Theo let out a small sigh of relief.

"Sixth year, way before you," Theo said with a smirk.

"Tell me," Draco demanded, then added a little softer, remembering they weren't back at school and Theo wasn't one of his minions. "I mean, please, if you want."

Theo laughed out loud, thinking that Granger really had managed to soften Draco, then he took a long swig of his beer before starting in on his story.

* * *

Across town Hermione rushed into a Muggle Italian restaurant, scanning the crowd for red hair. Ron spotted her first and waved her over, then stood to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Hermione pulled away almost immediately and they both sat down a little awkwardly. Ron could tell something was wrong. Hermione seemed nervous, but he stayed silent. He knew she'd bring up whatever was on her mind once she was ready. He wondered briefly what Malfoy had done now.

After they ordered, Hermione looked back at him with an almost guilty expression.

"This is going to be our last dinner together for awhile."

"What?" That was the last thing Ron had been expecting her to say. "Why? Please don't tell me it's because of fucking Malfoy? We've been doing these long before you started dating him!" Hermione held up her hand and looked around, embarrassed, but no one else was looking at them.

"Keep your voice down. It is because of him, but not what you think. He didn't ask me to cut these off or anything, he doesn't even know about them. But -" she sighed. "This is inappropriate, Ron. And I'm not blaming you, I'm the one who came crying to you with all my problems, but, well it needs to stop."

"Fine, then we'll stop talking about your destructive relationship with your evil boyfriend, but we can still meet-"

"No, Ron. I know you, and you're not going to stop making jabs at Draco. And Draco and I are going through something now and I need time to focus on him. And these dinners are not helpful right now. Maybe later, when Draco and I are more solid and you've finally accepted him in my life."

"That will never happen. Don't you see Hermione? You two are awful together! It's not normal the way you two cut each other," Hermione winced at his choice of wording. "And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Harry-"

"I know," Hermione interrupted him. "Harry already told me. And I agree, Draco and I have had issues, but we're working on it. And he's it for me, I'm sure of it, so you're going to need to get over your problems with him."

"You can't be serious," Ron muttered. "Is that what that disgusting display at the party was all about? You know he was just doing all that to upset me-"

"He wasn't!" Hermione was angry now. "We were behaving perfectly normal for a couple who's been dating for over a year and lives together." Ron started to retort and she continued. "I don't doubt he was sending you smug looks, but that's just because you were acting completely ridiculous. You have a girlfriend Ron, whom you love much more than you ever loved me. You're just behaving like this out of spite."

"He's a bigot, he's mean, I still don't see how you could claim he's the one for you."

"You don't have to understand, just trust me."

"I think you're making a big mistake. And it's really hard to stay friends with you when you're with him. Especially since I'm not allowed to see you alone anymore." Hermione took a deep breath.

"Ron, I told Harry this months ago but now it's time to tell you. I love you, but if you ever force me to choose between you and Draco, I'll choose Draco."

Ron's mouth opened in shock and he was finally at a loss for words. He glared at her angrily and she stared back at him, determined to show him she was serious. Their food arrived then but they both ignored it and continued to stare at each other. She saw that he'd finally made his mind up to say something, but cut him off before he could.

"We should talk about something else now. If you bring Draco up again tonight, I'm leaving."

Ron rolled his eyes, but did steer the conversation back to work. Hermione knew he'd be upset, but she also knew this was the right thing for her relationship right now. As she was reading Draco's story she kept fearing her dinners with Ron would come up, but he didn't know about them.

Nothing untoward had happened, of course, but Ron had been in her ear, saying mean things about Draco, and she'd listened. Then Ron had become the primary person she'd confided in about her problems with Draco. She knew he was the wrong choice, but she'd gone to him because she knew he'd always take her side. Unlike Ginny, who was more likely to point out where both she and Draco had gone wrong.

But it was finally time to end it. Hermione knew continuing these dinners would be a betrayal to Draco and that if the situation were reversed she'd be furious. And now she still felt bad keeping it from Draco, but reasoned telling him would only assuage her guilt and not make him feel any better. Sometimes keeping the secret was the kinder option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: It's so weird not writing in any author's notes or Present Day snippets. I almost slipped up a few times and had to remind myself that that part of the story is done. Boo. Anyway, I hope you're still enjoying this and are as relieved as I am that they are back together and happy! They deserved it after the struggle from the last few chapters. (You guys deserved it too!)
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	17. Healing

**CHAPTER 17 - Healing**

_February 2004_

"We finally fought," Draco said as he paced his healer's office.

"Okay, tell me about it," his healer responded in her annoyingly calm voice.

She was a tall, stocky witch about ten years older than Draco with jet black hair and expressive black eyes. This was the third healer Draco had tried before he figured out he needed his healer to be a witch. There was something about opening up to a wizard that put Draco on edge. He blamed that on the Dark Lord and his father and just added it to the long list of issues he needed to work on in these weekly sessions.

Draco was walking around the room now since he refused to sit on the couch, preferring instead to spend the time leaning against the wall or pacing. His healer didn't mind though and only said it was important he remain comfortable during their sessions.

"I told her I'd meet her at Potter's for dinner last week but I couldn't...go…" Draco trailed off. He'd already discussed his depressive moods and bouts of social anxiety with his healer and didn't want to bring it up again. If she was any good, she'd remember. "And Hermione was angry when she got back, rightfully so, since I should have sent an owl or something and I didn't have a good reason for skipping out."

"Would you say it was a bad fight? Did you two say hurtful things to each other?"

"I accused her of being upset because she was embarrassed in front of her friends instead of being worried about me, like she claimed. That wasn't particularly kind. She didn't say anything. She just avoided me the rest of the night and glared at me a bit. We were fine by the next morning. Before she left for work she told me she was just frustrated and asked me not to do it again."

"And how do you feel? You've been dreading your first fight for weeks."

Draco sighed before answering. "It was okay, but I'm not sure I won't do it again. Sometimes I can't get the energy to stand, let alone suffer through an awkward dinner that no one wants me at. Well no one besides Hermione," Draco added.

Draco stopped talking and listened to his healer scratching her quill on her parchment while he wondered if she did anything with these notes or if it simply gave her something to do. He remembered at Hogwarts he'd take notes in Professor Binns' class as a way to force himself to stay awake. Maybe it was the same for his healer. Draco knew he'd be bored to tears if he had to listen to some other nutter drone on for an hour.

"How do you think you can avoid this fight in the future?" She'd finally stopped writing and was looking at Draco again. "You've mentioned you have the same fights over and over, maybe it's time to brainstorm ways to prevent them."

Draco nodded, this was smart. It was good to know the large dent this was making in his already small vault of gold wasn't completely worthless. They spent some time thinking through strategies and eventually came up with a solution where Hermione would ask Draco if he wanted to come to each event before assuming he'd attend. Then Draco could consider his mood and get more details before deciding. His healer thought if he felt like he had more power he'd feel better and would probably not decline to go very often.

It sounded reasonable to Draco, but when he thought through asking Hermione about it, he changed his mind. "She'll hate it, and I kind of do too. Why am I so fucking weak?"

"We talked about this Draco. Acknowledge those thoughts without judgement as they pop into your head, then let them pass on. And I recommend talking to Hermione. See what she says instead of assuming she'll reject it."

The thought of talking to Hermione about it was worse than going to the fucking events. He should have just gone to Harry's stupid dinner, it wasn't a big deal. Draco went to Grimmauld Place all the time. This whole issue was Harry's fault when it came down to it. "Fucking Potter," he muttered under his breath.

He heard more scratching from his healer's quill. "Do you think it's time we discuss your issues with Harry Potter?"

"No," Draco said quickly. "I'm here for Hermione."

"I thought you were here for you."

"Sure, me. Not Potter."

"It's clear there are some unresolved issues there. He comes up often," her eyes were focused on him and he looked away and busied himself with a loose thread on his robes.

"No he doesn't," Draco said in a defensive tone.

"He does," she looked back at her notes, as if she had been keeping a tally of how many times Harry had come up. "Mostly you just curse him under your breath. But he still seems to be at the top of your mind. Have you ever wondered why?"

"I know why," Draco crossed his arms and his healer looked back at him patiently. Eventually he continued talking. Draco explained how he'd hated Harry Potter from the moment he'd met him because Harry had been the first person in his life to reject him.

Then things got worse as the year went on. Everything seemed to come easy for Potter. He made close friends quickly, the teachers and other students adored him, he was an excellent Quidditch player, and he had a confidence Draco pretended at, but never truly felt.

Then the war started and both of their sides had been chosen for them. Draco was jealous of Harry again once he found out he was on the wrong side. And not only was Harry on the right side, but he was leading the charge. In the end Harry saved Draco's life, multiple times, which was even more confusing for Draco. "I never understood why he loves saving people so much," Draco sighed.

"And now you're friends?" His healer asked.

"Hah, no. We are _friendly_. There's a difference."

"What's the difference?"

"Some wounds can't be healed. I made his life miserable in school. I made his friends' lives miserable, Hermione included, just to get to him. I mean, I've apologized but am not sure he's ever forgiven me. I wouldn't if I were him."

"Have you ever asked him?"

"Of course not. Honestly, I wish I never had to see him again. He reminds me-" Draco cut off, then said instead, "He's important to Hermione, and I'll deal with him for her. I figure he feels the same way about me."

"What does he remind you of Draco?"

Draco let out a breath. Of course she'd heard that. He was finished with this conversation but knew if he tried to brush his healer off, she'd only start pushing harder. He remembered that he was paying for this experience and told himself that he'd feel lighter tomorrow. Usually immediately following his sessions he felt like absolute shite. He'd be worthless for the rest of the day, lock himself in the office, and go to bed obnoxiously early. But the next day was always better.

He also reminded himself there was no risk in talking to his healer. There was a magically binding contract that kept her from sharing his secrets with other people. She was looking at him patiently and he was sure she knew what was going through his head. She was making a face that said, _Are you done with your silent tantrum yet and ready to continue talking to me?_

Draco answered her, grudgingly. "Out of everyone in my life, even Hermione, it's Potter who reminds me the most of every terrible thing I did in my past. That's why, if I could, I'd never see him again. But unfortunately, that's not an option."

His healer nodded comfortingly and opened her mouth to speak again, but Draco cut her off.

"Enough about Potter."

"Okay, we can move on. But I encourage you to talk to him about all this. You might be surprised by what he says. We've seen that you usually assume the worst in people, and it's not always accurate."

"Yeah I wonder where that came from," Draco muttered darkly and his healer looked back blankly, but he saw her lips turn up slightly. He was glad he'd found someone he liked. She was stern, and calm, but also had a sense of humor. He just wished he'd get what he needed out of these sessions before he ran out of the gold to pay for them.

"So how did drinks with..." she looked back at her notes, "...Theo go last week?"

* * *

_March 2004_

Hermione was reading in the sitting room but put her book down when Draco paced by in the hallway for the fourth time. She looked over at him, concerned. When he saw her looking, he stopped pacing, then walked slowly into the room. "Hermione, I need to talk to you." His voice was rough, and Hermione's eyes widened in alarm. That was never a good way for a couple to start a conversation.

She nodded back at him and he took the spot next to her on the couch. Then he looked back at her and buried his face in his hands, "Oh fuck, don't look at me."

"Okay…" Hermione looked down at her lap instead. "Uh, maybe you can just write it dow-"

"No," Draco cut in. "I can't write everything difficult down. I need to figure out how to talk to my fucking girlfriend." He took a deep breath, then cursed again. She wanted to laugh, but knew that would make it much worse, so she bit her cheek and said, "Take your time."

He took another deep breath before finally talking. "It's about Potter's dinner last week."

"I remember it." Hermione was looking down at her hands still, trying hard not to peek over at Draco to see what he was doing.

"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I talked to my healer about it and she pointed out how this is a common cause of fights for us. Uh, social events. My behavior at them, the times I skip out on them, you know…" Draco looked over at Hermione and caught her looking at him with a side-long glance. Then she blushed and looked back at her lap.

Draco smiled and shook his head. "Well she said we should - uh, try to work on strategies to prevent these fights, so we don't keep having them over and over again."

"Smart," Hermione peeked at him again and when he noticed he said, "Ok, you can fucking look at me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Merlin," he let out a shaky breath and Hermione placed a comforting hand on his knee.

"Okay, well what's your strategy? Or are we supposed to think of one together?"

"No, I thought of something. But it's stupid, and I think you're going to hate it, and it makes me feel a bit like a child, but it may work and-"

"Draco just tell me what it is," she squeezed his knee and he placed a hand on top of hers and kept his eyes on their hands.

"So maybe, before every, uh, event, you can ask me if I want to go. I know you're thinking I'll just say no every time, but I won't. And I'll always go to the important things, I know those, like weddings and celebrations honoring you. But, uh, having the choice and not feeling forced-"

"Do you feel forced now?" Hermione interrupted him. "I always tell you when these are happening, and you can speak up if you don't want to come."

"Well, yeah, but it never seemed like saying no was a real option. And a lot of times, like for dinner at someone's house, you just assume we'll go together, especially if we've been before. But, well sometimes my mood is just...off, and I...I don't know Hermione." Draco was still studying their hands, not wanting to see what he'd find in Hermione's eyes.

"I'm sorry Draco, I didn't realize."

"No," Draco finally looked up at her and was frustrated to find her looking back at him concerned and a little guilty. "Don't look at me like that, please. You've done nothing wrong."

"Well, tell me exactly what you want Draco, I want to try it."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I love you. And I'm as eager to avoid future fights as you are. So, well you just want me to ask, anytime something is coming up that we need to attend? Just ask if you're going to be coming or not?"

"Uhh, yeah. But also," he stopped, then looked away from her again. Hermione tried to remember a time she'd seen him struggle this much to speak, but nothing came to mind. She gave his leg another comforting squeeze. "Well could you also give me an option to back out? Like a day before?"

Hermione's initial reaction to his request was annoyance and she was glad he wasn't looking at her to see it flash across her face. She thought through how inconvenient it would be to back out of an engagement she'd previously committed to and worried if she gave him the option, Draco would say no to everything. But he'd just said he wouldn't, and it was clear this meant a lot to Draco and that he'd expected her to react poorly. And really, wasn't a small amount of inconvenience worth it if it saved them from falling back into that tense distance from a few months ago? "Let's try it."

"What?" He looked up at her shocked, obviously expecting more push-back. "No argument, no counter-offer, just...yes?" Hermione shrugged.

"We may as well try it and see if it helps. If not, we can try something else, right?"

"I know it will be hard. And if you committed originally and then I back out the night before you'll feel embar-"

"I'll be fine, Draco." She smiled at him encouragingly, then hugged him since he looked like he desperately needed one. He let out a big sigh and she hugged him tighter.

"Thank you," he said into her hair.

"Now was that so bad?"

"Yes."

* * *

_April 2004_

Narcissa was sitting at her vanity, carefully removing her jewelry following the annual Ministry gala when Lucius came into the room, obviously distressed.

"Potter or our son?" She asked in a calm voice. These were the two men causing her husband the most worry these days. Lucius sighed and removed his outer robes and tossed them on the chair. "Both."

"Do you have this situation in France under control?" Narcissa asked as she removed a large pearl earring.

"Yes," he said, a bit annoyed.

"We are not going to have another repeat of what happened with the Dark Lord, this family has-"

"I know Narcissa," Lucius cut in, "I'm planning to take the same tactic Francis Greengrass did with the Dark Lord to keep his family safe. Providing them with adequate funding should keep them from insisting we get directly involved."

"Good. And why isn't Potter focused on stamping them out instead of trying to get you arrested again?" Lucius rolled his eyes. That Harry Potter was entirely too nosy. But he was also incredibly influential and clever, so Lucius had to be careful around the boy.

"I assume he's doing both. I know the Auror office is expecting the French Ministry to tend to the new uprising, but I don't expect the British Aurors have completely given up on that front." Lucius sighed and approached the vanity, looking at Narcissa in the reflection of the mirror. "I assume he's focused on me because of the role I played in getting your cousin killed." Narcissa narrowed her eyes. "And maybe Draco has something to do with this too, it seems he and Potter are friends now."

"I trust you, Lucius. You know how careful we need to be these days." He gave her an appreciative nod and she turned to face him then. "Speaking of Draco, he and his Mudblood seem closer than ever tonight."

"Yes, I noticed."

"I think everyone noticed," Narcissa said bitterly. "They couldn't keep their hands off each other. I liked it better before when they were ignoring each other in public."

"Me too. Well I heard word from my contact in the law enforcement office yesterday and I can move forward with my plan, though I really hoped I wouldn't have to."

Narcissa perked up. "Are you finally ready to share?" She saw the familiar gleam come into Lucius' eye and saw he was staring at something on her vanity. She followed his gaze and when she looked back at him he was cocking an eyebrow at her. It took Narcissa a few moments to catch his meaning, but when she understood she stood quickly from the vanity and walked to the other side of the room, "No."

"This is the only way."

"There is no way it's legal; you'll be sent straight back to Azkaban."

"It is, that's what my contact was checking. As long as she enters into the agreement willingly. It's one of those ancient laws that no one has gotten around to eradicating."

"Draco will never forgive us," Narcissa pointed out.

"It's not like we're enjoying a close relationship with him now, Narcissa."

"It might not work, they might decide to stay together anyway."

Lucius shook his head. This he was sure would not be the case. "There's no way she'll be able to stay with him after that." Narcissa crossed her arms and looked back at the vanity.

"And how are you going to get him to use it?" Lucius smiled and approached her, then started rubbing his hands up and down her arms comfortingly.

"That's where you come in my dear." She started to shake her head again, but he bent to whisper in her ear.

"Think of it Narcissa. Two of the strongest, purest bloodlines, the Blacks and the Malfoys, ending with our son. You have the power to keep that from happening." Narcissa pulled away from her husband and sighed.

"I'll think about it Lucius. I'm going to turn in, it's late."

* * *

Hermione hated her new job. She kept reminding herself that Kingsley and Benson had worked hard to set up a rotational program for her so she could get experience working in multiple departments at the Ministry. But Magical Games and Sports? She didn't really know why this department existed. Both Harry and Draco had almost bitten her head off when she'd admitted that, and she knew better than to ever mention this thought in front of Ginny. But it was hard for her to stay motivated when the output but her hard work was putting on matches, how did that make the world a better place?

To stay sane, Hermione stuck with what she knew and handled the department's contracts. She was working on one for the upcoming international Quidditch tournament held on the off-years of the World Cup when the mail witch interrupted her. "Letter for you Hermione!" Hermione nodded and grabbed the envelope and almost tossed it on a pile on her desk when she recognized the handwriting. She grinned widely and tore it open.

* * *

Letter:

Hermione and Draco were at the annual Ministry gala and Hermione looked gorgeous (as always). She was wearing the same gold dress from Narcissa's birthday party. Draco had winced when he'd first seen her choice of outfit but promised her the night would go much better than that damned party.

"Are you still okay to go tonight?"

"You checked five times," Draco gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "I'm good."

She smiled, then put on the gold necklace Draco had given her over a year ago that reminded them both of their curse-breaking project. Draco touched his wand to the necklace and they both watched it glow.

Draco didn't miss the uncertainty and guilt that was ever present during their meetings in those early days together. But overall, he thought back on that time with fondness, because without all that he wouldn't be where he was now.

Draco was at the edge of the bright ballroom watching Benson cart Hermione around the room. As he saw Hermione greet a kindly looking old wizard with a huge smile, a familiar feeling wafted over Draco. It was the same way he felt when he saw Ginny perform an unbelievably complicated maneuver on her broom. Or when Harry played with his godson. It was a reminder that others could do things naturally that Draco would always struggle with. It wasn't a bad feeling, just slightly uncomfortable.

He thought of his healer then and imagined what she would say. Draco did this a lot when he recognized a dark thought. He imagined now that his healer would urge him to think of the things he could do that others struggled with. "Everyone has their strengths Draco, what are yours?" she'd say.

Writing, that one was obvious. Draco was good at that, better than Hermione even. She didn't have the patience for it. And she struggled with the uncertainty too. She didn't like the fact that there would never be one absolute right way to phrase a sentence, or depict a scene. She'd agonize over a single sentence, never able to get it just perfect before ultimately giving up.

But as he thought of this, Draco realized there was another skill he had, much better than writing. The ability he was most proud of was loving Hermione and he was better at it than everyone else in her life, even wonderful Harry Potter. Draco didn't blame her friends though, loving Hermione was hard work.

Being willing to speak against her and point out the flaws in her argument, keeping up with her complicated and quick mind, finding new puzzles for her to solve, it all took a lot of energy. But Draco knew he was good at it. So he'd never be a Quidditch star and would never be able to talk easily to strangers, but Draco would dedicate his life to becoming a master at loving Hermione Granger.

_Author's Note: Well? How am I doing?_

* * *

Present Day:

Hermione smiled and tucked the letter into her bag. She loved these notes. Draco would send her about one or two a week. He still struggled with expressing himself verbally, but he could write. She was getting quite a collection and soon she would have to add an extension charm to the box in her closet where she kept them.

Most of his letters were like this, just little snippets of their continuing story. Sometimes they were heavier. He'd rewritten their conversation when he'd asked her for an option to say no to events. But in his retelling his words had flowed perfectly, and he was better able to articulate the emotions behind his request.

And last week in the middle of a fight after they'd both retreated to their ends of the house, a folded blue bird had flown through her bedroom window. When she'd opened it she'd found that he'd rewritten the fight but added a good amount of humor and a colorful sex scene. She'd laughed out loud and immediately forgiven him.

Hermione looked back at the letter in her bag before closing it and turning back to her work. His healer was right, he couldn't write everything down and it was important for him to continue trying to talk to her too. But this was a good bridge for them, and their communication was getting better. _They_ were getting better.

* * *

"Would you say we're friends, Potter?" Harry started at Malfoy's unexpected question.

"No," Harry said automatically. But then he started to consider the question and added, "But I do spend a lot of time with you. More than I do with most of my real friends."

"That's because of Hermione," Draco pointed out.

Harry nodded. But even outside of the time he saw Malfoy with Hermione, they still met up with each other for drinks. Harry thought they could probably cut off these weekly drinks since they'd proven to Hermione they could get along okay, but he didn't bring it up since he really didn't mind them.

There was something oddly comforting about spending time with Malfoy. Harry thought it was because Malfoy was one of the few people in his life who was still dealing with the aftermath of the war. Most of his friends had moved on years before, but Malfoy had truly suffered, just like Harry had, and was clearly still struggling to move past it, just like Harry was. Harry knew it was a strange reason to enjoy someone's company, which is why he never told anyone.

"Uh, I have something to say," Draco said.

"Okay," Draco was looking back at Harry nervously.

"I told you I was sorry, a long time ago. And I meant it. For uh, everything from school, the war, well you know."

Harry nodded and Draco looked away. Fucking piercing green eyes, he thought to himself. He cursed his healer too, this conversation was unbelievably painful, but he figured he was already in the middle of it and should go ahead and get through it. He took another drink before continuing.

"Well I never thanked you. For saving me, multiple times. I still owe you a life debt, but even without that I, uh, appreciate what you did. Without you I'd be a miserable mess, fresh out of Azkaban. I'd never have gotten together with Hermione... So yeah, that's it," he ended lamely.

"Right, uh, you're welcome," Harry responded, then added, "You're unloading a lot here." Draco sighed.

"I started seeing a healer."

"Oh, I've been there," Harry nodded knowingly.

"Do you still go?"

"I don't go regularly anymore, just when things get overwhelming. Like next month, for the anniversary of the battle, I already have those appointments scheduled. One before and one right after the memorial."

"Hmm," They both took another drink and Harry found himself talking again. "I hate the memorial, but obviously I can't skip it. Everyone expects me to give a speech, then I have to go around and comfort all of the grieving families." Harry sighed. "But really all I want to do is lock myself in Dumbledore's office and cry." Harry looked over at Draco then, expecting him to taunt him for a moment, but he just nodded back solemnly.

"Is Snape in there? Hermione told me awhile back you were trying to get his portrait put up."

"Oh, uh, yeah," Harry responded awkwardly. Harry was still not entirely sure how he felt about Snape. And he wondered now how Malfoy felt about him. Snape had always favored Malfoy but when they both became Death Eaters Harry knew there had been tension between them. Maybe that had gone away after Dumbledore's death. He wondered too how Malfoy felt about Snape being a double agent. But looking at him now he couldn't tell. His face was completely blank, but Harry knew that just meant he was working hard to hide his true feelings. "I haven't talked to him since he was killed. He always leaves his portrait when I go in there."

Draco nodded and they were both silent.

"Why don't you?" Draco asked eventually.

"What?"

"Go to the office and leave everyone else alone, like you said you wanted. You're always worried about everyone else, never yourself. I never understood that about you."

"Do you really want to know?"

Draco seriously considered the question for a few moments. Did he? "Yes."

Harry sighed. He couldn't believe he was going to confide in Malfoy. But there was something different about him and Harry finally wasn't worried that Malfoy was going to make fun of him. And Malfoy did seem genuinely interested in Harry's response for some reason.

"I grew up with no one Malfoy," Harry started. "No friends, no real family...I was completely starved for attention. So since I can remember I've always desperately wanted people to like me. Hermione told me I had a complex about saving people once, but...it's not about saving people, it's more about...helping them, being needed, having them like me.

"So given a room of grieving people, if I can help them by placing a hand on their shoulder, mumbling a few words, even if it's the last thing I want to be doing and even if it tears me up inside, I'll do it. Every time. Ginny hates it sometimes." Harry sighed and looked away from Malfoy's intense stare. "Believe me Malfoy, you're not the only messed up one."

Draco was silent, then asked defensively, "Who says I'm messed up?"

Harry looked back at him alarmed and was about to backtrack when he saw Draco was smirking. "Hermione is like that," Draco said. "Obsessed with what others think. I get how Weasley feels. It can be exhausting to watch." Harry nodded.

"Hermione is similar. Though for her, it's less about getting people to like her. Anytime we were getting taunted at school she never cared. She just...wants to belong. It probably comes from being a Muggleborn."

"And being endlessly bullied for it," Draco added darkly before finishing off his drink. Harry didn't comment. He knew Malfoy felt extremely guilty for how he had treated Hermione and didn't need Harry to drive the point home.

"That reminds me," Harry said. "Can you ask Hermione to make me a few calming draughts before the memorial? Hers are much better than mine."

"Oh, so Slughorn's Potions prodigy can't handle a simple calming draught?" Harry shook his head.

"You two are never going to forgive me for beating you that year, are you?" Draco ignored the comment.

"I'll bring them with me next week."

Harry nodded in thanks before asking, "Are you coming this year?" Draco sighed heavily.

"I think so." Harry's eyes widened in surprise and he took another sip of his drink.

"Was that another recommendation from your healer?"

"Yeah."

"Good for you, Malfoy."

"Sod off, Potter."

* * *

As soon as Draco looked up and saw Hermione come into the kitchen he knew she was angry. That's why the next words out of her mouth were so surprising. "Take your clothes off."

"What?"

Hermione stopped and sighed heavily, then said angrily. "I said, take your clothes off." She removed her robes then began unbuttoning her blouse while Draco watched her, frozen in shock.

"What is going on?"

"I've already noticed about ten things I asked you to do that haven't been done," Hermione waved her hand around the kitchen and Draco started racking his brain, trying to remember what she'd said to him before she'd left for work that morning. "And I feel like you never listen to me and don't pull your weight, probably because when you were growing up you had a house elf do everything for you. And that thought makes me angry in a whole other way." Hermione had her shirt off and threw it over the barstool, then began working on her skirt.

"And normally I would stand here and yell and say things I don't mean, and you'd get defensive and turn cruel, then say things you don't mean. And we'll both be angrier than we were before and I want to stop it." She stepped out of her skirt and was standing in front of Draco in just her knickers now.

"But I also need to tell you how I'm feeling and you need to tell me why you ignored me, or weren't listening, or whatever stupid excuse you have that I'm sure will sound reasonable once you explain it to me…" She shook her head, then looked back at him imploringly. "So maybe we can take off our clothes, and lay in bed, and you can pull me into your chest while we discuss this like civilized adults." She motioned for him to follow her up the stairs, but Draco remained in place, still completely confused.

"You suggested this. In your book," Hermione explained.

Draco started laughing out loud as he recalled the passage. "That was a joke, Hermione, I never actually thought…" he cut off when he saw that he was just making her angrier. "But you're right," he corrected and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Let's try it." She let out a sigh of relief, then went ahead of him up the stairs.

That's when it hit Draco, as he was following an almost naked Hermione up the stairs so they could fight while lying in bed, all because she was committed to Draco and was willing to do almost anything for him. He loved her, more than anything, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He'd thought this before, of course, but this was the first time he considered it as a real possibility. He could do this, he could work through issues with her. There would always be parts of it that were hard, but Draco was finally confident that they'd be able to work through them. Draco decided then to ask Hermione to marry him. He stood in the hall as that thought worked its way through his body and settled into his chest. But it didn't make him anxious, it felt right.

"Draco?" Hermione popped her head back out and glared at him when she saw he was just standing there with his clothes still on. Draco shook his head, then removed his shirt before following Hermione back into the bedroom.

* * *

Ginny followed Draco into the kitchen and placed her large wedding planning binder on the counter before taking a seat on one of the barstools. Draco handed her a glass of water and she nodded in thanks and took a sip while he leaned against the counter and watched her.

Ginny was getting used to Draco. He stared a lot and didn't seem to have a problem with awkward silences, but Ginny was finding out that when he did this he was typically in his head and not thinking about her or plotting anything sinister, as she'd previously feared.

Ginny and Hermione were going to be working on wedding planning tonight which meant Draco would have to entertain Potter. He didn't mind that much. He and Potter had broken through a sort of barrier recently and were much more at ease around each other. Draco made a point to keep this piece of information from his healer, because he didn't want to see her act all smug about it.

"I'm glad you and Hermione worked things out Draco, you're good for her," Ginny's voice cut into his thoughts.

"I'm Draco now?" Ginny shrugged.

"Maybe you can return the favor." Draco nodded and started tapping his chin with his finger.

"Good idea. There are far too many Weasleys. And I can't start calling you Potter, that will be too confusing. So Ginerva it is." Ginny's face twisted in disgust.

"No. Go with she-Potter or something."

"I like Ginerva."

"I might go with ferret," Ginny smirked and Draco narrowed his eyes at her.

"Fine. Ginny." Ginny's smirk widened and she took another sip of her water.

"Maybe you should have been in Slytherin."

"They weren't taking blood traitors at the time."

"They were," Draco pointed to himself, "They just didn't know it yet." They shared a smile and turned when Harry walked into the kitchen.

"Why are you two smiling at each other? It's weird," he gave Ginny a quick kiss then turned to Draco.

"I was telling your fiancé she should have been in Slytherin."

"Ew, no," Harry scowled.

"Did Harry tell you the Sorting Hat almost put him in Slytherin?"

"He did, and that would have been awful."

"Well you may have had a chance at beating Gryffindor in Quidditch if I was in your house," Harry retorted. Draco rolled his eyes.

"We get it Potter, you were good at Quidditch. You need to get some new material."

"How about saving the world? Including your arse?"

"Also overdone," Draco responded in a bored tone. "Is there really nothing else you've done of note?"

Hermione had stopped in the hall, bracing herself when she heard her friends arguing. But as she listened she realized they weren't fighting, it was just friendly banter. She smiled inwardly. They were going to be okay. Draco would never fit in completely, but in a smaller group he could relax and almost became himself. He and Harry were nearly friends, and Ron, well he'd come around, she was sure, especially now that Harry was working on him too.

"Oh, I have one," Harry responded. "I was the original financier for Weasley Wizard Wheezes."

"Really?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, with my Triwizard winnings." Draco nodded back at him.

"I didn't know that, that's impressive. I would stick with that. Solid business decision, good for overall morale. I'd ditch the Quidditch star and savior stuff if I were you."

"I'll keep that in mind Malfoy."

"Hermione," Draco called then. "Stop lurking in the hall and come save us from this awkward conversation. You're the sticking charm holding us all together here."

Hermione walked into the kitchen, blushing slightly at being found out. "You were all getting along," she said, still in awe. She placed the bags of food she was carrying on the counter.

"That's a stretch," Harry said. But Hermione ignored him, she was looking at Draco instead, who had just shrugged but couldn't help from smiling slightly when he saw the look of delight on her face. Hermione leaned into Draco and gave him a deep kiss and Harry made a fake vomiting motion behind them. After a few more moments Harry muttered to Ginny, "Are we just supposed to leave them alone, or…"

"Sorry," Hermione pulled away as Harry's comment brought her back to reality. She was blushing but Draco didn't look embarrassed at all. "Where were we? Right, here's the food."

About halfway through their meal an owl flew in and dropped a letter in the middle of the table before flying off. Both Hermione and Draco froze at the sight of the owl and exchanged a worried glance. "So you know this owl?" Harry asked, eyeing the small envelope on the table.

"It's Lucius'," Hermione explained as Draco opened the letter and started reading. When he put the letter down he looked back at Hermione confused.

"What is it?"

"My mother wants to meet me. Alone."

"Well that can't be good," Ginny muttered.

"Maybe she wants to make amends," Hermione said hopefully, but Draco shook his head.

"I'm with Ginevra on this one." Ginny sneered.

"Shut up ferret." But Draco didn't respond. His mind was elsewhere. He looked back at the letter and wondered what his mother was up to. And did her insistence on meeting alone mean she was working against Lucius? Or was that just a ploy to make it seem that way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: What the heck are those Malfoys up to? Any guesses?
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see aesthetics and a few drabbles for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	18. Proposal

**CHAPTER 18 - Proposal**

_April 2004_

Draco's depression was back. He'd gone to bed content after a decent dinner with Harry and Ginny. But when he awoke the next day, he felt his sadness like an oppressive weight on his chest.

He looked over at Hermione still sleeping in bed and sighed. So much for his plan to work on his proposal while she was out with Ginny. He knew he'd be completely useless today. And this time Draco knew the source of his melancholy.

Draco wanted to ask Hermione to marry him, but as he thought through the proposal it became painfully obvious how little he had to offer her.

He didn't have a ring, no longer had access to the fortunes he'd always taken for granted, and had no real prospects at a job thanks to the unattractive scar on his arm. He was as poor as a Weasley but didn't have a genial personality to make up for his lack of funds.

_Hey Hermione, saddle yourself with me for the rest of your life. I have no money, no plan for how to get money, and parents who may or may not want to kill you._

_Your friends hate me, I'm the person who hunted down your parents in the war, and I suffer from debilitating depression. Oh, and I'm also the childhood bully behind a lot of your unfounded insecurities._

Yeah, the proposal certainly needed work if he actually wanted her to accept.

Draco padded down the stairs and stood in the kitchen, planning to make breakfast. But after a few minutes of standing still and glaring at the stove, he changed his mind and went to lay down on the couch in the sitting room instead.

He started making bubble animals with his wand and floated them around the room, remembering a time before Hogwarts when his mother had done this to cheer him up.

That's how Hermione found him an hour later. She watched him for a while and a tiny translucent cat came to rest on her shoulder before popping. She cleared her throat.

"What are you doing in here? Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Oh, uh, no thanks." All the animals floating around the room disappeared as Draco dropped his wand arm. Hermione could tell by the flat tone of his voice that he was in a bad mood.

"Are you feeling down today?" Hermione moved into the room and Draco bent his legs to accommodate her on the other end of the couch. When Hermione sat down, she pulled Draco's legs onto her lap and watched him. He finally nodded in response to her question.

"I have plans with Ginny and her mom to look for dresses today, but I can back out if you need me here." Draco shook his head.

"I'll be fine, really. You shouldn't miss that."

"Well, I can at least skip lunch after."

"No, I'm serious. I'll be fine, this always goes away."

"You're right, but you don't sound like you believe it."

"I don't, but logically, I know it's true. Really, Hermione, go ahead with your plans." He lifted his legs back up and tried to send her a smile, but it came out looking very pathetic and didn't make her feel any better about leaving. She pulled his legs back onto her lap.

"I have a few more minutes before I need to go, so I can keep you company for a little longer." Draco sat up on the couch and held his arms out to her and she curled up into his chest. "Is there anything in particular you're upset about?" She asked.

Hermione felt Draco nod against her head, then he said in a low voice, "Money."

"Oh."

"I need to write another book, but I have no ideas," he continued. "I did the math recently and the healer appointments on top of my other expenses are going to bleed through my inheritance from the Blacks in just two years."

"I have money," Hermione tilted her head up to look at him. "We've never talked about it, but since you completely paid for this house it's only fair that I contribute to some of the other expenses."

"I can't take your money," Draco said roughly, stiffening under Hermione.

"Now isn't a good time for us to discuss this. But we will, when you're feeling better. Okay?"

Draco grunted and Hermione gave him one last hug before standing to leave. He gave her a half-hearted wave and she wished she didn't have to leave him like this but knew there wasn't much she could do to help him.

In the past he'd disappear and at least he was sticking around this time. Probably because she'd found all his hiding places. But she knew if he really wanted to, he could find a new one. Hermione was almost out the door when she had an idea. She returned to the sitting room and said, _"Expecto Patronum."_

The silver otter came out of her wand and started bouncing around the room, then it settled next to Draco on the couch and looked over at him. Hermione laughed, he looked a little like a pet and she hadn't seen her Patronus behave like this with someone else before.

"I'm not sure if he will help, or even how long he'll last, but I always thought dementors were like depression, and, well, it couldn't hurt."

Draco gave her a small, appreciative smile, then created an otter out of bubbles with his wand. Her Patronus perked up and started chasing the bubble otter around the room. She saw Draco's lips turn up slightly and smiled to herself before finally leaving him alone.

* * *

When Hermione returned home after lunch, she found Draco in the kitchen. He was making something elaborate, judging by the mess. And to Hermione's surprise her Patronus was sitting next to him on the counter, watching him chop vegetables with his wand.

"It calls for two peppers, but Hermione likes things spicy, so I'm going to add three." Hermione looked around, wondering who Draco was talking to, then smiled when she realized he'd directed this comment at her Patronus. Her Patronus looked back blankly, then did a small flip before laying back down on the counter.

"I think three peppers sounds great," Hermione said, and Draco turned and smiled at her. He looked better than when she'd left him, but she could tell by the hint of sadness still detectable in his eyes that he wasn't completed back to normal. Her Patronus, recognizing her, jumped up and floated to her, making a few circles around her in greeting. "So, he lasted the whole time?"

Draco nodded, floating the chopped vegetables into the pot, "He's been following me around all day."

Draco sounded annoyed, but Hermione knew if the otter really had been bothering him, he could have easily vanished him. She raised her own wand to send her Patronus away then wrapped her arms around Draco and gave him a hug from behind. "Do you know how I got him to stay?"

Draco shook his head and turned around to face her.

"I made him completely out of thoughts of you. I guess with his source so close he was able to stay around."

Draco leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you, I think he helped a bit."

"Really?"

"Everything felt a little lighter. And he was also a constant reminder of you, and you make me happier than anything." She laid her head against his chest and listened to his heart beat for a few moments.

"You make me happy too, Draco. That's the strongest Patronus I've ever made."

Draco rested his chin on her head and sighed. "I wish I could give you more. I should have bought more properties when my father was in jail and hid them. Then I could have sold them now. I wasn't thinking…"

"Well in your defense, you weren't planning on falling in love with a Muggleborn and being cut-off."

"No, I was not," he said seriously.

Hermione let go of Draco and moved to sit in the barstool. "I've been thinking about this all day." Draco propped his hands on the counter and waited for her to continue. "You need to publish the Potion reference book. It's mostly written so it shouldn't take much work. And I know it won't sell a ton of copies, but it will appeal to some."

"Yeah," Draco nodded, "you're right, I can get it ready in a few weeks. But it won't make much."

"Right. So after that one, you can work on retooling our story."

"No."

"Of course not in its current state. But parts of it, the edge of the veil, the thing with the powder, maybe even a few of your father's schemes - I think they can be repurposed into fairy tales.

"You're quite good with dark fairy tales and I remember Angelina and Audrey complaining about the scarcity of good quality children's stories. I think everyone just uses the classics but if you could write a set of good fairy tales similar to the dragon boy one, I think they'd sell well. There's not much competition and people will spend loads of money on their kids."

Draco was quiet as he considered her suggestion.

"It's just an idea, to give you something to work on until the inspiration for your next research topic comes to you."

"Thank you, I'll think about it." Draco was like this, he never committed to anything outright. But he would take time to think it through. It was just another way they were extremely different.

Hermione thought she was slow to decide before she met Draco, but really, she was quick with decisions but took a long time to plan her course of action. Alternatively, Draco considered every side to a situation before making a decision. And then considered for even longer before acting on it. He thought she was impulsive, and she thought he was too cautious, but together they balanced each other out.

"And I still think we should talk about me paying for more things, but not now, later." Draco rolled his eyes, then kissed her on the cheek and turned back to the meal he'd been working on.

"Tell me about your day with Weasley."

"Not Ginny?"

"I'm still getting used to that."

Hermione explained how Ginny fell in love with the first dress she tried on. But Hermione and Molly forced her to try on a lot more since they'd planned to be out all morning and weren't going to miss out on the chance to dress Ginny up. Hermione admitted that a few of her selections were just ridiculous choices she made for a laugh.

"But she looked good in everything we tried, of course. She's gorgeous and could wear a bag and look amazing. And Harry certainly doesn't care."

"He won't notice the dress," Draco said, and Hermione silently agreed with him. Draco knew that if it was him (and he hoped soon enough it would be) Hermione could get married in her white robe and he wouldn't care.

She could dress it up with that gold necklace he'd bought her when he still had money. He smirked to himself, imagining her walking down the aisle in that ensemble. But Draco was getting ahead of himself. He had to figure out how to propose to her, and then she had to accept.

"What's on your mind?" Hermione could tell something was bothering Draco. He'd been drifting off a lot more lately and she wondered if he was still worrying about money.

Draco shook his head, "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Hermione raised her eyebrows, suddenly overcome with curiosity, but she knew better than to push. "I can't wait," she said quietly.

"I'm sure you can't," Draco teased.

They spent the rest of the day at home. Hermione helped Draco finish up in the kitchen. Then Hermione caught up on work for a few hours while Draco watched her and answered the occasional questions she had about Quidditch and other wizarding sports.

He was playing with the bubble animals again and this time had floated a pair of dragons toward Hermione. They started fighting just above the contract she was working on then popped, splashing the parchment with water and smearing the ink.

"Draco!"

"I didn't know they were going to do that."

"I'm trying to concentrate, and you keep sending a bubble menagerie over here. Can't you go write or read or something?" Draco pouted and crossed his arms.

"If I left, who would answer your stupid questions about gobstones?" Hermione glared at him, then sighed.

"I hate this job."

"Quit," Draco said, making a bubble snake now.

"Please tell me that's not a serious suggestion," Hermione said, annoyed.

Draco looked back at her, then vanished the bubble snake and motioned her over to the bed.

"Of course not, come here." He positioned her so she had her back to him and propped himself up on his knees, then he tapped her shoulders with his wand. She felt a heat spread along her shoulders and upper back.

"What did you just do?"

"Relax," Draco started massaging her shoulders. Focusing on the areas that were glowing with a dull, gold light.

"I'm not going to be able to relax until you tell me what spell you just used on me." Draco tsked under his breath but answered anyway.

"It highlights the tight areas of your muscles with a soft light. I found it from a healer text. When I rub the knot away, the glowing light should disappear."

As if on cue, the one he was working on finally faded away, then he moved to the next glowing spot on her left shoulder blade.

When he was finally done, he pulled her against his chest and gave her a big hug.

"Sorry about the job. But remember, not everyone is as smart, and beautiful, and powerful as you." Draco released her then started trailing kisses up her neck.

"Everything doesn't come easy to them. They don't have 100 friends and an incredibly handsome and sexy boyfriend," Draco paused to graze his teeth along the other side of her neck and smiled when she shuddered.

"And for those very sad, pathetic people who don't have the privilege of being you," Hermione snorted, but let him continue. "Magical games and sports are one of the only things that make them happy. So, I know you think they are worthless, and that's why you hate that department, but they do have value."

Hermione sighed and nodded her head. "And you only have to last until the end of the year, then you can move on to the next department." Draco ended, then slipped his hands under the hem of her shirt and started moving his fingers up her side.

"I still have work to do," Hermione argued half-heartedly, and didn't protest when Draco pulled her shirt off.

"You can finish up later. And I won't make animals anymore." Hermione turned and saw Draco smirking at her, and she knew then she wasn't going to be able to say no with him looking at her like that.

She propped her arms on his shoulders and started massaging his neck. "So, you're finally out of the bad mood from earlier?"

Draco smiled and nodded back at her. He'd been dreading the day his depression returned, but it hadn't been so bad. He hadn't had the energy to write or work on her proposal, but the day hadn't been a complete waste.

He didn't know why he'd kept running away before, since spending a low day in Hermione's company (or even with her Patronus) was worlds better than spending it alone.

Hermione snaked her hands up Draco's shirt and pulled it off, then pushed him back onto the bed.

* * *

Afterwards, when Hermione emerged from the bathroom and sat on the bed she asked, "We're better than before, right?"

Draco thought about it before answering. They certainly had far fewer fights since they were both getting better at preventing them. She could tell when it wasn't time for an argument and wouldn't push, leaving him alone and bringing it up later instead. Like earlier when she'd postponed their conversation about money.

And Draco was getting better at snapping out of his nasty moods, or at least going off alone before he said anything he regretted.

"Definitely," Draco said eventually. They could make it. That statement was becoming more and more true to him. And the thought of proposing to Hermione and having her say yes seemed a lot more possible tonight than it had when he'd woken up this morning.

"Good," she said. "I thought so, but I wanted to make sure you agreed." She reached for his hand. "And thank you for not taking off today. I like you here. Not, uh, because I'm worried you're getting up to anything, just, you know..."

"I like you here too, Hermione. Actually, more specifically. Right…" he pulled her into his chest, "...here."

* * *

_May 2004_

Harry had just finished his first pass around the Great Hall following his speech at the sixth year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. Just like he'd expected, everyone wanted to tell him stories about the loved ones they'd lost in the battle. And just like every year before, they expected Harry to say a few words to somehow make things better.

It was tearing Harry up.

He still felt an overwhelming amount of guilt about that day. He knew in his head that the battle had been required to defeat Voldemort. But if only he'd found the diadem quicker. Or gone to the forest sooner, maybe Snape would have intercepted him then. Maybe, if things had gone a bit different there would be less people to mourn today.

Harry saw Dennis Creevey making his way toward him and managed to escape and dip into the Entrance Hall for a quick breather. He saw Malfoy leaning against the wall, looking at the house hourglasses. Harry walked over and stood next to him.

"These were destroyed during the battle," Malfoy said. "I almost slipped on the gems."

"I remember, you wouldn't guess now," Harry's eyes flicked around the large room. It looked untouched by the death and destruction of the battle. When he looked back Malfoy was studying him.

"You look like shite, Potter."

"I wonder why," Harry bit back, relieved to have someone he could be mean to. He removed his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Then when he put them back on, he straightened his spine and made his way back to the Great Hall.

Draco straightened too and Harry thought he meant to follow him, but he walked in the opposite direction for the stairs.

"You can take a fucking break, Potter. Everyone already likes you."

"Yeah whatever, Malfoy."

"Really, Potter," Draco said in a more serious tone. "You don't owe them anything. You already saved the fucking world. And if you don't do it for yourself, do it for your fiancé. You're stressing her out. She nearly bursts into tears every time she looks at you."

"She's mourning her brother."

"If you say so," Draco shrugged, then started walking up the stairs.

"Where are you going?"

Harry saw a haunted look flash in Draco's eyes, but his tone was light when he answered.

"I have no qualms with excusing myself when I'm about to completely lose it." He turned and disappeared up the stairs and Harry went back into the Great Hall.

About thirty minutes later Harry sighed and saw Ginny looking at him worried. He remembered what Malfoy said and considered that maybe he had a point. He nodded for Ginny to follow him and made his way outside. She joined him after a few moments.

"Hey, how are you holding up Harry?"

"Oh, fine, but not really. You know. How are you?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he felt her take a deep breath, "Also fine, but not really. You know that strange combination of feeling sorry for those who didn't make it to see us win and guilt for being one of the ones who survived. And even more guilt for spending so much time happy, but also knowing that's what they would have wanted and that I shouldn't feel bad about it."

He wrapped an arm around her and sighed. "Yes, I know that mix of feelings rather well."

Just then Hermione appeared behind them. "Sorry to interrupt," Ginny waved off her apology and beckoned her closer to them. "I'm looking for Draco, have either of you seen him?" Ginny shook her head, but Harry nodded.

"I think I know where he is," Harry said, remembering the haunted look he'd seen in Malfoy's eyes as he made his way up the stairs. He could guess at where he'd been heading. Hermione was looking back at him expectantly. "I can go get him." Harry released Ginny and turned back to the castle.

"It's okay Harry, I don't mind."

"I'll go, I don't want to go back in there anyway," Harry gestured toward the Great Hall. Hermione nodded then gave Ginny a confused look, but Ginny just shrugged.

Harry made his way slowly up to the Astronomy Tower. When he finally got there, he wasn't surprised to see Draco perched on the edge, right where Dumbledore had fallen, with his knees pulled up to his chest.

Harry took a few deep breaths before going to stand next to him. Draco looked up at him, but his face was unreadable, and he turned back to staring at the mountains without saying a word.

"I haven't been back here since that night," Harry admitted.

Draco nodded and kept his gaze forward. "I came almost every night in my seventh year."

"Why?"

Draco shrugged. "I always thought that moment was a turning point, and I'd sit and wonder. Did it go wrong that night when I refused Dumbledore's offer of protection? Or was it the day I took the Dark Mark? Or the day I was born a Malfoy?"

He was quiet again. "But in reality, it was a lot of little things in between. Every time I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I decided to go along with it anyway." Draco cut off and Harry looked down at him and saw him wipe his eyes quickly and turn his head away from Harry.

"I was always going to fight him," Harry said. "It was decided the night he killed my parents. Hermione is a Muggleborn, so that decided her side of the war. And Ron's whole family was committed to the Order.

"It's a similar story for a lot of the people on my side of the war. I think- I think you get more judgment than you deserve Malfoy. What did people expect, you would fight against your family? Just defect, at what- sixteen years old? Against the most powerful dark wizard of all time?"

"This war had a clear right and wrong side, Potter. There was a side killing and torturing innocent people and a side just trying to kill the bad guys. I was old enough to know better, and I should have left."

He paused. "What are you doing up here? Trying to make me feel better? I'm not like those tossers downstairs who need the famous Harry Potter to come over and tell me it will all be okay. I don't need your comfort, or forgiveness, or, whatever this is."

Harry shrugged. "Well you have it. And Hermione's. Maybe you should try to forgive yourself too."

"Maybe you should mind your own fucking business," Draco retorted. But there wasn't much heat behind his words.

"Maybe." They were silent again.

After a while Draco asked Harry, "Why haven't you come back before today?"

"I guess I haven't been ready. Not sure I am now." Harry peered over the side and shuddered. "I lost a lot of people I loved in the war. But Dumbeldore, that one hurt the most."

"Why?"

"It's complicated, but - well, he always understood me in a way no one else did." It was too hard to explain further so Harry didn't even try. Hermione was the only person who'd come the closest to understanding, and even then, he wasn't sure she completely understood his relationship with Dumbledore. Harry didn't even understand it sometimes.

"I read that tribute you wrote about him in the Prophet after the war. It was good," Harry's head snapped over to Draco, surprised by the compliment. Draco was still looking ahead. "The writing was sloppy, but the emotion came through well."

"Thanks, I think."

"You said something, about him, how he saw something in you that you never saw in yourself," Draco looked over at Harry then and his eyes were sad. "Then one day you found you'd become that person he knew you could be, without even realizing it. I - I liked that part."

Harry thought about it, then wondered if Draco was thinking about Snape. Had Snape told Draco he could be better than a Death Eater? And now that Draco was with Hermione, did he finally see himself as more than the hateful bigot he'd been? Harry really wanted to ask but knew better. Instead he held his hand out to Draco.

"Come on." Draco stared at his hand skeptically.

"Where? Back to the Great Hall?"

"No, back to my place. Hermione sent me to get you, but I'm planning to make a stop first. Come with me," Harry still had his hand out, but Draco just glared at it and swatted it away.

"Why are you always trying to hold my hand?" Draco grumbled as he pulled himself to standing.

Harry rolled his eyes then led them back into the castle. When they stopped outside the Headmistress' office Draco scowled. "I see what you're trying to do, and it's a sweet, Gryffindor-ish gesture, but no."

"Just go in, I know you want to talk to him."

"I'll do it later," Draco crossed his arms defensively.

"When, next year?" Harry crossed his arms too. "Go, he's just a portrait. And you'll feel better."

Draco looked back at Harry like he didn't believe him.

"Well, not during the conversation," Harry admitted. "And not right after. But like, maybe a week later you'll feel better."

It was like Draco's therapy sessions. As he thought of his healer, he knew she'd be so fucking proud of him once she heard of this. Her quill would race across the parchment at their next session. "I'm going in alone."

"Of course. But don't take forever, I know how chatty you two can be," Harry said sarcastically. "I want to talk to Dumbledore when you're done."

Draco came out twenty minutes later and Harry could tell from his puffy eyes he'd been crying but didn't acknowledge it. He just nodded to Draco on his way in and caught Dumbledore up on the past year. These conversations were never as satisfying as Harry hoped.

The portraits remembered the time up to when they died but didn't hold memories of events since that time for very long. Dumbledore rarely remembered their previous conversations since the war, but it was still nice talking to him. Harry told him about his plans to get married to Ginny and his job and some of what was happening in France with the new uprising of dark wizards.

When Harry got back into the hall, he was surprised to see Draco waiting for him on the ground with his legs outstretched. "You didn't have to wait."

"I know." Harry was about to offer his hand again but pulled back, knowing it would get rejected.

As they were walking back Malfoy stopped at the top of the main stairs.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me."

"Wow," was all Harry could think to say. He honestly didn't think it would ever happen.

"I'm kind of, well, asking for your blessing. She doesn't have a father, well she has Wendell, but, it's not the same, not yet. And you - I know you're the most important man in her life, and probably the one she'll want to give her away. So, I guess I wanted to - uh - check."

Harry was quiet and just nodded.

"Not because I care," Draco added. "But I know she does."

"I hated you two together," Harry started. "She was always on edge and coming around the house crying, and you were..." he paused, trying to explain without sounding too harsh.

"I know," Draco cut him off. "Hermione told me what you said to her before she came to Australia. And you were right."

"But now it's different," Harry continued. "She's more mellow and you're, almost nice, which is bloody creepy. You're good together, and I guess, well I approve, even though you don't care."

Harry started walking down the stairs and turned back to add, "That is, if she says yes." Draco rolled his eyes but paused.

"Wait, has she said something to you? Or are you just fucking with me?"

Harry shrugged and kept walking down the stairs.

"You're a twat," Draco muttered behind him and Harry just laughed in response. When they reached the Entrance Hall Hermione, Ginny, Nora, and Ron were gathered there and looked back at the two of them each with a different reaction.

Hermione and Ginny looked relieved to see them. Nora was looking confused, like she hadn't gotten the notice that Draco and Harry were friends, and Ron was fuming.

Draco walked over to Hermione and she gave him a hug while Ron approached Harry and said in a low voice, "I need to talk to you." Harry was alarmed by his serious tone and followed him out the main door, bracing for an emergency. Had someone fought? Had the Auror office called?

"What happened?" Harry asked when they were finally outside.

"Oh nothing," Ginny said behind him. Harry turned and saw her with her arms crossed and was relieved to see her anger wasn't directed at him, but at Ron. "He just wants to yell at you for daring to laugh with Malfoy today." She added crisply.

Harry looked back at Ron disappointed, "Really?"

Ron's eyes narrowed and Harry let out a sigh when he realized Ginny was right. Ginny watched Harry's expression change from the serious look from before to extremely sad and exhausted and she wanted to curse Ron for pestering Harry about this on today of all days.

"Harry, go ahead and go back to our place with everyone else. McGonagall has the Floo setup in the Great Hall and Kreacher should have dinner ready." She turned back to her brother. "Ron and I will follow after; we need to talk first."

"I'm talking to Harry," Ron argued.

"No, you're not," she said back in a challenging tone.

Harry just shook his head and went back to the door.

"I'll let you two work this out. We can talk about Malfoy later, Ron, it's not really a good time." He sighed one more time before opening the door and disappearing inside.

"What is your problem?" Ginny rounded on Ron.

"What's yours? Coming out here and interrupting us? I can talk to Harry whenever I want, he was my friend first."

"Yeah you're a great friend, Ron," Ginny said sarcastically. "You know this is a terrible day for Harry so how do you make him feel better? By yelling at him for being friends with Malfoy."

"They are not friends."

"They are! Merlin, you have to stop with your denial Ron or you're just going to keep getting left out of stuff."

"You don't know what you're talking about. He's just being civil with Malfoy for Hermione."

"Ron, they go to drinks once a week, we go over to their house about twice a week for dinner and most times Hermione and I are alone planning the wedding while Harry and Draco are playing chess or cards. And Draco just started joining Harry for runs a few weeks ago." Ron's eyes widened in surprise.

"At that Muggle park? Malfoy?"

"Yeah, Harry was saying how it's a good way to stay in shape in the city when you can't fly every day. But anyway, they _are_ friends, even if they don't realize it yet. And if you keep refusing to accept Draco, you'll not only lose Hermione, but you'll lose Harry too."

Ron had started pacing and was rubbing his face.

"Why didn't Harry tell me all that?" Ginny shrugged.

"He was probably just trying to keep from getting yelled at. But Draco has changed Ron, if you gave him a chance-"

"Why do you keep calling him that?"

"His name? Ron, Hermione and Draco are serious, and they are probably going to get married one day."

"Don't even joke about that." Ginny ignored him.

"You're just making it worse for everyone by acting like this. I know you love Hermione and you have to see how much harder you're making this for her."

"He's the one who-"

"He's been trying to make amends. And believe me, he's not going anywhere, so you need to figure out how to deal with him."

"How can all of you stand him?"

"Start by not insulting him every chance you get and go from there. And don't pester Harry about this again today, you know better than that."

Ron nodded guilty, then joined her inside to Floo to Grimmauld Place.

* * *

When Narcissa arrived at the restaurant Draco was already seated, tapping his fingers on the table impatiently. She studied him for a few moments before approaching.

He looked older to her, but she reasoned that was probably just her imagination, she'd seen him just a week before at the memorial of the battle of Hogwarts. But again, when he was out with his girlfriend, she tried her best to avoid looking at them together. So, it had been longer since she'd really stood back and looked at her son.

He seemed calmer and more like himself. He was sitting straight, of course, but there was a slight curve of his shoulders that spoke to an ease and comfort that hadn't been there in years. Was that because of the Granger girl? Or had time finally started to heal the wounds from the war?

Narcissa finally walked up to the table and frowned as she watched him tense up at seeing her. The ease she'd noted before was gone and he was completely on guard. He stood to greet her and when she hugged him, she could feel the tension she'd seen before.

Narcissa used to be the only person Draco would relax around. He'd cry in her arms and be impassive and strong for everyone else. But now…

"What do you want, Mother?" Draco's tone was cold, and it reminded Narcissa eerily of Lucius. She shook her head at the thought and settled into the chair he was holding out for her.

Once Draco sat back down, she answered. "I've missed you. Thank you for coming."

Draco didn't respond, but instead waved the waiter over so they could order. He seemed to be in a rush to get through this lunch and Narcissa tried to hide the pain caused by this thought. After they ordered, she continued.

"Draco, this disagreement between all of us…" she trailed off and started again. "I'm sorry for your father, he shouldn't have tried to break you two up."

Draco eyed her suspiciously but waited patiently for her to continue.

"Can't we...try to move past it?"

"So you don't care about me dating a Muggleborn anymore, Mother?"

"Of course I care, but you're more important to me than that. I risked everything to save you Draco. And all to have us not speaking, to be completely cut out of your life." Narcissa paused to wipe an errant tear from her face and Draco's look softened.

Draco missed her too and would love a relationship with his mother. But he reminded himself this had been her fault. She was the one who didn't approve of the one person in the world who made him feel sane and happy. All because of her outdated beliefs on blood purity.

But maybe his mother was trying to make amends. Maybe she was finally ready to see past Hermione's blood status and try to get to know her.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Narcissa froze and nodded, not looking surprised. Their food arrived and they both stared at their plates for a few moments before Narcissa finally spoke.

"I expected as much. Though, it's sooner than I'd guessed."

Draco nodded, a little disappointed by her reaction, though he figured it could have been much worse. They both started eating and after a few more moments of silence Narcissa removed a large diamond ring from her left hand and placed it on the middle of the table.

"I know you don't have money Draco, so I'm assuming the ring part of the proposal is posing a bit of a problem for you." She nodded toward the ring on the table.

"Every eldest Malfoy has offered that ring to his fiancé for centuries. And by all rights, it's yours to offer...Hermione," Narcissa said her name carefully and Draco wondered if it was the first time she was saying it out loud.

Draco started to shake his head.

"This ring is yours mother. And well, I'm not sure she'd even want a Malfoy heirloom."

"You are a Malfoy, Draco, and the sole heir. If this girl truly loves you, she should accept all of you instead of expecting you to reject your past." Draco's jaw hardened, but he decided against pointing out the very good reasons Hermione had for expecting him to forget the family he was born into.

Instead Draco picked up the ring and studied it before putting it back on the table.

"It's pulsing with magic. What does it do?"

Narcissa's lips curled up slightly. "The standard charms put on jewelry, of course. Also, a powerful protection charm and magic to ensure fertility." Draco raised his eyebrows.

"And that doesn't bother you, Mother? The thought of half-blood grandchildren?" Narcissa sighed heavily.

"I just want you to be happy Draco."

"And what does Father want?"

A flash of anger and sadness came across Narcissa's eyes, but it was gone in an instant.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

Draco crossed his arms. "There isn't much Father doesn't know. Maybe you're just here on his orders to give me that." Draco pointed at the ring.

"My own ring that provides protection and fertility to the wearer?" Narcissa challenged. Then she added, "I don't do everything he says." Draco watched a tear fall from her eye and she wiped it away quickly.

Draco grabbed her hand from across the table and squeezed it comfortingly, "Thank you Mother, I love you." With his other hand he picked up the ring and pocketed it.

Narcissa was overcome with guilt and excused herself to the washroom. When she got there, she broke down bawling.

Her son was a much better man than Lucius. But Lucius was her husband, and she loved him, and it was her duty to obey him. And she had a duty to protect and Black and Malfoy lines as well, but doubt was finally creeping in. She ignored it and cleaned herself up before joining her son to finish their meal.

When Narcissa returned to the Manor she avoided Lucius' office and headed straight for her room and started throwing her jewelry onto the vanity, remembering the look of love and concern on Draco's face when he'd comforted her from across the table. And during their parting hug he'd finally relaxed into her, he trusted her.

What had she done?

Lucius approached her from behind and watched her throwing her earrings, then noted her ring was gone and took that as a good sign. He caught her reflection in the mirror and gave her a questioning look.

"It's done," Narcissa said in a rough voice, then dropped her eyes to avoid his gaze.

"Narcissa, you did the right-"

"I don't want to hear it." Narcissa turned sharply and brushed past him to the closet where she started changing quickly. "And Lucius," she called from the other room. "I want you to sleep somewhere else tonight."

Lucius sighed to himself. "Very well."

* * *

_June 2004_

Hermione had had a very lovely day. It started in the morning when she awoke and found a paper butterfly fluttering around the bedroom. Draco was gone, running with Harry in the park. The butterfly finally settled on her hand and she was unsure what to do with it when she saw words on the underside of its wings. She opened it and saw a few sentences in Draco's handwriting.

_One ordinary day, in an ordinary home, in an ordinary town, a kind, ordinary couple gave birth to their first child. But the child was anything but ordinary. No one knew it at the time, but this girl would one day change the world._

A few more butterflies appeared while Hermione was getting ready and eating breakfast and she smiled as she read the story of a girl growing up in a non-magical world displaying clear signs of magical ability. She smiled when she read the description of the girl as having _wild hair, big brown eyes, and an easy smile._ This story was about her.

She didn't see Draco before heading to work, but throughout the day she'd been receiving butterflies and she wondered multiple times how Draco was managing it. He must have help from someone inside the Ministry.

But the only person she could think who would help him was Harry and when she went to check on him, he was out on rounds. She waved to Ron and he looked back at her sadly. She guessed he was still upset about her cutting off their dinners.

Draco had taken the story of the war and turned it into a fairy tale. The girl in his story was approached by the faeries and invited into the magical realm, where they said they'd help her reach her full potential.

_But only a few years into her training the King of Darkness rose to power. The king and his followers hated people from the non-magical world. And the king's son, the shadow prince, who was also training with the faeries, tormented the girl endlessly._

_The girl was ridiculed, unfairly, but she didn't care. She held her head high, which only annoyed the prince more._

When Hermione read the part where Harry and Ron entered the story, she laughed out loud.

_The girl befriended the leader of the elves, a green-haired boy whose parents had been killed by the King of Darkness several years earlier. He had a pet Phoenix with brilliant red feathers who was rather dumb, but loyal, and followed the elf everywhere._

_Then a smoke descended on the land and started killing the non-magical beings. The girl was urged to flee back to safety with her parents in the non-magical world, but she stayed, determined to fight._

_The shadow prince watched her from afar, perplexed. Not able to comprehend her bravery and determination. But he shoved the doubt she caused from his mind as he continued to send the smoke around the valley, ignoring the screams of pain as it reached a new victim._

_The girl went on to defeat the King with the help of the elf prince and his Phoenix._

_No one thought they would win. The prophecies were against them. But they mobilized every creature from the smallest faerie to the largest lions to fight the King, and in the end, the side of the light prevailed._

Hermione thought the story was over since the last butterfly coincided with the end of her work day and she was eager to get home and see Draco but the house was empty. Then when she went to the sitting room she was met with a swarm of paper butterflies.

They flew around her and she laughed, so she'd been wrong, there was clearly more to the story. She wondered where to start, but as she settled on the couch the butterflies started coming to her one at a time.

_The girl, now a beautiful woman, heard a cry of anguish in the forest and approached, eager to help. But it wasn't a wounded animal, like she'd thought, but the shadow prince himself._

_Her breath hitched and she hid in the trees, watching him cry. She left, unable to find the compassion to approach, remembering all he'd done and the innocent people he'd killed. But the sound of his cries haunted her for days._

_The woman kept returning to the spot, out of curiosity, and watched him. Then she noticed what he was doing. He was slowly turning himself into a shadow. His limbs were transparent and she watched in amazement as more and more of his torso started to disappear. But she still stayed hidden._

" _I'd appreciate it if you killed me now," the prince said out loud one day, then looked toward the trees where the woman was hiding. She stepped out, warily._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Dying slowly is a worse death, the one I deserve. But you're good, and merciful, so perhaps you'll do me the honor?" He held a long knife to her and she stepped back, alarmed._

" _Why do you need to die?"_

" _It's what I deserve."_

" _No one deserves to die."_

" _Not even monsters like me, who have killed innocent people?"_

" _I believe you can be redeemed. You control the darkness and the shadows in this land, and we can use your help, to continue to fight evil. If you died now, it would be a waste."_

_The prince decided to help her and her friends, but as he did so he slowly continued to fade away. The transformation he'd started months before couldn't be undone._

_With the prince's help the woman and her friends were able to defeat the next evil being and by that time the unlikely couple had fallen in love. But he didn't have much longer to live. He was disappearing every few moments and struggled to stay whole._

_When the woman finally noticed, she was devastated. "I thought you'd stopped it. I thought you wanted to live."_

" _It was too late by the time I met you."_

" _How long do we have?"_

" _A few days. But I'll always be with you. Every night when you're in darkness, I'll be there. Or on a sunny day when you step into the shadow of a tree, you'll find me."_

_The woman lived a long life and did remarkable things, always eager to help creatures in need. When she was overwhelmed with the burden she'd chosen for herself, she'd cast a spell to throw herself into shadow and was immediately comforted. She felt the prince with her always, and talked to him often, though he couldn't talk back. Only in dreams were they able to converse like before._

_When the woman reached the end of her days, she'd lived a full, content life. But she never married since her heart belonged to the darkness. One night the faeries came back to her._

" _You've done great things, just as we expected. And you've earned the right to choose how you'll spend your time in the afterlife. You can live in the sun, which is the highest honor. Casting the world into light and watching over everything."_

_The woman was honored, but hesitated because she knew in light, she'd never see her true love. She told the faeries she'd need time to decide and they gave her one night and one day._

The story stopped. Hermione looked around for another butterfly, but they were all gone. She stood but then one last, red butterfly flew to her from the hall. She sat and began to read.

_That night, the prince whispered to her in a dream. "Join me in the shadows. It's not what you deserve. With all you've done; you deserve the sun, happiness, light. And with me you'll only have darkness, death, and sadness. But you'll also have my whole heart and an eternity of unconditional love."_

_The woman woke suddenly, tears streaming down her face. She had her answer, and called the faeries back, so she could tell them what she'd decided._

Hermione flipped the butterfly over, but that's all it said. She placed it on the couch and looked around for more. Maybe she'd missed one.

"What did she decide?" She asked out loud. When she turned back toward the hall, she saw Draco leaning against the doorway, looking back at her nervously.

He took a deep breath, then stalked into the room and knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands and Hermione's heart leapt when she realized what was going on. What this whole story had been about. Draco's voice was rough when he spoke.

"I don't know what she said. I'm hoping to find out soon." He took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to her knuckles before continuing.

"I knew I wanted to marry you as soon as we started dating. But, well, it's only recently that I've begun to think I can make you happy.

"I have nothing to offer you. No money, no ring, well I have a ring, but it's probably no good, I'll explain later. I have no prospects, am susceptible to dark moods, have a terrible past, and an evil father.

"But I promise to love you with everything I have. Some days that will look better than others. But...Well, I guess that's all. You deserve the world but all I can give you is me. My words, my heart, my magic, my soul…I hope it's enough Hermione. Will you marry me?"

Hermione knelt next to him and brushed a few tears from his eyes.

"It's appalling to me, after everything, that you still think there's a version of this story where the woman doesn't say yes. I thought you were supposed to be smart." Draco's heart lightened, but he waited, she still hadn't actually said the words. Hermione took Draco's face in her hands.

"You're all I want. The darkness, the parents, the shady past, all of it. I don't need a ring, or money, or to live in the bloody sun," Draco laughed and she joined him. "So, yes, I'll marry you. Of course I'll marry you."

Hermione leaned in and when she kissed Draco a jolt of energy passed through her body and it felt as if her magic was showing its approval at her decision. When she looked back at him, she could see he was extremely relieved and she shook her head, how could he have possibly thought she'd ever say no?

Hermione still had some work to do to get him to see how much she loved him, but that was fine, she'd always loved a challenge and now she knew she had the rest of their lives to work on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Yay! They're engaged, how nice. And Draco and Harry are finally getting on, now we just need to whip Ron into shape...
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe.Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see a few drabbles and aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	19. The Ring

**CHAPTER 19 - The Ring**

_June 2004_

The first thing Hermione wanted to do as an engaged couple was discuss in detail the magic behind Draco's butterflies. She wasn't satisfied until she had mastered the spell herself. Draco also explained that Theo was the one who had helped him deliver the butterflies to her desk throughout the day.

"That was nice of him," Hermione said.

"He complained incessantly," Draco grumbled.

"I'll send him an owl thanking him later." Hermione cupped Draco's face in her hand and kissed him softly. "It was the perfect proposal, thank you."

"I still can't believe we're going to be married," Draco admitted.

"I know. I'm going to be a Malfoy. It's so strange."

"Will you really change your name? I thought you'd want to keep Granger."

"Yeah, I do, especially since I'm sort of the last one. Maybe I'll hyphenate. Hermione Granger-Malfoy. Sounds weird, doesn't it?" Draco nodded.

"Maybe I should just change my name to Granger and we can forget the whole Malfoy thing altogether."

"Yeah, your parents would love that," Hermione quipped.

Draco remembered the ring then, but before he had a chance to bring it up Hermione stood up quickly, "I have to tell someone, is that okay?" She looked back at him and hesitated. "Or maybe not, we're newly engaged, I should stay here with you, shouldn't I?"

Draco waved her off.

"Go, we have plenty of time. Go tell Potter and Ginevra. But maybe not the Weasel, unless you're in the mood for a lecture, or a duel? Or maybe he'll just combust, not sure on that one." Hermione's face fell and Draco felt bad for teasing her. He knew their relationship was strained because of him and regretted bringing the Weasel up.

"Yeah, not today. Maybe I'll have Harry tell Ron for me. That can be his engagement present." She forced a smile back on her face and bent to give Draco a quick kiss. "It's going to be fine."

"I know Hermione, go." Draco watched her leave through the Floo and stayed on the couch for a few moments, cursing Weasley under his breath before he returned to his office to work on his next book.

He'd had a meeting with his publisher the day before to discuss the idea of writing a book of fairy tales. The publisher confirmed what Hermione had said, that there wasn't much competition and the book would likely sell well. As long as it was published under a pseudonym, of course. Draco didn't care about that, he just wanted the money and was already halfway through the first draft, assuming he could use a lot of the story he'd written for the proposal.

He found it easy to turn the dark stories into fairytales, and it was probably because he'd done a lot of escaping into his mind during the war, rewriting his awful reality into something more palatable.

Hermione wasn't gone for very long since Harry and Ginny had been heading to Andromeda's and she didn't want to keep them. When Draco heard her return, he went back to the sitting room but paused in the doorway when he saw Hermione chewing her lip as she stared disappointed at the fire. He crossed his arms and watched her, but soon he ran out of patience. "Well?"

The sad look on Hermione's face disappeared and she crossed the room and hugged Draco. "They were happy and said congrats. You didn't tell me you asked for Harry's blessing. That's so cute."

Draco rolled his eyes. "It wasn't like that. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't going to put up a big fight."

"I still think it's cute. Oh, and Harry said he needs to talk to you on Auror business related to your father and the situation in France." Draco's eyes narrowed and Hermione shook her head. "And that's why I said it could wait until tomorrow. He'll stop by right before work."

"Fine." Hermione looked back at the fire and Draco realized what had her upset. "Is there anyone else you want to tell?" Hermione let out a sigh and shook her head.

"I think I'll tell everyone else later, maybe all in one go. Ginny and Harry are the only ones who'd be truly happy for us anyway." Draco was sad for her and pulled her in for a comforting hug.

"It's only because Harry and Ginny are the only ones who have really gotten a chance to know you. Oh, wait," Hermione's eyes brightened, "they aren't the only ones." She let Draco go and ran up the stairs to their bedroom and Draco followed her, curious. She pulled her Muggle phone out of her nightstand and plugged it in.

Draco looked back at her confused, but she wasn't paying attention to him. She was pounding on the buttons on the phone, then she held it up to her ear and smiled when she heard a voice on the other end, but her smile turned quickly to a frown.

"Oh shoot! It's the middle of the night there, isn't it?"

Ahh, the Wilkins, Draco thought. He leaned back on the bed and watched her talk animatedly with her mother, glad that she was able to call her parents on this special day. Monica seemed okay with being woken up for this and he could hear her excited tone through the phone.

"Well I don't have one yet, but as soon as I get one, I'll send a picture," Hermione said, looking away from Draco.

Draco's heart dropped. Right, the ring. Usually witches would go showing off their engagement rings, it was a source of pride. And he never expected when he proposed that his future wife would have nothing to show for it. He should have bought her a ring as soon as they started dating. He still regretted not buying more for her when he'd had free access to the Malfoy vaults.

Draco didn't notice Hermione's conversation had ended until she sidled next to him on the bed. He started running his hands through her curls.

"I'm sorry you don't have a ring to show off. I talked to my publisher and they think I can sell a few volumes of fairy tales. You were right, of course, they should sell well. But, well the story I sent you today, it's yours, so I understand if you don't want me to share it, I can write another. It'll just take me a little longer."

"Draco, I don't need a ring, please drop it. But of course you can sell the story, but maybe make the references to me, Harry, and Ron less obvious."

Draco smirked, then he shifted and pulled his mother's ring out of his pocket. "I told you I had a ring but was pretty sure you wouldn't want it. Here it is." He held the ring in his outstretched palm. Hermione picked up the ring tentatively.

"You were right, I hate this absolutely giant, gorgeous ring. It would probably weigh me down too much."

"There's a charm to make it feel weightless once it's on. And to keep it clean and ensure it fits any finger."

"Among other charms, I'm sure. It's almost pulsing with magic. Where did you get this?"

"It's my mothers'." Hermione dropped the ring back in his hand and Draco laughed. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"She gave it to you?"

"I didn't steal it," he retorted. "That's what the lunch meeting was about. She was...apologizing, I think. And she gave me that. But, I'm not sure I can trust her. I think she's trying to lull me into complacence for some future plan of my father's. It's so hard to tell with my parents."

Hermione felt a pang in her chest at the look of sadness in Draco's eyes. "But she said something about not doing everything my father says. I don't know what that meant."

"Do you know what the magic does?" Hermione picked the ring up again and started examining it, looking for an inscription.

"She said there's a protection spell and...uh...a fertility spell." Draco watched Hermione's eyes widen and she looked back at him questioningly.

"But you're an only child, and so was your father, right?"

"And his father. You're right," Draco looked back at the ring. "Maybe it stops after one? Or after a male child is born? Anyway, I think it's safe. I tested it with every spell I could think of, then had Potter take it to the Auror office and scan it with his dark magic detector."

"Harry tested it too?" Draco nodded.

"It's obviously laced with magic, but it doesn't seem to be anything dark or dangerous. My mother has been wearing it for thirty years. It's not the magic I'm worried about, it's that fact that it's a Malfoy family heirloom. Believe me, I understand if you don't want to wear it."

Hermione looked at the ring for a little longer, then put it on her finger. She felt it grip around her finger, then it became weightless, like Draco said it would. A warmth started to spread from her finger up her left arm. She looked back at Draco and he was looking at her warily.

"I'm not ashamed of being a Muggleborn and you shouldn't be ashamed of being a Malfoy." Draco raised his eyebrows, ready to point out the issues with that comparison. "I mean it, Draco. Maybe all that pureblood supremacy can end with our family. And a few generations down the line the Malfoys will be known for all the good they do."

"Malfoy means 'bad faith' in French, that may never be a possibility," Draco felt the need to point out.

"Well it's a good thing we don't live there then," Hermione responded, unphased.

"You won't hurt my feelings," Draco was still eyeing the ring warily, but he couldn't deny it looked beautiful on her, and it's not like he had anything else to offer her.

Hermione shrugged. "I like it, and I don't mind having a piece of your family on me. You're not all bad. And I'd like to think your mother is trying to make amends and has no ulterior motives." Draco shook his head, still unsure.

"Yeah, I know, you're cute like that. One of the many reasons I adore you, Hermione." He placed a kiss on her nose and she giggled.

"Are we finished telling people tonight?" Draco asked.

Hermione jumped up and went to grab her phone. "Let me take a picture of this and send it to Monica." She held her hand out and took a photo, then pressed a series of buttons on the phone before putting it back in her nightstand. "Okay, done. Do you want to eat?"

"No," Draco leaned back on the pillows and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Hermione snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I just proposed to you, Hermione. In an incredibly romantic way and I've given you a very rare, expensive ring. If that hasn't earned me sex, I'm not sure what else I can do."

"Fine."

"No need to sound so thrilled about it," Draco muttered sarcastically, picking himself off the bed and walking to the door. "I understand if you're not in the mood…"

"Come back, of course we can have sex." Draco crossed his arms, staying put in the doorway. "Please?" Hermione added, knowing that's what he was waiting to hear.

"Well you don't need to beg…" Draco caught the pillow she threw at him, then smiled and threw it back at her before joining her on the bed.

* * *

A few days later Hermione awoke and found Draco gone. She smiled as she read the note he'd left on his pillow explaining that he was on a run with Harry. She never would have guessed a few months before that Draco and Harry would meet together on their own accord, but ever since their trip to Hogwarts, those two had seemed easier around each other.

Draco had even told Harry about the proposal ahead of time, which Hermione found really cute, though she knew better than to say so to either of them. _Boys_ , she thought as she rose and started the shower.

After a few minutes the water from the shower was still cold and Hermione sighed. The water heater must be acting up again. She'd have someone come look at it later. She picked up her wand and went to cast a warming charm on the tap, but the spell wouldn't come. She shook her wand and tried again, but nothing happened.

" _Lumos,"_ she muttered, and a faint light appeared. Then she tried to turn her hair black, and that spell worked fine. She went back to the tap, but the warming charm still didn't work. _How odd_ , she thought as she turned her hair back to brown. Hermione turned off the tap and decided to forgo the shower.

* * *

Hermione and Ginny were eating lunch at Hermione's desk. Ginny had stopped by to sign some forms for the upcoming Quidditch tournament and surprised Hermione with sandwiches from her favorite Muggle deli.

"Do you still hate this department?" Ginny asked.

"I don't hate it," Hermione said defensively.

Ginny snorted. "You're going to need to get better at lying if you want to be the Minister for Magic. Ask your fiancé for lessons sometime."

Hermione ignored the jab, then finished her bite before speaking.

"I thought it would grow on me, but it hasn't. I only have to stay here through the end of the year. And I know the experience is good for me." She shrugged and took another bite, then added once she was finished chewing, "I get to see you every so often, so it's not all bad."

A drop of sauce from Hermione's sandwich fell on her skirt and she swore, then grabbed her wand to clean it.

When she waved her wand, nothing happened. She sighed and turned her wand on a nearby parchment instead and transfigured it into a cloth. Then she tried to wet the cloth with her wand, but again, the spell didn't work.

She huffed and dipped the cloth into her glass of water and started wiping the stain away. Ginny watched the entire scene in fascination. She had never seen Hermione struggle with spells.

"What just happened?" Hermione waved her off.

"My wand's been acting up."

"Has that ever happened before?" Hermione shrugged.

"It did a bit, when I was trying out new wands right after the war. But this one has always worked fine for me."

"Maybe it's not the wand, maybe it's your magic," Ginny suggested.

"That's unlikely, there aren't many things that can interfere with a wizard's magic."

"There's one thing I can think of," Ginny grinned back at Hermione. Hermione froze, then put her sandwich down and glared at her engagement ring.

"Nooooo." Hermione said under her breath. "No no no no no no no no no."

"What? Why do you keep looking at the ring?"

"Draco said there were fertility spells on this," Hermione waved her hand with the ring in front of Ginny, who rolled her eyes.

"Ugh, of course there are. Anything to get that male heir…"

"I know what you were insinuating before. Pregnancy _can_ mess with a witch's magic. Do you think the spells on this ring could counteract my contraceptive charms?"

"Charms? As in more than one?"

"Of course, two charms and a potion." Ginny snorted.

"Merlin, you're so thorough. I'm lucky if I can remember one." But Hermione wasn't listening anymore. "Hey," Ginny said quickly, trying to snap Hermione out of her reverie. "It's a quick test, we can go to the loo and do it now." Hermione nodded silently, then stood and walked slowly toward the washroom.

A few minutes later Ginny checked her wand for the results. "Negative." Hermione let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank God."

"What?" Ginny crossed her arms, "Do you think Draco would be upset?"

"I'm not sure upset is the right word."

"Well have you talked about kids?" Hermione looked down at the ground, avoiding Ginny's gaze. "Hermione, you're going to get married. You need to be on the same page about children."

"You're right, I'll talk to him about it tonight." She sighed then added, "And I need to stop by Ollivander's sometime this week too."

* * *

Hermione was too nervous to Apparate home that day with her wand acting up, so she walked since their fireplace wasn't connected to the Ministry. She'd visit the Floo office the next day and remedy that. When she got home, she heard Draco in the kitchen and her resolve to talk to him about children faltered. What if Draco didn't want kids? Would she be okay with that?

Instead of going to the kitchen to meet him, she went to the sitting room and sat on the couch, then started trying spells. Everything worked fine until she tried to cast her Patronus. All she could get out of her wand was silver smoke.

Hermione tried to ignore the rising panic in her chest. It was probably just the wand, she kept telling herself, maybe it was damaged without her realizing. She turned and saw Draco's wand on the side table and hesitated for a few moments before picking it up. She knew she should ask before using it, but she was embarrassed to admit she was struggling with magic. She strained her ears and could still hear him in the kitchen, then tried to cast her Patronus again.

This next attempt was worse than before. Did that prove it was her and not the wand? Or maybe Draco's wand didn't match her well. She'd never tried using it before. She placed it carefully back on the table, then finally went to greet Draco, ignoring the uneasiness settling in her stomach.

* * *

The next day, Hermione and Draco were sitting on the couch reading when Hermione's wand acted up again. Draco watched her wave her wand and was confused when nothing happened. There was something wrong with her, he'd noticed her struggling with magic for the past few days, but she was trying to hide it from him.

Hermione blushed when she saw Draco watching her, then stood up. "I'm going upstairs to get my book; do you need anything?"

Draco shook his head, then realized she'd been trying to summon it, but had obviously been unsuccessful. He wondered again what could be wrong with her? He tried to remember the reasons for someone's magic to fail and was reminded of the time she'd lost her magic because of that terrible powder, but she didn't seem ill right now.

Then it hit him, there was a common cause for witches to struggle with their magic, but that couldn't be happening, could it? "Hermione!"

She turned back from the hall and faced him.

"Are you…" But he couldn't put his thoughts into words. His mind was racing and his chest was tight, and he was trying to place the feeling. His healer told him to do this when he was overwhelmed with emotion. Was this panic? No, not panic, it wasn't a negative feeling, just - fast, and warm, and intense. Excitement. That was the feeling, excitement and hopeful anticipation.

Hermione was biting her lip. "Your magic is acting up," Draco continued. "Why is that?"

"It has been coming and going," Hermione said in a soft voice. "Ginny thought I was pregnant." She studied Draco, curious to see what his reaction would be. But he just looked back at her expectantly. She was relieved that he didn't look upset.

"I'm not," Hermione continued, and Draco looked back at her confused. "But, uh, we haven't talked about it. You know, kids. And if we're getting married, we probably should."

Draco nodded and waited for her to keep talking, hoping she'd lead this conversation, since he had no idea how to start. But Hermione was staring back at him, evidently expecting him to speak next. He took a big sigh. "I want them."

Hermione looked surprised. "You do?"

"Not immediately. I want to figure out the money thing first."

"Right, of course. But...uh...one day?"

Draco smirked. Hermione looked extremely relieved by his response. "You thought I didn't want children?"

"Well I know you don't really like Teddy," Hermione said, a bit embarrassed, but Draco nodded in agreement. "Or any of the other Weasley grandkids."

Draco shrugged, not offended by her assessment. "I'll like mine."

"Ours," Hermione smiled back at him.

"So I'm assuming you want kids too?"

"Yeah, one day."

"Well that's settled." He smiled again, then teased, "Was that so bad?"

She shook her head and hugged him.

"So back to the magic, what do you think is going on?"

"I don't know," Hermione shrugged. "I'm going to Ollivander's tomorrow to see if it has to do with my wand."

Draco pulled his wand out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Try mine." Hermione blushed.

"I already did, yesterday. It didn't help." Draco didn't look upset though, he was just thinking, trying to recall any other reasons for a wizard to struggle with their magic. Hermione put Draco's wand on the table and turned to go back upstairs but Draco shook his head and pulled her back.

"What were you trying to summon?" Draco asked.

"The book on my nightstand. I'll just go get it."

"I've got it." He reached toward his wand, but before he picked it up Hermione's book came flying into the room and hit Draco in the side before falling to the ground. Draco bent to pick it up and stared at it curiously.

"Did you cast a spell?" Hermione asked, also staring at the book in Draco's hands.

"No, but I was thinking of it."

"Has that happened before?"

"No," Draco looked back at his wand, which was still lying on the table, untouched. "My spells have been coming easier but this-"

He cut off and Hermione was surprised to find a look of horror come across his face. "Take it off!" He was glaring at her ring.

"What?" Hermione looked down at her ring, confused.

"Now!" Draco crossed the room, then tore the ring off her finger and threw it violently into the fire. Unsurprisingly, the ring remained intact, glittering innocently at them from the embers.

"What's going on? Tell me what you're thinking." Draco continued to watch the ring, then turned back to her, speaking urgently.

"We need to see Potter, send your Patronus." Hermione reached for her wand, then they both seemed to realize instantaneously that if she couldn't summon a book, she likely wouldn't be able to cast a Patronus.

"Nevermind," Draco muttered, already holding a handful of Floo powder. "I'll get him. I'll be right back."

Before Hermione could ask another question, Draco was gone.

* * *

"So explain this again," Harry raked his fingers through his hair as he paced around the sitting room. "You think Hermione's magic is being transferred to you?"

"I've already been through this twice, Potter," Draco growled from his spot on the couch. As he watched Harry pace around the room, he was reminded of how intimidating the git could be when he wanted to and was secretly glad Harry was on his side this time.

"There was a relic referenced in the book Hermione and I found in the Malfoy library that didn't match any of the dark objects we found in the house. It was a ring with a binding spell that worked to transfer the witch's power to her husband. I remember it because Hermione lectured me endlessly about witch's rights after we finished the translation."

Draco looked over at Hermione on the other end of the couch, but she was still silently staring into the fire as tears streamed down her face. She was looking at the ring, which was still in the fireplace, and was hoping Draco was wrong, but something deep inside her knew he wasn't.

"But your mother has been wearing it safely for years," Harry said.

"I know," Draco sneered. This was the part that hurt the worst. He'd expected something like this from his father, but his mother had tricked him. He'd been so desperate to believe she really loved him and finally wanted him to be happy.

"It wasn't just hers. It's been passed down in my family for centuries. It must have been warded, or maybe the magic had to be activated to work…" Draco stood and walked to the fire, glaring down at the ring.

"I was so stupid, I could feel the fucking magic, but I fell for my mother's lies." Draco looked back at Hermione, but her eyes were still unfocused.

"But we both tested it, there wasn't an ounce of dark magic on that ring," Harry argued.

Draco shook his head. "I know, I have no idea how this got through all our spells."

"I do," Hermione finally spoke up and the two men looked at her curiously.

"Don't you remember, Draco? We talked about this." Draco shook his head, unsure what she was referring to.

"This was the only relic in that book we couldn't find in your house, and after we translated the passage we realized why. It's because it wasn't made with dark magic. The magic is based on love. As long as the witch willingly enters the marriage then her husband isn't stealing her magic. If that were the case, it would be dark. She's giving it to him, like a gift." Hermione's voice was flat and she was staring intently in the fire. Then she looked up at Draco and he was heartbroken to see the sadness in her eyes.

"The ring couldn't be found with any dark magic detectors, that's why none of Harry's detectors worked then in helping us locate it in your house. And they didn't work a few weeks ago either."

Draco swore, then approached Hermione and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Hermione. I completely forgot about that. I should have recognized the ring for what it was immediately."

Hermione chuckled darkly. "It was two years ago Draco, don't be ridiculous. And you'd never suspect your mother to just hand you a relic. I didn't suspect it either." She cupped his face in her hand. "Please don't blame yourself."

But it was too late for that. Draco turned away from her.

"Well there is good news," Harry said. "We can finally lock your father up again. We've been tailing him for months, trying to catch him doing something illegal in France, and we were close, but this, this has to be illegal."

"It probably isn't," Hermione said. "Most of those ancient laws are still in place," she continued in her flat voice. "I remember bringing it up when I worked in that office. But my boss at the time said there weren't enough resources to go after old, unused laws when we have plenty of current legislation to work on."

Neither Draco or Harry knew what to say, so they nodded politely, then Hermione went back to staring at the fire.

"But why now?" Harry asked and Draco looked back at him, confused by the question. "You're not married yet, just engaged."

Draco let out a sigh, then mumbled, "We consummated it, so technically, per the old laws, we are married."

"Ew."

"Grow up, Potter."

"Right, and uh, how long since, you've been, uh, married?"

"It was the same night I proposed, so what was that? A week ago?"

"Didn't waste any time," Harry muttered under his breath.

"You should talk," Hermione grumbled, focusing back in on their conversation. "I know for a fact you and Ginny-"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Draco cut in.

"Yeah, please," Harry said, blushing now.

"Can you two focus back on our problem?" Draco asked. "How did you manage to get anything done during the war?"

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Well, do you have any ideas for next steps? Do you want to go to the Manor and look for that book? I can accompany-"

"No, I had something else in mind."

"Okay, what do you need?" Harry looked eager to jump into action.

"The sword, the one that can destroy horcruxes," Draco said. "Hermione had a theory that the relics were like ancient horcruxes and maybe they can be destroyed in the same way."

Harry's eyes widened and he looked back at Hermione. "Why didn't you tell me? You could have avoided that entire project at the Manor."

"That's why I didn't tell you," Hermione crossed her arms defensively, but she felt lighter. Maybe she'd been right. Maybe breaking the spell would be as simple as using the sword to destroy the ring.

"And you think that will work?" Harry directed his question to Draco. "You think once the ring is destroyed the spell will break and Hermione will get her magic back?"

"I have no idea," Draco turned to Hermione. "What do you think?"

"It's worth a shot." She finally stood and went to Draco's side and he placed a comforting arm around her waist. "It's not like we have any other ideas," she said as she glared down at the beautiful ring.

* * *

Draco was right about the sword of Gryffindor being able to destroy the ring. It sliced through the heirloom easier than any of the horcruxes. But unfortunately, Hermione's magic didn't return. It seemed the spell was already in place and would have to be undone a different way. Hermione had been disappointed when the sword didn't work, but she remained hopeful they'd find a way around it somehow.

Draco had considered returning to the manor for the book on relics, but he assumed his father would have hidden it by now. Then Hermione had the idea to try a different pureblood estate, reasoning that this type of spell was probably common at the time and not unique to the Malfoys.

Draco went straight to Theo, the only pureblood he was on good terms with, and Theo had agreed to help and opened up the Nott Manor library for them.

Draco had connected their house to Nott Manor using the Floo, but unfortunately Hermione didn't have enough magic to travel through the Floo alone. That's when Theo started bringing the books to her.

He'd bring a new stack each day, then take the pile she and Draco had looked through the day before back home with him. This had been their routine for two weeks now, but they still hadn't gotten anywhere.

There was a glimmer of hope a week ago when they found a book of relics similar to the Malfoy one and Draco and Hermione had smiled at each other and quickly set to translating it. Their hopes had grown further when they found a similar relic, this one a bracelet.

But once the passages about the bracelet were translated their hopes were crushed. It only talked about activating the spell and there was no mention of how to reverse it. That book had been their best shot, and once it was proven worthless Draco had fallen into a dark depression.

He still read through the books Theo brought over, but he barely ate, slept, or spoke. Hermione knew he'd already lost hope and was just going through the motions, so she tried to stay strong for both of them.

Now she was taking a break from reading and staring into the fire, trying to ignore the emptiness that had settled into her chest once the magic finally left her for good. Harry was on the other side of the room, pouring through case reports at the table.

Harry was dedicated to punishing Lucius for doing this to Hermione. She knew the reports he was searching through now were related to the uprising of dark wizards in France. Harry was sure Lucius was involved and was committed to finding proof so he could throw him back in Azkaban.

Harry and Ginny had been a constant presence, helping them research, and mostly keeping them company. She appreciated it, since Draco had turned into a ghost and spent most of his time upstairs, preferring to research alone.

Hermione thought he stayed away as a favor to her, assuming she wouldn't want to see the person currently using her magic, but she really missed him and wished he would stop trying to hide. She didn't push though, since she knew seeing her unable to use magic was extremely hard for him. He'd still been working on getting past the guilt from the war, and now this?

Both Hermione and Harry looked up when someone arrived through the Floo. Hermione started when she recognized Ron but didn't have the energy to stand and greet him. She didn't even have the heart to be worried about his presence here and simply nodded toward him absently.

Ron came to sit next to her on the couch and mumbled something she didn't hear, then rubbed her back comfortingly. She just nodded and let him give her a quick hug, then watched him walk out of the room.

Her brain was sluggish from all the reading and poor sleep, so it took her longer than normal to realize that this was the first time she was seeing Ron since she'd gotten engaged to Draco. She'd imagined a lot more yelling, then alarm bells started going off in her head. She stood from the couch and Harry looked up at her, he'd been lost in his report. "What?"

"Ron!" Hermione went to the kitchen, where she assumed Ron had gone, but it was empty. Harry was in the hall, looking at her curiously. "Ron's not down here," she explained.

Harry cursed under his breath.

"Draco…" Hermione moved toward the stairs, but Harry held her back.

"I've got it," he rushed up the stairs and Hermione sighed, then went back to the couch, bracing for the shouting she knew was coming.

* * *

Ron carefully opened the bedroom door but the room looked empty. He stepped in and almost left when he heard something in the bathroom. He peered inside and saw Draco leaning against the wall with his knees pulled up and his head buried behind his arms.

Draco's head snapped up and Ron swore at the sight of his former childhood bully. He looked terrible. Worse than Ron had ever seen him, and that was counting the time in sixth year when he'd been plotting to kill Dumbledore.

Draco was thin and haggard. His hair was messier than Harry's and he looked like he hadn't showered or slept in days. His skin was grey and his eyes were sunken in. The sight reminded Ron of the times Nora would fall asleep with her makeup on and woke up with it smeared under her eyes.

Then as Ron watched him, he noticed something extremely odd. Draco was disappearing and reappearing every few seconds. Ron couldn't help but blurt out, "Why are you blinking in and out?"

"Fuck off, Weasley," Draco said, then he lifted his hand to slam the door. Ron saw a look of disgust flash across Draco's face as he performed the spell easily, without a wand, and his heart dropped.

When Harry first told Ron what had happened to Hermione, Ron had been livid with Draco. Of course, this must have been his plan all along. But Harry had made Ron consider Draco's side.

"What if your family didn't want you to be with Nora? So they'd cast this terrible spell on her to slowly drain her of magic? It would break your heart, watching her grow weaker and weaker each day, would it not?"

"Yes, but-"

"Let me finish," Harry had cut him off. "But to make things worse, what if the magic was making you stronger? How fucked up is that? Not only do you have to watch the person you love most get weaker, but to know that you were the one stealing her magic? Can you imagine what they must be going through?"

Now that Ron had seen Draco, he knew Harry was right. Ron had thought Hermione looked bad, but Draco was completely broken, and Ron couldn't blame him. It was a terrible fate, something Ron wouldn't wish on anyone, not even Draco Malfoy.

Ron sighed then opened the bathroom door again and walked inside, hoping Draco wouldn't try to use his new enhanced magic to hex him. "I want to talk to you."

"I told you to fuck off," Draco's voice was rough from disuse. "Believe me, there's nothing you can say to make me feel worse, so just go."

"I don't want to make you feel worse," Ron said and Draco looked up at him, perplexed, before he disappeared again. Ron sighed and asked when Draco reappeared, "Uh, can you control that?"

Draco took a deep breath, "The magic tends to bubble over if I don't use it," the look of disgust was back. "I just do this to use it up, but what I really want to do is blast everything in sight."

Ron nodded and straightened his spine, trying to hide the fear that he was feeling at the thought of talking to an unstable Draco Malfoy who currently possessed an unprecedented amount of power.

"I came to try to cheer you up." Draco looked back at him, impassive, so Ron continued talking. "Hermione and Harry are incredible. And I know it seems like things are hopeless, and there's no possible way you're going to find a cure for this fucked up spell. But the three of us have been in situations like this before, and we managed to make it out all right."

Draco cocked his head, still stunned that Weasley was trying to make him feel better. Ron kept talking.

"One time Harry fought a basilisk with no wand and his only weapon was the Sorting Hat, did you know that?" Draco shook his head.

"Well all of a sudden a giant sword fell out of the hat and Harry managed to kill the snake. That's how we first found the sword, it hadn't been seen for centuries before that.

"Then, well I'm sure you've heard about Gringotts by now." Draco nodded, this story he knew. "Well we had no plans on how to make it out alive. There were hundreds of goblins descending on us, but all of a sudden Hermione gets this idea to free the blind, decrepit dragon."

Ron sighed. He couldn't tell if any of this was sinking in with Draco, but he kept talking, realizing that he needed to hear this pep talk too.

"Then there was your house. You were there for that one. That was hopeless, then Harry manages to summon Dobby, the one creature able to find us and Apparate in and out of there. I guess I'm just trying to say that those two will find a way to save the day, just give them time, and try not to lose hope."

Draco snorted and looked down at himself. It was clearly too late for that.

"He's right." Draco and Ron's attention was pulled to the doorway where Harry was standing with his arms crossed. "Though you're understating your role in everything Ron." Ron shrugged and blushed slightly. "And we never had Malfoy's help before, and he's fairly clever."

"Cleverer than Weasley," Draco muttered under his breath.

"But not me?" Harry asked innocently.

Draco raised his hand and cast a quick silencing charm, but Harry still laughed quietly and Draco couldn't deny that he felt slightly better. Harry left then, eager to report back to Hermione that Ron and Draco were getting on (sort of).

Draco stood and stretched out his stiff legs as he considered Weasley's words. These Gryffindors _were_ incredibly resourceful, and Potter _had_ managed to kill the Dark Lord. Maybe there was something to Weasley's reassurances.

Ron was still looking at him expectantly. "What do you want now Weasley? Isn't your speech over?"

"Yeah...uh...can you take a shower? You look like shite." Draco rolled his eyes.

"Fine, now leave, since I'm assuming you don't want to watch." Now it was Ron's turn to roll his eyes.

"Also when all this is done, you should let Hermione come to dinner with me again." Draco narrowed his eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ron looked a little embarrassed.

"Wow, she never told you? I was sure you were the reason she cut them off. Uh, well we used to go to dinner every week, just to catch up. Then after you got back from Australia she stopped them, said she wanted to work on her relationship. And - well, I get you're engaged, and I don't really care to try to break you up or anything. I just want to see my friend again."

Draco shook his head. There must be more to this story, otherwise why else would Hermione have hidden this? Weekly dinners for over a year? This was the type of the thing that would have upset him before, but he didn't have the energy to care now.

"Fine Weasley, if we get Hermione's magic back and she wants to go to dinner with you, I don't fucking care. Take her out every night if you must."

"Okay, uh, I'll leave you alone then." Ron opened the door and was almost outside when Draco called him back.

"Weasley."

"Uh huh," Ron popped his head back into the bathroom.

"Thanks. And uh, sorry I almost killed you in sixth year."

"Whatever Malfoy, just try to stay strong for her. It'll be easier for her to remain composed and put that giant brain to work fixing this if you can hold your shite together better."

* * *

Hermione was laying in bed reading when she saw Draco appear in the doorway. He was leaning against the door frame, as if he was waiting to be invited inside.

"Can I come in?"

"I never kicked you out, you're the one who decided to leave."

"I know." Draco crept inside and sat on the bed across from her, pulling his legs up and crossing them in front of him. Hermione put her book down and sat up. She started tracing her hand along his jaw. He closed his eyes and she moved her fingers to his hair, relishing the feeling of touching him again.

The week before he'd started sleeping in the spare bedroom. He'd said he didn't want to hurt her with a random burst of magic, but she knew that was a lame excuse. He could avoid those by using up as much magic as possible before going to bed. He was just avoiding her, though she didn't know if it was meant to be for her benefit or his.

When she finally pulled her hand back, he leaned his forehead against hers and they sat in silence for a few moments. She could hear him taking slow, deliberate breaths, then could almost hear his magic crackling on the surface of his skin. She looked up and saw that his skin was glowing with a faint, silvery gleam that reminded her a bit of Veelas.

"Draco, you need to use your magic, otherwise you're going to explode."

"I hate using it."

"I know, but I don't mind, I want you to be safe. I've been, I've been so worried about you." Tears started streaming down her face and Draco wiped them away with his hands.

"Fuck. You're the one who lost your magic, and you're worried about me? Weasley was right."

"What did he say?" Hermione perked up, suddenly curious. Harry had only said he was trying to cheer Draco up, but hadn't given her any more details. Primarily because he was silenced and didn't want to write it all out. It had taken Harry, Ginny, and Ron to remove the charm because Draco's magic was so strong.

"He told me I had to be stronger for you. Then he gave me a Gryffindor-y pep talk."

Hermione sighed. "You've been acting like this is all your fault, and it's not. You need to eat, and try to sleep, just- please take better care of yourself."

Draco's eyes welled with tears and she pulled him into her chest, hugging him tightly. He turned invisible and she closed her eyes and focused on his warmth under her arms. She knew this was the primary way he dealt with the extra magic, by making himself disappear. But the symbolism of the gesture wasn't lost on her and each time he did it she thought of the shadow prince from his story and her heart broke.

But she didn't protest, since she knew this was a relatively safe and effective way to use the extra magic.

When Hermione opened her eyes, Draco had reappeared and she stared into his haunted, grey eyes.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Anything," his voice broke.

Hermione traced her hand along his Dark Mark and he looked down at it and waited for her to speak.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself."

Draco's breath caught in his chest and he looked away from her. Did she know that was all he wanted to do? Maybe she'd guessed because of all the time he spent sitting on the bathroom floor. He'd tried distracting himself, he'd tried flying, he'd tried potions and whiskey, but nothing had stopped the rising panic at the thought of what would happen if they couldn't fix this.

The only reason he hadn't already severed his arm was because he knew how disappointed she would be. And he wanted to be strong for her. So he'd punished himself in other ways.

He'd stayed up all night until he was delirious, refused food until his stomach roared with hunger, and even avoided the comforting feeling of a bath and clean clothes. He knew it was illogical, but he had to do something.

Draco looked back at Hermione and she was looking concerned again. She was asking a lot, probably more than she knew, but he owed her this, didn't he? He nodded back.

"I need to hear you say it, Draco."

"I promise." But she wasn't satisfied and waited, "I promise I won't do anything to harm myself."

"So you're going to start eating again? And taking care of yourself?"

Draco nodded again. "Yes."

"We're going to figure this out."

"And what if we don't?" His voice came out raspy, dreading asking this question, but he had to know.

"We'll figure that out too."

"How could you live with me, watching me use your magic every day while you have none? Surrounded by people who are using magic when you can't? There's no way you'll be able to stay with me."

"We're not at that point yet, Draco."

"We're getting nowhere with the research."

"It's just slow, and we both know why. You're a researcher. These things, small exceptions to rules, they are never captured in the official record. They're remembered, and passed around as stories. That's why I've started looking through diaries, that's where it will be. Not in the texts. Please Draco, don't give up yet."

Draco shook his head, then dropped her gaze. "I don't have your strength."

"No, just my power," she teased, but Draco's face fell and tears started to fall from his eyes again.

"Sorry, I was joking. I know better, just - will you come here?" He leaned into her and she started stroking his back.

"I'm pathetic, I should be comforting you," he mumbled.

"We're comforting each other." Draco leaned back, then started twirling her curls around his finger.

"I love you."

"I know, I love you too."

"You really think we'll make it through this?"

"I do."

"Why?" He saw a fiery determination come into her eyes.

"Because I refuse to live in a world where Lucius Malfoy wins."

* * *

_July 2004_

After another few days with no progress, Draco decided it was time to go back to Malfoy Manor. He coordinated with Harry to find a time when Lucius would be gone. Harry knew Lucius had a meeting with some of the Aurors to discuss his involvement in France and Draco chose that time to visit his childhood home.

Part of Draco wanted to confront his father, especially with his amplified power, but he knew it would be easier to search the Manor with him gone. He could punish his father for what he'd done after Hermione was cured.

Draco went straight to the library but wasn't surprised when none of his summoning spells worked to find the book. He tried a few other spells Hermione and he had worked out, but it seemed his father had been thorough. Then he changed tactics, about to look for diaries from that time period when his mother appeared in the doorway.

"Your father moved a number of books to the vaults," Narcissa said, walking slowly into the room. She hitched her breath when Draco turned toward her. His appearance reminded her of the troubled state he'd been in at the height of the Dark Lord's reign.

Draco stopped looking through the books and glared at his mother. Then he approached her slowly and noted the sadness in her eyes. "What did you hope would happen? That I'd leave her?"

"So you did it? You proposed?"

"And a few weeks later her magic was gone. You knew that's what would happen if I used the ring." His mother looked away from his hateful gaze.

"You belong with us Draco, in our world," her voice was weak and there wasn't much conviction behind her words.

"It's the same world!" He wanted to shake her and force her to understand. "How could you do this to me?"

"It's for your own good."

"Stealing the magic from the woman I love? How is that for my own good? I already was unbelievably guilty for how I treated her, how our family treated her, and now I have to feel her power every day as I watch her live in the magical world without it. What is wrong with you, Mother?!"

"Draco-"

"I will never forgive you for this." Tears started to fall from his mother's eyes, but Draco didn't have the energy to care.

"Tell me the counter spell," he commanded, and his mother recoiled at the harshness of his tone.

"There is none."

"How do I know you're not lying again?" His mother didn't answer. "What kind of mother does this to her son?"

"We have a duty, Draco, to our bloodlines." Narcissa's tears were flowing much faster now, but the sight of them just made Draco angrier.

"Fuck our bloodlines!" his mother winced and all the glass in the room shattered.

"I was happy! Finally. Now, what am I supposed to do? She's my only shot at a normal, peaceful life. And if I can't undo this, she'll leave. Then I'll be a miserable, yet extremely powerful, wreck. Is that what you wanted?"

His mother stayed quiet.

"Either way the bloodlines will die out because I will _never_ marry anyone else. You'll have to Imperius me, Mother. Is that your next move?"

"Of course not, Draco," she reached for him, but he stepped away from her grasp and the windows and doors slammed shut. He was losing control. Draco made himself invisible and watched with a twisted satisfaction as his mother's eyes widened in alarm.

"Don't touch me," Draco spat, reappearing next to the door. He waved his hand and the door swung open. "We're done. I'm -" his voice broke and he paused to swallow back tears. "I thought you loved me."

"I do, Draco, I love you more than anything."

"No mother - not more than anything, I see that now." He marched back to the entrance and she chased him down the hall, calling his name but he ignored her.

"Draco please, you have to understand-" Draco silenced her.

"I will never understand why you did this. And this is it for us. Goodbye. For good."

As he turned to the door his eye caught a familiar image in the portrait across the hall. It was his great aunt and uncle, the same ones who had tried to harm Hermione.

Draco thought now was a good time to punish them for that indiscretion, and it would feel good to test the limits of his new power. He knew you could cast a spell on the subject of a portrait, but could you kill them? They were already long dead.

Just then, his mind cleared as he remembered his conversation with Hermione from a few days ago.

"That's it," he muttered to himself as he turned to leave, completely forgetting his plan to destroy the portraits. He Apparated home, then immediately Floo-ed to Nott Manor, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

Maybe Hermione was right after all, maybe there was still hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: I feel like this is the perfect spot for me to remind you I promised this story would have a happy ending. Please don't lose hope!
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see a few drabbles and aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	20. The Edge

**CHAPTER 20 - The Edge**

_July 2004_

"Theo!" Draco was running through Nott Manor, but couldn't find Theo anywhere. He checked his watch; he should be back from work by now.

"Theo!" Still no answer. Draco stopped, then remembered he had a wand, and he cast a quick _Hominem Revelio_ charm. There was a faint outline of a figure at the other end of the house. Draco ran in that direction and found Theo changing in his bedroom.

Theo jumped when Draco barged in and swore loudly. "Ever heard of knocking, Draco?" Theo pulled his shirt on, then scowled back at Draco, waiting for an explanation.

"Where's your owl?"

"What?" That hadn't been what Theo expected Draco to say.

"O-wl," Draco said slower, as if Theo was stupid and hadn't understood.

Theo rolled his eyes and started walking back to the other end of the house.

"Can we go faster?" Draco asked.

"What's the fucking rush? I was already heading to your house with the next stack of books. Granger told me to focus on diaries as far back as I could find them."

"Yeah, I know," Draco said quickly. "Can't you call the fucking owl?"

Theo rolled his eyes again, then whistled and the owl flew down the hall and landed on his shoulder.

Draco felt around and didn't have any parchment, so he summoned a quill and parchment with his wand and started scribbling a note as soon as they arrived. Then he folded the note and handed it to Theo, who was still looking at him confused.

"Tie that on him."

"Yes, your majesty," Theo mumbled, but he still turned to attach the note to his owl's leg. "Where is it going?"

"To Hermione at the Ministry." Theo relayed the message to his owl, then he made a clicking sound with his mouth and the owl flew off.

"We have to learn how to do those Patronus messages Potter and his friends use," Theo muttered.

"Yeah," Draco said absently, but he wasn't paying attention. He was walking through the halls, looking for something.

Theo started following him. "Are you going to explain what's going on?"

"Where are your portraits?" This was another unexpected question. But Theo knew better than to question Draco. He seemed a bit mad and had an unbelievable amount of power at his disposal. It wouldn't be smart to anger him right now.

"Uh, in the attic."

"Take me."

"Fine, but explain what you're on about on our way there, will you? You're creeping me out."

Draco started to explain quickly. "A few days ago, Hermione mentioned if there was a counter to this spell, or some situation where it was reversed, it likely wasn't written down. We'd need to talk to people from that time to find it.

"Well first I thought of ghosts, but we know none of the pureblood estates have ghosts. But when I was at Malfoy Manor, I saw my great aunt and uncle in a portrait and remembered there was another way to talk to ancient relatives. Unfortunately, I can't use mine, since they serve the head of the manor, my father. But then I thought of you - head of this estate.

"And we already found reference to a bracelet in your family that works similar to the ring that did this to Hermione. We just need to find a portrait of a witch wearing that bracelet."

"Uh huh, I should warn you," Theo turned to Draco. "These portraits hate me."

"But they should be bound to serve you, right?"

"I guess we'll see." Theo shrugged. "Did you want to wait for Granger?"

"No, maybe by the time she arrives we'll have found something."

It didn't take as long as Draco thought to find portraits of Nott ancestors wearing the bracelet. Once Theo commanded the portraits, they were helpful, bringing up everyone they'd seen wearing the gold and silver braided relic.

And on their fourth try they found a witch who had regained her magic after giving it to her husband.

"How did you do it?" Draco asked in a rush, his heart beating hard in his chest.

The woman shrugged and looked like she wasn't going to answer. Draco glared at Theo and Theo said in a bored tone, "I command you to answer his question."

She sighed, "I didn't do anything, my husband died. Eaten by a dragon. As soon as he died my magic returned, then I lost it again a few months later," she added bitterly.

"You lost it again, how?" Draco asked.

"Another marriage, this time to Callum Nott."

Draco nodded, barely listening. That was it, he should have thought of it sooner. Hermione would get her magic back if Draco died.

"Is there another way?" Theo was asking the woman.

"Not that I've ever seen."

Draco descended the narrow stairway and started pacing the length of the hall, running his fingers through his hair. When Theo joined him, looking at him concerned, Draco said, "We found it."

"Well that's hardly a solution. But we'll keep looking. I'm sure there are more witches up there, maybe someone else knows a different way."

Draco was halfway down the hall, lost in his thoughts again. This time he didn't turn around to continue his pacing but kept walking toward the main staircase.

"Where are you going?" Theo yelled, running to catch up to him.

"I need to get out of here."

"Draco! Don't do anything stupid, wait for Granger."

"No." When Draco turned back to Theo, Theo could tell his mind was elsewhere. Theo pulled out his wand and placed a sticking charm on Draco's shoes.

"Wait. You need to stop and think about this before rushing off-" Draco shook his head and removed the sticking charm easily, then ran for the front door.

"What am I supposed to tell Granger?"

"Nothing. And whatever you do, don't tell her what we found!" Draco yelled over his shoulder before closing the front door behind him.

Theo cursed, then went to the sitting room to wait for Hermione.

* * *

Draco stopped by Theo's shed and grabbed a broom, deciding to fly back to London. He needed to clear his head and burn off some of the magic that was bubbling on the surface of his skin. Flying back while casting a strong invisibility charm should help with both. He was rewarded with almost instant relief as the wind flowing fast on his skin helped him clear his mind.

He used Occlumency to completely clear his mind, then took a few deep breaths as he flew above the clouds. After a few moments, he dropped the Occlumency and let the thoughts slowly stream back in.

If Draco died, Hermione's magic would be hers again. He'd worried the thought would make him feel uneasy, or scared. But he was oddly at peace with it. It made perfect sense and he was surprised neither of them had thought of it before.

Then Draco remembered the promise Hermione had made him make a few days before.

_Promise me you won't hurt yourself._

He thought she'd been referring to his past with the severing charm. But maybe a part of her had guessed at the solution to their problem. Did she think once he found out he'd off himself?

Draco chuckled darkly. That would be a perfect payback to his parents. They were so desperate to preserve their bloodline. But what if in trying to do so, they drove Draco to suicide? He wondered what they'd do then. Maybe they weren't too old to try for another child.

He took a deep breath and moved his thoughts away from his parents. He thought again about suicide. Could he end his own life? He remembered Hermione telling the story of Harry walking to his death. Draco had thought it preposterous at the time and couldn't imagine doing something like that.

But he'd put his life at risk for Hermione before, hadn't he? He'd jumped into that bloody lake. And when that powder exploded, he hadn't thought for a second about protecting himself, just her.

But this was different, those situations had been so fast, he'd merely reacted. This would be premeditated.

He thought again about Hermione's story about Harry. She said he never told anyone once he knew he had to die. Not even her or Ron, because he knew he wouldn't have been strong enough to say goodbye.

That made sense to Draco. He knew the second he saw Hermione he'd never be able to go through with it. And she'd be livid if he did, especially after he'd promised her not to hurt himself again.

But Draco thought maybe the feeling of her magic returning would counteract the anger a bit. What spell would she do first? How long would she take to get over Draco? Hopefully not too long, but a good amount, maybe a year? Maybe two?

Hopefully she'd find someone good. A smart bloke who could continue to challenge her. And someone nice and happy who would get on easily with her friends. Draco sighed and stopped thinking about the bloke and went back to thinking about Hermione.

* * *

"You're late." Hermione was pacing the atrium of the Ministry when Harry finally met up with her. She had a scrap of parchment clutched in her hand and shoved it under Harry's nose.

He took a second to focus on the tiny scrawl. _Come to Nott Manor._

"Okay...so you want to go to Nott Manor right now? Not home first?"

"Harry, this is from Draco, he obviously wrote it in a rush. Something happened, or maybe he found something." Harry could tell she was trying to keep the hope out of her voice, but he could still hear it there.

"Okay, it could be nothing. But, let's go check. I have to rush off right after though, so I can only drop you there."

"That's fine, let's go." Hermione turned toward the fireplaces then waited for Harry to take her hand. Harry hoped she was right about Draco finding something. Those two had been through enough.

And unfortunately, Hermione had been right about the ancient laws. There was nothing they could do to persecute Lucius for this crime. But Harry hadn't given on up finding something to pin on that slimy wizard. He knew it was just a matter of time before Lucius got what was coming to him.

When they emerged from the fireplace Nott was waiting for them and looked nervous. This was a first, his usual expressions were boredom and annoyance.

"There you are!" Nott rounded on Hermione and Harry was curious and wanted to stay and find out what was going on, but he couldn't be late for the meeting with his informant.

"Hermione, I-"

"It's fine, go," Hermione cut Harry off. "Draco's here, right?"

Theo shook his head. "But I can provide any magic you need."

"What? Where is he?" She noticed Harry looking back at her concerned but waved him away.

Theo nodded to Harry and once he disappeared into the Floo, Theo started to ramble, "Draco said I shouldn't tell you, but there's no way I'm keeping this from you. I wanted to go to your house, but needed to stay here in case you came."

"What's going on?" Whatever it was wasn't good news, that much was obvious. So Hermione was certain she'd misheard Theo when he said, "We found the answer."

"What?"

"Draco came in here yelling at me about the portraits, and he was right, we found a witch who was under the spell, then got her magic back."

"How?!" Hermione was frustrated Theo was taking so long to explain. He took a deep breath.

"Her husband died."

Hermione's eyes widened, but it fit, of course that would lift the spell, but - "Where's Draco?"

"He left, practically ran off," Theo added grumpily.

"To where?"

Theo shrugged.

"Did he say anything?"

"Just, not to tell you what we'd found."

Hermione's mind started racing and her heart was beating furiously in her chest. She tried to calm her rising panic. She had to think, where would Draco go? What would he do? How long did she have? Would he really kill himself, no, he'd never do that to her. But as she considered the possibility, her certainty wavered. Maybe he would do it for her. If he was convinced it was the only way.

Hermione looked back at the fireplace and wished Harry hadn't left. He could send a Patronus to Draco, then help her look for him. When she turned back to Theo he was eyeing her curiously. She sighed and figured Theo would have to do. It was better than no one, at least he had magic.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the fireplace. "Take me home."

Theo nodded, then grabbed a handful of powder and threw it into the fire before stepping in. As soon as they arrived at her house Hermione started running around, shouting for Draco.

In a few moments she returned, breathless. "I don't think he's here. Check for him!"

"You just did."

"With magic!"

"Oh, uh...how?"

" _Hominem revelio_? Honesty…" Hermione grabbed Theo's wand out of his robes and started demonstrating the wand movement and incantation behind the spell. "Now you."

"No wonder you two are together," Theo grumbled. "You're both fucking demanding as hell."

Theo tried the spell, but it turned up nothing. Draco wasn't in the house.

Hermione's face fell. "When did he leave?"

Theo checked his watch. "Uh, two, maybe three hours ago?"

"Three hours…" Hermione repeated, then she started pacing the room. She was trying to think through all the places he'd go. Would he go to Australia? Perhaps, but he'd need the Portkey.

She ran to his office, but the Portkey they used to go to Australia, an empty ink bottle, was sitting on Draco's desk.

Theo had followed her into the room and looked uncomfortable. She figured she looked a bit like a madwoman, running around the house and muttering to herself. He approached her and placed a hand on her arm awkwardly. "Uh, it's going to be fine, Granger."

Hermione looked up at him. "Is this meant to be comforting?"

Theo rolled his eyes and pulled her in for a hug. "Better?"

Hermione allowed herself to relax against him, then nodded her head. She started thinking of her next move. She could send Theo to get Ginny or Ron, then they could try to send a Patronus. But what if it was too late? She voiced her concern out loud. "What if he's off doing something incredibly stupid, Theo?"

Theo's grip tightened and he pointed out, "Well then you'd know, yeah? Your magic would come back."

Hermione turned her thoughts inward and scanned her body. Her magic was still gone, Theo was right. Draco was safe, wherever he was.

Both Theo and Hermione jumped apart when they heard someone clear their throat in the hall.

"Is there something you two want to tell me?" Draco asked with a hint of a smirk on his face. He looked windswept. His cheeks were colored, and his hair was wild. She wondered if he'd been running, but then dismissed the thought when she saw he was still wearing his robes.

"Draco!" Hermione threw herself at him and he was a little surprised but caught her. It didn't take him long to piece together why she was acting like this.

"You told her?"

"I'll let myself out." Theo straightened his robes and walked toward the hall, but he stopped a few paces from Hermione and Draco, since they were blocking the doorway.

Draco shook his head but stepped aside to let him pass. "You do that."

Once Draco heard Theo leave through the Floo, he turned back to Hermione. "It's okay Hermione, I'm fine."

"You were gone and I didn't know...and I thought-" she paused to wipe away a few tears, "-I thought you'd decided-" a sob interrupted her words, but Draco knew what she was going to say.

"I promised you I wouldn't hurt myself." Draco kissed her and wiped away her tears. "You didn't believe me?"

"I worried if you thought it was noble, you'd do it anyway."

"You've mistaken me for Harry Potter." They both laughed. "I thought about it, of course, I - I flew home, that's what took so long. I just wanted to think through it all. You know me." Hermione smiled back at him and Draco knew then he was right in thinking he'd never be able to end his own life after seeing her look at him like that.

"But I could never do that to you," he continued. "Not without talking to you about it first." Draco swallowed, then looked away before saying. "I mean, if you wanted me to, I would."

Hermione grabbed his face and when he looked back she was shaking her head violently.

"Yeah, it appears you want to keep me on this side of the veil for now."

Just then Hermione's eyes glazed over, and she stepped out of his grasp.

"What did you just say?"

"You want me on this side of the veil…?" Draco responded, confused.

Hermione turned and ran up the stairs to their bedroom. Draco followed her and saw her pull the box with his manuscript out of her closet and throw it on her desk. She started rifling through the pages, clearly looking for a specific passage. She paused after a few moments once she found it and Draco leaned to read over her shoulder.

_Draco looked back at the bracelet, but it was gone. He jumped to his feet and looked around the table, but it was nowhere to be seen. Then, too late, he saw it slithering toward Hermione like a silver snake. She was watching him, alarmed, and before either of them could react the relic attached itself to her wrist._

_The floating lights on the table Hermione had cast went out and Draco's heart stopped. There was only one reason a wizard's spell would end like that. He rushed to Hermione, who had slumped into her chair. Her eyes were wide and blank and he moved his fingers to her neck and breathed out in relief when he felt a pulse. She wasn't dead, she was just on the edge._

Hermione turned back to Draco. "Is this true? This part with the floating lights? Is this really what happened, did my spell stop?"

"Yeah," Draco nodded, still confused.

"Oh my God, I have an idea."

"I see that, but I'm not following you."

"Maybe we can trick the spell. Maybe you don't have to go beyond the veil. Maybe going to the edge will be enough. It was enough for my spells to stop."

Draco finally caught her meaning, then gulped as he realized she wanted him to go back to that terrifying place. But he was determined to do whatever it took to help her. "I'll try anything. I can go and get the bracelet tonight if you want. Is it still in the Department of Mysteries?"

"You're not going alone." Hermione turned away from the desk and went back to her closet, then started changing her clothes.

"No," Draco said, watching her change into dark jeans and a black shirt. "We almost died last time. It only needs to be me."

"Neither one of us would have managed to get out alone."

"We don't know that."

"We're doing this together, or not at all."

Draco was silent. He didn't mind going back there himself. Best case scenario, he was able to fight his way back and his trip to the edge of the veil would be enough to break the spell. Worst case, he died there, but still Hermione would get her magic back. But if Hermione went, they could both die, and it would all have been for nothing.

"We beat it before, and we didn't even love each other then."

"I loved you," Draco cut in. "And you've been through enough Hermione."

"I think we can do it again." Hermione approached Draco and wrapped her arms around him, but he stayed silent. She let him think, knowing he would want time to process this before making a decision. But her body was already preparing for a fight. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel adrenaline flowing through her veins. She was glad to finally have a plan.

Draco pulled away and when she looked back at him, she was alarmed by the look of guilt in his eyes. He reached for his wand, but she pushed him out of the way and grabbed it out of his pocket.

"Don't you dare!" Hermione knew he could overpower her without it, but her outburst had caught him off guard and he was temporarily still.

"I know what you're thinking. We both know you can overpower me and force me to stay. But I won't forgive you." Draco started to speak but she interrupted him.

"And maybe you think it will all be forgotten if I get my magic back, but it won't. You have my magic, but you don't have my freewill," she added angrily. She knew it was a low blow, and winced when she saw the pain it caused in his eyes, but she also knew it would work. And now all she wanted was to ensure he didn't stun her and run off to the Ministry himself.

Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then he raised a hand and his wand flew back to him. He walked to Hermione and started stroking her cheek with one of his hands and she stood still, bracing for a spell. But he just pocketed his wand.

"You want to march to the edge of the veil without magic?" There was a hint of awe in his tone.

Hermione let out a breath. "You have enough to get us through any wards at the Ministry, and last time we were in there we didn't use magic. Please, Draco, let's try this."

Draco moved his hand from her face to her hair and started twirling one of her curls around his finger. "Why are you so determined to put yourself at risk?"

"I want to fight, and I'm not going to stand by while you do so without me. Come fight with me Draco." Hermione stepped back and held her hand out to him.

Draco looked at it for a moment, then placed his hand in hers and tried to keep it from shaking. He looked up at her and nodded, not trusting his voice.

* * *

Getting into the Department of Mysteries was easier than Draco expected. He thought he'd have to test the limits of his magical ability on the wards outside the door, but they opened easily for him.

Hermione had been given access to the section holding the dark artifacts when she'd worked on the project at the Manor, and now that Draco wielded her magical signature, he was able to walk right in. The wards didn't even seem to register Hermione, since she had no magical power.

Hermione led the way to where she'd stored the relics and they both took a deep breath when she opened the locker holding the bracelet. It was shining back at them innocently and Draco could have sworn the scarlet eyes of the snake were watching them.

"It won't be the same, will it?" Draco asked Hermione.

She shook her head. "No, I don't believe it will be that easy. Plus," she turned to Draco. "I think we're different people than we were. And our greatest fears are probably different too."

Draco linked his hand in hers, then rose it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "What is yours?"

Hermione's eyes scanned his face quickly, trying to memorize every feature. From his smooth, pale skin, to his sharp jawline and straight nose, to his endless grey eyes. This could very well be the last time she was seeing him.

"Losing you," Hermione finally responded in a whisper, as if she didn't want the bracelet to overhear. Draco nodded back at her and she saw the fear in his eyes.

"Me too."

"Remember," Hermione said, "there will probably be two tasks for us to overcome. The last time, we had to break through the mental haze first, then each of us had a physical task. Perhaps that will be the same."

Draco nodded and moved his eyes to the bracelet. He started pulling up his Occlumency shields. He wished he'd taken the time to teach Hermione Occlumency, then reasoned it wouldn't have mattered, since she had no magic at her disposal right now.

"Are you still sure?" Draco looked back at Hermione and was impressed by the determination he saw on her face. "I can go alone."

Hermione squeezed his hand, then leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Draco." She reached her other hand for the bracelet while Draco was distracted with the kiss, worried if he thought much longer about this, he'd change his mind about taking her with him.

Before Draco knew what had happened, they were whisked away.

* * *

Draco appeared on a small wooden raft in the middle of an endless ocean. It was nighttime and the sky was lit with stars. But he barely registered his new surroundings, the only thought in his mind was Hermione.

He looked all around him, but there was only ocean and no land in sight. "Hermione!" his voice was swallowed almost immediately by the thick silence of the night.

Draco took a few deep breaths and replaced his Occlumency shields while he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. But after a few moments when he could see farther, he confirmed there was only water all around him.

He placed a fingertip over the edge and was relieved when it didn't come back red. He tasted it and it tasted like salt, just like the ocean outside Hermione's parents' house. Well it could be worse, he reasoned, then he dunked his entire hand in, standing by for an attack. But nothing happened.

The ocean just rumbled peacefully in response. "Hermione!" Draco tried again, but wasn't surprised when there was no answer. So he was alone here. He should have guessed. His greatest fear now was losing Hermione, so what had the relic done? Separated them.

The whole reason she'd come in here was to help him, and now they weren't even together. Putting her in danger had been an unnecessary risk. Draco could feel his thoughts start to spiral out of control and tried to focus back on his Occlumency.

He took stock of his surroundings one last time, then figured there was nothing else to do but swim. It had worked the last time. Maybe it would work again. Then it occurred to him, maybe Hermione was _in_ the ocean.

He didn't waste any time. He dove down, but couldn't see anything, the water was pitch black. And unlike last time, he didn't have an unlimited air supply. He tried again and again. Hoping a platform, door, a bubble, anything would appear, but nothing did.

He changed tactics and instead of swimming down, he swam on the surface out to the horizon. But he never managed to get more than fifteen paces from the raft. He didn't know if it was following him, or if the current was keeping him close to it. But either way, swimming was fruitless.

When Draco was completely spent with only just enough energy to make it back to the raft. He dragged himself up and collapsed from exhaustion.

* * *

When Draco awoke, it was still night and he was soaked and cold. He tried to summon magic to warm himself, but nothing came. He focused then on the lack of power and found a small comfort in it. He'd been overwhelmed by both his and Hermione's power and was constantly trying to keep it from bursting forth. Feeling none of that now was a bit of a relief.

He looked up at the sky and saw the brilliant stars and thought again about Hermione. Where was she now? Was she in the middle of another ocean? He hoped not, he knew how uneasy the vastness of the ocean made her feel.

Was she also cold? He wished he could wrap her up in his arms and give her warmth.

Draco hadn't anticipated being separated from her in here. But she was gone. The thought caused panic to rise in his chest. He breathed deeply and focused on the stars. She wasn't gone, she was in here, somewhere, maybe even looking up at the same stars.

He studied them then, wondering if they would be different from the stars in the real world. But no, they were the same. He took a moment to find his namesake constellation, then traced the familiar pattern. As he did so a faint voice came into his mind.

_Draco, Draco, come back to me…Draco…_

"Hermione!" Draco shot up on the raft, but as soon as he did so the voice left his mind. He looked around frantically, but no one was there. What had happened? That was Hermione's voice.

He tried to re-trace his thoughts. He'd been thinking of her, and looking at his constellation in the sky. He tried to repeat this, and this time chanted in his mind, _Hermione, Hermione, Hermione, it's me, Draco._

"Draco?" Hermione's voice came clearly into his mind.

"Hermione!" He shouted in his brain, keeping his eyes on the stars.

"Oh my God, is it really you?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes, I'm floating on a raft in the middle of an endless ocean, looking up at the stars," Draco thought in a rush. "Where are you?"

"I appeared in a field of wheat, stretching far into the horizon."

Draco let out a small sigh of relief. "Good, no ocean for you then. I know how much you'd hate that."

The voice was silent and Draco feared it was gone, then it shook slightly when it spoke again. "It turns out a never-ending field causes a similar type of panic."

Draco's heart broke, and he wanted nothing more than to scoop Hermione into his arms. "I'm here, Hermione," he said instead. It was a small comfort, but his words were all he had to give her. "You're strong, and incredibly resilient," he continued. "You're going to make it through this."

" _We_ are," Hermione responded. And Draco could picture the look of defiance on her face, wherever she was.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Besides the fear, are you hurt?"

"No, it was fine when it was day. I just walked around but went nowhere. Then night fell and I - well, lost it a bit. But I focused on the stars. And started tracing every constellation I could remember. And when I found yours, I started to think of you. And then - well I heard you."

"I focused on my constellation." He heard her chuckle and imagined she was thinking he was egotistical.

"So, we found each other," Hermione said. "Do you think that was the first task?"

Draco sat up and looked around. He saw a door floating on a platform just ten feet away and gasped. He focused back on the stars so he could tell her. "There's a door on my side!"

"Wha-" Hermione's voice cut off and he guessed she's looked away from the stars. He waited patiently for her to return.

"Mine too. It looks like the door to the Department of Mysteries. Does yours?"

Draco looked at it and nodded, then remembered she couldn't see him. "Yes. But - it can't be right, that was too easy."

"Yeah, I agree. So should we leave it alone?"

"I don't know, I- well I have no idea what to do. What if they lead us to each other? Then maybe we face the final task together?"

"Maybe." Hermione's voice was hesitant and small and Draco wanted desperately to see her. "Do you - uh - do you want to try it together? Or have one person go first?"

"Together. If just one goes, whether they are successful or not, the other will panic."

"Yeah, you're right. Okay."

"Wait." Draco wasn't ready to lose the comfort of her voice yet. She seemed to sense this.

"I'm right here Draco. Remember, wherever this door takes you. I'm here, and I will never leave you."

"I love you, Hermione, and I will do anything to fight my way back to you."

"I love you too, Draco." They were both silent for a time, then Hermione asked, "Ready?"

Draco gulped, then nodded and said, "Yes."

He stood up and Hermione's voice was one. De stared at the door. Then before he could think about it too much and convince himself to leave it alone, he placed a hand on the doorknob and swung it open.

* * *

_I'm not alone, it's just a feeling. Draco is here somewhere, this is all in my head._

Hermione stood staring at the door for a few moments, chanting to herself, then finally took a deep breath and opened it.

She peered inside first and was surprised to find the room with the bracelet, the one she and Draco had been in just moments before. Or had it been hours? Or days? Time was hard to gauge, but it looked like the same place.

She walked through and as she did she was overcome with an overwhelming sensation of feeling. She was warm, and the air was heavy on her skin. She didn't realize how muted her senses had been in that field until now.

Then she heard footsteps like banging and a familiar voice yelled, "Hermione!" She slapped her hands over her ears, jarred by the unexpected volume of the sound.

"Harry?"

Harry threw himself at her and she noticed he smelled like the soap Harry used, which was reassuring. But it was stronger than normal. Had he just bathed? And his hug was tight and hard and not comforting, but she reasoned it was because she wanted Draco, not him.

She leaned to him all the same, then pulled away, remembering her mission. Draco.

She whipped her head around the room, but it was empty, there was no sign of Draco. The bracelet was on the floor, staring up at her. She kicked it away and focused back on Harry.

"Where is Draco?" Her voice sounded strange to her, foreign and higher than she remembered. She figured it was from disuse.

Harry's face fell and Hermione's stomach dropped with it. "What happened? Where is he?"

"I'm so sorry Hermione-"

"Where is he?" Hermione repeated, louder this time.

Harry reached into his pocket and extracted his wand. Then he handed it to her. Hermione looked at it curiously, then took it and immediately she felt her magic respond. Her chest lightened and a smile broke out on her face, but Harry didn't look happy at all.

"It worked," she tried to explain, to get him to smile too, but he just shook his head.

"It didn't."

"What?"

Harry took his wand back and Hermione looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "It all happened so fast. Malfoy Floo-ed over and said I had to get you at the Department of Mysteries. He said you two had tried to go to the edge of the veil, to break the magic, but it didn't work. When he came back he still had your power. Before I could ask him more, he left."

"I -" Harry paused and looked at the floor before continuing. "I came here first, and you were sleeping. I couldn't wake you, but you seemed fine. But I had this bad feeling about Malfoy. Something was off with him. So I went to your house, to see if he was there and-"

Hermione was holding her breath. She nodded for Harry to continue.

"He's dead."

"What? No! There's no way." Hermione's legs slowly gave way under her and she slunk onto the floor, leaning against the lockers for support.

"I think - I think he knew it was the only way."

"He wouldn't have left me like that," Hermione turned away from Harry, trying to think.

"He must have thought if he waited for you to come back, you'd talk him out of it. I came right back to check on you then, worried you were lost, but you were already back."

"We went through the door at the same time. How did he beat me?" But Hermione had hesitated in front of the door. She'd stood there for a few moments, steeling herself and remembering Draco. Were a few moments in there an hour in this time? Maybe Draco had marched straight through without pausing.

She leaned against the cold, metal locker nearest her and started to cry. _I'm all alone. Draco is gone. It's not just in my head, and it's not just a feeling._

She expected to feel a more dramatic emotion as the knowledge that Draco was dead settled in. But all she felt was numb.

Harry crouched next to her and placed a comforting hand on her back and muttered, "We should go from here. You can rest. I'll take you home."

Hermione wasn't listening. "But he promised. He promised he wouldn't hurt himself. He promised he wasn't Harry Potter."

Harry continued to rub her back then urged again. "You'll move on Hermione. I know it's hard, but come with me, we should leave here."

Hermione saw the bracelet glittering on the floor and directed her next comment toward it. "We overcame it, our worst fear. I was sure it would work."

"Yes Hermione," Harry was saying comfortingly. "You've overcome so much. And you'll overcome this too. You're strong."

_You're strong, and incredibly resilient and you're going to make it through this._

Draco's words came to her. From...when? Under the stars, in the relic.

_I love you Hermione and I will do anything to fight my way back to you._

She focused more on his voice. More on the edge of the veil. She knew there was something important.

"Hermione…"

"Stop Harry!" She tried to block out Harry's voice and rubbed her temples, struggling to remember.

_And our greatest fears are probably different too._

_What is yours?_

_Losing you._

"That's not correct," Hermione whispered under her breath. Then she looked back at Harry, her eyes wide.

"What are you talking about?"

"That's not my biggest fear, or not exactly at least," she stood and started pacing the room. "My biggest fear isn't just losing him, but that he'd leave me. Just like-" she paused and stepped away from Harry, "-just like this."

_Remember, there will probably be two tasks for us to overcome. The last time, we had to break through the mental haze first, then each of us had a physical task. Perhaps that will be the same._

"You're not making sense Hermione," Harry's voice cut into her thoughts and he approached her warily. "I know you're in shock, just come with me."

"No!" Hermione stepped back and narrowed her eyes, studying Harry thoroughly now.

"Hermione, I'm try to-"

"Where did Ron find us?"

"What?"

"When we were camping during the war. Where were we when Ron finally found us?"

Harry looked back at her, confused, but answered easily. "The Forest of Dean. You think I'm under Polyjuice?"

Hermione cursed to herself. Of course he'd get the question right. This was all in her head, wasn't it?

Harry stepped toward her again but she side-stepped and began looking around frantically. "Draco wouldn't break his promise to me."

"Hermione, I know you're upset."

Hermione's eyes paused when she caught a glint of silver, then she recognized the sword of Gryffindor. It was in the locker just two feet away from her. She backed against it and turned to face Harry, who was still talking. "I'm trying to help you, Hermione."

She clicked the locker open behind her and Harry noticed, but he didn't turn violent, like she expected. He looked just like himself. Concerned for her as he slowly pulled his wand out of his robes.

Hermione looked toward the bracelet on the floor, then pretended to lunge for it. Harry fell for the feint and moved to intercept her, but she turned the opposed way and threw the locker door open and pulled the sword from its sheath in one movement.

Harry looked back in alarm. He had his wand and pointed it at the arm she held the sword with. "Bloody hell Hermione! What are you doing?"

"I'm so sorry," Hermione shrieked. Then before she could think more about it, she swung the sword with all her might, keeping her eyes closed and hoping against all hope she hadn't gotten this wrong.

Harry yelled out, but before the sword met flesh Hermione was flung back to reality.

* * *

Hermione felt like she was thrown to the ground and scrambled to her feet, looking around for Harry or any other attackers. But it was just her and Draco and the bracelet, lying at his side. She kicked the bracelet and remembered doing the same with Harry.

 _Fake Harry,_ she amended. She took deep breaths, then crouched next to Draco who appeared to be sleeping. She sat on the floor and pulled his head in her lap, checking him for signs of life. He was breathing slowly, and she could feel a faint pulse on his neck.

She let out a sigh of relief then burst into sobs, her tears falling onto his chest. She was overcome with relief, and fear, and felt completely disoriented. Just moments ago, she'd believed him dead, but he was right here. She started stroking his hair and studied the face she'd tried to memorize before grabbing the bracelet.

Was this real? Or was it too good to be true? She reluctantly closed her eyes, not wanting to look away from Draco, and focused on the feelings of the room.

She knew instantly this wasn't fake. Everything here felt right in a way the scenes in the bracelet hadn't. In the field everything was too muted, and in the next room, everything from the smell of Harry's soap to the sound of her own voice was too much. Too overdone.

She ran her fingers through Draco's hair, then trailed them along his neck. This was real, this was right. She opened her eyes then and looked back at him, willing him to wake up.

As she did so, she felt her power flowing through her, trying to do her bidding. _Renervate,_ she whispered, not expecting it to work. And she was right, it did nothing, but her magic came to her fingertips and she watched a few dull sparks leave her hands. It was faint, because she didn't have a wand, but there was power there.

_It worked._

The magic was back, and she was finally whole again. _No._ Her mind rejected the thought almost as soon as it created it. She wouldn't be whole until Draco came back. She remembered what she'd told him in Australia, when she'd gone to find him after reading his manuscript.

_I fell in love with you the day you saved me from the bloody lake. When we got back safe, I cried in your lap, clinging to you like a wild animal. And ever since that day, I've never felt quite whole, quite myself, when I'm apart from you._

"You can do this Draco," Hermione bent over and whispered into his ear, continuing to massage his head and neck. "Please, please, please, come back to me."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: One more chapter to go! My plan is to post it this Thursday. Thanks for reading for this long.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see a few drabbles and aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


	21. Final Task

**CHAPTER 21 - Final Task**

Draco's eyes shot open and he was surprised to find he was lying on a cold, hard surface and his vision was obscured by something soft and brown on his face. He shot up to a sitting position, but his head collided with something on his way up.

"Ow!"

Draco crawled back a few feet and to his utter shock, he saw Hermione sitting across from him, holding her hand up to her lip and looking back at him with wide eyes. They regarded each other for a few moments, then Draco lunged and threw his arms around her.

"Thank Merlin. You're here. We both made it back." Hermione burrowed her head in his neck and he could feel her start to sob against him. It reminded him so vividly of the last time they'd escaped the relic he almost thought they'd traveled back to that day in the library.

Each sob tore through Hermione violently and Draco began to suspect there was something more to her cries than lingering fear and relief from escaping from the edge of the veil. He pulled his head back to look around the room and saw they were alone in the room in the Department of Mysteries. The bracelet lay on the floor ten feet away from them.

Hermione clutched him hard, her nails digging painfully into his side. Draco moved his arms to her shoulders and pushed her away gently so he could see her clearly. Her lip was bleeding where he'd hit her with his head and he frowned, then started to wipe the blood away with his fingers.

Hermione pulled her own hands up and looked at the blood curiously before wiping the rest of it away with the hem of her shirt.

"I'm sorry," Draco whispered, "I didn't expect to be laying in your lap. Are you- are you okay?"

Hermione nodded and looked around the room, then she seemed to remember where she was and crawled away from Draco until her back was against one of the rows of lockers. She looked away from him before saying, "It didn't work."

"What?" Draco followed her gaze to the bracelet on the floor and shook his head. "No, but…" he reached into his robes and pulled out his wand, then moved closer to her and forced it into her hand. "Try a spell, you haven't tried yet."

Tears started streaming down Hermione's cheeks again as she reluctantly wrapped her fingers around his wand. "I don't need to try a spell. I can feel my magic with or without a wand."

"Just try," Draco pleaded in a broken whisper.

Hermione stared down at the wand for a few moments longer, then she muttered, " _Lumos."_

Nothing happened.

She lifted her gaze to Draco's face and her eyes were unbelievably sad. Then she threw his wand away from her and crawled a few paces away from him before dipping her head into her knees and crying again.

Draco wanted to reach for her. To comfort her. But he couldn't help but notice that her first reaction at the confirmation that her magic was gone hadn't been to return to his arms, but to back away from him. After a few more minutes Draco crawled carefully to her side and placed a hand on her arm.

She flinched. Draco pulled back quickly, trying to ignore the pain in his chest at her rejection.

"Hermione, we can try something else. We still have the diaries to go through."

Through her sobs, she said, "I expect we'll find a few more accounts of witches who regained their magic when their husbands died." She looked up at him. "What else do you expect we'll find? A detailed potion recipe to fix this? A carefully crafted counter-curse? We both know that's not going to happen."

Her voice was high and she seemed slightly hysterical. Draco considered this an appropriate reaction, but it still made him uneasy. He wished he knew what to do for her but was at a complete loss.

"We've made it through so much Hermione, just- don't give up yet." Draco remembered their conversation from a few days before where their roles had been reversed. When she'd been trying to get him to see hope. And he couldn't fault her now, he didn't truly believe there was something else. His words were empty, and he could tell she knew it.

When she lifted her head again, she looked over at the bracelet and said in a flat voice, "I think it got my worst fear wrong."

Draco didn't know what to say, so stayed silent.

"I mean, it was right at the time, I guess. But if I were to go back now, it would be different."

Hermione turned to look at Draco then and her eyes were cold. "I thought my greatest fear was losing you, but there's something worse."

She looked down at the wand on the ground and Draco followed her gaze. "Losing your magic," he provided, and Hermione nodded without looking at him.

Hermione pulled herself to standing, then wrapped her arms around herself protectively. Draco stood too, but stayed a step away, careful not to touch her since he didn't think he could handle seeing her recoil at his touch again.

"I can't do this anymore."

Her words weren't entirely unexpected, but they still shattered Draco's heart to pieces.

"I thought I could," Hermione was shaking her head and Draco felt like he was being stabbed by each of her words.

"But-" she looked up at Draco and he could see the guilt in her eyes and almost doubled over in pain. "I'm so sorry Draco. I think it's over."

Hermione raised a hand to his neck and ran her finger along his hairline. Draco took a few deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of her fingers instead of the growing pain in his chest.

When he regained the courage to look in her eyes, he saw a mixture of guilt and pity. He looked away since those were his least favorite emotions to find on Hermione's face.

Instead of looking in her eyes, he studied the rest of her features. Her lips were fuller and a darker pink than he remembered. And her skin was smoother. He surveyed her entire face and wondered why she looked more beautiful now than he'd ever remembered.

Was it because this was one of the last times he'd be seeing her? He looked back in her eyes and noted they were a deeper brown than he remembered and her eyelashes were longer and darker.

The pain in Draco's chest was still throbbing, then it turned into a fire. How dare she look at him like this? More beautiful than ever, while she rejected him. How dare she break her promise.

_Remember, wherever this door takes you. I'm here, and I will never leave you._

She said she'd never leave him, but she'd lied. He met her eyes again and glared back at her. A fire ignited in her eyes to match his challenging stare.

"What happened to fighting for us Hermione? I'm not finished fighting for you."

Hermione continued to stare at him, her eyes bright, then they turned sad and she stepped away, pulling her hand back. "I'm sorry Draco. I just - can't. I remember what I said that day, but do you remember what you said? You said normal couples shouldn't have to fight this hard. I - I guess I reached my limit. You were right."

She took another step back and turned away and he heard her footsteps echo loudly. When she reached the edge of the line of lockers, she turned back to him. "I'm going to Harry's tonight. We can work out - uh - logistics later."

She walked a few more paced to the door and let herself through it without a final glance back.

When the door closed Draco slumped to the ground and rested against a nearby locker. He sighed and felt a lump in his chest but as he waited for tears to fall, they didn't come. Instead a coldness began to seep through his body. He hadn't actually expected her to leave.

He lifted his hands to his face and pulled them back quickly when he saw Hermione's blood there. It was smeared along his hands and he studied it curiously. Blood had been his undoing years before. The bracelet had conjured a lake full of it to torture him.

Draco pulled his sleeve back and looked at his Dark Mark. It had been so long since he studied it. He tried his best to keep it covered and ignore it.

He recalled Hermione touching it a few days before when she made him promise not to hurt himself. Was he allowed to break that promise, now that she was gone?

She'd broken hers, had she not?

_I'm here, and I will never leave you._

Draco's thoughts were getting away from him, he pulled his sleeve down and leaned his head back, taking deep, rattling breaths. "Hermione," he whispered, and tears finally began to fall slowly down his face.

His mind rushed through memories of her. The first day she reentered his life, the first time they danced and he recognized how beautiful she was. The time he realized he loved her. Their first kiss. Everything, every fight, every promise, and then the day she'd put on that damned ring.

He'd do anything to reverse that action. Unfortunately, all the time turners the Ministry had before the war were destroyed following the Dark Lord's defeat. No one wanted to risk any of his followers going back and reversing any of the events that lead to Potter's victory.

Draco would do anything to get his hands on one and go back to the day he gave Hermione that ring. He'd do anything to get her magic back.

Draco's eyes dropped to his wand on the floor and he bent to reach for it, then rested his back against the lockers again. He pulled his sleeve back from his Dark Mark and studied his forearm again. As he did so a peace started to settle in his mind.

He'd been sure, before, that he wouldn't be able to go through with it. He didn't think he could actually end his life. But that had been before Hermione had left him.

It would be easy. He knew the spell, and there was no one here to stop him or blood replenishing potion for him to use. And once it was done, Hermione would get her magic back.

What was the point in carrying on without Hermione?

Draco looked back at his wand and he could feel the incantation forming in his mind. _Just say it, and it will all be over. You've done this spell hundreds of times before. One word, then instant relief from this hell._

Draco touched his wand to his arm, then considered how ironic that after fighting off his worst fear in the relic, he'd come back to find his reality worse than anything the bracelet could imagine.

Draco pulled his wand away and threw it from him, jumping to a standing position. _Fuck!_ He thought, looking around wildly for the bracelet. It was still on the floor and he approached it warily, then crouched down to stare at it.

His worst fear, what had he told Hermione it was?

_Losing you._

But that was imprecise, there was more to it. His worst fear in the entire world, was that Hermione would leave him. _This_ was his worst fear.

Draco kicked the bracelet away from him, then ran back to the door Hermione had disappeared into, screaming her name.

* * *

As soon as Draco put his hand on the doorknob he was flung into a new scene. He was laying on the ground again with his head in Hermione's lap and his face was covered in her hair.

Draco rolled away, careful not to hit her lip this time. He felt completely disoriented. He was right back where he'd been. Was this a time loop? Had he got it wrong? Was this his hell, having to relive Hermione dumping him until the end of time?

"What did I get you for our first Christmas together?" he asked her quickly.

Hermione smirked. "A chocolate cupcake," she crawled to him and was looking at him tenderly, and he let out a breath. "But I should point out that those questions don't work in there," she nodded toward the bracelet on the floor.

"What?" Draco narrowed his eyes at her, still unsure if this was real or fake.

"I tried it on Harry, and he answered correctly. It's all in our head, so the relic knows everything we do."

Draco nodded but as he studied her, he began to notice the differences. The Hermione from before was more alluring, but he liked this one better. She was real. And the sensations, they were off before, but he didn't notice until now. Draco took a few deep breaths.

Hermione waited patiently for Draco, not wanting to overwhelm him. It seemed he was expecting her to be fake and she guessed that meant she'd been a part of his final task. She hoped he hadn't had to stab her with the sword of Gryffindor.

"I'm pretty sure this is real," she said carefully as she crawled to him and placed a hand on his face. She waited for him to take in the feel of her so he could come to the same realization.

Draco bent to place a soft kiss on Hermione's lips. And as soon as they touched, he knew he was back in his reality. He hugged her to his chest and gripped her tightly, but as he remembered the last scene he'd left he pushed her away.

"Did it-" he hesitated, unable to get the words out.

Hermione smiled and nodded back at him, then she lifted her hand and said, _"Lumos."_

The light was weak, but that was to be expected with wandless magic. Draco reached into her robes and handed her his wand. "Try something bigger."

She looked at the wand for a long while, considering, like she wanted to get the first spell she tried right. Then she seemed to decide, and lifted the wand before saying, _"Expecto Patronum!"_

Her silvery otter burst from her wand then bounced around the room for a few seconds before disappearing.

Hermione beamed at him proudly. "We did it." He wondered if she ever thought, like him, that they wouldn't be able to pull it off. Then Draco shuddered when he thought how close he'd come to muttering the incantation for that severing charm.

"I almost failed - I came too close."

She cupped his face in her hands. "What did you have to do?"

"I thought you'd left me. We came back and it didn't work, then you left. I almost killed myself, desperate to do anything to get your magic back. But, I had to remember that you'd never leave me. Then the spell broke."

"I would never leave you, even if it hadn't worked."

"What did you have to do?"

"Slice Harry with the sword of Gryffindor."

Draco cocked an eyebrow at her.

"He was trying to convince me you were dead. That you'd done it for me. I had my magic back and everything. And he kept trying to get me to go back to Grimmauld Place with him. I think if I'd done so, accepted that you'd really broken your promise and left me, that would have taken me beyond the veil. When I realized he was pulling me away from reality I stabbed him."

"Shit."

Hermione leaned into Draco's chest. "Don't tell him."

"Fine," Draco smirked, "but that's going to be a hard secret to keep."

* * *

_August 2004_

Theo was reluctantly following Draco down Diagon Alley on their way to the Leaky Cauldron.

"What the fuck is your problem? Can you walk next to me?" Draco bit back, waiting again for Theo to catch up with him.

Theo glared back but started walking at Draco's side. "Why do I need to come again?"

Draco sighed. "I told you. Potter insists on bringing Weasley to our drink meetings and I refuse to be outnumbered."

"What are you worried about? This breaking out into a duel?"

Draco smirked and shook his head.

"Because I wouldn't take your side."

"I know," Draco scoffed, "you'd likely run off."

"Absolutely," Theo said. "They're Aurors and they killed the Dark Lord."

"Potter did that, Weasley just watched."

"Okay, so you take Potter and I'll take Weasley."

"Uh, no. You take Potter."

"Fuck no," Theo grumbled. They broke off their conversation when they entered the Leaky Cauldron.

The four wizards exchanged an awkward round of greetings then they all sat and sipped on their drinks. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence Ron spoke up first. "So, this is awkward…"

Draco and Theo grunted, but didn't say anything else.

"What do you two usually talk about at these?" Ron asked Harry and Draco.

Harry blushed slightly, then said, "The news."

"The news?"

"You have a better idea, Weasley?" Draco drawled.

Ron folded his arms, but shook his head, and Draco pulled yesterday's issue of the Daily Prophet out of his robes. They fumbled through conversation for the rest of the night and it was surprisingly Draco and Harry keeping most of it going while Theo and Ron glared silently.

When they finally stood to leave, Harry said to Draco, "My stag party is next weekend, if you want to join."

Draco was caught off guard by the invitation. He and Harry were okay friends alone, but with groups of people they mostly ignored each other. He assumed Harry was just asking to be polite. "Uh, no. Uh, thanks though," he muttered quickly.

"I want to go," Theo cut in.

Harry frowned. "I, well, I don't really know you. But, I mean, if you really want-"

"He's kidding, Potter." Draco cut in and Theo was smirking back at Harry.

"Right, that charming sarcasm you Slytherins are obsessed with," Harry said as he rolled his eyes.

"So what do you say, are you all in for next week?" Harry looked back at Ron and Theo.

"Will it get less painful?" Ron asked.

Draco and Harry shared a knowing look, then Harry said, "Yeah, it will."

* * *

_September 2004_

"What are you thinking?" Hermione asked Draco as they glided along the dance floor. He'd been quiet all day, but not in a bad way, he looked more content than he had in ages. She wondered if Narcissa's visit from a few days ago had anything to do with that.

Draco's mother had stopped by their house unexpectedly and asked to speak with Draco. But Draco had refused to see her and Hermione had spoken with her instead.

Narcissa wanted to tell Draco that she would ensure there were no more attempts to break up him and Hermione. Draco had said later he didn't believe her. But Hermione could tell he'd relaxed considerably since the visit.

"Two things," Draco said eventually, pulling Hermione close to his chest and whispering into her ear.

"First, I never thought I'd be invited to Potter's wedding." Hermione could feel his smirk against her ear and nodded.

"And second, I was trying to remember the exact date of that Ministry gala when I first danced with you. I think it may have been three years ago almost to the day."

Hermione considered this, also trying to remember the date, then she noticed that he'd started making them float again. She funneled a bit of her magic into the spell too so they could keep it going longer and Draco smiled back at her when he noticed.

"It has been an eventful three years," Hermione said eventually.

"The year after that first dance you were laying in a hospital bed while I gave you blood transfusions," Draco said, his voice sad.

"And trying to deny your feelings for me," Hermione added, and Draco returned her smile.

"Then the next year," he continued, then sighed, "well that was the year with all the fighting."

"We were struggling to understand each other," Hermione said and Draco snorted.

"Sure, you can put it that way."

"And now," Hermione finished for him, "The evil warlock has been defeated and all is as it should be."

Draco pulled her in for a kiss. When they eventually pulled apart Draco muttered, "Come on," then dropped the floating spell and guided Hermione outside the tent to a quiet spot under a tree outside.

He conjured a bench and motioned for Hermione to sit while he knelt on the ground in front of her. He pulled a simple, ruby and gold ring from his robes and held it out to her.

"I tried to find something that was as close to the opposite of the old ring as possible." Hermione smiled back at him. "Note this one is gold, not silver. There are no diamonds. It is small, not ostentatious, and most importantly, there is not an ounce of magic on it."

"I love it," Hermione grabbed the ring and slipped it onto her finger before smiling back at him.

Draco stayed kneeling and lifted her hands to his lips.

"Things are always going to be hard for us Hermione. We've already encountered impossible situations and made it through. Dark magic, secretly concealed binding magic, your annoying friends, our own undesirable traits."

Hermione cocked an eyebrow at him and he added quickly, " _My_ undesirable traits. You have none, of course." He placed another kiss on her knuckles.

"But I'm willing to keep fighting if you are," Draco finished.

"What is this? A re-proposal? You know we never stopped being engaged. I thought all the wedding planning may have tipped you off," Hermione added with a smirk.

"But if you must hear me say it again," she continued with a sigh, "then I will." Hermione lifted a hand to Draco's face and he leaned into her palm.

"You're everything to me Draco, and I would like to marry you in a few months. If that's okay with you."

Draco kissed her, then sat next to her on the bench and pulled her into him. He wished they could sit on the bench for the rest of the night but knew in a few minutes she'd want to go rejoin her friends.

Hermione held her hand out and started admiring her new ring.

"I got it in a Muggle shop," Draco said when he saw her, "so there really is no magic on it."

"You went to a Muggle shop alone?"

"I used to go to Muggle London all the time."

"That was ages ago. And you never managed to figure out the money."

"Potter came," Draco admitted.

"Oh, that's so cute."

"Yes, yes, I knew you'd think so," he grumbled.

As if on cue, Harry and Ginny emerged from the tent hand in hand and Hermione and Draco watched them embrace under a tree at the other end of the yard. Hermione smiled, extremely happy for her two friends.

"Let's go," Draco muttered, and he stood and offered Hermione his hand. "I'm happy for them and everything, but I don't particularly enjoy watching them snog."

Hermione followed Draco back to the tent and before they went inside he turned back to her. "I have a bet with Weasley that you're going to catch that bouquet, so don't disappoint. I'll do what I can to help with nonverbal spells from the sidelines."

"That's cheating," Hermione said, affronted.

"You've committed to marrying a Slytherin, so you're going to need to get used to this, Hermione."

* * *

_Two years later_

Draco was sitting in Harry's office when he returned from his meeting. He looked annoyed at being called into the Ministry and Harry sighed. An irritated Draco was going to make this conversation a lot harder.

"Sorry to call you in here instead of just coming to your house, but- well this is official Auror business and I thought it would be-"

"Yes, I get it, you're an Auror," Draco cut in. "Just say what you need to so we can get this over with. I'm meeting Theo for lunch."

Harry sighed and lowered himself in his chair before meeting Draco's eyes again. "Well I know you won't appreciate a preamble, so I'll just say it. Lucius is dead."

Draco's eyes went blank and he became completely still. After a few seconds of silence, he said, "Okay," in a flat voice, then rose from his chair. "Is that all?"

Harry sighed and shook his head. "You should know, he was working for us."

Draco's eyes widened in surprise, but then he steeled his features and his face went blank again.

"He was working with us to spy against the resistance in France. His intelligence was invaluable, and we finally think we have what we need to stamp it out. But- well he was discovered. And they killed him."

Harry's words seemed to have no effect on Draco. Then Draco asked in a cold tone, "And whose idea was it for him to turn spy?"

"It was his idea. He came to me, uh, a few years ago. I was obviously wary. Given, everything." Draco was staring at Harry sharply and Harry maintained his harsh gaze. "But his offer seemed sincere. I think he was out of options and helping bring them down was his only way out. He seemed desperate not to repeat the mistakes he'd made with Voldemort."

"So you've been working with my father for years," Draco said, looking betrayed. "Behind my back. I thought we were friends, Potter."

Harry knew this was the part Draco would latch onto. "You know I can't share things like that freely. Not even with my friends."

Draco considered him for a little longer. "Fine." But Harry knew this wasn't the end of this conversation. He'd let Draco process this for a while, then bring it up again in a week or so. He sighed heavily. It would probably take Draco months to trust him again.

"There's one more thing," Harry said when he saw Draco turn to the door. "This isn't really my department, but I thought you'd appreciate me taking care of this for you, so you wouldn't have to make multiple stops today." Harry pushed a roll of parchment across his desk to Draco.

Draco stared down at it, then looked back up at Harry. "Tell me what it says."

"Now that Lucius is dead, you are the head of the Malfoy Estate. The Manor, the vaults, the properties. It's all yours."

Draco pushed the scroll back to Harry. "That's impossible. He wrote me out of his will. This must be an old copy."

Harry shook his head. "He changed it, shortly after he started working for us. He even asked me to be the witness. I think he hoped I'd tell you, but- well I know it wasn't my place. I think he knew he'd done wrong, and this was his way of trying to make amends. Keeping you and your mother out of the issues in France, then this..."

Draco snorted. "You Gryffindors and your attachment to redemption. Do you really expect me to forgive him for all of it? Because he decided to leave me some money and tried to help you capture some dark wizards. He could have killed her! He only helped you because he was out of options."

Draco cut off and Harry saw the rage on his face disappear as he recognized Draco pulling up his Occlumency shields. "I know this is hard, and I'm sorry Draco."

Harry was a little jealous of Draco's ability to employ Occlumency at times like this. He'd tried to learn a few more times but couldn't separate himself from his emotions. It would be very useful in his job if he could shut off his feelings for a while, especially when delivering news like this.

But Draco would have to let his shields drop at some point, and that's what Hermione was for. Harry had given her the news this morning so she could be prepared for Draco's reaction. Harry remember then that Hermione had admitted she was pregnant.

"Hermione told me, this morning, about your news. The money - it could help. You could give them anything they nee-"

"I won't touch it," Draco said sharply. "I can provide for my family just fine without it."

"I know," Harry reassured him, "that wasn't what I meant at all." He reached into his desk and pulled out a form. "You can transfer the estate to someone else, I assume your mother, if you want. You just need to complete this form."

Draco bent over and signed the bottom, then shoved the blank form back at Harry. "You fill out the rest."

They exchanged a nod and Harry figured that was the closest to a 'Thank You' he could expect for taking care of this task for him. Draco was still angry he'd been working with his father.

Harry removed his glasses as they sat in silence. This was something you had to get used to when you were friends with Draco Malfoy. There were a lot of awkward silences. Though, they didn't seem to be awkward for Draco. He could sit in silence for hours. Eventually Harry would give in and try to fill it, and Draco's mouth usually twitched up when that happened.

"Uh, Ginny is pregnant again too, we just found out last week. Our kids will likely be just a few months apart. They can play together."

Draco's expression carried a hint of amusement. "Are you trying to make me feel better, Potter?"

Harry shrugged. "Is it working? Are you feeling better?"

Draco looked away from him. "I wasn't upset, so no need to cheer me up. I feel -" he paused, like he was looking for the right word, "relief. How fucked up is that? I'm not sad he's dead, or even conflicted. I'm just...relieved."

"That's understandable."

"Right." Draco finally turned back to the door, but before he opened it he turned to Harry and asked, "Was it painful? His death?"

"Yes - it was rather brutal. They wanted to make an example out of him."

"Good," Draco said, then finally opened the door and left.

* * *

_Seven years later_

Hermione threw her cloak off once she entered the house and hung it, then checked her watch. Just in time. She ran up the stairs but stayed outside the door before walking in, listening to Draco's voice.

He was reading the story from one of his fairytale books about the woman who'd had her magic stolen by an evil warlock.

Good, Hermione hadn't missed saying goodnight to Scorpius and Lyra. She could curse Theo. It was her last day working in the finance department and he'd insisted on a celebrating and she'd completely lost track of time

She was glad to be moving on from this department. She didn't mind working with Theo and the work was challenging, but she didn't find managing the finances behind the Ministry to be very rewarding.

This would end her rotations through the Ministry and she could finally return to Magical Law Enforcement and work on legislation again. She'd never really stopped, but it would be nice to not have to do it on the side anymore. It would give her more time with Draco and the kids.

When Draco said the last words, "And they lived happily ever after," Hermione finally peeked her head into the room.

"Mummy!" Lyra jumped off the bed and gave her a big hug around the legs and Hermione picked her up and walked over to the bed to rub Scorpius' hair before leaning in to give Draco a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for picking them up today. And sorry I'm so late."

Draco smirked, "Theo warned me, glad to see you're standing up straight."

"Hah. I was vanishing most of the shots, but he will certainly have a hard day tomorrow."

"Mummy, mummy, guess what?" Lyra pulled Hermione's face toward her and Hermione sat on the bed and placed the small, blonde girl on her lap.

Both Scorpius and Lyra looked remarkably like Draco. The only feature they'd gotten from Hermione was their large brown eyes and a slight curl to their blonde hair.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Daddy told us the fairy tales are real," Lyra whispered in an awed tone.

Hermione looked back at Draco, but he just shrugged.

"Well, all fairy tales are based a little bit on real life," Hermione admitted and Lyra's mouth dropped in fascination.

"Really?"

Hermione nodded.

"So there really is a beautiful and powerful queen like the one in the stories?" Lyra asked.

"Well that's Mum, obviously," Scorpius answered and Draco gave him an approving nod.

Hermione blushed, then nodded back.

"But that would make Daddy the shadow prince," Lyra said, confused.

"Yes," Draco said, like he was proud of the title.

"You really saved Mummy from a lake of blood? And an evil warlock that took her magic?"

"Yes," Draco responded, winking at Hermione.

"No Lyra," Scorpius said in his older brother voice. "They're bending the truth. It's okay when they do it, but when we try it it's lying and we get in trouble," he added with a grumble.

Draco smirked but didn't disagree.

Lyra nodded, "Yeah, Daddy can't do all that. He's not even an Auror, he just writes books."

Draco looked affronted and Hermione patted his back comfortingly. "Well he may just write books, but he did do all that. He fought for me over, and over, and over again. And I could thank him every single day, and it still wouldn't be enough." She leaned toward Draco and placed another kiss on his cheek.

"But the prince had that curse," Lyra pointed out. "The one that made him into a shadow. Daddy doesn't have a curse."

"He did, it was cast by a dark wizard ages ago, but he broke free."

Lyra was in awe, but Scorpius seemed uninterested in discussing the love story further.

"When we go to the Burrow tomorrow, can I show Albus, James, and Hugo my new broom?"

Draco cocked an eyebrow and looked at Hermione, "New broom?"

She shrugged, "It's old, it was just in the back of one of the closets and we recently rediscovered it. So it's new to him." Hermione turned to her son, "Sure Scorpius. As long as you share."

Draco eyed her suspiciously and she looked down. They both knew she was lying. The broom was a gift from Narcissa.

Years ago, when Scorpius was a toddler and she was pregnant with Lyra, Hermione had seen Narcissa for the first time in ages. They'd been getting new robes when Narcissa had started at the site of Scorpius.

Hermione had always wondered if he looked like Draco had at that age. The look on Narcissa's face had answered that question. When Hermione met her eyes, she'd felt for her mother in law when she saw the guilt, sadness, and loneliness there.

Narcissa had nodded at Hermione politely, then turned to leave. But Hermione had called out, "Narcissa."

The older witch turned back and Hermione called Scorpius over. "Scorpius, this is Narcissa. She's your Daddy's Mum."

He nodded, barely understanding, and buried his head in Hermione's hair like he usually did when meeting new people.

"He's very handsome." Narcissa said, struggling to keep her voice steady. She turned to leave again when Hermione said. "I can send you photos, if that's something you would be interested in."

Narcissa gave her a curt nod before finally leaving.

Since then Hermione had sent photos of their family every few months, trying to include Draco in as many as possible. Narcissa sent elaborate clothing and toys in return.

This was a point of contention between her and Draco, who would prefer Hermione burn the gifts. But Draco hadn't seen the look on his mother's face that day. Hermione was sure she was sorry for her role in Lucius' scheme and now had to pay the terrible price of being completely cut out of her son and grandchildrens' lives.

"Bedtime," Draco announced, still watching Hermione and she shot him an apologetic smile.

* * *

Hermione was working on a last bit of legislation before turning in while Draco read on the bed.

When Scorpius was three Draco had started researching how magic developed in children and pieced together some astounding discoveries on how magical ability could be enhanced if certain measures to foster it were taken when the kids were young.

They'd both realized the implication quickly on wizards raised in Muggle families. They wouldn't benefit from this practice since those families weren't notified about the magical world until the children were 11 and about to go to Hogwarts.

Hermione was working on legislation to notify families by the age of five instead and planned to work with the Muggle parents to help cultivate their children's magical ability. But there was a lot of pushback from the old families.

Hermione was further annoyed to discover that other countries, like the United States and Australia, had implemented these practices years ago. But in Europe the pureblood supremacy beliefs still ran deep.

Draco smirked when he heard her mutter, "Pureblood," under her breath for the third time.

He put his book down and turned toward her, "You already worked late, now more?"

"You know this is the work I prefer, not those bloody finance reports. It'll be so nice to get back to working on legislation during the day."

"And I guess by your cursing you're working on the early magical development law."

Hermione nodded. "Another dismissal by the elders. They said there is too much pushback from the prominent members of society."

"Hmm."

"I need a pureblood on my side."

"I'm on your side. And Theo."

Hermione turned to him and smiled when she saw him wearing his thick, black framed glasses. They made him look very scholarly. He noticed her staring and waved his eyebrows suggestively. But his expression turned cold at her next words.

"You know what I mean, a pureblood still active in society."

"No."

"Draco-"

"I said no. You already go behind my back with the toys and whatever letters and photos I'm sure you're sending her. But I refuse to interact directly with her in any-"

"Yes, okay. Let's not have this fight again"

Draco sighed and removed his glasses, then rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Okay."

Hermione climbed into bed and waved her wand to turn the lamp off, then she snuggled into her favorite spot against Draco's chest.

"I'm taking the kids to the Burrow tomorrow. Do you want to come?"

Draco thought about it, then said, "No." Even all these years later, she still asked if he wanted to go to social events the night before. He was a father now but was still acting like a child in some ways.

Draco acknowledged the hateful thought, then moved past it. He'd never be able to turn his dark thoughts off, but he'd learned to keep the words from cutting as keep as they had.

"You bent the truth with the kids," Draco smirked, remembering Scorpius' comment about lying. "I never broke free of the shadow curse."

Hermione sighed and rubbed her hand along his chest. "I know Draco - I didn't know what to say. We can explain better when they are older, of course."

"And you don't regret it Hermione? Even now? The dark days, the tension with my mother, sometimes having to go to things alone?"

"I've never regretted it Draco. You are an exceptional husband and father. And no one's perfect." It broke her heart a little, that even after all this time, he doubted her love for him.

She looked toward the desk and remembered that night she'd stormed into this room and found the manuscript he'd left for her. That was the first time he'd bared his soul to her and without that act of courage she knew they never would have made it.

"I know you think it makes you less, that you battle every day to stay sane and happy," Hermione continued, "but that's one of the things I love most about you Draco. You're a fighter. You're strong and committed. I know you think I love you in spite of your flaws, but I love all of you, Draco," she paused to trace the faint Dark Mark scar on his arm, "maybe even more so with all of the scars."

He pulled her tight against his chest and kissed her temple. "You are a complete nutter, Hermione."

"And yet you love me anyway, right?"

Draco turned her head up and kissed her on the mouth. "Yes. But for me, I love you in spite of the insanity, not because of it."

She shoved him but he swatted her arm away, expecting the attack, and turned her so she was pinned under him on the bed.

"And the shadow prince claims another victim," he dipped his head and whispered into her ear, before trailing kisses down her neck.

"Impressive maneuver for someone who just writes books," Hermione quipped.

Draco shut her up with another kiss.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AE's A/N: Thanks for much for reading. I hope you all had as much fun reading the story as I had writing it. I put a ton of myself in the Draco character and wanted to show that we all have to deal with dark days sometimes, even in the happily ever after times of our life. They come and go, just like everything else.
> 
> I recently started writing during COVID and now have been wondering, "Where has this been all my life?" I'm working on a Dramione spin-off of The Time Traveler's Wife now (Timeless) and should start posting in about a month. If you're interested in beta-ing for any of my stories, please send me a note on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks again to my beta-reader Chloe . Ray! Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments. Look me up on Tumblr (Alexandra-Emerson) to see a few drabbles and aesthetics for all the chapters or to send me any questions you have about the story. I hope all is well, stay safe!


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